Thank you for reaching out with this powerful question. There are a number of reasons you may be engaging in this behavior, and I hope this response helps you to uncover some of what motivates it so that you can change it.
When behind the computer screen, it’s very easy for people to engage in behaviors they would never do in real life. The anonymity of the Internet offers a shield—some people feel as if they can be aggressive, and in some cases abusive, toward others because they don’t feel as though they are hurting a real person. One strange thing about the Internet is that while we are incredibly connected digitally, we are very disconnected interpersonally. The fact you can’t see the people you interact with online makes it easier to “other” them. When we “other” people, we don’t necessarily see them as real people with real feelings, and that makes it easier to disconnect from the reality that our words can cause actual harm.
There is also a sense of the Internet being consequence free; you are largely anonymous, and unless someone is really motivated to find you, you’re likely to get away with this type of behavior. It is easy to see how slippery the slope can be when these two factors are combined. When they feel anonymous, people often do things they would not do in their daily lives. Those things we do when we feel anonymous are often impulses we have in daily life that are socially unacceptable or that we have been told are not allowed. When you are making these comments and “trolling” people, you likely have at least a couple of people who agree with you, which may make your behavior seem more acceptable. That could be another factor in why this is an issue for you.
The anonymity of the Internet offers a shield—some people feel as if they can be aggressive, and in some cases abusive, toward others because they don’t feel as though they are hurting a real person.
Perhaps the bigger issue here is why you feel the need to engage in these ways. Based on what you wrote, it seems as if you may get a thrill from feeling powerful and feeling as though you can whip up a frenzy just by what you say. That leads me to wonder if perhaps you are feeling less than powerful in your daily life and if this is a way for you to assert yourself. Given that you are also occasionally snappy with your parents, it may be that your life situation is one that causes you to seek power in whatever way you can find it and the Internet is an easy source.
I suggest a few things: First, seek out a qualified therapist in your area with whom you can address these feelings/impulses. Next, whenever you find yourself trolling, take the time to remind yourself that the person on the other end is a real person, with real feelings, real family, friends, and loved ones. There have been cases where people, whose emotional states we simply can’t know, have been driven to extreme despair, even suicide, due to cyber bullying. Given that you’ve reached out for help, which is courageous and admirable, I’m confident you don’t want to be one of the people who contribute to such tragic outcomes.
Please seek out the support of a therapist to find out what’s compelling you and to take steps to stop the behaviors that motivated you to write. It will likely be good for both you and the people on the other side of the screen.
Best wishes,
Lisa
The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org.