It Was Only Flirting, but Now My Husband Doesn’t Trust Me
Dear Unforgiven,
With the intensity of the feelings you and your husband are experiencing, I imagine two weeks feels like a long time. In reality, and especially considering your husband’s preexisting trust issues, two weeks is a small blip on the radar. My sense is that it is going to take quite a bit more time and work to come back from this.
Because it has only been a couple of weeks—and it does sound like there has been some progress made—it seems possible that you two might be able to work this through on your own. However, because trust has always been somewhat of an issue for your husband, it might be valuable to consider partnering with a couples therapist. Couples therapists are trained and experienced in working through issues very similar to the one you and your husband are experiencing.
Trust is not a static quality in relationships; it ebbs and flows throughout the course of a relationship based on personal insecurities, jealousy, life changes, actions that breach trust, and many other things. When the trust levels in a relationship are low, it is important for couples to acknowledge this and work on it. While fluctuations in trust are normal, unaddressed trust issues are a recipe for disaster.
While fluctuations in trust are normal, unaddressed trust issues are a recipe for disaster.
It sounds like you are acknowledging the validity of your husband’s feelings and accepting your role in the situation. This, along with patience and a willingness to continue to work on healing—again, ideally with a therapist—is really all you can do. Hopefully, your husband will also be willing to commit to the process of healing from this experience, as well as a deeper exploration of the trust issues he seems to have brought into your marriage. Getting to the root of his trust issues is an important part of your path forward together, and until you do that, continuing to have compassion for your husband and the pain of his past betrayal is important.
It sounds like recovering from this is going to be a longer and more painful process than you were expecting. While I can’t make any guarantees about outcomes, this could end up leading you and your husband to much deeper trust and greater intimacy.
Respectfully,
Sarah
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Zoe
July 17th, 2015 at 2:18 PMCould he actually be angry about something that he has been doing and is taking ti out on you instead?
Harold
July 20th, 2015 at 10:44 AMThink about how you would feel if he had been doing the same thing. Would you really think that it was so harmless then> I know that you know what you think that this was but you have to understand that no matter how harmless it may have been it still was not right.
Tatum
July 20th, 2015 at 2:45 PMIt was harmless
If you have not given him anything to worry about in the past then seriously he should not be worried now
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