I’m so impressed with you! First of all, in spite of your fear of being judged, you have taken the very courageous step of writing in with your question. Second, it sounds like the daydreaming and fantasizing have served as a very adaptive behavior—you have been able to get some relief from the depression and low self-esteem by escaping into your imagination. Unfortunately, it seems like this coping strategy has taken on a life its own and become somewhat of an impediment to your ability to function in your daily life.
In some ways, what you are describing isn’t completely dissimilar to how substance-abuse issues can develop—someone is in discomfort, seeks relief in alcohol or drugs in order to escape the discomfort, and ultimately comes to depend on the substance to an extent that it interferes with life. That said, one critical difference between what you are describing and substance abuse is that there is quite likely some real value in what you are using to escape. Most successful people begin their journey toward success by imagining it—they dream about their success and then they begin creating goals (and working toward them) that will move them toward their dream. I suspect that the life you have created in your imagination is closer to the life you desire than your actual, current life is. If my suspicion is accurate, then it makes sense to do what you can to start moving toward the life you have imagined for yourself.
Given your struggles with depression and self-esteem, you might be thinking: easier said than done! This is certainly true, but it does not mean that it is impossible to live a life closer to the one you imagine; it simply means that you need to get treatment to address the depression and self-esteem. Right now, these issues might be all that is keeping you from working on making your fantasy life a reality.
This brings me to your fear of disclosing your fantasy world to a therapist. First, there is no shame in the fantasy life that you have created; in fact, I believe it will ultimately serve as a road map to move you to the life you have been dreaming about. However, if you are still feeling anxious about sharing this world with a therapist, know that you don’t have to in a first, second or even third session. In fact, I would say if disclosing it is so anxiety provoking that it is preventing you from seeking treatment, do not disclose it until you are confident that you have a trusting, therapeutic relationship with a therapist. Sometimes when people disclose too much before a really strong working alliance is established, they feel exposed and vulnerable to an intolerable degree and they leave therapy prematurely.
You can avoid this by finding a therapist who you believe could be a good fit for you and setting up an initial session. You might even set up an initial session with a couple of different therapists and see who you feel most comfortable with. Once you believe you have a good match, work on building a strong therapeutic relationship and when you feel ready, open up about your fantasy life. As the depression and self-esteem issues begin to be addressed and you open up about your fantasies, you just might find that these very fantasies will become your road map and your therapist will serve as a supportive guide as you follow the map to your dreams.
All my best,
Sarah
The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org.