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What’s Up with My Parents Giving My Sisters Special Treatment?
Dear Snubbed Sis,
Thank you so much for writing. Family relationships can be so complicated, and often family members have little idea about how they are impacting others in the family. It is not unusual for oldest children to feel like they get the short end of the stick and that younger siblings get “babied” or spoiled. Sometimes parents see the oldest as more independent and needing less than the younger children. It could be possible that your parents have no idea that their actions have made you feel less special.
It is wonderful that you have not allowed your feelings to turn into resentment of your sisters. It sounds, though, as if you are in danger of letting your feelings of resentment toward your parents impact your relationship with them. You say that you really need their support. Do they know this? Have you told them what you need?
There seems to be a few issues to talk with them about—and you may want to choose which ones to address. You have a perception that your sisters have been favored since childhood. Whether or not that’s what happened in your parents’ eyes, it’s what you experienced. That can be painful, and may be impacting how you relate to your parents. It can be very challenging to address vague feelings, but you have a current example that might help you start a conversation with them.
How do you think your parents would respond to an observation? What would it be like if you told them that this past Christmas, it seemed as if the types of gifts that your sisters received were quite different than the gifts you received, and you wanted to talk about that difference and what it meant to you? Through that conversation, you might be able to share that you are hurting and that you’ve long felt as if your sisters received special treatment.
I would recommend focusing on your feelings and using “I” statements as much as possible. (For example: “I sometimes felt that I wasn’t as special to you as they were, and that really hurt.”) You can’t control how your parents respond, and it is possible that they might get defensive or dismiss what you are trying to say. But if you try to express what you’ve been feeling, without accusing or blaming, you may have the opportunity to have a really important conversation. At the very least, you can express your feelings so that your silent resentment and hurt don’t continue to grow.
If you need more help working through your feelings, or thinking about how to talk with your parents about this, you may want to consider talking with a therapist in your area.
Best of luck!
Erika
Erika Myers
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Nicole
March 1st, 2013 at 10:59 PMI was tempted to say its natural and that you are reading too much into it all.but the vacation thing does put a rest to it.There is definitely some sort of differentiation going on here and considering one of your sisters is just a year younger than you the difference should not exist.
Talk to them as a mature adult and see what they have to tell you about all this.It will not be the easiest discussion you have ever had but it will be worth it.All the best.
dahlia
July 9th, 2014 at 8:27 AMI have a older sister that if she is sick,my parents. Help her out. She wanted a house, she got a house. When i m sick take medicines u will be better. I feel like this when are my parents going to realize i need love and attention to. I love my parents but if they. Have one favorite they should have one kid… i feel they shouldn t had kids now my parents are divorced and so the family spilt up.
wil j
August 29th, 2016 at 8:29 PMyea the medicine part also same with me. me and my brother has a 15yrs of age gap. But hes got everything my mother can give. Even if i ask for just a lil cash to add up with mine to buy like food she wrinkled her forhead and start to why? Blah blah..(its like just a dollar) but to my brother “how much u need? Just keep your money ill take care of it”. So hard to think and hurt to feel. But thanks to god he gave me this strenght to overcome with it almost everyday and hoping not for the rest of my days.
andy
December 16th, 2016 at 4:17 PMi feel you when my sister is sick the always give her a whole lot of attention one time i threw up right before school and i still had to go to school but one time my older sister puked the night before she didint need to go to school for the next 3 days
carissa
May 2nd, 2017 at 4:21 PMi always feel like that my 2 older brothers always seem to get the love they desire when i say love you to my mom all she says back is go find something to do carissa then my brothers will say love you and she will say I love you two my little boys then when I go to the gas station with my mom i always get a pop and some candy then my mom gets my brothers Subs and big bags of chips and lemonade with big boxes of candy and i m like WOW the one time i did confie in my mother about my suicidal thoughts she was like eh at least your father loves you.
Abigial
April 14th, 2020 at 12:56 PMMy little sister is always getting special treatment today my parents made me study while she played games I sat there and cried it hurts!!
Mick
June 29th, 2016 at 10:18 AMI think it’s in everyone’s nature to stand up for the parents when children say they’re being treated unfairly. I, as a kid who is treated differently, totally side with the kid. Whether it be minuscule. If they are feeling unloved and treated unequal, than they are. There is no reason they would lie about that. It’d they’re doing it for attention than you know they’re not lying because they need that extra attention. My mother always used to say when I was little that she wouldn’t let me do certain things but let my adult brother and sisters do those things because they were adults. When I yelled more and said things like “That’s not fair, you treat me different” she would say “Because I want you to turn out better” She admitted it. On multiple occasions. And to this day she doesn’t see anything wrong with it. That’s why I always side with the kids. No matter what.
Karly
December 28th, 2016 at 1:27 AMIts so unfair my younger sister gets everything …. like e.g I wanted a hoverboard this Christmas my sister didn’t want one but Christmas rolls around I hoped for a hoverboard but my sister opens her present and gets a hoverboard and now she lovessssssssss it I didn’t get it and she wont let me use also my parents allways let my sister use the tv , ipad, movie and everything I want freedom cant my parent treat me fairly ….
Maxi
March 2nd, 2013 at 9:30 AMSo hard to process and understand when parents play favorites! I am kind of like you, grew up wondering what in the world I was doing wrong to not get the favored child status like some of the other siblings did. It took me a very long time to realize that there was nothing that I could do about it and that if I wanted to move on with life then I had to do just that and move on/. So I did. Was it hard? Yes and it hurt to go through a big part of my formative years feeling different and not special. But I see now that this was just my parents and I have made the decisions to not let them hurt me anymore with that behavior.
Brent collins
March 2nd, 2013 at 10:58 AMHonestly, I think that all parents like it or not in some way have a favorite child. It is just that in your case it only seems even more glaringly obvious. That must really hurt.
andy
December 16th, 2016 at 4:19 PMi know right and it just felles bad when you know it
F.Bean
November 8th, 2017 at 3:49 AMYou know I am 40 and it gets no better with age and time. Mine are thankfully healthy but have played favourites since I was a child. I was a prem and sick baby and my mother once told me that I was a difficult baby and she couldn’t bond with me. That really messed me up. Thankfully I got my mindset right but the hurt is always there. The worst is now that I have a child, she bonded with my daughter and spend every second weekend with her till she was 6. Now my sister has had 2 children and my mother blindsides my child often letting her down to see the other grandkids. I absolutely go mental because my child cries and asks what she has done wrong and she is only 7. My latest is to work with a psychologist for y child and I have restricted access. Of course I get the blame and told that I am stopping the relationship. I won’t have another child because I don’t want my child to ever feel the way I did. I am in full protection mode and I try to fill my daughters time with so much Mummy time to keep her from noticing that Grandma has favourites. All I want is to move country as it would at least not be obvious. We have eve banned facebook at home so we don’t get the pictures and bragging that my sister loves so much. I have no answers and I have had therapy yet no answers because the issue is not mine. My parents need help but they refuse to believe they are doing anything wrong… very sad.
Teresa
January 1st, 2019 at 1:09 AMYour comment is one I can relate to the most. I am in my early forties and I am still having to deal with a mother who plays favorites. My mother sure likes it when I have taken care of her when she was in the hospital, and my mother sure likes me those times when I have comforted her when she was at her lowest, but when my older sister (her fave) is around, she treats me like I am a nobody and that my sister (who is always making excuses to never lift a finger to help my mom) is on a pedestal. My sister used to do things to hurt me all of the time when we were little, and because my nature is passive and quiet, I never dared to make a big deal about how much it hurt me that my mom and dad purposely let my sister get away with things just because she is their darling first born. Now that I’m older, I find that I have to separate myself from the needless drama my mom loves to create when she makes it feel like it’s a female version of Cane and Abel, or some soap opera. My mom is mentally ill, and so is my sister. I’ve had to just accept this, and this means cutting off ties that bind. And that’s in itself is sad because I’ve always felt genuine love for my family.
Mike B
March 3rd, 2013 at 8:29 AMI know that there are families out there who do this kind of stuff and these are the people who make me seriously question why have children if you are going to glorify one over another. I get it that maybe it is easier to love one that you think that you have more in common with but that doesn’t make it right. And for parents to openly flaunt this, I mean, how can clothes even begin to compare with a trip to South America? This is just stunning to me, and for you to say that you have no resentment, you are better than I would be because it sounds like you are being treated like poor Cinderella by the evil step sisters and step mother. What makes it worse is that I am guessing that these people are all biologically related to you!
phil
March 3rd, 2013 at 11:47 PMmy advice would be – concentrate less on what your sisters are getting and concentrate more on your relationship with your parents.because as you will discover later in life – that is more important than any gift or trip.gifts do not equate to affection and if you are genuinely looking to find out the reason,look to see if your relationship with your parents needs some working on.that may hold the answer to your plight!
anonymous
June 25th, 2016 at 7:21 PMI think that you and I are quite alike. I have five half sisters and a half brother plus a step mother, step father, and father. I know it is strange but my mother and step father were married and had my sisters. My step father cheated on mom with my “step mom” and then mom cheated with dad and had me. Then mom and my step dad never divorced but instead lived with who they cheated with. But then dad cheated with my step mom which resulted in her having my half brother. But then dad went back with mom and my step mom with my step dad. My little brother lives with my step family and all of us girls live with mom and dad. But two years ago dad went back to New Mexico to live with his sisters and mother because he and mom would argue all the time and actually once she threatened to call the cops even though he did nothing to her. But when he did not take her seriously she made the call. Anyway, so he left because he got tired of it. He wanted to take me with him, but he knew that mom has full custody and that if something was to happen to her custody would pass on to my oldest sister. So my life is really messed up.
Susan
August 3rd, 2016 at 8:31 PMI’m thinking that you’re story has absolutely nothing to do with this thread… You should start your own thread honey and I’m so sorry about your family situation…
Mick
June 29th, 2016 at 10:22 AMI don’t agree at all. I think she should of course try to connect with her parents more but hat is not the most important thing. She is. She should always focus on herself especially if her parents blatantly treat her this way. I was a child of unequal treatment and its affected me to this day. I grew up feeling self concious, depressed, never good enough. I would never say that I should’ve treated and tried to connect better with my parents. I’ve told them what they have done/ do and they openly admit they did/do those things.
Elle
April 9th, 2017 at 7:58 AMSpoken like the favored child…
nathan
March 4th, 2013 at 3:46 AMThis might be your sign that it is time to sever those ties and move on.
I know that this is family and you are young and the thought of leaving them behind would have to be scary. But maybe these are not the best people for you to have in your life. It sounds as if they rarely offer you anything in the vein of positive in your life and cause you a whole lot of grief and anguish. I understand that you need people in your life to support you, but it sounds like this is not the support that you need to be looking for.
hannah
March 4th, 2013 at 11:31 PMyou know what, I’ve been through this in my own growing up years. parents were a million times better to my siblings than to me. and it certainly didn’t feel good. growing up I realized that none of it matters much. what matters is how I feel about myself. because let’s be honest, nobody is going to be around or in your shoes when you face the ups and downs of life, you are your only companion. so it’s much better to look for and find peace within yourself than to expect from others. expectations only bring disappointment, effort brings fruit, so put in the effort and reap the fruits of a peaceful you than to look for happiness on the outside or rough someone else.
Thera
June 13th, 2017 at 9:53 AMTHIS. You get it.
raul
March 5th, 2013 at 11:47 PMdo you love your dad more or your mom? think about it deep and you will have a favorite. it is no different for them with children. it does not mean you are worthless. just accept it and move on, you do not need that trip anyway, there are better things to do in life.
andy
December 16th, 2016 at 4:20 PMwrong you cant ignore it
Suzanne
July 9th, 2013 at 7:07 AMLet me tell you, I have the EXACT same thing going on with my family. My two sisters and I are all in our thirties, so I have a bit of perspective to offer you. My older sister (I’m in the middle) is undoubtedly favored by my parents, as are her kids. Despite the fact that I’ve grown to be more successful than she is, she’s still the apple of their eyes. It never ends, and even at this age I’m embarrassed to admit that I still cry about it from time to time. The best information I can offer you is this: I am more independent, self-reliant and have far more friends and relationships outside my family then my sister does. She married kind of a dud, and I’ve got a fantastic husband. I attribute all of these things to the way we were raised. Whenever I’m feeling down about the situation with my parents, I remind myself that in a million years, I would never prefer her life over my own. It still stings– every kid wants the approval of their parents, but you can’t control it and you need to find love and satisfaction elsewhere. In the long run, you’ll be better off.
tony
June 30th, 2017 at 6:38 PMim thinking of never speaking with my parents again,both my older brother and younger sister have gotten cars bought for them while im the middle child and still have to take the bus. they bought my sister a bmw and she is only 16 and my bro a 2016 honda, when it was 2016. i tried talking to them and they have the nerve to say dont compare yourself to your siblings!! when they started ahead and i am so behind because of lack of transportation..
Willie A
September 22nd, 2013 at 2:08 PMI know exactly how you feel. My mom always favors my sister that is two years older than me. My mom EXPECTS me to praise my sister to the skies every day. She always says that I should be much more like her. I completely disagree. I think that I should be my own self. She always wants me to make better grades and literately BE my sister. She shouts at me whenever I get a B, and when my sister does, she cares for her so much. She always says that “it is OK, and you will be fine, and a B is good”. She always makes time for my sister, but cannot spare time for me. I always go to my room {the smallest} in the house, and cry. Every single day. Then, when I come back downstairs, they did not even realize that I was gone. I wonder if they would even feel bad if I was gone. She never gets affected when I am sad or even angry. When I addressed the issue, she told me to get over myself. My whole family is against me. I don’t know what to tell you because I do not know what to do myself. Sorry :(
Erin R
September 23rd, 2013 at 5:53 PMShort response to Willie A, then longer one to the thread….
To Willie A: First of all, good for you for sticking up for yourself and identifying how your mother is being. My mother used to say the exact same thing to me when I would say ANYTHING that she disagreed with. “Get over yourself” as in, don’t have a self that is different from the person I need you to be. It sounds like your mother is a very immature person, who is inflicting some of her own personal history on you. Do you have anyone outside of the family (or in the extended family, like an aunt or uncle) who you can talk to? That is not right and you have every right to feel totally upset, angry and resentful.
To the thread:
I don’t believe that anyone can advise anyone else about their family situation, but I just wanted to share in a more general way how I’ve dealt with parental favouritism in my own life (I’m 32 now).
1) before I had begun to deal with my feelings, I inflicted my own favouritism on one of my two cats—(a strategy that I do not recommend…)
2) I went to extensive therapy, and learned, first of all, how deeply and intensely angry, hurt, frustrated and disappointed I was in my family.
3) During this time I have had to separate myself from my family. I felt a lot of guilt over this, and my family encouraged me to feel guilty. Ultimately I think that it has been the best thing I could have done for my health, and for the well being of my family as well, since I could not, and will not, be a part of the group anymore on terms that negate who I am. I think that playing a role just to satisfy other members of the group is never healthy for the group, although it may enable group members to continue their unhealthy ways.
3a) One way that I kept from going crazy with guilt, anger and self-doubt was through having people outside my family – primarily my therapist – who listened to me and validated my feelings.
At this point in time, I feel like I am better able to validate my own feelings. And, because of that, I have started to let my family back into my life. They are still as invalidating as ever, but it does not hurt quite so much, anymore (and when it does, I put distance between myself and them until I feel comfortable, i.e. am able to reconnect with myself).
3b) This has taken a lot of work though. I certainly do not recommend just telling yourself to “get over” your feelings. When families are invalidating, they basically say that only their feelings (usually the parents’) matter – yours do not. And so, when you reclaim your feelings – the sovereignty of who you are – you reclaim the right to listen to yourself and validate how you feel about a particular situation above all (i.e. above what anyone else tells or wants you to feel or think). In other words, you reclaim your trust in yourself. It is only from a place of deep self-trust that a person can come to accept someone else who, being so much bigger and stronger than you as an adult when you were a child, never extended that same acceptance to you. In my experience, I am only able to do that, when I am able (and often I am not, and that is okay too), because I have first – for a quite extended period of time – said to them, and to myself, NO. I don’t accept this. I don’t accept you. Or this treatment (fact that you love and validate my brother and invalidate and undermine me, etc….)
4) All of the above has meant doing a lot of my own work. This is the most important point, because ultimately, the only person who can help you get through really hard relationships to your family is you. And that’s a good thing, because if you can’t afford therapy, etc, you can always rely on one person: yourself. For me, what really has helped has been learning to meditate. In terms of books about meditation, I recommend especially Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche (a good introduction to his work is Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior). Also, Pema Chodron and Thich Nhat Hanh.
Also, a great theoretical book on how families work family is R.D. Laing, The Politics of the Family.
Tapashya
March 8th, 2014 at 9:07 AMI feel that my mother does nt love me and she loves my younger sis more….but she does so much for me and she cares a lot…..but I feel bad sometimes for little things and I always feel that what shes done is never enough as she does not love me 4 real
saj
March 9th, 2014 at 6:44 AMTapashya, it’s all about ur mind . Because u love ur sister more than ur mother, sameway u didn’t understand what ur, be a roll model 2 hEr.
diane miller
May 2nd, 2014 at 10:05 PMI feel like my mom loves my two sisters better than me and I am the youngest she calls me a brat and butthole and is always telling me I need to lose weight and that really hurts. I am to the point of just moving out and not tell her where I go.
shy
May 9th, 2014 at 3:34 PMMy parents give everything I own to my 3 year old sister and they always say that because she is the baby of the family that I have to do everything for her sometimes I just feel like running away. My mom usually takes my side but my dad always takes my sister’s side since my dad is the dominant one in the family I have to do everything he says. Am I the only one with this problem? Everyone in my family think I’m a selfish simple minded girl which for my opinion. I’m not
marnus
July 10th, 2014 at 11:11 PMI got the same problem if it is her birthday she will get more love and presents and when it is my birthday my dad will send me yo my grandparents.Good luck with your problem
an Asian belieber
June 10th, 2014 at 7:11 AMI thought I’m the only one who faced this. My mom is a single mom and I stay with my mom. Maybe she bought me everything that I want but I can’t see the fairness. I always got scolded bc of just a little problem but my younger sister will never get scolded although its a big problem. I talked to her about how I don’t satisfy about this.but I always get the same answer. She always said that “what the heck are you talking about? She is your sister and she don’t have what you have when you are 5. You have to understand. Use your brain.” She is already in a high school rn but the same thing always happen. She is only 2 year younger than me. I need fairness. I really can’t stand with what’s happening all day.
Elle
July 6th, 2014 at 12:29 AMSo I am the older sister and my younger sister is 3 years younger than me. I’m a senior in high school and I could bring home a C and get yelled at, where if my sister brings home an F all she gets is a tisk tisk.. It’s not really fair my sister can whine and through a fit and she gets what she wants but I could ask for something for a year and still not get it till almost 2 years later… She gets everything done first, and I sit back and have to wait.. You would think they would want to make my last year at home at least kind of good for me, but it doesn’t matter. I just wish I knew how to put up with it for another year.
Alyssa
July 8th, 2014 at 6:09 AMI have an issue like this, my brother, me and our cousin always go to my grandma’s house. I know she loves us all, but… Like she watches us at my cousins house mostly so my bro plays video games with him on my cousins xbox. My bro is really immature and pretty much a cry baby. And I think my gma misses when we were babies and that’s why she favors my bro. My cousin is more of a tough boy. My bro super bossy and whenever my cousin does anything that’s not what my bro wants, he is all mad and tattles to my gma. If she tries to side with my cousin he starts to cry. So then she hugs him and comforts him and tells my cousin to do what my bro wants. That happens all the time so my cousin complained to his mom (my aunt). She specifically told my gma that the xbox is my cousins and that he doesn’t have to be my bro’s little slave. But still, it happens again and again. I’ve repeatedly gotten so angry about it I snap. I yell at my grandma saying that this is not fair and my cousin deserves fair treatment and she tries to defend herself but I keep yelling then storm off into the garage or back yard to get away.
Mary
July 19th, 2014 at 6:58 AMIt’s sad and seems the scars never heal. The pain is always there. My parents favorite my sis and bro over me throughout my life and they look at me as a lesser person. My sis, who is very wealty, sent me inside a big box, a damaged gift bag and 3 trail sizes of tea containers. No card. No wrapping. That was my birthday gift. Her living room is adorned with art work that I’ve made for her and large photographs that I’ve taken. I’ve put the time, energy and effort in showing her love and respect. After today, I know that it’s clear that’s she does not want to spend the time, energy or effort on me. I will no longer do the same
Madilene C
July 23rd, 2014 at 12:14 AMI have the exact same problem. My dad brought my sisters clothes, gave them money, hugs them, kisses them, says he loves them. Then I’m there :'(. He hasn’t told me he loves me once in 5 months ;( its really painful. So he brought my sisters some pants that they know that I’ve ALWAYS wanted. But no, he buys it for them. He said I could have something and I felt so happy. I asked if I wanted that thing and he said of course, No. Then my sister goes and asked and he of course says Yep. I feel so unloved :'( I’ve been going through depression through the last 4 months and my mum doesn’t understand how I feel. She says I’m going through a “teenager stage.” :/ or I’m being selfish. My mum called me a s*** and I feel so unloved that I have been crying in my room for the whole weekends and no one understands me. I feel so depressed and I just want someone yo understand me. I can’t tell my sisters or my brother because he tells me to kill myself. And my cousin has been recently sick and might die and she’s like my best friend and she would help me through something like this.
I just can’t take this anymore and I feel like self harming myself.. Then things got worse. I started getting bullied, and my sisters have been making fun of me because of one little mistake. I need someone to help me because I swear I’m going crazy.
The GoodTherapy.org Team
July 23rd, 2014 at 8:48 AMThank you for your comment, Madilene. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html
Warm regards,
The GoodTherapy.org TeamAlshamiyah
June 9th, 2015 at 5:35 PMListen I understand how you feel but it will all get better. You would have your own family that loves you very much, you would get a great job, so don’t let you family get in your way sure your father Doesnt treat you right but in the end he’s going to regret that decision. You know what they say God works in mysterious ways
Kass
August 6th, 2014 at 1:32 PMMy parents think my older sister is perfect, but she is constantly putting me and my 2 younger siblings down. I’m the second oldest girl in the family. I’m really close to my younger sister, who is 6 years younger than me and my brother who is 7 years younger than me. My older sister is only 2 years older than me and we have never gotten along. My older sister has moved out now and works as a waitress. My parents are so proud of her for that. They constantly brag to their friends about her not living at home and having a job. I have always gotten substantially better grades than my sister even while I took more challenging classes but my parents don’t even seem to notice. My sister had a very small scholarship to a community college that she used and my parents also think she is so great for that. I also qualified for the same scholarship,but because my grades were much higher I earned much better scholarship that I took instead to a university. It is easily 4x more than the one my sister got but my parents don’t even care. It also is fairly difficult to keep. In addition to being a full time college student I also help with any and all chores around the house because I still live at home. I also take my siblings to school and other activities that they do.I cook quite often, make good grades at school, I even do the grocery shopping because if I don’t we never have anything to eat. My parents are always going gambling or doing fun things and I’m left to be the adult and take care of our house and my siblings. My older sister has never done anything to take care of me or our younger siblings. I don’t have a “job” if you don’t count going to school, being the primary caregiver to my siblings, doing housework, grocery shopping, cooking, along with teaching piano to 2 kids in my town. And because of this my parents and older sister say to me frequently ” you don’t do anything. You don’t work. ” and they treat me like I’m nothing because of it. I have had minimum wage jobs when I was in high school but now with my tougher school work and demanding gpa requirements along with my other duties I don’t feel like I have the time or the schedule that would allow me to work. My biggest concern is that my grades would drop and I would loose my scholarship . Even if I did have a job I don’t think I would have the time to work enough that I could afford living on my own. And I worry that my younger siblings would be snubbed without me to take them places and spend time with them. I don’t in any way resent my younger siblings for me always having taken care of them. I love to do it because I love spending time with them and I feel that since my parents don’t show them love or care they need my love even more. And they deserve it!
My older sister didn’t move out until she was a junior in college. I’m just now going into my sophomore year, but my younger sister told me that at dinner one night that I wasn’t at my dad asked her if she was going to get a job and move out when she turns 18 like my older sister “did” or is she not going to work and live at home like me, a worthless bum. He didn’t say worthless bum but he did say like me. Even though my older sister didnt even do that either! She lived at home 2 years after she graduated.
I’m sick of being treated this way so I have been looking for work I could do while still in school. This fall I will be also doing a bit of baby sitting and I might have more work teaching piano thanks to my angel of a piano teacher. I told my mom about the baby sitting, thinking it might mean a little less heat from my parents. But she says ANGRILY “I thought you had school every day?!” I told her I do but I think it could work out that I baby sit sometimes after school. She didn’t even seem to care.
I don’t feel that I have exaggerated anything that I have said. Am I crazy or do my parents seem to only care about my oldest sister? I don’t want to not work and not have to do all of the other things I do. That’s not it at all.I just want to be treated with respect and appreciation.Kyle
August 12th, 2014 at 4:14 PMI experience the same thing pretty much every day, with my dad. No matter what the conversation is about he is always on my younger brothers side, constantly sticking up for him.Not once in my life has he stuck up for me in anything at all. Its funny though because I do pretty much everything around our house helping him outside with many many things, and I still can’t earn his approval. While my brother is doesn’t help my parents at all. He pretty much just sits on the couch with his tablet, or playing on his PS3 in his room, leaving a mess everywhere he goes. It is beyond irritating.
Meg
August 21st, 2014 at 11:43 PMI have a younger brother that has special needs and he has always been treated better then me yes I get that he needs more attention then me but still. I have not got anything for my birthday in 6 years it just hurts I have never said anything to anyone and now I just turned 21 everybody else in my family thinks I’m a happy person when the truth is I’m starting to hate my life. I cook and clean the entire house everyday and I also take care of my brother but it goes unnoticed.
Brenda
November 17th, 2016 at 6:18 AMI’m so sorry to hear that. It is extremely hurtful. If you could work up the courage, you really need to say that it is not on etc. What about when you leave home ? Will they only then realise and apppreciate all you do. They should be thanking you all the time for your help – it is not your job or duty to help with your unfortunate sibling , you do it because you’re a good person.
Diksha
September 16th, 2014 at 8:39 AMI am facing the same since long. i have an elder sister she is very important to my mother . My mother remain ill i try every bit to take care of her but my mother never appreciate it rather she is always pin point of what i have not done. she treats me like i dont even exists my sister takes full advantage of that. she has never done anything of her own till date. expensive mobiles expensive shopping andhavei have done everything of my own from studies to job.the same is not with my father but he do what my mother says she never listen to my feelings at times i feel what was the need to give birth to me when i am so less important . my sister she always acts nice. sometimes it becomes intolerable. but i have to live with it. the family where u can release your whole day stress becomes a stress when there is no one to listen to you.. my demands my expectation are least important to my mother. she always loves my sister and taunts me for every other thing i even try to do for her.
unfair
December 15th, 2014 at 7:18 PMI am the oldest of three, I have a different father–15 years older than my sister and 8 years older than my brother.
What pisses me off is my parents reward bad behavior with my drug addict sister. She is a loser and brought a child into the world while being a junkie. My parents bail her out financially and I am sick of it!
I learned to accept and move on about the material things for holidays as my siblings would make out like bandits and I would get crap(the holidays aren’t about the gifts, but it still hurt my feelings).
I’ve been out of the house for 20 years and have not returned…but my sister is a in and out revolving door when she wants…she is a crappy mother and my parents enable her!
My holiday visit is probably an hour tops at that house- as you can cut the tension with a knife. Thanksgiving my sisters duty was to make apps and a dessert- my mom said my sister couldn’t cause she didn’t have time because she works. We all work!
As for my brother, my parents loan him money frequently. I don’t care it’s not my business, but I have been in shitty situations with finances and they have never offered to loan me money. Like if my car broke or my college, my kids college –anything.
I’m a mother of three boys and I treat them all equal! I can’t imagine ever not going to their sports games or driving them to practice( I use to have to walk or ride my bike…we lived 4 miles from the schools).
I guess my parents taught me to be an amazing mom because I know what to do and what not to do!
Claudia
December 29th, 2014 at 2:35 PMThe same thing happens with my younger brother and sister. They have always been favoured by my parents. Here’s an example:
Okay so, my high school and their public school had an award presentation ceremony on the same day. My parents knew this. They also knew my sister was getting an award, and I was too. When I get to school for the ceremony, only my dad is there. That meant my mum and her parents were there for my sister. She got one award. I got 6. After hers, my brother had his ceremony. He wasn’t getting an award, yet he had both my parents and my grandparents there. I was really upset that day, even though I received quite a few awards.
Yesterday, my dad took my brother, sister and I shopping for things for the house. My brother was being a brat to me; he kept hitting and kicking me. As soon as my dad turned around, my brother instantly tried to turn around so he wouldn’t see, and he tripped over my foot. He told my dad I tripped him over, and he believed him. I tried explaining what happened but he ignored me.
Honestly this happens everyday and I’m sick of it.
Jadon b
February 21st, 2015 at 4:00 PMI’m going through the same problem I have a little less than average grades my brother doesn’t even go to school he’s in high school but stays home all day and plays the computer (my moms) but she gives him around 20$ a week for more games. My little sister is always a brat she always talks back to my mom and when mom tells her to do something and she doesn’t listen I tell her to do it and she says your not my mom I don’t have to EVER listen to you and she’s 6 but then mom and her dad turns around and buys her 10 freaking monster high dolls or whatever adding up to literally 487 dollars once. She bought me a pack of gum and when I brought that last fact up telling her to give me back what little I had she said no you have so much more than me and she screamed for mom saying I was trying to take her gum then my mom who just handed it to me sided with her and said if I didn’t stop pestering my sister I would be grounded.
James
April 11th, 2015 at 7:08 PMSame here I’m the sibling in the middle and even though I have straight A’s I’m always being blamed for everything and grounded or hit while my brothers get special treatment for example my older brother has C’s and B’s and he gets more love and attention my older brother emotionaly hurts me when he puts me down also when I had a ceremony during it they left to a store with my brother and then returned two hours after the ceremony and awards were handed out so I stayed there and cried and wondered if they were evening coming back it like this almost all the time and I hate it.
Aub
May 15th, 2015 at 5:22 AMI am so sorry. Hang in there!
Molly P
February 9th, 2015 at 5:55 PMI am a middle child having both older and younger sisters. Let me begin where I am now. Married out of college, met my wonderful husband (who is a middle child as well)there. Graduated with honors as a teacher. Later received a masters degree. My husband, a teacher too, has several masters degrees and is a high school principal working towards superintendent licensure. My 2 girls are very intelligent and kind. Involved in school and dance/gymnastics. Sounds great? Right?!
Well remember, we are middle children. Growing up my older sister had issues and was treated with “kid gloves.” She never really improved and got pregnant a year or so out of high school and married, divorced 7 yrs later with 3 kids. My younger sister who was spoiled, coddled dropped out of college moved back home and eventually got it together with a good job, moved out, married, went back to college, received her BA, and divorced then moved back home for 18 months and now with a new job moved out and back to downtown Chicago. My entire life I have worked soo hard for my parents approval. They are highly educated-Dad has a Phd and Mom- a nursing degree and teaching degree. This is pretty impressive considering they were born in 1941&1942. They have given me very little praise, attention or time my entire life. As a child, anything that went wrong fighting wise w siblings was blamed on me. I was the mean one, the sore loser, the jealous one, the one who was picked on, made fun of etc.
My older sisters kids have not gone to college, have gotten into serious problems, and 2 still live at home. They are 26, 25, and 23. The oldest is divorced, remarried and has a boy with learning problems and my niece sticks him in day care instead of working with him. My parents coddle her as she had their “great grandson.” The other 2 are boys and party etc.
Now my 2 girls are in 4th and 1st grade as my hubbie and I waited to be established etc to have the girls. I stay home now and volunteer at their school and do activities etc. my teaching degrees have helped them to be “off the charts” in reading and math. The 4th grader is high school level and my 1st grader is upper elementary level. They dance do gymnastics and are just sweet and kind. They have both received good citizenship awards etc. we attend church etc.
My parents still pay very little attention to me. We live 3hrs away but they see my kids maybe 4x a year. No more than 3 days @a time.
They FaceTime weekly with niece and great grandson. When they visit from Texas they stay at their house. They stay for 1-2 weeks at a time.
When I come with my family we are told to stay at a hotel because it’s so much work for my mom.
I feel soo horrible. I just can’t take it much more. My husbands family is even worse if you can believe that. They opened a credit card in his name, cashed his tax return, and opened a lease in his name back in 1994 when we first married. After hiring a lawyer and taking care of that, we don’t have a relationship as they blame me. I made My husband hire a lawyer and have detectives talk with them about fraud. If they did that now in 2015, they would be arrested and put in jail.
I want to just scream at my family. I try soo hard for their love and approval. There have been soo many Xmas and Thanksgivings alone since “we were too much work” for my family. Meanwhile my sisters and nieces and nephews are there since they can’t be “alone.” My younger sister “dotes” on my older sister’s kids and she could careless about mine. I can’t make them love us no matter how hard I try. They are our only family that’s the only reason I keep trying. But my husband and I are just fed up.
Please give us some advice!!Jamie
March 16th, 2015 at 9:31 PMIt sounds like you have a lovely young family. A wonderful husband who loves you and great kids. Count your blessings. This is all that matters. I have been where you are. My mother died. My father remarried and started treating me like I was not his daughter. I have chased him around and have been doing so for years, trying to get his approval. It will never happen. My kids have been rejected. One child doesn’t care anymore, the other still tries. But it is hurtful to both. It is sad. It makes me angry to see my children hurt. I honestly don’t know what to tell you except, be thankful for what you have. You can’t make people love you even if you wish they would. It is their loss. I do think one day they will realize it. Love your kids, vow to not do the same to your grand kids as were done to you and yours.
My siblings are more loved. I honestly don’t know why. I am a good person. My husband is a good man. My kids are good. I just count my blessings and try not to dwell on what I don’t have but what I do have. Maybe we will never know why people do what they do. But don’t let that rob you of a beautiful life.rebecca
February 25th, 2015 at 6:23 PMI think something happened such as your parents had to get married because they conceived you.
I know of a woman , who had to marry because of a teen pregnancy.
she was very hard on her kids , her daughters and hired a painter to paint her dogs in a group photo which she hung over the fireplace.
The second girl waws treated like a boy and an ugly duckling
basically your parents are insane in a typical manner and will never admit that they really dont like you. you must leave your family behind and keep them at arms length, for it will never be healed.
also my mother has the same thing with my older sister in that she revolves around her and gives her most of the money and I mean a quarter of a million in three years,
My stupid is I went back and tried to get the mommy who loved me , who never existed,
families are sick – avoid themabigail
March 25th, 2015 at 3:15 PMI have a two brothers and one sister I lost my phone and I have to get my flip phone so my sister that on fifth grade has a big phone before I got my flip phone Santa gave me a touch phone so now I was in trouble and then one time my mom yell at me she said Stut YOUR mouth because of my littlest brother.
Natalie
March 28th, 2015 at 5:23 PMDon’t worry, today i’ve had the worst day of my life. My mom took my sister out today and they went to the mall with my brothers while my dad went to work. I was left at home to rot as I do everyday of every week. When they came home my mom had bought her many things and had even taken her out to get her belly button pierced and her cartilage pierced. It probably would’ve been ok if it werent 4 days before my birthday
Aub
May 15th, 2015 at 5:11 AMHey I feel the same way! I don’t have it as bad as u tho. I was usually given stuff equal to my sister until she started to do stuff she shouldn’t. Piercing her third piercing when my parents said no, going to party’s. Etc. I usually get stuff equal to her (tho my parents disagree and think I get more). But today just ticked me off. My mom and me had bought shirts together and they were my favorite. But apparently my mom felt my sister didn’t get enough attention (keep in mind she doesn’t try to get attention from my parents and she just ignores them sitting in her room all day. She also didn’t get in trouble for what she does. other than doing one chore for doing something my parents said they would disown her before. Then she did it and they only make her do one chore. Unlike me who does something little once and has to do millions of chores) so they took my fav shirt that I spent my own money on and gave it to her. After all the bad things she does, she always gets what she wants. She never gets into major trouble for the stuff she does that she should get into. It is so unfair! So now my mom took my $40 shirt from me, gave me a cheaper one, and have the one I spent my own money on to my sister who always does something wrong but apparently doesn’t get enough attention. (I didn’t mention my birthday is in a couple days) I don’t understand it and it frustrates me to the highest. She always gets what she wants.
Pheonix
July 10th, 2015 at 1:51 PMYou should just take your shirt backthey through a fitt about it say it’s yours and not there’s and that you spent your own money on it.
Nick
March 30th, 2015 at 5:55 PMMy parents have always favoured my little sister. They don’t give a damn about me, all they do with me is just pinpoint everything I’ve done wrong. I’m actually excited to go to school so I can get away from them. My little sister is 10, and she gets all A’s. My parents are always like “good job” but then when I bring back my report card, I get B’s and C’s and they get mad at me which makes me depressed. I try all I can but they refuse to help because they’re always working with the “golden child”. I’m the middle child, the one no one cares about.
Nick
June 14th, 2015 at 6:26 PMI know exactly what you mean. I’m a middle child but oldest at home. My little brother takes up all the time and makes everyone’s life miserable. While my shinning straight A 6th grade student little sister is the most amazing thing to them ever. When I go to my older sisters house they don’t care when I get back. They wouldn’t miss me not being there. My mom told me “can’t wait until
Nick
June 14th, 2015 at 6:31 PM*wasnt supposed to submit yet*
“Can’t wait until you move out and get a life”. And when I was in a depressed phase my dad told me “get over yourself and start working”. While those same people help my little sister with everything she does. My parents don’t care if I’m bullied or depressed. But they would do anything for my little sister. Guess I don’t blame them. I still live with them and she is always happy and content. Probably because she has emotional support. I work all day and don’t talk much, so they use that to say I hate them, and use that as s reason not to treat me as well as my sister. I don’t hate my parents, I’m lidded of and jelous. But it could have been prevented by them caring. But they are too busy caring for the “better” kids.Victoria
June 28th, 2015 at 12:06 AMOh I know how you feel my little sister gets all they attention my mom hates me because I look like my father and I have him in me but I look nothing like her she just plane out hates me my half sister on the other hand she looks like my mom my mom loves her dad my step dad I went shopping with them once I asked my mom if I could have a dress that my sister was getting and her words where no it doesn’t look good on you your way to fat for it and I was a very skinny girl too she just hated me when my sister brings in her report cards she has all A’s and when I bring my report cards home she looks at them I have B’s and one A she looks at me and ayas why don’t you have a report card like your sister and I said mabey because I’m always in gymnastics doing what you want me to do so I can be like her I cry myself to sleep sometimes it hurts me enotianly
rebecca
March 30th, 2015 at 8:22 PMi only had one child to keep her from being slighted and passed over , as I was and still am. My mother had the joke on me though, because she favored the other grandchild , a boy , over my daughter, giving him 20,000 for school and her nothing. So, you see as long as you are alive , they will keep taking their pound of flesh.
Kimberly
August 21st, 2015 at 4:53 PMI did the same thing, was so afraid I would repeat that. I had years of theraphy as a new mom… I learned to see that this behavior is not abuse related. Cause if it were, I would of been an abuser. These people are born this way, it’s who they are.
I could never in a million years be cruel like my parents were to me to anyone. Esp my own child.
These people hate those who have an conscience. They pick up something about you they sense as a weakness or something the aren’t and they hate you for who you are… A decent person.Katie
April 10th, 2015 at 2:43 PMI know very well what it means to have a sibling who gets more love and affection! It’s horrible, really. I’m a twin, and me and my twin are close. But often I get signs of him being more loved. I remember multiple times in my younger years getting slapped across the mouth and crying my eyes out. My twin has never been hit. A couple of weeks ago, my mother called my f in stupid and said f you. She has never said such a thing to him. She hasn’t said I love you since I can remember and I have a good memory. They have a bond, and whenever we go somewhere I am left looking out the window of our car and they are laughing and having a good time. My mom has pointed out my always being left out but has no intention of stopping it. She constantly makes me cry and makes me feel horrible about myself. She expects me to be a girly girl but I’m a tomboy plain and simple. It ain’t fair…..
Janet
April 17th, 2015 at 6:54 PMThey treat you like that because they are sick twisted selfish people that should have never had kids. Why some of you have your own kids and let them around them are beyond me. No mother or father should favor one child over the other and if they do, don’t SHOW it!!!! What a horrible rotten feeling to be treated like crap by your own parent or parents. This is why he have so many depressed and unstable people in the world. Your job as a mother and father is to nurture , love and care for your child or children. Show them morals and love so that they can be good upstanding citizens. If you can’t do that then let someone else that will. I could never imagine in my wildest dreams taking one child shopping and not the other…wth? You give two children a trip to chile and the other some clothes…I would have confronted my mother a long time ago. Or I would have no contact with her. I tell you this because I been through it, know the feeling and finally picked my self esteem off the floor and left my mom alone. It’s hard I know, but to love yourself is easy.
Kara
June 3rd, 2015 at 10:39 AMThis has happened all my life my mom would be really mean and my dad hates it. My mom is ocd and part bypolar.
One time I didn’t want to take my acid medicine and my mom made my dad hit me with a belt she hit me to with it the next day my family was wondering what happened when the saw bruises on my thighs and my back.
Another time I didn’t clean my room perfectly I had a few books off the pile in my night stand and my mom hit me In the side of the face or would ball up her hand and scream, she would grab my hair and shake me till I had a headache she once shook my head so hard my neck popped 3 times in the same spot she busted my tooth and it bleeds from time to time she refuse to take me to they dentist she works second shift now.
My mom over rules my dad and he sits and watches not stoping her when my sister lets the dog tool in her bed my mom says get him off and vaccum it when I have a single hair on my bed she throws a fit I feel like she is always mad at me.
She tells me that she drinks to tolerate us. When she would do these things to me I would call my grandparents but one time my grandma told my mom and I was yelled at a smacked I grabbed my phone once and threatened to call child services she took my phone from me but my dad got it back. I no I’m spoiled but I don’t want all these vacations I just want love.
I would always keep numbers under my pillow but they were lost her. My sister would always stay in her room she’s older then me and spoiled. The only time she is near me is when I’m hurt she tells me to Ignore my mom but that gets me in more trouble I threaten to kill myself my summer is always cleaning evreyday even though i stay in one room. We have a pool I used it once this year but my sister doesn’t want to do anything with me. I get good grades but no one cares in my family except for my other sibblings.
Please read………
The GoodTherapy.org Team
June 3rd, 2015 at 11:07 AMThank you for your comment, Kara. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about domestic violence at https://www.goodtherapy.org/therapy-for-domestic-violence.html and additional information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html
Warm regards,
The GoodTherapy.org Teamrebecca
April 18th, 2015 at 12:44 PMand it continues into adulthood, with my mother letting her favorite daughter rob the family trust; quarter million in less then three years, but I get 500.00 a month. My sister 4,000 a month plus what credit cards she can use.
It’s now down to my hiring an attorney to stop my sister. what is worse, is my mother lets my sister attack rage and steal, and then says I have a special relationship with her. I don’t , my mother does, she can’t own her obsession>Even that is dumped onto me.Deepthy
April 29th, 2015 at 1:04 AMHi All,
I hale from India, and childhood was one of the toughest times of my life.
Me and my sis have an age gap of 8 years and I have always had problems with my parents for being biased, after she was born.
They had always expected me to behave older/matured than my age.Right from then, I felt so lonely and abandoned. Nobody used to talk to me like it was before and I hardly got any time with my dad and mom. I used this space to mold myself to be more independent.
Till then my mom used to help me with my studies but as soon as my sis was born, I felt as though everyone has lost interest in me, so I started putting extra efforts to study.
However, at times I used to feel really bad when she received chocolates and dresses from my dad and mom, whereas I would simply sit and watch.
I would sit and wonder if I was adopted :). My dad would also give umpteen gifts to my cousins on their birthdays and graduations, but I received my first gift from my dad when I was 21 and that too when my mom insisted, when he was getting gifts for my niece.
I asked him once, if he has ever loved me. He did not answer.
I was an elite student and my parents were hesitant to fund my higher studies, so I took up a job and did my masters with my salary. Now my sister has completed her bachelors and my parents are ready to spent lakhs on her admission abroad. I am happy for my sister, but my life would have been very much better, if I had some more support.
But whatever the hardships I face, I would prove myself worthy with my hard work
:)Lia
May 9th, 2015 at 10:48 AMEver since my sis was born my parents started showing more love and affection to my sis they would buy everything for her but not for me they would scold me for things I haven’t done and me I was just a statue sitting there seeing my sis awesome life..
Munzir
May 16th, 2015 at 4:06 AMI am from Pakistan.
Since my sister is born, she’s getting much more love than me. I dont know whether my parents do it intentionally to just kill me out of jealousy or tjeres any other thing
My life is spoiled!Kimberly
August 21st, 2015 at 4:49 PMLive your own life… Don’t allow anyone to abuse you. Anyone who can isn’t safe. Please find a way to make your own happiness. Years of berated treatment can kill you. It almost killed me. I got very sick from phy and emotional abuse. Please find help!
Jade
May 24th, 2015 at 3:12 PMI know how it feels. I’m the younger sister, and my dad always takes up for my older sister. We’re 4 years apart, and my mom usually takes my side, but no one listens to me or my mom. Idk, it makes me cry because my dad never takes up for me. Say for ex// if I had a pair of headphones and they were my sisters, and my sister had my headphones, I wouldn’t be able to use MY headphones because my dad would of course say “she is using them” and I tell him that it’s mine, but nope. I can’t handle it. If I back talk, then it’s the end of the world for me. But my sister? Nothing happens to her.
Elisabeth
June 4th, 2015 at 11:29 PMYou think that? It’s wrong my mom and dad treat my sister like a baby and she is not just today my dad bought her a watch while I asked for a watch last year and he bought it for her oh the little brat
Leah
June 3rd, 2015 at 4:09 PMI completely understand how you feel. I’m a middle child so it’s not a new thing for me.
Me and my sister are really close and everything was really good until my parents adopted my little brother.
During this time my mom and dad were really stressed and my Brother was a total monster. My parents were very temperamental during this time and they couldn’t tell at my sister because she was in 4th grade and she was constantly getting bullied, so my parents constantly took their stress out in me. My mother would hit and scream at me a lot and I was in 1st grade. I would constantly draw crappy pictures of me and my mom holding hands and I would hide them undeneathe my bed and pray a lot to God that things would get better.
I really resent my brother and I feel guilty about it. When my mom would hit me a lot I blamed it on my brother and I guess I’ve never got over it.
I’m 15 now and my mom now just naturally tunes me out. I don’t even think she’s aware that she’s doing it. I bet there are many of you who have a lot worse than me, but I just want to let you know that I can relate. I hope things get Better for everyone who’s having a hard time.
Nick
June 11th, 2015 at 8:04 PMHey there, I was reading through the replies and yours stood out to me because I can relate to you. My youngest brother was adopted 4/5 years ago and he’s been insane since he got here. Screaming and demanding all the time, you might know what it’s like. Anyway, all my parents stress and anger either come from him or each other. And my little sister is the one they choose to use all their sympathy and time on. They will help her with anything. Anytime. And my sister intentionality takes up as much time as possible. So when they get to dealing with me, they have nothing left. They always seem upset and disappointed in whatever I’m doing. Or don’t take an interest at all. It’s like I’m not important enough for them to care. I don’t know, it’s been on mind lately. But don’t blame yourself for feeling the way you do about people. Feelings and thoughts are reactions, not something that are created for to reason.
leann
June 3rd, 2015 at 4:34 PMHi well I am the younest. But my mom treat my sister who a drug addict better.she takes her side all the time. My mom promise me one thing. And break the promise . she been taking money from me since 18 am 47 and she is still doing it. Have a hard time telling her no. My sister boyfriend stole from me. But my mom.let him in even though she told me she wouldnt.my dad die. All his stuff I got my sister and her boyfriend stole it. And first my mom was om my dide. And she change.I think they drug her. I can’t stand my family betrayed. My own mom. And I’m her youngest. I just not on drugs all my life. My sister suppose to work. She’s is not . She goes to court. Hope they put her away. She suppose to.be off drugs. It’s only been f ours days. She lies to my mom. She stops drugs and only when court is coming up she stops. I hate my sister. Starting to hate my mom. I have been here for my mom.all my life. I’m 47 sister 49.
miranda
June 28th, 2015 at 12:49 AMmy story is diffrent my parents are not treating my old sister like the rest of my siblings since she was 10 years old since then she has been buying her own stuff phone room furniture cloting everything she started a job when she was 16 and now i feel like my parents treating me like her sometimes mostly my mom i pray to god all the time that she can have beter luck i love her and i cant see her like this someone helpppppp please
Lizzy
June 5th, 2015 at 6:14 PMI have to same problem my mom treats my brother and sister like royalty (they’re twins) and I am tired of getting in trouble for things I didn’t do. The other day my sister admitted to blaming me for her mistakes and my mom yelled at me for no reason. I really don’t know what to do
Frank
June 6th, 2015 at 7:18 PMI can honestly relate to some of the testimonies and stories that happen told, in my life I have made some mistakes and I’m aware what I am about to say appears a bit childish and this has a lot to do with my sister that is the middle that happens to be 3 1/2 years older than me, her I have not talked with one another for 5 years due to a horrible disagreement and what brothers me big time is why when it’s around my Birthday time, let’s say 2 or 3 days before my Birthday my Mom plans to have my sister around, my Birthday is June 9th, I will be 41 this coming Tuesday and her Birthday is in October and I just don’t understand why my Mom does this to me and I have pleaded my case and displeasure about it and for some reason or another my Mother faults me on it and I am the youngest and it does hurt me why she would do that to me and yes I haven’t always been the easiest to get along with and I really wasn’t the troublemaker of the family growing up, I never really got along too well with my Father, he was into his own world and didn’t want to be bothered by my 2 sisters and I, my oldest sister and I haven’t spoken to each other since 2011, she’s a backstabber and I am again the youngest and the only male in the family that I grew up in, my sister that is the middle child, she has never worked for a long period of time, she has never drove a vehicle and never have had a drivers licens, I know when you reach 40 and over, Birthdays are no big deal, I just feel that with my Mom making plans for my sister right at my Birthday time is just a slap in the face and I feel that is very disrespectful and if I say anything or express my displeasure about my Mom starts arguing with me and often accuses me of trying to control things and that has nothing to do with control that’s the principle of the thing of being disrespected at my Birthday time!
Cee Cee
July 6th, 2015 at 2:21 AMUgh , I know this all too well. I am 23 still battling this. I am the oldest of 5 (three girls, two boys) My father is a functional drug addict. My mother has no issues. But ever since I can remember my youngest two sisters have been treated better than me. I hated myself so much since grade school . I am an honor student that just graduate college (first in my family). But I still feel like crap. I use to have to take care of them when I was younger and would ALWAYS get blamed for everything they did wrong. I never felt like a child because of it. I would get beat with welts all over. Even though it was slightly both my youngest sister is who gets me. We look similar and our names are alike. She would always smirk and smile after I would get beat over something she did. I felt like my mom hated me. I have low self esteem because she would call me a b***h especially after I wouldn’t let my youngest sister use my stuff. But literally EVERY time she would break my things. My mom even stopped doing my hair and would tell me (in 4th grade) I had to do it myself. I tried to loll myself because in third grade I got all A’s like she wanted and she had the gull to say “those are A-‘s. Then in 4th grade beat me for getting an 88 on a math test. I had to have counseling because they found a suicide note in my desk but I was smart enough to lie my way out and make my home seem happy. On top of this I was still battling having a drug addict for a dad. Crazy part, he was more affectionate than my mom. Flash forward my sister that became a small retail store manager got shouted out on Facebook big by my mom but I got number one in my class in high school and got nothing. And I tried to hang out with my mom and she seems to always be busy but for my youngest sister, she asks to hang with her. My youngest sister just had a baby (same age my mom had me) and my mom and her became new best friend. I always fade to the background when she is around. I have so many issues from this today. Please respond.
Kimberly
August 21st, 2015 at 4:46 PMPlease don’t feel bad… But know your better off with abusers in your life. My own mother out on gun on me and my sister… Was going to kill us. Thankfully she didn’t. My sister kisses her behind and can’t do enough for our parents. But because I pointed things out., I’m not included and hated. But after years if taking to a social worker I became to see the issue was never me. It’s very typical in very unhealthy families for the system to pick one child who is the scapegoat. And they will hurt you till you get away. These people, who are your family are dangerous. Get away.
Cee Cee
August 28th, 2015 at 12:59 PMThank you very much .. I just recently opened up to my mom too and she understood but told me to stop looking into the past.. She also claims to not remember calling me a bitch 4times . Nor does she remember callin me a slut for wanting to wear bell bottoms smh! But I got from her what I needed . She apologized .. And I am going to just move on.. But I can’t even imagine having a gun pulled on me . I am glad you are alive. Thank you for your encouraging words.
Zainab
July 9th, 2015 at 12:13 PMI have a younger sister with an age gap of 5 years! She has never been maltreated, whatever she does is the right thing while wen it comes to my sidebit prroves negetive! But my dad loves me more than anyone can ever imagine… Wen my mom realised he loves me much she tried as much as possible to use her own words to make him love my sister but that prooves abortive! Whatever i do is not right but even if my sister is wrong my mom tries as much as possible to make it work! She really dealt with me since wen she realised the love between i and my dad. I try as much as possible to make her happy but she never show any sign of hapiness!
In 2014, there is this guy that wanted marrying me but she used her words to falsify the whole thing that i must finish my Msc…. I tried as mych as possible to make her understand that i need to marry but she refused…..
Much later after contionous pressure on the masters programme, i finally got admission but it was a conditional admission because of the absence of English Language(IELTS) an english test that all UK schools requires a student to seat for… Buh she started squeezing her face that upon all the time i wasted its a conditional offer i would get? I should go and look for another school…
Sooo friends i now became speechless and effortless because all my efforts were not seen.. Friends what would i do? I want to marry so that ill have peace of mind! I want to have my home! Im tired of maltreatment…Fiery Phoenix
July 12th, 2015 at 9:57 PMI’m the middle child and constantly feel neglected. My older sister was one of the first babies in the family and my little brother has Special Needs. My mom literally devoted her work life to him. She even referred to my sister and I as “other children” on TV! And she goes to the White House and other places and takes my sister.
I feel my dad tries to help me go through it all but my mom just thinks I’m being crazy. My sister even thinks I’m just making up Middle Child’s Syndrom to get attention! Everybody in my family have won several awards, but the only one I’ve ever gotten was Sibling of the Year award just because of my brother. My sister got it too!
I hear my parents giving my sis permission to do better things and when I ask why I can’t do it, they say it’s because she’s the first born. My parents never blame my sister, don’t punish my brother, and scream at me. One time my dog was being put down and they didn’t even tell me! I mean, they actually forgot to tell me to say goodbye!
My sister and my brother both had awesome 10th birthday parties, but I remember my parents throwing mine together last minute after promising to make it as great as my sisters.crystal
July 13th, 2015 at 9:54 PMactualy my mom..dad..bro..sis all loves me but few of my family members always praise my elder sis..my bro is the eldest one so everyone loves him and same with my sis..but i dont…from morning till night everyone alwats keeps talking about her..how innocent she is..she even got job..n m not good at studies..seriously this us tooo much..i cant tolerate it anymore but i cant do anything…i dont know wht to say..i even got admission but no one is interested in me.no one talks about me..bo one cares wht i need/want ..somethimes i really hate myself..WTF is wrong with me i dont know..m i overreacting??
Nishu
August 11th, 2015 at 7:42 AMI also have the same problem….:-(
Ellie
July 31st, 2015 at 11:20 AMI have a bit of an issue where my parents favor my little sister (she is 11) . I will start it off by saying I don’t think I am hard done by but my family always put me down for the smallest things. I get good grades but my parents don’t see how much of a struggle it is for me and yet they still tell me to do better… My sister is the apple of my dads eye and she gets “special treatment” she never has to do chores yet I do. When I bring these feelings up I get told to “Get over yourself stop being a selfish little girl” ( my parents didn’t say little girl it was more along the lines of you stupid little b*tch). The next thing really bothers me… My sister’s birthday is when we happen to go on holiday, every year she gets money that she gets to spend, where as on my birthday I don’t get to keep my money it goes straight in the bank, I brought this up today and I was told I get everything equil to my sister and that this holiday I have had everything bought for me ( that is not true I had money hidden away that I paid for things myself).I asked if I could have some of my Birthday money to take with me so they didn’t have to pay for my clothes but they told me no and that I have to work for all of my things. (My sister has had equil money spent on her without paying any money towards her things). My gran loves my little sister and thinks that I am a selfish brat who needs to grow up. ( my gran invites my sister to do things with her and I ask if I can come and they tell me no.) I feel like the only thing I can do now is walk away from my family which I love so unconditionaly but they are bringing me to a point of depression. I have told my sister how I feel but she doesn’t understand and tells me to get on with it. I am only 14 and I don’t have a penny to my name (other than some money I have hidden from my family incase anything where to happen.) I don’t want to leave my family because I love them and I want to be with them but they don’t seem to love me of want me around. I just feel like my family hates me.
helena
August 6th, 2015 at 9:19 AMI am 21 years old. My sister is 12. My childhood was very unhappy. I never got to go on vacations. I was constantly getting beat on the head and screamed at. I was a really depressed child because my home life was really chaotic. A lot of screaming. A lot of crying. I remember teachers always worrying about me because I was constantly depressed.I got married young. I married when I was 19 because my mom and dad got a divorce when i was 13 and neither of them wanted me. I was forced to sleep on a couch or on the floor and constantly tossed back and forth between my parents. I ended up being homeless because they never helped me get my liscence or supported me in anything so I got married and have finally gotten the love I deserve. My little sister has such a happy childhood. She goes on at least 5 vacations a year with my dad. My dad never took me anywhere. She got braces. I never got braces. My parents fight over custody for her. Its like they don’t like me because they fucked me up and want to pretend I don’t exist. They never call. Everything is about my sister. I am really resentful. I should be happy my sister has it better than me. But im not. I’m angry and have spent many hours in therapy
Kimberly
August 21st, 2015 at 4:41 PMI had the same thing almost happen to me. It’s like I’m not wanted, never have been. I get nothing and my stater gets treated like royalty. And I have up trying to say something… Cause no one cares and if I do… I’m the one who is wrong. Thankfully I got years of therapy to see what was going on. I now see what was what and I actually feel sorry for them. I keep an very far distance now to protect myself. They are narcissists and I refuse to allow then to use me anymore.
I keep myself safe and talk rarely.Veen der
September 27th, 2015 at 12:29 AMThat’s awful, you’re so young. Live your life! They can’t always be there for your sister. Just keep your past at the back of your heart.
It’s their loss.
louploup
August 7th, 2015 at 2:00 PMI am the oldest child in the entire family, everything went great… Untik my brother and 1st cousin was born.. They could do things that i wasnt allowed to, and i did all the work (painting house, basic stuff and one day my dad demanded a little house for me to sleep in so i wouldnt be in the house with them.. I should build it myself of course..) and the other family members were treated like kings…
what i did to stop this was to wait till i was stronger than my dad (i was 14 when i were stronger, working kinda pays of) then i would *kidnap* my dad and sent him into my little house. locked him in for 3 days then i ran away . and when i was about 16 i was adopted by another family.
right now my parents are trying to find me and i have even watched myself in the news ( i was adopted from Australia -> Denmark) am so glad for my life right now but i also want to see if my parents have changed.
Anyone who would give me advise?
Skye
August 26th, 2015 at 3:17 PMWait thay are mean i would not! That mean put u in a house all but your self
Mzwakhe Nhlabathi
August 10th, 2015 at 12:24 PMMy parents treat me the same
Halona
August 11th, 2015 at 5:51 PMSame thing with me! My parents had 9 kids (I am the 4th oldest) my parents give what ever they want to the rest of the family while I dont get anything! Like last year: my parents gave every one exacly what they wanted for cristmas while I was waiting on the couch and did not even get DAMN CANDYASS! I know you might be thinking “well shes hyper ” but I am not i a just pissed off my parents dont have much money but they got my siblings eveything on their wish list which had 100-500 items on it EACH! So may parents spent 100,000 dollers on each kid with money they didnt have ( i dont know how they got all that) anyway for chirstmas i bought my self a knife with money i find on the street and cut my arms,stomach,and legs i also have attemed sueside but my dog came in and i just couldn’t my parents also saw me they know something is wrong but they say “WHO GIVES A F-G S-T ABOUT YOU,YOU WHORE (even though i am a virgin) I HOPE YOU DO DIE!” so yea i have to live with this everyday they act like mrs.hanagan from Annie
Sarah
August 12th, 2015 at 5:13 AMHi, I am the middle daughter to two sisters, I have always been a good daughter shy one, my sister have picked up on this and bulled me when growing treated as a freak not been able to join in on things of interest with them or friends, left out a lot, I was the quiet one and had bigger plans though was not good at school had to go to college but my choice done very well continued what I wanted to do. I alway wanted to be close with my sisters but they seem very absorbed in both their own lives. My parents see me as a issue which I can not understand they don’t like that I am happy and successful I have a older partner which I know they don’t like. I am 29 my sisters 28/32. They both having children and get a lot of attention from family fair enough. I do want to see them more and do things but I don’t get told about them or agian get to join in. I have depression and have told them how I feel but it does not get resolved. The worst part he not being able to hear from my dad and when I seen him once at home I can remember him say oh what are you doing here! I feel very sad and it pains me for having to deal with this as I do anything for them but still get treated like a outside. I think I just have to accept that if they need me I will be there and I have to be strong and tell my self it’s not me and they are missing out on me.
nettiebear
August 20th, 2015 at 10:33 PMI am the oldest of three girls. My sister, two years younger has always been the apple of my dad’s eye and my youngest sister (4 years difference) is my mom’s favourite. It was always hard growing up because they set such high standards for me but nothing for my sisters. Now that we are all married and have kids I can see the way my parents treat the middle daughter’s kids like gold. They are over every weekend for sleepovers and any school activity or sport my sister’s kids have, my parents are there to see them. They also do anything for her. My sister and her husband are always having my parents help them around their own house, but when it comes time for my parents to need the help, they come to me and my husband. My oldest is 11 and my youngest is 7. They are well behaved kids and get along with each other, and I can count on one hand how many times my parents had them sleepover at their house or spend time just themselves together. They have been to maybe three school functions total for both my kids. It hurts me more hearing my kids ask my parents to spend time together like fishing or baking (not gifts or money), only to hear them say that they can’t because they ‘re tired, and find out later that my dad took my sister and nephew fishing (which my oldest loves) or that the cousins slept over the night. My girls do have other very supportive grandparents, but the kids are so hurt that my parents don’t want to spend time with them. There have been times where we even ask my parents over for dinner at our house and they say the same excuse, but find out that same night they went to my sister’s house instead. I have a hard time even trying to help my kids understand what they are feeling sucks and we try to focus on what we can do together instead. I still feel like I’m expected to be there to help them, but when we want time with them, or even the kids wanting time with them, we (they) are not worth their time.
Veen der
September 27th, 2015 at 12:24 AMIf they have been like that from the beginning, they won’t change. Have you tried talking to them? Did they shrug it off. Either you stand up and ignore them, or you let them walk all over you.
It’s not easy, but think about it this way, when you further yourself away (become unattached) they will ‘need’ you. It happened to you, you chased them for years, whereas they furthered away. I hate how psychology works.
Rose R
August 21st, 2015 at 8:19 AMI wish my older brother was more independent!! He’s thirty and he acts as if he’s ten. He shouts at my mum and calls her names, he punches walls/doors, he never takes responsibility for what he loses (someone else has always moved it), he never does anything for himself (he constantly texts my mum to make him drinks when he’s perfectly capable of walking downstairs to do it), and he always criticizes everyone’s lives when he’s an unemployed thirty year old living at home.
Kimberly
August 21st, 2015 at 4:36 PMThe advice given here was rather horrible. Wow. I think when someone treats you like garbage you have a responsibility to yourself to stand up and point out the issues. I would find friends cause this isn’t an very healthy family.
Balu
August 23rd, 2015 at 2:11 PMi have the same problem but saldy im the young one (male) my parents are devorced but i notice that my mom is giving my sister a “pecial treatment” she always gets helped by my mom in an argument even if im right, but she did better at school than me, shes more succesful than me, shes kind, and im just a guy who dosent give a shit about anything but im holsing this in me for too long its bothering me since i was 10 years old, but she always gets what she asks for, for example :when she asks for somethimg she gets it in 30 min, and i have to ask for what i want for like 2 weeks and my mom MIGHT accept, any advice ?
Skye
August 26th, 2015 at 3:14 PMIts mee that never get that special treatment i mean whats the point of beaing your mom dads nanny girl if u are gowing to be ignored or blanked and all wayd geting told off for something my sister did ugg im just angry im so soooooooooooooooooooo angry ok im fine its just she gives her the treatment
Marry.David
August 28th, 2015 at 6:51 AMI Never got the same treatment from my parents as my other siblings get I Dont Know Why But I Try to Do Everything that will make my mum and dad happy but no use All the Same Even not My Fault I Get Blamed for Every problem that occurs Even my elder brother abd sisters are very rude to me and always beat and sclod me
Frank
August 28th, 2015 at 8:32 PMHere’s an update,
I am Frank and I made a post on June 6,2015, I am doing much better psychologically however the pain and the hurt is still there, I did talk to my Mother on June 11, 2015 and unfortunately nothing really got settled, I made a very conscious decision to sever all ties with the family that I grew up with and I know that is sad that’s where my roots are, on my post that I posted back on June 6, 2015, I brought up my middle sister and the demise of or sibbing relationships began on November 5, 2010, on September 22, 2010 I got hired at the same place as our Mother, working for Brookdale Senior Living Solutions, for some reason jealousy set in and reared it’s ugly head and on November 5, 2010 my sister wanted to visit our Mother at the jobsite and since my sister had no way up there, I went out of my way to accommodate my sister and not knowing her motive was to throw a scene and attempt to get me fired and it’s partly my Mom fault for not relaying specific information to my sisterand I felt I had to do my Mom’s dirty work, and it all blown up in my face,since then, my sister and I haven’t spoken and that’s where the estrangement comes into play and the truth is our Father can’t be around her on a regular basis, she only visit our parents twice a year and what bothered me was she plans her visits around my Birthday time and I finally expressed my displeasure about it and my Mother . very combative and turned everything around on me, since June 11, 2015 I haven’t spoken to any family members since then, the thing is that there was no reasoning or compromising, the best thing I can do is move on and that’s what I decided to do.rhythmic gymnastics videos
August 29th, 2015 at 4:13 PMI’ll Be Sharing This! Thanks
Alice
September 23rd, 2015 at 9:05 PMI kind of hope someone reads this, because I guess that I’m just lacking motivation to do things, I don’t really talk to many people, I don’t like to be around certain people, and I guess I’m independent in a way. I feel like something’s wrong with me. I know there are very little people who are the youngest of two siblings, and being the youngest, I get picked on (and I’m only 13).
I do have a friend, and we talk about relatable things, like how our parents can get really mad for the smallest things. I always hate the fact that I get the hand me downs, and my mother always buys my sister new clothes, meanwhile I don’t get a single thing. :( Sometimes I can get a really low grade, and I realize my mistakes, if I never take tutoring, my parents will get mad, and ask me why I got a low grade. (being straight A student) If I ever got a bad grade, my dad would always say something like “Wow, you’re pretty much useless” or “If you got such a low grade, I bet you cheated on that gifted and talented test!” The subject of math kills me. My lowest class average is an 80, at school everyone says that’s good, but is it really? I feel like people are being sympathetic with me. Getting low grades haunt me forever, my parents never let them go, and they expect me to get 100s everytime. I get distracted sometimes, looking for motivation online, to stay happy, but I end up thinking how everyone’s parents praise their children and never call them useless. I got sick a few weeks ago, and I never got a special treatment, my parents never really asked deep questions like “what’s wrong?” or “are you okay?” when I would be constantly coughing. Not that I wanted a special treatment, but I really felt very tired, and I slept. My sister started to get sick as well, in this case, they believed what my sister says, (that she gets everything worse than I do) and they even repeated that. I heard my dad ask my sister if she was feeling okay, and earlier today, I was coughing like crazy, (scratchy throat) and my mom thought it was my sister, which kind of made me feel invisible.
In my house, sleeping while having homework still unfinished is a huge no-no(even sleeping without homework is bad). My parents would always ask me why I slept, and what sort of ‘hard’ work I did that caused this. I don’t do sports, in fact I only play in a school band, meaning I have no excuse. Today I was getting a warning on using less water in the shower, and I’m seriously trying, but my family doesn’t believe me. The thing they always say to me is “We know you more than you know yourself.” and they say that it’s my fault, not in a direct way.
I know one of my parents didn’t get enough love from one of his parents, but sometimes I feel like I’m the stressball for them. Besides dealing with being called useless and stupid, and idiotic, I have to deal with the fact that I can’t really do whatever I want in school. ( I can’t enjoy fine arts, the way I want to.) My sister can though. She’s really good at art, and my parents support her 100%, and I also support her, because I think she deserves doing what she enjoys. I haven’t really found my talent in life yet, and my dad says it a lot, which bothers me, but being a band/music student, we have to fill in practice records, and if I get bad grades, I have to study instead of playing my instrument.One day I was having such a bad day, not only have I slept, but I was secretly struggling with some math things (I couldn’t stop thinking about how bad I probably was during school, I really just stared at the door during class, wanting to leave) . My parents were telling me reasons not to do certain things, then after that my sister tells about her day. Sure, my dad always jokes around when he thinks he hears a word differently, in this case he heard ‘pigsty’ and immediately jokes about my room. I haven’t gotten time to move things around yet, but I got kind of mad because he always refers to my room as the dirtiest thing in the house. First of all, he probably doesn’t realize how good of a person I actually am. He may never find out. WHen it’s my turn to speak, my sister gets to leave the kitchen to do her homework, I’m human, and I also have homework (at dinner, I literally have to stay in the kitchen until everyone finishes speaking or I get in trouble) I was talking about my math class, then my father started to tell me on how I should ‘practice (study)’ my math instead of my instrument, because I’m not ‘that’ good.
I’m not saying they’re bad parents, but I tried to say something, (like about my hyperhidrosis, they will tell me to brush it off and do nothing) and it’s really hard to speak with them, because they don’t really understand. The only person I talk to is my sister, because I love her very much, even though she gets everything I ever wanted, she knows that I feel this way, and she’s somewhat a good counselor. In return I give her privacy throughout the rest of the day. I’m so sorry if this was too much to read, but sometimes I just can’t keep this all in my head because I won’t stop thinking about it, thank you for taking the time to read. :’)Daniella
October 26th, 2015 at 10:44 PMI have the same situation except I play volleyball and I’m the older one. My dad always yells at me whenever I mess up and treats one of the team members like a gift from the heavens, when in reality she’s stuck up and mean. My dad is the coach, which means I live through hell a lot. I’m also a straight A student and when I get an 80 or 90 my parents are really disappointed in me. I’m also having lack of motivation, I struggle to get out of bed everyday, not just because I’m tired. My grades are dropping because of my deppression and anxiety. I’m not as good as I used to be at volleyball ( I used to me MVP and now because of deppression and anxiety everything is going downhill.) I want to start learning music, I want to learn how to play bass guitar since the bands I listen to inspire me. My mom acts like I’m crazy when I say I want to learn how to play a bass guitar (I come from an athletic family.) my deppression is making me not eat and I’m dramatically losing weight (not only extra fat but also muscle.) people tell me I look better because I lost weight but they don’t know my deppression makes me lose the will to eat. My sister is getting really good grades and when she gets a B my parents say it’s okay, when she messes up, they forgive her. My dad doesn’t try to hide his dislike for me. My parents don’t live eachother (at least not as much) as they used to. My dad is sort of like a dictator to my house. Even thought technically it is my mom’s. I can’t stand up for myself because I’m scared my dad will start hitting me again. My life has been made more difficult than it should be just so my sister can be happy. I used to say I will never leave this house, but now in all honesty, all I want to do is get as far away as possible from here.
Jackie
September 28th, 2015 at 2:24 AMI am 35 and still not the favorites. I know I will never be the favorites. I have been to counseling and tried the speaking to them route ( used the whole I thing) did that ever make matters worse. Parents don’t want to hear they didn’t get it right least of all from there children. My father is dead now. My mother still favors my sister to the point that it even hurts my wife. Not being the favorite can lead to feelings of inferiority and anger. You yourself start to see yourself less. Less pretty less smart less likely. It is very damaging and can set you back for years of not for every. My advise. Work on loving you. Very hard to do when you have always been made to feel less, but the only way to really deal with it. Your parents are not to blame you didn’t come a hand book. Your children won’t come with one either and you can’t blame your parents for your happiness or lack there of. Every adult needs to actively be responsible for there own happiness. I try to remember that my parents do love me. They may not be perfect enough to show it equally but they do love me. Probably more than life it self. Patents teach your children feeling words encourage it rewarded it. If we can’t share our feeling with our loved ones then who then do we share it with.
AK
September 28th, 2015 at 10:06 PMI was born out of wedlock. And throughout my childhood, i remember sometimes my mum won’t acknowledge me as her daughter when we coincidentally met with her friends and relatives. She would say im her niece. She married this guy who became my stepfather when i was about 5. Since childhood, i lived with grandparents. Then about 2 years later, they had a child. Stepsister for me. After another 2 years, i have another stepsister. So now i have 2 younger stepsisters. I love them dearly eventhough we have a wide age gap.
As a kid, mum always say no to my request. Even if its for school. I can’t go for school camp, can’t go for overseas trip with school, can’t attend a school function. Studies wise, im good. But she never praise or compliment me. Not even a reward too. Even when i get high score, she didnt even cared. There are a couple of times i got 1st in class and there is an award ceremony for it, she didnt even want to attend it, saying she’s busy with work.
But its different when my stepsisters start schooling. They can go for camps, they can go for after school activities, they can go for overseas trip. And even when their grades are bad, they will still get whatever they want. New handphone, new game console, u name it. And mum will always attend all their school ceremony without a complain.
The one thing i can never forget is when i followed her to an work interview, i overheard her saying that she only has 2 daughters and she mentioned my stepsisters names. Completely forgetting and ignoring my existance.
Now im already 27 and mum still treat me like that. I have kept everything inside me for the past 20 years. Feels like im not as important as her golden daughters.
Its hard to forget what you go through especially when it became like a trauma.
Reese
September 29th, 2015 at 8:34 PMOk I am 13 almost 14 last year my parents bought my three other older siblings all phones and they didn’t buy me one I tried to buy one with my own money on my birthday but my dad said no and tried to blame it on my grandma and now it’s almost my birthday again and I’m gonna try to get a phone again hopefully my stupid dad doesn’t say no like a asshole again
Stevie
October 4th, 2015 at 5:40 PMMy parents are pretty good parents. But they always buy clothes for my older sister and happily go shopping. i tried to go shopping with my mum and it was like torture for her. I tried to confront to confront her about this and she couldn’t give me a reason for this favoritism. she said things would change but nothing has. we have so much in common and i don’t know why she doesn’t seen to like me. i try do hard and nothing ever changes. The clothes thing sounds materialistic but its the things that this represents, it runs deeper.
Matthew S
October 10th, 2015 at 4:21 PMI’m 15 in a weeks time and have got into a lot of trouble in my life but it only started happening aftee my brother was born in 2005. As soon as he was born it was always “do the best for him” and I got the blame of everything even when I wasn’t home at the time. My brother broke game disks and ruined my room and as soon as I got home my parents immediately started shouting at me to fix my brothers mess. They complain to me that as soon as I get back from doing what I want I get into I bad mood, why don’t they realise it’s because they’re being such a-holes about it? It’s happening now – my brother has put no effort into revising for his 11+ and my parents are thinking of buying him an Xbox one whether he passes or not an yet when I asked for one for my BIRTHDAY in a weeks time they said no I have never done any work for it when I was the one who spent 10hrs a day revising for the exam and passed. Wtf is wrong with parents and can anyone help me in explaining to them how they’re actions have made me feel?
ME
December 8th, 2016 at 7:17 AMNext time they come home yelling at you and calling you an ahole because of your responses to them, tell them that you are simply trying to be like them. They are treating you a certain way, so you have learned how to respond in kind. Maybe this will help them self-reflect a bit. Also, keep a running list of all the good things you do, and when they accuse you of being the “bad kid,” show them your list, and explain that you’re not the bad kid – you’re the frustrated kid. That might open a door to discuss your frustrations. Just don’t yell at them when you talk – otherwise they won’t care what you’re saying, just that you’re yelling.
Sal
October 16th, 2015 at 12:49 PMI relate to this post a lot. I have two sick parents who I help out on a day to day basis, and i have a sister who does nothing. I’ve been homeless, no help. Been couch surfing no help. My sister gets out a relationship with her ex who took care of her for a couple years, and when life gets rough for her she gets 800 dollars and money for work boots from my mom and grandmother as soon as she moves back to town. Not to long after this I needed money for work boots, I got told no I could only imagine what would have been said if i asked for 800. Also I have brought up how this makes me feel to my family and they find it with in themselves to put the bad guy card on me. Like i’m in the wrong for not feeling as an equal to my sister. My mom went into a retirement home when I was 18 years old. I moved in with my dad after that, and I was paying my sisters rent at 18 i was paying for my 21 year old sisters rent. My sister only comes around when she wants something from someone. I come around because i take my role in my family seriously. Was taking care of my sisters dog and cat for two and a half months. She gets help from me, my mom, dad, and grandmother.
yourmom
August 15th, 2016 at 11:38 PMstop taking care of your parents… They expect you to be around… it’s like a dog who is kicked but keeps coming back… Your parents should rely on the child they have helped… They don’t care how you feel or your well being so why care for theirs?
Daniella
October 26th, 2015 at 10:27 PMI’m gonna be fourteen and my parents always favor my younger twin, even when we are only four minutes apart. My parents always give her her way, take her side whenever we fight, like one time she punched me really hard in the stomach and my dad yelled at me for yelping in pain, they tell me to “get off the damn phone” at 8:00 PM and let my twin stay up on it all night, my dad tells me to put it away right in front of my sister and then let’s her use her phone. I have severe depression and severe anxiety and I started self harming about a month ago and my sister found out about the self harm thing and didn’t do anything about it. I can’t tell my parents I’m depressed, I tried to tell my mom once and she told me I was over reacting. My dad always gets super mad at me when I fight with my sister even when I wasn’t the one at fault. I admit, when I was about one year old I wasn’t nice to my sister, but I grew out of it. And now my whole family holds a grudge against me for it. I use to pull my sister’s hair when I was little and then she would throw a wooden cat at my head, one time the wooden ear got caught on my forehead and I started bleeding a lot (I was one year old) and my grama said that it was payback for all the things I did to my sister. My grama favors my sister over me too, she says my sister will shine in society and be successful, and then one minute later, she called me a demon/devil. My dad has resorted to use violence before when I was little, but he doesn’t do it as often now. He gets drunk almost every night and I have to lock my door because it scares me. I end up crying in the bathroom and cutting and then get yelled at for taking too long. My dog recently passed away and I’m still recovering, my family moved on, he was a Pit Bull, he was my best friend but now he’s gone and I can’t take it. I’ve had suicidal thoughts before but even if my family treats me like garbage I can’t tell them because I don’t want them to be sad. I told my mom and she almost started crying so I pretend I’m happy all the time. I’ve tried suicide before by stabbing myself, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it because even if no one would miss me a lot I don’t want I put anyone in pain. My dad doesn’t try to hide the fact that he hates me, I tried to tell my mom and I asked her why she doesn’t stand up for us, she said that she didn’t wanna have to go through my dad because he yells at her a lot and they fight, whenever they call each other it’s to let them know they are not coming home until late night, I don’t hear them say I love you anymore to me or to each other. Whenever they talk it’s never a happy talk, they both end up seriously annoyed. My dad takes out his frustration on the family by verbally abusing (usually me.) He comes home at 3:00 AM drunk sometimes. I tried to talk to my best guy friend but it’s hard to communicate since he transferred schools and he’s having a hard time too. My other friend doesn’t care about me and faked being nice to me. My other best friend doesn’t really like heart to heart conversations. Talking to a teacher would get my parents in trouble. I told my mom about thinking about suicide and she told me not I talk about it at school because counselers will come. I can’t stand up for myself against my parents, they can be very ignorant, I’m starting to see the world is not a good place and I want to stand up against injustice but my parents think it’s some phase. I want to tell them “why would wanting to make the world a better place be a phase, there is so much going on right now and you guys think me wanting to be apart in helping is just a phase. Do you think just because you don’t want to help the world means I don’t either? So what I’m different? I’m finding out there is a lot wrong with the world and I can’t do anything about it, do you know how worthless that makes me feel? I already feel worthless and it’s not a good feeling and I want to help kids feel priceless. This isn’t a rebel phase this is me realizing I don’t deserve to be treated like sh*t!” But if I said that I would be in SO much trouble. I’m trying to quit cutting. I’ve resorted to listening to music like 5 Seconds of Summer (their new album is the best my faves are Jet Black Heart, Invisible, and Broken Home. *gotta get that promo in* (first time I listened to Broken Home I cried because it was so beautiful), I’ve also resorted to drawing, poetry, and poetic letters to people/things I struggle with. (I keep the letters and don’t give them away and it makes me feel a lot better.) I’m developing anger issues and I’m acting bipolar now and I don’t think (I hope I don’t) I’m bipolar I think I’m just easily angered from all the hateful words and actions taken against me. Thank you for reading this if you did.
minu
November 2nd, 2015 at 11:48 PMit is not anger it is the pain of hurt u have. so let build ur dreams and achieve them. just think onr thing that the god gave u this much they reveived more but dont give up just achieve what u feel to get.
ME
December 8th, 2016 at 7:25 AMI think it’s good that you are resorting to poetry and art. I did that too when I was a teen, and it can be very therapuetic. You’re obviously not getting what you need from your parents. Maybe you should talk with a counselor at your school. It might help. However, I do agree with your mom about not mentioning the suicidal thoughts. Counselors by law have to report that stuff and you could end up getting baker-acted – they will put you in a psych ward, and that will severely limit your options when you leave home. For instance, the military will not accept you if you’ve been in a psych ward, and neither will the police or fire department. There may be others too. Some colleges may not accept you based on a history with being baker-acted. So while you may speak to your counselor about cutting, and everything else, NEVER say you are suicidal. Also, just don’t kill yourself, ok? You sound like a pretty neat kid, and I’m sure you have a bright future once you graduate high school and get out of that toxic environment you call home. For now, see the counselor, and try limiting your time at home by joining as many after school clubs and sports teams as possible (that’s what I did as a teen too, and it was very helpful to not be in my toxic home except to sleep at night). Good luck!
Andriëtte
November 5th, 2015 at 10:42 PMMy situation is similar, but only the youngest. I worked hard to get a degree and other qualifications and focused my 20s on establishing a career and figuring out what I need out of life. Today I am independent where even though my sisters have a great life, if their husbands leave them they have nothing because the always get what the want from other people. Focus on yourself. Sadly parents can hurt you and be indifferent about it.
skylar
November 9th, 2015 at 6:59 PMI have an older sister that is sick but i am sick also and my parents seem to be giving her all the attention like she got to stay home from school and all this other stuff and i have a really bad cold but my parents are blocking me out and not listening to me all they do is give my sister all the attention and I can’t stand it at all i am totally left out.
Jessica
December 24th, 2015 at 4:59 PMI feel the same as you I am also treated like you
Mary
November 16th, 2015 at 1:52 PMHi,
I am the oldest of five, and when I was 11 months old my parents had triplets. I didn’t see my mum for a year because she was ill after that, as were my sisters. My parents divorced recently, and I have started cutting and starving myself, to punish myself but also to try and make my parents love me as much as my thinner, prettier and younger siblings. I don’t want pity, but I hope that if any parents are reading this, they think of their kids and how to show them they love them all. Thank you.The GoodTherapy.org Team
November 16th, 2015 at 4:20 PMDear Mary,
We at GoodTherapy.org saw your recent comment. Thank you for sharing that with us, and we are sorry to hear that you are experiencing distress. We are not qualified mental health professionals, but we would like to encourage you to reach out and to a therapist or counselor. You can find one in your area by entering your ZIP code here:
https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html
You can also contact a crisis call center at 800-273-8255 or by texting ANSWER to 839863. You can find other crisis resources on our site here:
https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html
Please know you are not alone. Help is available, and we wish you the best of luck in your search.
Kind regards,
The GoodTherapy.org Team
Mary
November 18th, 2015 at 1:25 PMThank you for your kind comment. I hope that I have helped others by telling my story. Thank you.
supriya
December 29th, 2015 at 11:06 AMNo any parents will read this.they are obsessed with their elder kids.they represent them.i m 23 year old .my mom,don’t care about me. She hates me.because i am an introvert.i can’t explain my feelings even she didn’t care.i cried alone since years.let me count ..it’s been 13 year….no one complained about me even people praises me but my mom hates me because i replied when my sister beats me….i m feeling faint.if i ask mom she will never come..omg….gox help me…if i wrong show me the path where there no such pain..
The GoodTherapy.org Team
December 29th, 2015 at 12:16 PMDear Supriya,
Thank you for sharing. If you would like to talk to someone, you can use our website to search for a therapist or counselor in your area. To find a list of health care professionals in your area, enter your ZIP code here:
https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html
Please know you are not alone. Help is available, and we wish you the best of luck in your search.
Kind regards,
The GoodTherapy.org Teamyourmom
August 15th, 2016 at 11:36 PMlol, so wrong… I know so many spoiled younger kids
jake
December 16th, 2015 at 7:42 PMOuch. You’re going to have to confront your parents and ask them why they seem to favor your sisters more than you.
Julie
February 15th, 2016 at 7:22 AMI know how you feel! When I was sick I didn’t get special treatment, my brothers were as rude as usual to me! Now that my younger brother is sick, he is getting all the treatment in the world. If I had a sore throat, I had to get up and make myself some tea! But now my little brother just stays on the couch and gives orders, and people follow them! You should tell your parents how you feel. They should understand.
elisabith
February 28th, 2016 at 8:01 PMwhy
Carly
February 29th, 2016 at 2:26 PMIts so hard for me to think my parents are always telling me im their favorite but in reality they treat me like I do not exist. My parents friends also do not care about me. I am the one who gets good grades. When my sister wants something she gets it automatically. Here is an example. My sister wanted a new bike. The next day she got one. My sister wanted a play house. The next day she got one. I asked for a bike i really liked. My mom said tomorrow we will come and get it. My mom never let me go back just like always it was an excuse because she did not want to get it for me. I asked again today I got yelled at and told i would get it tomorrow but my mom has said tomorrow so many times to me and it means never.
Megan
March 31st, 2016 at 2:01 AMI just vented in this comment box then deleted it all. My sister gets anything and everything. Whatever whenever. As u can emagine holidays suck. My birthday is right next to my older sisters. She gets so much and I get so little. For example on Christmas I got some adidas, a water bottle, and a coloring book… I’m 16. My sister got the same adidas a water bottle and a coloring book, but she also got a Nikon camera, a car, her own apartment, and a expensive Bose speaker. If I do some chores it’s like it never happend when she does some she’s a saint and I never do anything. Everything is always about her. We’ve recently moved and of course I want to move back home but my sister got a job in la and we r moving there now. My sister said “never mind” after we made all the arrangements. She’s going home and I can’t go back too because my mom can’t find a job there. We are now broke because my mom lets her go on shopping sprees. Without me of course, also her rent is $2000 a month a yes it is 2 thousand a month that was no accidental 0 at the end. She also pays her car bills and basically everything she needs to live. All she ever talks about is my sister I feel like she forgot I exists. Even on our family trip we spend hours taking pictures of my sister I tried to get a picture with her and she said I was ruining her shot (she’s a model) this was just our family vaca tho. I got mad and asked if we could do something other than have a photo shoot and they got angry. So ya there is sooooo much more but I feel like my comment is getting too long.
andrew
May 9th, 2016 at 8:06 AMTake my advice and leave these people far behind you.You will not be able to create a life for yourself with people like that as your parents.I am betting you have low self esteem and depression because of it.If your still reading this thread do it immediately cut all ties and start living your life.Eventually you will get back the confidence and self worth they have stripped away from you.Best of luck and all i can say is it worked for me.
Sara
June 4th, 2016 at 6:44 PMI have the same exact problem. I’m 16 and I’m the oldest girl in the family. I have 2 younger sisters who are 14 and 12. Over the years I’ve noticed that my mom would treat my sisters better than me and to be honest sometimes I would just sit and cry by myself because I would think that my mom doesn’t love me or that I’m not even her child. Don’t get me wrong I love my mother but sometimes I feel like she doesn’t love me the same way. For example whenever my sisters needed to talk to her about something she would always listen to them, but when I would try to tell my mom something to would pretend to be listening and she would always be on her phone not paying attention. But yea I know that I’m the oldest and all but still I deserve the same love and care that my sisters get. another example would be whenever my sister are arguing with me and calling me names she wouldn’t do anything but when I call them names back she would yell at me. But I have to be thankful because it has taught me how to be independent and responsible for myself and I don’t need anyone to hold my hand. And I know I’m a little young writing about this but I just couldn’t take it anymore I needed to write out me feelings or else I would just lay on my bed and cry.
Tris
June 10th, 2016 at 12:36 PMI can understand how you feel . i am 16 and my little sister is10 years old. she can do anything that she wants but me!!! My mother always tries to control me.sometimes Ifeel that she can’t trust me .It makes me angry. but anyway I love my mother.
Dhshein
June 17th, 2016 at 3:21 PMI have a twin sister and a sister who is a year and 10 months younger than me. I have a college degree they are stay at home moms. I had my first child at 26 they not has their first child at 17. My father have an interest in talking to me unless it’s to critique me. My mother is jealous of me, or at least that is the conclusion I have gathered. When we were younger both of my sisters were prettier than me and I think my parents liked them more since because of it. I am an attractive adult but I also look JUST like my mother only taller and thinner. I just dunno what else it could be. My twins sister was born first and is married to a man who once told my dad “well your daughter is the one who spread her legs” but my sister can do no wrong. They bought her 2 cars most recently a Mercedes. Then they bought my other sister a new van that is very nice. I have always had a job, have a degree, finishing college. They don’t give my son any attention and favor my twins kids… The list goes on. I am to the point now where I can’t deal with it anymore.
JILL
July 4th, 2016 at 1:42 AMi am the 2nd daughter of the family , my elder sister got a so called partner planning to get married so m little sad coz we are growing up we will be separated but my parents dont understand me they think that i have ill for my sister and for her marriage , i know she has to get married but i except for me to get a little bit of understanding too y i m sad and all , but my parents dont understand they cry shout at me a lot saying i get jealous of her , now i started hating my sister too , i am so tierd ……………. crying
JILL
July 4th, 2016 at 1:49 AMplease help me my parents realy think of me this way and get angry on me and they tell forget her dont talk to her and they say to me from today m not ur mother no relation we have
reema
July 11th, 2016 at 10:36 PMi am the oldest child (female) and i have two younger sisters and my youngest sister is 4 years younger than me, but ever since we were kids my mom tried to equate us all, i am 4 years older than her. so when i was 12 and she was 8 my mom made us play with her along with my cousins and they are the same age as me. she made us think exactly like she was thinking. i complained to my mom that i am older than her and i couldnt really get along with her because she is only a kid. when i was 12 my dad bought me a phone and my mom was not pleased about that because by younger sister didnt get a phone so then she confinced my dad to buy her a phone and she got a phone in her age 9 while i got mine in the age 12 and my younger sister acted like she was an adult. we were always playing with her but she was just little to understand and i got tired from that!! my mom always forces me to do something she wants me to do, but when it comes to her, she gives her full freedom to choose what she wants. i graduated from high school and i wanted to choose the major but my mom forced me to take literature and language and i have completely no passion on that major but i have to take it because of my mom and my mom said i have talent on that and i can do it, i know i can and i am always smarter than my sisters and my teachers alwaya said that but someone needs passion to do something, right?. and when my sister graduated my mom let her choose what she wants and she has fully freedom for choosing the major. i keep silent, my mom did that to my other sister. and also my daf bought me a laptop when i was 18 and he promised us to buy us laptops when we are 18, my other sister got her laptop when she was 18 but then my mom confinced my dad to buy my sister a laptop when she is 15, it all seems unfair to me, and i just wanna move out!! btw we are all homschooled so we graduated faster.
Rachel
July 31st, 2016 at 3:08 AMI am youngest of 6 and felt different for a long time, I have a positive attitude and want to live my life to the full. I have two amazing sons who have turned out brilliantly and I am so proud. I remarried after 18 years to a man who drank too much and my new husband is fantastic and he adores me. I feel that as I am happy and content my family are jealous of that.when I was struggling and really down after divorce they were great but since I’ve met husband and life has become better than ever they are distant. My mum took photos of me down from her house. That hurt so much. I asked and she said she couldn’t remember doing it. I admit I am different from them, they are gossipers and judge people. I like to be happy and try not to judge. We are all good people really just need a chance. I also feel that as my two sons have turned out great and theirs haven’t that also is a reason they are jealous. I work hard, and am mortgage free so I live a good life. So I do feel it is resentment, but shouldn’t a mum especially be pleased for me and happy? I hurt all the time and it takes over my mind a lot of the time. I am good to my mum, I do a lot for her. Much more than the favorites, so how can this be the way it is? .
Kate
August 9th, 2016 at 12:31 PMif my mum or dad ask my sister to do something and she says shes working there like ok don’t worry about it, but if they ask me to do something and i say i’m working there like ‘just do it and stop being so selfish’. i don’t understand why we get treated differently and they don’t seem to get that my school work is just as important as my sisters. i don’t know what to do.
yourmom
August 15th, 2016 at 11:32 PMmy parents did the same thing with my little sister and she’s a complete bitch… at 22 she has a full time Job, drives my mother’s car. Pretty much never pays for gas… never pays her phone bill..Her pets are cared for by my parents while she occasionally takes cute pictures on facebook to claim they are hers and how much she loves them… She never gives them the time of day….
While my parents never taught me to drive. I pay my own phone bill… I pay for utilities….. If I had a pet and didn’t care for it it would most likely die… My sister is pretty… my parents treated their more attractive children better. I always had to fight for everything.sophie
August 30th, 2016 at 6:31 PMi feel the same way
khushi
November 27th, 2016 at 3:21 AMI Hv an elder siso..and now she is married..from childhood to her married life..my sis still holds the finger of mother from things lie shopping to buy clothes for her baby..& also she & her husband prefer living for several months at maternal home..and I feel ignored a lot wen I go outing WD dem..and it really made me feel embaraased and I din hide this feeling ..I bursted once twice over this act.
now I HV decided to ignore going WD dem..and yup I’m happy that I’m the leader & driver of my own life and don’t depend on other to take decisions for me like my sis does..oh my parents HV got her married to a goof kind guy..and I don’t even like his company ..he belong to a very remote area but that doesn’t actually matter but sometimes his thinking is so poor and he is a black n white TV set really..but I’m sorry I say so..but its true I don’t enjoy der company much.
and happy I have a beloved..my bf..and we HV plans to get married..he is supporting..I love him..I’m the apple of his eyes.
for me I don’t want a lot many people to give me luv..my darling is enough..I love him..so guys we jus need one person to give old dose things if we are completely into that person..give respect care..love
.and that’s it …and people who hurt u jus jus piss dem off.. jus chill..make friends..do a satisfying job…live laugh play WD ur partner ur trustworthy friends /any person u luv
..ME
December 8th, 2016 at 7:10 AMI have read a lot of the comments here, and obviously I am here because I too am the unfavored child. Long story short, I used to be my dad’s favorite, but my sister (1 year younger than me) was my mom’s favorite. My sister fought hard to maintain her favored position with my mom. She was jealous of my ease in attaining good grades, my superior athleticism, and my budding modeling career. I was always a very humble child though, and never thought I was better than anyone because of those things – in fact, I was a bit of a nerd and got made fun of up until my sophomore year in high school. My sister didn’t notice anything but the things I was better at, and she became vindictive. She sabotaged my relationship with both parents in many ways, including lying to my parents, stealing alcohol and blaming it on me (I never stole or drank as a teen), and making up a slew of stories that my parents actually believed because they never bothered to verify the truth. In that, I fell from my father’s favor, and then through my late teens and all of my twenties I was completely vulnerable to the criticisms of my parents. In my mid twenties, I began to figure out what my sister had been doing behind my back for over ten years from things she said or admitted to out of guilt, and then simply piecing the rest of the insanity together. I honestly thought that my entire family was insane for about ten years, but come to find out, they were all simply being pitted against me.
So, fast forward. I am now 37. I went through very rough times in my twenties. Because of the way I was treated by my parents in my teens, I became rebellious in college, and also chose poorly in relationships. I had a child with a man who acted just like my parents (constantly accusing me of bizarre things while I was just being normal and good). My daughter now is 13 and I still have to deal with my psycho ex (her dad), and I still think that if my sister hadn’t turned my parents against me, I would definitely have had better self esteem, and most likely would have chosen mates more wisely. I went through a lot of counseling on my own to deal with the trauma my sister and parents inflicted on me as a youth. If you’ve ever read about gas-lighting, you’ll know what I went through – and let me tell you, no child alive is equipped to deal with being surrounded by that kind of psychosis.If you are the unfavored child, it really is important to seek counseling. You need to be validated, and you need to fix yourself quickly before you choose an abusive mate because you think you’re as worthless as your parents made you feel.
I finally married a good man, my best friend, and a great husband and father to my daughter and his two boys.
One thing I realized also in becoming a parent is that parents really enjoy spending time around and rewarding the easiest child, and some parents focus extra on the hardest child. So usually it either the easiest or the hardest that is favored. If your parent favors the easiest child, there is a good chance they are a narcissist because easy children make parents feel like superstar parents and narcissists love that. If they favor the hardest child, it is usually because they are shallow and cant’ stand the thought of one of their offspsring not being a perfect presentation to others, so they will focus on managing the bad behavior and rewarding the good in just that one child, while the other children are largely ignored. The parent justifies this in their mind because the other children “will turn out fine without much help.” They don’t realize that ALL children need validation. In essence there are also a multitude of reasons a parent will favor one child. Honestly, I favor each of out three children in turn. If one child is being nasty or difficult on a certain day, I will naturally not want to be around that child, and will gravitate to the others. However, gifts, parties, and other things are mostly equal (not everything can be exactly equal all the time).
Now, that being said, you all really need to reflect on yourselves too. Out of our three children (D12, SS12, SS8), my oldest stepson always was and still is extremely envious of his siblings. No matter what we give him, or how much attention he gets, he still thinks that when the others get things or attention it’s not fair, and he’ll walk around mopey and pouty for hours (which turns him into the undesireable child to be around that day). So take a moment to reflect on your behavior toward your parents and siblings. Are they seeing something you aren’t aware of in yourself perhaps? For another instance, as a teen, I was very mouthy. I’m sure this was annoying and oftentimes unbearable for my parents. I had a quick wit, was good with puns, and often not afraid to show it – that was probably tiring for them. However, upon reflection, this was my ONLY flaw. I was basically the best kid you could ask for otherwise – helpful, positive, ambitious, good grades, athletic, artistic – just a mouthy kid though. I’m sure this flaw of mine made it easier for my parents to believe my sister’s lies about me. If they were already annoyed at me for mouthiness, they would be more likely to believe other negative things about me, and they DID – IN ABUNDANCE.
So in addition to counseling, try some self-reflection. I feel badly when I feel like I don’t like one of my children, but it is soooo hard to like a kid who is being lazy, selfish, disobedient, etc – you get the picture.On a side note, within the past several years, I have severely limited my contact with my sister. This was very upsetting to my mother who thinks the world of my sister, but getting toxic people out of your life is essential to healing. Had my sister owned up to her manipulative behavior with a heartfelt apology, I would not have distanced myself, but she didn’t. In fact, she STILL (at 36) to this DAY tries to gaslight me to my parents. I have become quite crafty at spotting her tactics and stopping her in her tracks, but it is still annoying and exhausting to be around. I only see her maybe once a year, and endure her self-celebratory texts now and then because she has a 4 year old, and I don’t want to be estranged from my niece (who is very much like me when I was younger – poor child, I hope she fares well in that house).
A Brother
December 11th, 2016 at 12:51 PMMy mom and dad have always liked my older sister better. My sister is only one year older than me, but gets so much more attention. I help out around the house 24/7 and get little to no credit. While my sister does nothing. I get great grades, and better than my sister, but my sister gets the credit for doing better. I suck at sports and my sister is great, so of course I am ignored in the sports category, even though I devote my life to baseball. What can I do to help myself?
taylor
December 26th, 2016 at 8:28 PMdear good therapy my parents always get angry at me when I yell at my brother but they never seem to yell at him. what do I do please don’t email me reply on this website thanks. Taylor
The GoodTherapy.org Team
December 27th, 2016 at 8:51 AMDear Taylor,
Thank you for your comment. We’re sorry to hear of what you are experiencing! GoodTherapy.org can’t offer you professional advice, but we encourage you to seek the help of a school counselor or another older adult you know and trust.
We wish you the best of luck.
Kind regards,
The GoodTherapy.org Teammark a.p.
January 21st, 2017 at 10:51 PMYour parents will never change. I have gone through this all my life and I still do. My sister is younger and married my ex best friend. She’s richer than me because of him having a good job that I organized for him. My parents say me and my wife must be like them and my kids must be like their child. They are evil in my eyes and I hate them. I’ve hated them all my life. I wish they can die. The happiest day of my life with be the day they die. That’s the only time the torment will end. I’ve thought about suicide many times. I’m only alive because I live for my family and because I am religious. My wife doesn’t work and I don’t earn enough to move out, so I’m still staying with my parents, which is hell on earth. My life is s*** and they contributed hugely in making it so. I always wished that I was stillborn cause I did have complications at birth. They said I’m lucky to be alive. I feel that I’m unlucky to be alive. My parents are the most evil people I’ve ever known. At least Hitler killed others, not his own. Same with Stalin and every other so called tyrant you can think of. But for parents to torment their own flesh and blood…that’s pure evil. Black hearts. Sick minds. Rubbish people.
Florence (sea8wolfable)
May 1st, 2017 at 7:00 AMMy younger sister was considered the baby of the family and she is 10 yrs old. Even my little sister herself is a B****!!! She screams a lot. One time, she also beat me up when I called her a b****. (And I still don’t forgive her!!!)
andrew
July 15th, 2017 at 2:44 PMI am back more than a year later after some family get togethers.All I can say is I reaffirm what I said previously.Get out of there and don’t go back.Keep moving forward family are your worst enemies if they abuse and lie to you all the time.Family really do destroy your happiness and crush your soul more than anyone else you ever likely to meet .No wonder Jesus said you must hate your parents to follow him.
cindy
September 6th, 2019 at 4:42 AMI have 2 sisters i feel like i dont belong, not just in my immediate family but in my extended family too. For example my sisters and i all get similar grades, however my parents go on and on about how im such a low life, im going to end up on the street, and that they are wasting their money on my school fees, however my sisters are showered with praise. At christmas and on my birthdays my sisters get much more than i do and their gifts also have much more thought put into them than mine.Im also a bit bigger than my sisters and have always felt a pressured to be skinny like them, by my parents telling me to excersize more and eat less and calling me a fat. I thought i was just being a princess about it until they started uninviting me to family things (my dads b’day dinner + threatening to not let me come on the family trip). They will also pay for my sisters overseas trip but i want to do an exchange for only a fraction of the price and they have no interest whatsoever. i just feel isolated. Am i being a princess or should i be concerned?????? please reply xx
sophia
April 29th, 2020 at 8:14 AMYeah, my mom favors my older sister. Whenever she cries my mom gives her EVERYTHING she wants. My sister always makes my mom give her EVERYTHING she wants its so annoying! Whenever i cry my mom doesn’t even care. I always fell kinda left out :(
Florence
August 23rd, 2020 at 12:48 PMExcuse my language in the comment I made back in 2017. I was 12 at the time, now turning 16 in 2 weeks. Parents tend to treat younger siblings as if they’re the babies of the family while throwing responsibilities on to the older sibling. I used get a bit jealous of the attention my younger sister is getting from my parents but I got over it a while ago. However, the fact that your sisters got to go on vacations while you only received a few clothing items as a gift sounds very unusual. It was a long time since you brought up about your parents’ treatment of you and your siblings. I hope everything is sorted out for you now.
Brandon
October 1st, 2021 at 5:26 AMI am a guy,16,with a 14 year old sister who is still in puberty and bedwetting because of it.She wears cloth diapers and plastic pants to bed every night that are put on her by mom before bedtime.She has been using a pacifier for the last fewmonths and mom and dad dont stop her! They spoil her and give into her wants,while i have to earn money doing odd jobs after school!
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