As a parent, you may have made most decisions when your children were young. But as our children become teenagers, there will also come a time when they have to start making their own decisions, especially as they begin dating.
You may know (or have learned) that voiced disapproval of a teen’s current love interest is only likely to cement their affections, so you may have decided it’s better to wait quietly and patiently for teen love to run its course. However, there are some circumstances in which you may be unable to keep quiet, but you might still struggle to know how to begin a conversation with your teen.
How can you, as a concerned parent, intervene if you believe your teen is experiencing dating violence?
I offer below just a few signs of an abusive relationship. If you notice any of these in your teen, think there might be something controlling about the relationship, or just have a feeling that something is wrong or “off” about the relationship (beyond a general parental instinct toward protectiveness) don’t keep your concerns to yourself. If your teen has been sexually or physically abused, it is important that you protect them and report the abuse to the authorities.
Although talking about abuse with your child may be awkward and difficult, it is important for them to be aware that you are concerned about their relationship.
It is possible for you to do this in a way that lets them know you care, want what is best for them, and are there to help—without making them feel as if they are being lectured or blamed. Your teen may be defensive at first and outright deny any abuse. Recognize that it may be hard for them to accept, and be patient.
Some teens may be hesitant to admit (or even consider) that they are in an abusive or violent relationship. Even if they aren’t ready to accept that what they are experiencing is abuse, it is important to create a safety plan with them. You can tell them it’s for your own peace of mind, or “just in case.” However you frame it, make sure your teen has access to the following resources—they might help keep them safe in the future.
1. Provide them with dating violence hotline numbers.
California Youth Crisis Line (1-800-843-5200)
National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline (1-866-331-9474) or text “loveis” to 22522, any time, 24/7/365.
Text TEEN to 839-863
2. Help them identify at least three safe people they can reach out to for help.
Your teen may not feel comfortable going to a parent for help, especially about their relationship. Let them know it is okay for them to choose to talk to another responsible adult who can provide help. Set a guideline that safe people they can go to must be adults both you and your teen can trust, such as a teacher, other school staff member, clergy, counselor, relative or adult sibling, family friend, etc.
3. Identify when to call 911.
Though your teen likely knows what an emergency is, they may minimize their partner’s dangerous behavior toward them. Help your teen identify some situations they may find themselves in where it would be a good idea to call 911. Let them know it is okay to call 911 if they feel they, or a loved one, are in imminent physical danger—even if they think there is only a possibility of harm.
4. Connect them with a neutral source of support.
If your teen does not open up to you, it may help to suggest they speak to a neutral person, such as a counselor or therapist. Even if your teen has already broken off an abusive relationship, their self-esteem, view of relationships, and/or ability to trust others may have sustained damage that can be improved with therapy.
Encourage your teen to consider speaking to a counselor or therapist, and offer to help them find a therapist near you. GoodTherapy.org’s therapist directory is a good place to start!
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The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org.