I don’t suppose it’s much consolation, but you describe your situation very well—lost in your mind, indeed. You seem very much in your head, sort of like having an “out of body” experience of sorts. So the antidote might be to get out of your mind, if you will. I say that with a smile because I think if you get out of your mind and into the rest of yourself—body and soul, for example—you may feel less lost.
How to begin?
First, I’d pursue a therapeutic relationship with someone who will help you lose your mind and find yourself. Does that sound trite? Maybe, but the truth is often so simple that people overlook it. Based solely on what you have written, you sound as if you might be depressed. There are a number of ways to deal with depression, including, depending on the individual, psychotherapy (talk therapy is helpful), medication (in concert with therapy), body therapy (yoga therapy or some somatic therapy or mindfulness activity that you find to your taste), and participation in doings that have nothing to do with work. Such doings may include, say, yoga or art or sports or music or, maybe best of all, a volunteer activity that will exercise your compassion.
You write that you are privileged and have no purpose. Find one. Maybe you could tutor, garden, or help out at the animal shelter.
You write that you are privileged and have no purpose. Find one. Maybe you could tutor, garden, or help out at the animal shelter. I don’t know what kinds of things appeal to you, but find something you like that will enable you to contribute to our world and then do it. Having had the privilege of a good education, you have much to offer your community and the world.
You write that you “put a smile on” and go on. I applaud your “going on-ness” and it’s a good start, but remember what Henry David Thoreau wrote long ago: “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.” I hope you pursue and find your song and sing it. Sing several. Sing a cantata.
You say you have “no real human experience.” I’m not sure what you mean by that, but if there is some particular experience you are lacking, then this would be a topic to discuss with a therapist. What is it? Can it be achieved? How can you go about doing it? Perhaps your life’s purpose is to discover what is meaningful to you and then to manifest your meaning by helping others find what is useful and meaningful to them.
Maybe when you write “human experience,” you mean experiencing your feelings. If that’s so, I invite you to awaken your emotional life through action.
Changing the way you approach the world may change it. I wish you the best!
Take care,
Lynn
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