Individuation

In part 1 of this series, we touched upon the blissful and frightening states that can occur when we feel merged with a partner whom we love. These states are drawn from our earliest experiences ... Read More

“NO, that’s NOT what I mean.” “How could you say that?” “I wasn’t finished. Where are you going?” At first glance, sudden and intense misattunement between partners may ... Read More

Covert narcissism, which tends to be expressed in passive or indirect ways, differs from what most people might imagine when they hear “narcissism.” Those with traits of covert ... Read More

The specific era in which a person begins to bridge the gap between childhood and adulthood doesn’t matter, relative to one prevailing fact: it is difficult. Volumes of the world’s ... Read More

In our first session, Isabel, an agitated newcomer to therapy, declared: “I can’t stand it when Molly is upset about anything. For 16 years, it’s been my job to keep her happy and ... Read More

When I think about the people I work with in therapy who struggle with issues of separation and individuation, I notice that many who are confused or conflicted about who they are and what ... Read More

Some of us grow up in families where we are not emotionally free to express our desires and needs and feel compelled to be compliant in social relationships (especially with significant ... Read More

People pleasing is a way to reduce anxiety and eliminate stress. Some please to assure good feelings that come with positive responses like being approved of, admired, praised, or respected. ... Read More

As we grow and develop from children to young adults, we listen and learn from the world and others around us. When others listen to and learn from us, we learn that our needs are valid ... Read More

Maddy: “I hate myself. I’m just like my mother. She always bossed my father around and was so controlling with me and my brother. Now I do the same things with my husband and kids. ... Read More

“I feel like such a bad person.” I have heard this sad statement from so many people who come to treatment struggling with terrible feelings about themselves. Typically, these “bad ... Read More

Some people live their lives in extreme fear, approaching life with a constant sense of terror. The simplest activities of living can become fraught with dangerous possibilities. Feelings ... Read More