Help! My Therapist Suddenly Retired and I Feel Abandoned
Dear Needing Closure,
I am so very sorry that this is how the relationship with your therapist has ended. You mention feeling angry, hurt, confused, and even abandoned. Given the scenario you presented, I can certainly understand why you would feel these things.
There is a phase of therapy called termination that happens as treatment is winding down. Termination serves as an opportunity to reflect on the work that has been done and the progress, growth, and change that has resulted. It is also a time for therapists and people in therapy to say goodbye to one another and process the end of the therapeutic relationship. The absence of this phase of treatment can absolutely leave you feeling a need for closure—especially because it was your therapist’s decision to end treatment so abruptly, not yours.
Despite your request for a final session, it sounds like you are not going to be able to engage in the termination process with your therapist. Letter writing can be a helpful tool when you have a lot of thoughts and feelings about a person and the person is not available to have a conversation. Perhaps you could write a letter to your former therapist telling her how you feel and asking the questions you are left pondering. You could even write a response to your letter in your former therapist’s voice. You could process this kind of letter-writing exercise with your current therapist in order to get the most out of it. It can be a surprisingly powerful exercise. Your new therapist may have some other helpful ideas, of course.
As far as your questions about ethics and potential recourse, it’s a little less straightforward than it may seem.
As far as your questions about ethics and potential recourse, it’s a little less straightforward than it may seem. According to the American Counseling Association’s Code of Ethics, there is a prohibition against abandonment and neglect: “Counselors do not abandon or neglect clients in counseling. Counselors assist in making appropriate arrangements for the continuation of treatment, when necessary, during interruptions such as vacations, illness, and following termination.” However, there is also a section of the code on impairment that states, “Counselors monitor themselves for signs of impairment from their own physical, mental, or emotional problems and refrain from offering or providing professional services when impaired.” It sounds like your former therapist has just gone through a lot—the death of a parent, returning to her home country, and then retirement. It does seem possible that she might feel too impaired to work.
At this point, it does not seem like you can count on any assistance from your previous therapist in coming to terms with the end of the relationship, but you do have a new therapist who can partner with you to gain the closure you seek. I hope that process brings you peace.
Sincerely,
Sarah
Sarah Noel
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Marlene
February 5th, 2016 at 5:51 PMWhile I empathize with the writer’s situation and disappointment, the therapist can hardly be accused of abandonment and does not deserve your anger so why should she submit to your demands to meet in person so you can heap your guilt and anger on her already overburdened shoulders! It is wrong to be thinking the therapist is guilty of a violation and seeking recourse under the “Code of Ethics”. Both of my parents were suddenly taken ill and we had to withdraw both from life support and wait weeks for them to die. It was the hardest thing I have ever been put through. I was 3000 miles from my husband, friends, therapist and church family. With the entire time spent waiting for them to take their next breath (or not) there isn’t ever a time that is right to even eat, use the bathroom or sleep, let alone thinking of work. After the death there are all the funeral arrangements, paperwork, clearing their house, getting it on the market and trying to maintain your own home and health. Some people, even therapists, have a very difficult and devastating time of grieving. Give your therapist some compassion as she is a human being too! She is a daughter in grief and you have no idea of what she has going on. You would expect to receive the same compassion and understanding.
vanessa
February 6th, 2016 at 2:57 AMIt is not the patients concern about the happenings of her therapist. You pay for therapy and therefore expect a decent termination of treatment considering it was a 6 year relationship. The therapist owes it to their client to give a successful closure. People receiving therapy are usually vulnerable and should be treated with care not to cause any further harm or psychological damage. A therapist signs up for the job being aware of with all these concerns in mind for the client. The therapist should therefore act as a professional and complete the treatment with the client feeling that a satisfactory closure has been met.
nolan
February 6th, 2016 at 6:50 AMHa! One more life lesson that it is not always just about you
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