Help! I’m Lost in My Mind, with No Sense of Life Purpose

I’m 28 years old and these days I feel like I’m floating in the middle of the ocean with nothing to grasp onto and no shoreline in sight. I’m just treading water trying to stay alive. I’m fortunate enough to be born into a situation where I have a supportive family, I was able to graduate college with an engineering degree, and I have a good job with benefits. On the surface my life looks great, but I feel a sense of hopelessness when I think about my life’s purpose. I know I’m privileged in comparison to most of the people in this world, but it’s mostly material privilege. How can I have so much of my life figured out and still feel as if there is just no point to any of it? Is this all there is to my life? Do I have another 40 years or so of paying bills and then a cold hole in the ground to look forward to? I know in my mind that I should be thankful for all I have at my age, but I just can’t seem to shake the feeling that I’m wasting it all as a worker bee. I’ll put a smile on my face, brush my teeth in the morning, and continue going to work, but what can I do to shake this feeling of no direction, no purpose, and no real human experience? Please help. —Lost in My Mind
Dear Lost in My Mind,

I don’t suppose it’s much consolation, but you describe your situation very well—lost in your mind, indeed. You seem very much in your head, sort of like having an “out of body” experience of sorts. So the antidote might be to get out of your mind, if you will. I say that with a smile because I think if you get out of your mind and into the rest of yourself—body and soul, for example—you may feel less lost.

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How to begin?

First, I’d pursue a therapeutic relationship with someone who will help you lose your mind and find yourself. Does that sound trite? Maybe, but the truth is often so simple that people overlook it. Based solely on what you have written, you sound as if you might be depressed. There are a number of ways to deal with depression, including, depending on the individual, psychotherapy (talk therapy is helpful), medication (in concert with therapy), body therapy (yoga therapy or some somatic therapy or mindfulness activity that you find to your taste), and participation in doings that have nothing to do with work. Such doings may include, say, yoga or art or sports or music or, maybe best of all, a volunteer activity that will exercise your compassion.

You write that you are privileged and have no purpose. Find one. Maybe you could tutor, garden, or help out at the animal shelter.

You write that you are privileged and have no purpose. Find one. Maybe you could tutor, garden, or help out at the animal shelter. I don’t know what kinds of things appeal to you, but find something you like that will enable you to contribute to our world and then do it. Having had the privilege of a good education, you have much to offer your community and the world.

You write that you “put a smile on” and go on. I applaud your “going on-ness” and it’s a good start, but remember what Henry David Thoreau wrote long ago: “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.” I hope you pursue and find your song and sing it. Sing several. Sing a cantata.

You say you have “no real human experience.” I’m not sure what you mean by that, but if there is some particular experience you are lacking, then this would be a topic to discuss with a therapist. What is it? Can it be achieved? How can you go about doing it? Perhaps your life’s purpose is to discover what is meaningful to you and then to manifest your meaning by helping others find what is useful and meaningful to them.

Maybe when you write “human experience,” you mean experiencing your feelings. If that’s so, I invite you to awaken your emotional life through action.

Changing the way you approach the world may change it. I wish you the best!

Take care,
Lynn

Lynn Somerstein, PhD, NCPsyA, C-IAYT is a Manhattan-based, licensed psychotherapist with more than 30 years in private practice. She is also a yoga teacher and student of Ayuveda—the Indian science of wellness. Her main interest is in helping people find healthy ways of living, loving, and working in the particular combination that works best for them, connecting to their deepest energic source so their full range of abilities can be expressed. Lynn's specialty is understanding and alleviating anxiety and depression.
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  • Logan

    June 12th, 2015 at 11:49 AM

    stepping out on a limb here but to me it sounds as if you are depressed.

    Reply

  • Petra

    June 14th, 2015 at 5:40 AM

    I wish you all the best but I do agree that it is time for you to begin looking and find something that will help provide you with some sense of purpose and joy in life. These are not always going to be things that automatically come to you. Sometimes you must seek out those things and try them and discover what purpose that they can help give to you.

    Reply

  • Lyn

    June 14th, 2015 at 6:26 PM

    I felt the same way as I approached 30. Iwas depressed, anxious & burnt out. I felt like a hampster on a wheel. Most suggestions to me seemed like distraction techniques- so in the end I’d still be going nowhere, but I’d be happy about it.

    Eventually I had to reassess what I believed about life & why. Having goals that have no purpose except enjoyment are a necessary part of good mental health, but it needs to be balanced with more long term purposeful goals- something that validates your values & skills, but also has value to others.

    Another aspect to considered is the “why am I here?” as a spiritual question. Personally I believe in God & therefore my existence isn’t a fluke or random occurance.

    Reply
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