Some tips for the Holiday Season and Managing High Maintenance Family Members

Do you fear or dread holidays because of the expectations put on you by high maintenance family members? Or maybe you feel like you must be someone you are not, or the family members treat you like your still a child. All these things can cause unnecessary stress for an individual and do not align with the idea of a stereo typical holiday gathering that you see on tv or have read about in a magazine or book. 

No worries, you are not alone! Close to 50% of people have some kind of conflict with a family member during the holiday season. This can lead to resentment and maybe even cutting someone off, to maintain your sanity. So, what can one do about this? If holidays are supposed to be relaxing, fun and rejuvenating, why do you dread seeing your family member with a cup of cheer? 

Well, we are not about to dive into your deep dark secrets to find out why, but we can use strategies that might help you manage your situation.  

Before the festivities begin, it’s important to be clear on your boundaries from topics to discuss to where people might be staying during the visit. If family members are staying with you, you may want to schedule time away from them or the individual daily. It could be 15-minute breaks throughout the day to, go somewhere, such as a convenient errand that has to be done. It’s important to have a reward for yourself for managing yourself in stressful situations.  

If a topic of discussion is the main concern, practice using a one-liner to redirect the conversation and excuse yourself, to recompose yourself if needed, then go back to the conversation with a question or prompt to start a new conversation. Having a list of topics may be helpful in redirecting where you would like to take the conversation, such as instead of talking about politics, redirecting it to a conversation about cool hikes the family could go on. If the conversation is about an embarrassing memory that your family members always mention, maybe redirect it to the latest restaurants that opened in town that you may want to check out, and ask what they think? Regardless, the topics are to be harmless, where no one is attached to anyone else’s opinions about something so neutral.  

Maybe your partner reverts to being someone else when a certain person is around. Talk to them ahead of time and set boundaries around how you want to be treated and how long you will put up with their behavior difference. You can also limit the amount of time you are around both people, by setting yourself up to doing a task that may require you to be in a different room or busy enough where you can’t focus on them.  

Bottom line, having structure in the amount of time you will be around stressful people is important with planned one liners of changing topics that you do not enjoy. In addition to this, make sure you set yourself up for a reward of being an adult that was willing to take something head on, within your own set of boundaries.  

The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.