Society tends to place high expectations on young adults. Twenty-somethings are expected to finish college and begin navigating their way through a decade filled with goals and deadlines. At times, it may seem as if a new project or life transition appears almost monthly, and people in their 20s must frequently make decisions likely to have a long-lasting impact on life—select an academic major, make decisions about post-graduate education and which school to attend, find a path to a career, find a partner, find a home, settle down, and potentially have children.
As choices made in this stage of life may impact later life, with certain decisions potentially yielding great rewards in the future, the fear of making the wrong decision may increase a person’s sense of anxiety. Living in an era characterized by heavy use of social media may also affect anxiety levels for many individuals. The evolution of bloggers and world travelers who make money while appearing to have fun may contribute to a sense of false hope for many in their twenties. Social media status updates and photos further invite comparison, which often contributes to confusion and discontent.
The sense of being in limbo may be highlighted for some young adults who continue to live at home. Living at home can have its benefits, such as saving money. But living at home as a young adult can also increase anxiety and stress levels, decrease self-esteem, and decrease one’s sense of autonomy. It may also invite a sense of confusion regarding one’s status as an adult.
As choices made in this stage of life may impact later life, with certain decisions potentially yielding great rewards in the future, the fear of making the wrong decision may increase a person’s sense of anxiety.
“I’m not sure if I’m a kid or an adult at this point,” many of the young people I work with report. While they may be legal adults, those who live at home often find the line between respecting one’s parents and honoring one’s sense of freedom to be somewhat blurred. House or family rules may be in effect, and at times these rules may conflict with what a young person feels to be the privileges of adulthood, leading some individuals to clash with their parents.
Another frustrating aspect of living at home may be changes in the expectations young adults have of their parents. Young adults may need their parents to take on the role of a mentor, looking for them to provide guidance more than anything else. Finding the right balance can be challenging for young adults and their parents alike.
Many assume, based on patterns from decades past, a typical 20-something to be someone who has moved out of their parents’ house and is actively practicing independence. In today’s economy, however, it is often challenging, if not outright difficult, for many young adults to move out and start life on their own. Thus, the meaning of the term “independence” has drastically changed over the years, and the concept of “launching children” out of the nest can not only add to parental stress and anxiety levels, but is also likely to increase anxiety among people in their 20s.
Both parents and their adult children may feel, for different reasons, as if they have “failed” for not being able to live up to social norms. Comparison and confusion are two aspects that may particularly affect the new relationship between parent and adult child, especially when parents have clear ideas of their own on what their adult child should and should not do with their life.
Social media has had a powerful impact on this new generation, in part by giving people new ideas for making money. Many young adults follow, or at least know of, people who are able to make money from social media posts—by posting pictures on Instagram, for example. The generational gap between parents and their adult children becomes more visible when young adults attempt to discuss future plans, particularly by introducing more modern ideas of making money or establishing a career. Comparison almost always enters the conversation, with parents tending to defend a more traditional career path, and confusion often joins as adult children attempt to illustrate the merits of their ideas. Conflict may be the result as parents and adult children attempt to see—or find difficult to understand—the perspective of the other.
Often, young adults report an increased sense of sadness and anxiety after discussing their plans for the future with their parents. These feelings may lead some to avoid talking about their goals with their parents altogether. Parents, for their part, often share a sense of increased fear and frustration as they try to understand the future goals of their children.
These conversations, and the “greyness,” or fear and uncertainty, characterizing them, bring many families and/or young adults to therapy. There is great discomfort in sitting in the grey without a definite answer as to which career path may be in one’s best interest, or in the best interest of one’s child.
Young adults who are finding certain aspects of life, independence, or a lack of independence or future prospects to be daunting or are otherwise having difficulty navigating the road of their 20s may find the following tips to be helpful:
These tips are just a starting place. If you find yourself struggling, consider seeking out a trained therapist or counselor to help you address and explore any challenges your 20s may have brought.
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