Help! My Therapist Ended Her Practice and I Don’t Know What to Do
Dear GoodTherapy,
I had been seeing my therapist for 28 years. Around March, she was unwell. This was a rare occurrence in our time together. But her viral infection persisted until about six weeks ago, when she texted me to say she would not be returning to her practice. I was and am devastated.
I asked if it would it be okay to email her. She said yes, but when I did, she said she was still ill. Initially, I drew on our relationship, which I had come to internalize. However, as the weeks have passed, I have felt angry at the way it ended. And as a recovering alcoholic (dry for 10 years), I am fearful of the future. I would value your views. —Hung Out to Dry
Dear Hung Out to Dry,
Thank you for asking this question, and I imagine other readers thank you as well. Few things can be more painful than the sudden end of a relationship, particularly one in which we felt a strong connection and entrusted with our vulnerabilities. I can hear the loss and confusion you feel and what I presume is a sense of abandonment. These are huge, potentially overwhelming emotions. Congratulations for reaching out for help.
When therapy ends prematurely, especially when it is characterized by a deeply established relationship, it can feel like your world is being turned upside down. It is not uncommon to feel the way you feel. I imagine it is hard to understand what led your therapist to terminate her practice so abruptly and taper off communication. It is understandable to take this as a personal loss. In an ideal scenario, when a therapist plans to retire or end their practice, they communicate this plan with clients well in advance and they discuss and process the transition in session, perhaps even over time.
No doubt you have drawn many associations between the role of your therapist in your recovery and progress. It is clear from what you wrote that your therapist has been instrumental in your healing process. I would like to point out something else: YOU have made it through the challenges you have encountered during the time you worked with your therapist.
Unfortunately, sometimes illness and/or other circumstances beyond a therapist’s control may necessitate a less-than-ideal end to the therapeutic relationship. In this case, it is up to clients to pick up the pieces and move forward, perhaps with the help of another therapist. (It is worth noting, though clearly not what is happening in your case, that when a client leaves therapy prematurely or without closure, this presents another challenge for recovery.)
You mentioned that you recognize how you have internalized this relationship. No doubt you have drawn many associations between the role of your therapist in your recovery and progress. It is clear from what you wrote that your therapist has been instrumental in your healing process. I would like to point out something else: YOU have made it through the challenges you have encountered during the time you worked with your therapist. YOU have maintained your sobriety for the past decade. Your therapist was likely not with you during every one of your darkest moments, but YOU were. While you may have internalized the voice of your therapist when experiencing these dark moments, ultimately YOU have managed these circumstances. You made the decisions yourself.
It is understandable to fear what lies ahead for you. Hopefully, you are able to consider your future from a place of empowerment based on your past successes. Another important step is rebuilding your support network. This has been instrumental to you in the past and will likely continue to be instrumental in the future.
If you haven’t done so, you will want to explore options for therapy for yourself going forward. I see it as a positive indicator of success for your future that you formed such a strong alliance with your former therapist. You can do it again. The new relationship will not be the same because the therapist will not be the same. The new therapist will not always respond in the same ways, nor offer the same insights. This is okay, and arguably a real positive.
Change, though scary, can sometimes push us further into growth. You can explore options and consult with more than one therapist before starting anew. As you know, finding the right fit can make a world of difference.
I hope this feedback was useful, and I wish you luck as you move forward.
Marni Amsellem
For Therapists: What to Do When a Client No-Shows 
When Business Gets in the Way: Rifts in the Therapeutic Relationship 
What Is Your Therapist Listening For? - 10 comments
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Ellie
September 26th, 2018 at 11:16 AMThis is not your fault. That is a completely unprofessional way for your therapist to have treated you.
Angela M.
December 17th, 2018 at 11:09 AMIt’s quiet unfortunate things had to happen to you in this manner. I can clearly insinuate that it wasn’t your fault nor that of your therapist that things happened this way, also wishing her a speedy recovery by the way. There are lots of ways to tackle our inner problems, the most necessary is having someone we could all pour our thoughts to and this is where a therapist comes in play. I would strongly advice you find a very reliable therapist who you would tell everything from beginning and he taking things nicely from there on words.
Renee
February 20th, 2019 at 7:12 AMI am not sure where to begin, my therapist did the same to me, but for different reasons, but it was heart breaking and it broke me, It took almost three years for me to believe I mattered and was worth something, only to have three years’ worth of work to reset back to that feeling of having no worth and I no longer I mattered, She terminated without any notice, I thought things were going great, I was starting to feel excited about stuff. Having suicide idealizations in the past, abandonment and attachment issues, I am totally crushed, she left me with no back up or professional help, it was left for me to find the help I needed to get through this and I am having no success. I have reached out to her many times and pleaded for her help; my cry for help goes unanswered, this has destroyed me inside, how can you tell someone you care and you matter, when in reality you DON’T!
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