Being My Husband’s Caretaker Has Me Angry and Bitter. Help!
Dear Cranky Caretaker,
The intensity of your feelings is coming through loud and clear. And it is understandable. Being a full-time caretaker can be all-consuming and exhausting. You never get to leave your job. Doctors and nurses who work with high-needs populations get to go home at the end of their shifts, and they aren’t personally connected to their patients. Caretakers of family don’t have either of those luxuries, and it can take a significant toll on their health and well-being.
Before you can focus on being a more tolerant or compassionate caretaker to your husband, I think it might be wise to focus on taking care of yourself. Are you engaging in any self-care practices? Even simple practices such as going for walks, taking hot baths, reading a good book, or spending time with friends might allow you to cool off and help recharge you. Are any other family members, relatives, or friends in position to pitch in from time to time and give you a much-needed break?
It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of anger toward your husband since he played a significant role in creating the situation you are both forced to live with now. You are absolutely entitled to your feelings of anger. Having said that, it seems like they are eating you up and morphing into bitterness. This does not feel good. You don’t deserve that.
Working toward forgiveness may help in coping with this. People tend to think that forgiveness is for other people (the people who are being forgiven), but it is often more for the person who is doing the forgiving. It is certainly a process, but beginning the process might alleviate some of the anger and bitterness you are experiencing. You deserve that relief.
It sounds like you need more support than you are getting. There are a lot of caretaker support groups out there, and some of them are free. Ask your husband’s medical providers if they know of any local support groups you can join. You can also go to the American Diabetes Association website to get connected to an office in your community that will likely have caretaker resources available.
The bottom line is this: The better you are able to take care of yourself, the better you will be able to take care of your husband, and the more comfortable you will be while you are doing it.
Best wishes,
Sarah
Sarah Noel
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TINA
December 27th, 2014 at 11:48 AMI do so hope that you have friends or family members who could help you out some; otherwise I am afraid that this is going to drive a real wedge between the two of you that could be irreparable. I know that when we get married we say this is for better or for worse, but I will be honest in saying that I am pretty sure I would not be cut out for being a caregiver nor would my husband ever want me to have to be!
I understand that financially the two of you may not be able to afford help, so that is when you have to start talking with other family members to determine who may be willing or able to step in and help you out with some of this load that you currently carry on your own.Delilah
December 29th, 2014 at 10:37 AMIs there any way possible that you could take some time out that is just for you? I think that this would possibly do you a world of good.
mickie h
December 29th, 2014 at 2:47 PMI completely understand how it is hard to not be angry if he isn’t doing anything that he could to help himself. That can be very frustrating and I think that it would make me bitter too.
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