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When Your Partner Hates Your Dog: Addressing Disputes Over Pets

When Your Partner Hates Your Dog: Addressing Disputes Over Pets

August 23, 2016 • Contributed by Zawn Villines, GoodTherapy.org Correspondent

Devoted animal lovers sometimes say their pets are like children—and like children, a furry best friend can cause plenty of strife in a relationship.

Whether it’s a disagreement about how to train a dog or a dispute over how much attention pets should get, conflict regarding pets can cause major turmoil. One study found that the average dog causes 2,000 arguments in his or her lifetime.

A disagreement about pets doesn’t have to spell the end of your relationship, but it may require that each of you make some accommodations.

Practice Good Communication

If you’re starting a new relationship, take time to discuss your values regarding pets. If having an indoor cat or a dog that sleeps in your bed is important to you, you’ll need to ensure your partner shares these values or risk ending up in conflict. If you’re already in an established relationship, it’s time to begin communicating clearly and openly. Don’t get a new pet without consulting with your partner and getting his or her enthusiastic consent. If you want to change the way you do something with your pets—for example, allowing Fido to sleep in the bed or taking more frequent walks with your pet and your partner—talk to your partner before taking the plunge rather than making a decision and expecting him or her to abide by it.

Get Specific with the Problem

When there’s conflict over pets, getting specific about the problem can help you figure out a solution. If your husband complains about your dog constantly or your wife snaps at your cat, you might assume that the pet is the problem or that your partner hates your pet. But a change as simple as teaching your dog not to beg or keeping your cat off the bookshelf could remedy the issue. If you’re the pet lover, ask your partner specifically what the issue is and what would fix it. And if you’re the one resenting your partner’s pet, be clear about what you need to feel better.

Consult an Expert

A poorly trained dog or aggressive cat is frustrating to everyone, but the person who brought the pet into the relationship is sometimes more sympathetic to—and defensive about—the pet. If your partner is annoyed by a specific behavior such as excessive scratching, it’s time to call an expert. A trainer can work with you to make your pet a more mannerly member of the family, and a veterinarian can help you uncover hidden health problems that contribute to annoying behavior. It will cost some money, but it may be worth it to save your relationship and keep your pet happy and healthy.

Accept Differences

You and your partner don’t have to agree about everything. You may find that one of you is simply less in love with your pets than the other. As long as your partner isn’t abusive toward animals, he or she doesn’t have to let Fido lick him/her on the face or put up with Kitty’s constant scratching.

If you’re the one who brought the pet into the relationship, be prepared to do a little extra work. There’s no reason your partner has to love your pets as much as you do, or even spend as much time caring for them. As long as you can strike a fair balance that ensures your pet’s needs are met, consider giving your partner a pass on nightly pet duties.

References:

Johnston, S. (n.d.). Making peace with your partner’s pets. Match.com. Retrieved from http://www.match.com/magazine/article/12463/Making-Peace-With-Your-Partners-Pets-/

Man’s worst friend: Average dog causes 2,000 family arguments in its lifetime. (2012, January 11). Mail Online. Retrieved from http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2084835/Mans-worst-friend-Average-dog-causes-2-000-family-arguments-lifetime.html

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The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.

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439 comments
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addie R
August 23rd, 2013 at 10:26 AM
I guess that my very first question would have to be to wonder how you end up with someone who so adamantly hates your pet if you have one. There has to be something kind of off about a relationship if there is this much of a disconnect. I just can’t see that if your guy or girl likes animals that there is going to be some real animosity unless deep inside they really son’t like animals at all. If your pet is very important to you then from the get go you have to know that you must look for someone who also loves pets; otherwise this whole relationship thing is never going to work out. Someone who does not like animals, they are not going to come around to loving them overnight, just because they like you.

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Dottie
November 23rd, 2014 at 8:50 AM
I totally agree with you! It is amazing how blind people are to this, but really it needs to be an instant deal-breaker as pets don’t get a say, and they depend on their people to look out for them. It blows my mind how many people dump their pets for a bad relationship.

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Kat
December 15th, 2014 at 9:08 PM
Dottie,

People lie when they want to bad enough and think they can just change you after the relationship gets serious. They’re selfish.

This has been my experience with my husband. He lied about liking animals and expects me to comply with his demand of putting them in a shelter, or else.

If we cannot solve this, we will head for divorce; and I’ll be very, very clear about pets in my next relationship.
Janet
December 31st, 2014 at 8:28 AM
If the dog is bad and messes and just doesn’t obey then you are selfish for thinking like that and he/she is much better off without you. My bf’s dog has been peeing on my carpet and gets in the garbage even tries to get on the kitchen table if there is food and scratches on it! Let’s just say 1 more time that dog is gone!!!!
Pam
January 7th, 2015 at 6:21 PM
Janet,
I can completely relate! My SO and I have been together for 4.5 yrs and he moved in 3.5yrs ago with his cat. At first she was very welcomed and loved by me and my sons. The 1st year she had just a few mishaps on the floor but it has grown out of control. I have been online searching and begging him to find a resolve, but he hasn’t tried. The cat now will not bury her poop and if he doesn’t clean it up right away her next poop is on the floor, anywhere in the house. For the past 3yrs I have been sweet and pleasant about it and now I am beyond pissed off. I told him it was me or the cat. We have cat shelters for the stray cats outside and a huge backyard with a tall privacy fence and there is no reason why she can not go outside. The science sites I have viewed said that it is in the cats dna to be able to survive outdoors even after living inside for many years. However most of the pet sites insult anyone considering turning their indoor cat into an outdoor cat. My SO doesn’t want her outside and can’t manage to find the time to train her. I have seen forums about SO or children having allergies and severe asthma attacks because of pets, and all these animal lovers comments are to get the SO or child allergy pills and shots but no matter what do NOT get rid of the pet and do not turn the pet to an outdoor pet. I suffer from asthma (maybe cats.. idk yet) and it can be life threatening yet these animal lovers feel the pets come before human family. I don’t understand it at all! If my SO does not do something with the cat we are done! Because that shows me how much more the cat means to him than I do. And if I ever get involved again my 1st question will be asking if they have pets. I am through! and to imagine I used to love cats and dogs.. had many over the years… but I really am done!!!
austin
March 13th, 2018 at 4:44 AM
You’ve already closed your mind before you started. Why would anyone want to be with someone like that, pets or no pets?
Rei
March 24th, 2019 at 5:52 PM
You dont have to hate animals to hate your significant other’s pet. I love animals, i have a dog that I love to bits, but I absolutely HATE my wife’s dog. Everything about her dog does nothing short of threaten to blow my fuse.

The damn creature will get up at ungodly hours to insist on being brought down, once s*** in the house and proceeded to smear the entire living room and kitchen with its poop laden paws, keeps stealing water from my dog’s water bowl, constantly tries to steal food from the trash bin and kitchen shelves. Tying the damn creature to a pole doesnt help, because the stupid creature keeps trying to kill itself on the leash as it tries to struggle out of it. Fencing doesnt work either, as it will tear itself sore scratching against the fence.
And guess who has to clean up all the s***? Me. Because I’m usually the one home first, given that my working hours start way earlier than my wife. Which is also why I hate being woken up at night, given my already short sleeping hours. It does a good job pissing my dog off too, while it constantly paces about the kitchen looking for food. And when my dog nips the other dog to warn it off from the kitchen (my dog knows they are not allowed to scavenge for food in the kitchen), guess who gets punished? My dog, for being aggressive. .

Oh, bringing the dog down to relieve itself is a pain as well. The damn creature will go down, spend an inordinate amount of time staring at blank air, and practically doing anything but what it was crying to do earlier in the house. When it does do something, its to look for f***ing food on the ground, that it will ingest and restarting the cycle of diarrhoea again. A muzzle doesnt help either, because my wife hates the ‘stigma’ attached to dogs with a muzzle on, and she wants people to know what a loveable creature that piece of s*** is.
Candice
July 12th, 2016 at 11:38 PM
I can say this with experience. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and I absolutely 100% do not like his dog. Our otherwise is great! I also have a dog of my own. It wasn’t until about a year into our relationship that I started disliking this dog. Such a well behaved dog. Loving and loyal. I am an absolute animal person… and then I learned the hard way that this dog has MAJOR separation anxiety. As soon as we leave he destroys the house. Pulls stuff off of counters, poops, pees, tears up the carpet has eaten door jams, broke through doors etc. We tried leaving him outside and he destroyed screens plants and the whole 9. We tried create training and he broke the first one so we got a metal one. He literally chewed through the bars. He doesn’t care if he hurts his self in the process. He will break out of whatever you try and put him in then raise hell on the whole house. I can not have anything nice because this dog will destroy it. He has had training and about every option there is for this issue and he just can’t stop. That is how you hate a significant others dog. It’s unfortunate and I wish I could fix him.. but I can’t. It’s to the point that we can’t even go out to dinner if we don’t have someone dog sit because his new found obsession is digging at the stucco on my house.

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Heather
August 11th, 2016 at 7:58 AM
Maybe you could call Caesar Milan! Sounds like a perfect case 🙂
Kimmy
August 23rd, 2016 at 10:48 AM
I understand where you are coming from! My wife and I have had this dog for about a month now. The last big fight we had that almost ended our marriage was me telling her she didn’t have to take the dog with her everywhere, and needed to get the dog used to being at home by herself so whenever we are both working outside of the home, the dog is not going through separation anxiety. Now, we are back to this point where I have been bit by this dog now twice, she doesn’t listen to me what so ever, refuses to eat unless it’s my wife who feeds her and I’m nowhere around, is right there by my wife’s side no matter what if she’s not outside on her chain. The moment I say something about the behaviors, my wife instantly defends the dog and states that it’s my fault this dog is like this.
susan
August 16th, 2017 at 4:29 AM
This exactly my issue.. love dogs and have had them but I believe in a well training obedient happy dog not one like you mentioned.. and when them not willing to try to fix.. and not understand.. that is challenge.. getting the understanding and I feel quilty because most family and friends don’t like the dog..and it isn’t here fault it is his creation of her.. she is very sweet and I have lots of very expensive and nice things that are not easily replaceable … not big on material things but they are family heirlooms and gifts.. plus I get easily nauseated by smell of dog.. I’m trying to not be part of the dislike club.. I volunteer in animals shelters.. and it is nice to be able to get the animal fix of missing my dogs and cats by doing that.. I can EMPATHIZE.. I fear my the dog will be the death of us.. :( I heard all what you have been hearing from your partner.. it takes work and responsibility to have pets.. I will say he is really good at caring for her and feeding her.. but also thinks she is toy take out when he see fit and then when she ask up doesn’t know when to play and not knowing the difference and then gets yelled at.. out of control… I can handle most.. saddens me.. .. Hang in there. It truly is frustrating.. I hope that some training will be worth trying. I didn’t realize until now pets could cause trouble in relationships.. always been in one that where we are both on same side or at same level of animal love.. Challenging for sure when polar opposites. and I feel second to that dog. UGH! I keep saying if things are to be and work then I hope they will if not.. okay with that too.
danielle
February 8th, 2018 at 4:46 AM
ummmm kennel!!!
I love all dogs but this one
February 14th, 2020 at 11:31 PM
Oh My God! I can completely relate. My dogs are well-behaved and calm. This thing is hyper and destructive, and my husband refuses to make it ever behave. It is a Weimeraner, and I hate the breed, it’s characteristics, it’s mannerisms and love all other dogs. This thing is a piece of shit in my opinion. I hope it hoovers up something toxic very soon.
Nik
August 19th, 2016 at 5:32 AM
Sometimes….it’s not the pet. I’ve always had animals growing up, all indoor BC we couldn’t bear to see harm come to any of them. They were well trained. None of the begging nonsense excessive unnecessary barking etc…fast forward. Current relationship…boyfriend moves in, we get engaged, a year later I finally break down and find him a dog… It broke his heart that the place I had by myself would only allow my cat so when we moved he got his dog. Training was going well but unfortunately, fiancé decided to go against every step I took to try to ensure he was a well behaved little gentleman. Now, you can’t leave the dog home alone for any longer than ten minutes…he destroys the carpet ripping and clawing…he craps in the house BC the grass is too long for him…and oh dear god when there’s snow?? This dog has become spoiled. And I made it clear when I brought him home the dog was HIS responsibility… Not mine not the kids. They wanted the cat back that I wound up having to give to my would be mother in law BC it was just dandy we couldn’t have a cat but god forbid we found a place that wouldn’t let him keep his dog. So here I am, a year later, heartbroken for my feline (who by the way I had before the fiancé, and she is still a perfect little lady) with a dog I can’t stand, and a man I basically resent all BC I was dumb enough to bring it home. I take responsibility for that, and being stupid enough to think this man could ever take care of anything like you would assume an adult would do.

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Teri
February 14th, 2020 at 11:37 PM
I’m in the exact same predicament. Wanted to make my partner happy. Thought if I could help train, it would turn out okay. He won’t let me instill any discipline in the dog whatsoever. My house (which I paid for) will be destroyed, but it doesn’t matter because it’s “just a house”. The horrible creature has no respect for my other animals, and it vacuums up anything it sees, including my cat’s toys because it is just too stupid and rangy to slow down and notice anything outside of it’s own drive for food. Absolutely the worst decision I have ever made to try to share my home with this thing that has absolutely NO RULES whatsoever for how it behaves. I am very sad that my life has been destroyed and means so little to my partner. He obviously has no respect for me.
Donnie
October 20th, 2016 at 7:56 AM
Unfortunately, I can give an example how you could end up in such a predicament. Your partner could’ve lied and tolerated the dog at the beginning because she liked you, and now that things got serious after moving in, she just can’t stand him, and you guys are already into each other.
Anyways, my solution to that problem when it happened was “I’m very sorry, I really do love you, but I also love him, and he was here first”.
The end

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Lex
February 17th, 2017 at 11:40 PM
I disagree. I have a dog who is trained, loved and well behaved. He has boundaries and is well excerised. I love animals. However, My boyfriend sets ZERO boundaries for his dog. She’s a total bag and runs his life. She paws and scratches at my side of th bed all night. She doesn’t know the meaning of no and in general sucks. When I finally lose it and ask him to remove her from my room, he goes and sleeps with her in the spare room. Otherwise she whines ALL night. I am more upset with him that he refuses to set boundaries for her. Rather, he makes a long long list of excuses for her retarded manipulative behaviour. I love him and we have been together for almost three years and counting. That won’t change. Glad she’s old as sad as that is to say because he loves her. She’s stubborn and lazy. But once it’s time to sleep she is right in my face panting and pawing. I feel he doesn’t care. She’s a DOG. I’d put her ass outside in a heated doghouse. When he isn’t around she is the sweetest most mindful gal ever. As soon as he is here it’s bitches drama. Not cool. It’s a serious point of contention. If that’s your kid, set boundaries. I’m in a high security high stress job. I’m not interested in a DOG keeping me awake. I live animals. They have personalities as people do and understand boundaries. If you don’t set limits, the dog thinks it’s a pack leader. She’s the alpha over him. He will not read about it or acknowledge it. Replays with “your dogs so perfect!” Well…. He doesn’t keep you awake, ignore your commands, scratch incessantly at every closed door, refuse to come when he’s called or BITE you. Yes, she bit me. But apparently it was my fault because she walked in front of me while I was looking Ina store window. I accidentally stepped on her foot and caught myself (minimal impact). She freaked and bit me. But hey that’s my fault, bs gag. Ridiculous!!! Just like people sometimes don’t like other people. It’s ok not to like a dog. They have personalities. Like kids, they need boundaries. Without them, they push and push and there are no limits to the rebellion/ control. She’s a straight up intelligent manipulative bag. Counting down. Not w he is talking about getting a fucking wheelchair for her when her hips give out. Fml.

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Paul
February 18th, 2017 at 8:29 PM
Hello Lex,
I can sympathize with your situation and its too bad you are going through all this drama over the dogs.
The dog issues certainly are draining you of your time (and your sleep!). But take a moment and step back to look at the situation overall. Both you and your boyfriend are investing a lot of time and emotional energy into the dogs. This decreases the amount of time and emotional energy you have available to spend on your relationship with each other. And building a strong relationship with another person requires a tremendous investment of time but can yield tremendous rewards in the long run, rewards that can never be realized with an animal. So if your relationship with your man is important, might I suggest you find temporary homes for your dogs, for a month or more, to give you both a breather and some quiet time with each other to work on a stronger relationship without any animal distractions. Later, when you are both ready and in agreement, you could develop a plan (with clear conditions) to re-introduce the dogs. Or who knows, you may both find the break refreshing and a great opportunity to experience a human love relationship more fully, even to the point of extending the dogs vacation.
Breah
November 13th, 2017 at 7:09 PM
I am actually married to a man who hates animals. I LOVE animals, have always had them. Our relationship is wonderful, all except for disagreements on things I love. My yorkie Rocky being one of them. How did an animal lover end up with an animal hater? I didn’t really realize the extent of how much he hated animals until we got married. He was sweet enough to my dog and would even go as far as go search for him if he went missing. However, as soon as we married and moved in together everything changed. I compromised on many things. I was used to Rocky sleeping with me. Instead, I set up a crate and dog bed in the walk in closet. I take care of him for the most part but he also takes him out when he’s going out anyways. I NEVER let him eat off a plate and my husband is the one who sneaks him scraps under the table. But he always begged to get rid of him or constantly goes on walks to get away from him. He wants him to be an outside dog when we get a house but I can’t stand the idea. Instead I’ve tried suggesting that he is not allowed in the kitchen or bedrooms. But he’s so insistent on making him an outside dog. I’m at a loss. He’s a good dog but senses that my husband doesn’t like him so he’s afraid of him. He won’t listen to him and it’s making the situation worse! He’s well trained but has been acting out whenever my husband is involved. I don’t know what to do! Before my husband came into my life not liking animals was a deal breaker for me. But I’ve been in love with him for years and was all ready to marry him by the time I found out his dislike of dogs. I want both of my boys happy and it breaks my heart to see them hate each other.

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Kimberley
March 12th, 2019 at 12:27 PM
Sometimes we do everything right. I had an old gal Boxer when I married my husband. We agreed that she would be our last dog. He was nasty to her at times, but I chalked it up to the fact that my dog had a different daddy before him (hahaha). When she passed my macho husband was very sad, stayed by her side, and cried quite a bit. Next, I wanted another boxer. He agreed. He had me promise that I would train a new one as well as I did my last. Of course, no problem. No sleeping in our bed, no crate, no begging at table, no barking for no reason, and listen to all basic commands. Also that the new one would be just as spoiled as the last. Lots of daily time and not a penny spared. Yah, discussed and agreed. From here, I knew that my husband should be the one to choose her, because I love all Boxers. So he did. He paid for her happily, he bought tonnes of new things happily, he paid for her spayed happily, he made her a beautiful wood bed, with memory foam mattress, happily.
He was darn right nasty to her most times. One day he would allow her to jump on him, the next he would scold her. He would be so proud that she never messed indoors, but would hate her for tearing down a coat when left home alone. Really his anger and frustration did not match the act. It happened too many times. I was beginning to look at my husband quite differently and cry. I am a fairly good dog trainer, (my own opinion) but puppies need time to grow, to explore, and to get into things, that they shouldn’t, in order to learn. I train, strictly, on one commanded at a time, and while the other things are happening I just say no, and take it away. Like one full week for “leave it”. Here, I would set her up, with all sorts of examples and bingo, it works, but while training this, I don’t harp on the other stuff, just a little reminder. Learning stages for a puppy are very difficult and tiring on them, too. They need to be given lots of credit.
I could no longer stand the way my husband brought down her spirit. worse the way he thinks or try’s to lie that his behavior wasn’t that bad, or she’s just a dog and will get over it.
I found her a better home. A retired couple who offered everything I did, with the bonus of not having my husband for a daddy.
I love my husband, he is a fantastic man, in every way. Except yes, the way he believes so harshly that a dog is a dog. He even went so far as too says that the dog should know his humour, when to bug him or not, when he has his good jeans or work clothes. He’s nuts. Yes, she is a dog. I received pictures every week and I can see by her sleeping posture that she is both happy and comfortable. Its been 6 weeks now, and I still sob. Did I leave my husband for a dog that he chose? No. But I must note: that if marriages win or lose, based on a point system, this is the first time my beautiful husband has ever lost any. How many points will I take away? Not sure yet, I am still pouting. I haven’t quite looked the same.

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SUE
August 24th, 2013 at 4:32 AM
I would really have to wonder if the problem was with my pet or if the problem was actually with me and he was using the pet as the scapegoat.
Perhaps in many cases it is going to be easier to blame the pet than for him just to come right out and say that it is really you that is bugging him.
Not a fair fight to be sure but if they have those avoidance issues, then you know that this could be a possibility/ /

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Dottie
November 23rd, 2014 at 8:53 AM
I think it can also be a huge red flag for control issues. If someone wants to to change/abandon such a big part of your life it is a huge wake up call. Does your pet need better training? If so, that should happen anyway, but if your SO hates animals or has “jealousy” issues over your pet that is a big sign of future problems that have more to do with hat person than you or your pup/kitty/iguana/etc…

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Janet
December 31st, 2014 at 8:24 AM
I DISAGREE.. why would you allow your pet to ruin expensive stuff that did not belong to you and pee everywhere? That’s unsanitary! It’s Disgusting! Who runs the show you or the dog? I love animals but let’s get real here!
jetaime
January 17th, 2015 at 10:43 AM
Exactly!
Logan
May 26th, 2016 at 8:16 AM
So this is not exactly regarding to your comment, but towards mainly the women with dogs having these issues in their relationship. Me and my girlfriend have been together half a year. When I came into her life she had a pup and it got on my nerves to the end and back. Overtime I thought I started liking and loving the pet and that it was growing on me. But I’ve realized after these months Im not sure how I feel about the pet and if I can see myself pursuing a deep- marriage like relationship with her because of it. Obedience training is expensive and she doesn’t have the money and it’s not my responsibility to pay for it . Responsibility I believe is key. Most of these problems come from women, judging by these posts, who overly love their pets and cant seem to compromise other than say “if he’s not a pet person we cant have a successful relationship.” I believe women need to stop giving dogs human characteristics and treat them like an animal. That does not mean you can’t have a relationship with your pet or love it but like my girlfriend she let’s the dog sleep on the bed and when it poops and pees there’s a small useless punishment behind it. Dogs need to learn who’s alpha in order for them to recieve any kind of gratitude from me. Professional training has to happen and if you don’t have the money for it dont consider getting a pet with considering the likely hood you’ll find a significant other one day who might not like pets or want that responsibility even if he or she can tolerate them. Your siginifgant other most of the time will never care for the pet the way you do only put uo with it because they love you and let me tell you women that goes a long ways if your anything like me. It takes a lot of time and it shows IMO how much I actually care for my girlfriend because I cant tell you how many men would just hit it and leAve because of an annoying pup. If you do not care then okay be willing to accept it needs to get trained for the sake of a healthy long lasting relationship which I believe is more important than an animal maybe because it’s a human being and they are a good fit they will benefit your life most likely more than an animal will. I cant lead myself to believe that most women would rather be alone with a dog than have a significant other in their life. If you dont agree then that’s why you’re single. It’s all about compromising and some women cant get everything they want just like men. You have to find conpromise. If the dog lays on the bed, remove the separation anxiety and start taking the steps to end the problem for the sake of your relationship. It does not mean your partner has to help to, it’d your pet so don’t give them that responsibility because it’s not theirs. They did not ask for a dog only compensate because they love you and you have one. Remember it’s your dog’s not his. Again the constant peeing and pooping comes from lack of obedience training, anxiety, fear etc. Animals cannot show spite but I am not 100 percent about jealousy. I do not hate my girlfriends dog I am just worried about our relationship because she works so much it’s hard for her to start taking the steps to end the anxiety and fear and because she was wrongly crate trained as punishment it’s impossible to rewire the dogs brain to thinking it’s a safe haven. Also I would recommend getting a male dog, the female are too much and too aggressive and much more work IMO. Before getting a dog cosnider the training and the money involved and if you can’t your selfish. You sant a dog for you and could honestly care less about a future partner or the dog itself. Dogs only want to please their master and it’s up to you to spend the money or Time to learn how. Back to me and my girlfriend. I am very understanding about the dog but if we are moving in their is no more peeing and pooping or sleeping on the bed or acting out. I cant bring myself in my daily life to worry and stress about it because there are at least 10 other things to worry about in my day ahead. Life is about work and staying busy so I really feel I’ve never had the time to get a dog or take time to care for one. Improving my relationship and building it is already work so I do not need a dog who will not listen and act out. Yet I still try and compromise because I love her genuinely. As stated before I just believe in general moat dogs need that training and need it before it’s too late and if you can’t fork the money up to pay for its training then you’re really at a crossroad just like me. She doesn’t have time to train even after we each went to classes on how to train it. I even made the dog my responsibility at times just to help us out but it does nothing but drive me mad because it shouldn’t be my problem. I guess it’s my fault for pursuing her knowing she had a dog but you cant help who you fall in love with and she’s a great person so I can’t see myself leaving over a darn animal at times. I’m not sure what to do at this point, most angry pet owners will just say to leAve or end it. I cannot help I wasn’t raised around pets or never really had but one as a child. Maybe it would be easier to see our side of people as well than just bash us and tell us to take the high road. All I want and preach to other people is compromise and I’m still somewhere trying to find that. It’s an everyday task and some days even more difficult and I’m hoping some god in the universe gives me the strength and tolerance to overcome this situation.

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Gunda
July 23rd, 2016 at 4:17 PM
All I get from your lengthy comment is that no, you don’t need a dog and neither a “SO” in your life. I hear quite a few self-righteous remarks and suggest to contemplate if your worries would really lessen if the dog is no longer I n the picture. My guess is not at all!!
Julie O
July 27th, 2016 at 9:49 PM
The whole “alpha” thing has been disproved, so that is a moot point. Experience has taught me that there ate underlying issues and the pet is the easy scapegoat to people not in touch with themselves or those who areare control freaks or cowards. You can judge a man’s true character by the way he treats his fellow animals.” -Paul McCartney
Sanka
August 31st, 2016 at 3:43 AM
Hello
Naarasouza
November 1st, 2016 at 6:05 PM
Hi Logan, I am living the same situation with my bf. I love him so much. When we met he never told me he was a pet lover. Tonight I will start sleep at guest room, cause his old Labrador don’t let me sleep good for few days. He has two old dogs.
Paul
February 10th, 2017 at 11:29 AM
Logan,
I agree with your comment about women with dogs having relationship issues with their SO. After my first wife died I remarried to a woman who had dogs. I went into this marriage never having heard the term “dog codependence”. After the second year of marriage I began to realize that my wife’s focus was more on her dogs than on me. I wanted to develop a close, strong emotional bond with her but I believe her dogs were a distraction to her and hindered the growth of our relationship. Lets face reality. If we want to develop a strong relationship with another human, then we must be willing to invest the time and effort that it will take. Having emotional attachments to animals can be a hinderance to strong
relationships. I think its a matter of choice. What does a woman want? A significant relationship with another human or a lesser, much lesser relationship with an animal. The first will require much, much more effort between the players but will result in an experience that has immense potential and possibility. The other, well, really only second rate by comparison.
So, now in my third year of marriage I am reading and learning, more and more about this phenomenon because I love my wife but not her attachment to her dogs.
Logan
January 30th, 2018 at 3:57 PM
Well guys after two years I ended up loving the dog, she sleeps on the bed and my relationship is better than it’s ever been. Mainly because I decided to focus on my relationship instead of a small dog problems even if it could be seen as a big one I finally decided not to let it but just let the dog into my heart more each and everyday. Things worked out for me as I hope to you guys. I may have said some misunderstood and vulgar things but frustration can do a lot of things to the mind. Just changed some psychology in my way of thinking and it’s not that important. Not enough to leave my future wife. Happier than we’ve ever been with our crazy dog! Thanks for positive feedback anyone and negative feedback thank you as well. Only made me better.
Michele
November 28th, 2018 at 6:55 PM
I’m a woman, and I agree with you.. These poor butt-hurt people making butt-hurt comments, don’t get it, but I do.. I’m not a dog person, and I have to live with one now, and I totally get you. They are destructive, conniving, manipulate little jerks.. i honestly LOVE animals, but I am beginning to HATE dogs.. I do not like dogs, never will.. Needy pathetic, whiny, annoying little jerks. I hate them.
UnderAMoon
August 25th, 2013 at 12:29 PM
I don’t dislike pets but they have their own place-my bed is not that! Now my girlfriend has always had her dog sleep next to her since years.So when we look at the prospect of the two of us moving in this is a major thing.We have been talking about it for over a month and there seems to be a deadlock.She doesn’t want to give up on the dog in bed and I cannot cannot take it.Please help.

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chelsea
October 21st, 2014 at 8:09 PM
We had the exact same problem except I had two dogs when I met my boyfriend. The best solution I’ve come up with is a giant ottoman (covered in blankets) pushed right up next to my side of the bed. it’s almost as high as the bed. the dogs can sleep there and feel like they’re still in bed with me. And I can reach out and pet them or even snuggle them and still be in a dog-free bed with my boyfriend. good luck!

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Dottie
November 23rd, 2014 at 8:46 AM
Compromise. Get a king size bed, and put an extra soft blanket at the base of it (below your feet). The idea is to allow the dog to sleep in bed, but under your feet. This works great–especially if this is a smaller dog.

Another option is to invest a couple hundred in an amazing dog bed (the kind with a real mattress). Or you can buy a toddler bed.

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Jetaime
December 18th, 2014 at 10:37 AM
What I don’t get is why would anyone want dogs to sleep in their bed if they have a partner or are married? How do any of you that do this have a good sex life?!
Jake
January 17th, 2015 at 12:17 AM
So true! Dogs don’t belong in a human bed people! Wake up…or go to sleep, without the dogs! Give them there own bed!!!
Ash
February 26th, 2015 at 8:33 PM
I COULDN’T AGREE MORE
Logan
May 30th, 2016 at 12:15 PM
Dogs shouldn’t be on a human bed anyways, they need to have their own. Stop giving them human characteristics and treating them like a child, they are an animal. Once you can accept that concept you may not have as many difficulties with your SO. If you read my comment below you can see I’m all about compromise and still do not agree with an animal in a human bed. You’re just asking for it t be spoiled and act out and you’ll never get respect or your SO won’t especially. I’ve had several vets tell me to not let a dog sleep on the bed. Like ever, even be on the bed and they didn’t spend hard hours in school for nothing. Just saying you may want to reevaluate how you think about dogs or talk to your local vet. When you do your relationship with your dog and SO will be alot more successful. It also shows a man how you may treat a child if you have one, that’s not good.
Woof
October 5th, 2016 at 12:55 PM
READ the context before leaving some detached comment! I don’t think anyone willingly lets their dog stay in the bed while having sex with their partner… I do agree that if the dog is taking up too much space, compromise is in order. Let the dog sleep on the floor! That’s what dog beds are for. :O
Or, as suggested, get a king sized bed that can accommodate you both and the fur baby. The good majority of comments from women are posted out of emotion rather than from a rational point of view. Honestly, Logan had great points about talking and compromising with your SO in order to have a relationship that benefits everyone (including your dog). Having anger as an immediate first reaction is primal. Take a deep breath and invest in training if the dog is being destructive. It IS selfish to let the dog continue carrying out said behavior(s) if you’re unwilling to take the time to get to the root of the problem. Take the high road and start showing a little more love all around.
Nicole
August 1st, 2016 at 2:32 AM
If there is no compromise, there can be no relationship. You are both digging in your heels and being adamant. It’s a fine thing for her to love her dog, but that doesn’t make it okay for her to force its presence on you. Try offering a compromise, such as a sleeper sofa or second bed where the dog is allowed, and she can sleep there with it if she wants to now and then (and preferably not when you guys are not getting along) If she comes back with a high and mighty attitude, you may want to consider dating a person who is better able to grasp that human relationships should take priority over a pet. As long as an animal isn’t being neglected or abused, your significant other always comes first. Love your pets, but everyone has a rank in the pecking order.

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Heather
August 11th, 2016 at 8:12 AM
I also have the same issue with my cat! My husband was a traveler and barely home so he insisted I get a cat(I am a cat lover, he is a dog lover). I denied the idea multiple times just for that reason!! He wouldn’t stop suggesting it! So I caved. I adopted a rescue from New York City who has been diagnosed with FELV. I felt I needed to make a home for this cat. From the beginning, Mango slept in our bed…whether between us or just near me. My husband lost his job and soon after we moved next to his parents and his attitude towards the cat changed. He couldn’t stand him. ?!$&@!?! Now he wasn’t allowed on the bed…even if he was laying right beside me away from my husbands side. It’s been a battle since that day 4 years ago. Since then we have communicated about what it is that makes him upset…1. How I talk to the cat and greet him(mind you, my husband went through a depression from losing his job and I’d come home to his scowl looking face and Mango would run to me for his greeting-I’m sorry? Who would I talk to!?!!)
2. I treat the cat better than him(see above). It’s not that I purposefully treated the cat better, he was just more receiving and loving!!
So I consciously made an effort to not make high pitch sounds and to say hi to hubs first. It worked for a little but then we usually go backwards once we go forward! We had an agreement that if the cat came inside during the morning hours, (my husband is usually gone from 1a-8a) he can sleep with me but once he’s home and I get up, so is the cat to get up. Fine.
I went away few weeks ago and came home to my husband telling me, admitting to me that he allowed the cat on the bed. WHAT! He said his reason is is that he doesn’t make a big production out of it. WHAT IN THE WORLD DOES THAT MEAN! UGHHHHHH!!!!!

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C
May 2nd, 2018 at 3:00 PM
Happy wife, happy life…’cmon he loves that dog.

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Van
August 11th, 2019 at 8:49 PM
Wife of 31 years loves her three small little yippers. I am discussed with them and cannot express my frustration without creating an issue. I am soon going to be 78 years old and hope that there will be a time when I can have time without them before I pass on. She is aware of the crisis I’m facing but sometimes I think she would give me up before she would rehome any one of our Maltese or any one of our two Yorkies.

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Jack
August 27th, 2013 at 4:02 AM
I would have to draw the line at having dogs in the bed with me.

I mean , they have their own beds, just like I do, and it’s not going to be mine.

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Linda
July 15th, 2016 at 11:42 AM
I totally completely agree. This dog I have runs Outd lives. It’s treated better than me. He far as takes her to the bathroom with him. Gross I know. I asked him to get rid of her more than once. No go. Then I asked if he had to choose between me and the dog he said the dog. Why am I still around?

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shawn
April 14th, 2014 at 8:48 PM
My wife blames my 13 month pitt for everything that is chewed up regardless of where its laying at. She cages her alk day an pays no attention to her what can i do. My pup does chew but not on her things like she use to do.

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Dottie
November 23rd, 2014 at 8:41 AM
The dog is bored. Walk her 1-2 miles once in the morning and once at night. Then try baby gating her after that with lots of good chew toys and music on he radio versus crating. Make sure you use a metal gate.

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Gunda
July 23rd, 2016 at 4:28 PM
No dog should be crated all day. When dogs misbehave it’s usually the owners fault. Dogs need attention , training and affection. I don’t understand if it’s YOUR dog why this is allowed!

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maddie v
April 27th, 2014 at 10:40 PM
I am so totally depressed. I have a dashchund and my husband is so jealous of him.he only shouts at him when poor soul does not even do anyyhing wrong. I love my doggy so much i treat him like a baby and my husband now is giving me an ultimatum between him n my doggy.its been 1 year since we r married. He does night shift most of the time n i live with my mother in law. I compromise on everything because of him and he never even bothers to understand me. I have asked my parents if they wish to foster my baby as i know he will be happy there provided That theyv always treated our dogs like kids. Here its totally different.here i have rules,my dog is not allowed in etc etc…im lost.what am i supposed to do?

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Dottie
November 23rd, 2014 at 8:36 AM
Divorce him. Lots of men in the world who love dogs and aren’t nasty jerks.

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Naarasouza
November 1st, 2016 at 6:15 PM
has involved marriage, a dog can not provide what her husband does. God made man and woman to live together, what God has joined together, nobody can not separate, much less a useless dog.
Shitzu Mutt
May 27th, 2017 at 11:08 PM
Divorce him? Hahahah.
You’d put an animal above a marriage? Yeah plenty of men like well behaved dogs that aren’t trained by women who worship the dog like ot walks on water.
Shame on you for being one of those women.
Logan
May 30th, 2016 at 12:18 PM
The problem isn’t your dog it’s how you treat it. It’s not a human being. If you dont agree he will eventually walk out and I domt blame a man for leaving a women who doesn’t want to improve their situation but keep baying a dog it’s not a baby its a dog. Teach it right and it will learn respect and maybe he won’t be jealous anymore if he is then leAve him. Show intitiative

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Gunda
July 23rd, 2016 at 4:34 PM
I’d say if he leaves: good riddance!! If he shouts at a little dog because he is an insecure man , he will probably do the same to his wife or potential children.
Jenniffer
August 14th, 2016 at 2:14 PM
Just read more comments. Undoubtedly there will be some sensible advice here, but to be honest, so many of you just sound completely bonkers! Untrained dogs, partners ‘hating’ dogs, jealousy and intolerance… Toilet-training should be accomplished in a week or maybe 2 max, if you STICK with it. And ‘not having enough time’ is a rubbish excuse. Why get a dog in the first place then??? I hope all of you never have any REAL problems to contend with in life, and have the sense to realise that to be with a selfish and nasty partner who seems to think of nothing other than how things affect HIM is no way to live! All I can say is, poor dogs…

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Heather
June 30th, 2014 at 12:49 PM
My boyfriend of over a year hates my Pomeranian. He can be bad, and I know that, but I don’t know what to do anymore. He barks a lot, steals my toddlers food, gets into the garbage, growls at night at every sound, jumps on people, sheds constantly, growls at you and nips if you try to punish him, and he’s just a bad dog. I can’t afford fancy training and I just don’t know what to do. :(

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Dottie
November 23rd, 2014 at 8:38 AM
Spend the $50-100 to see a trainer. Your dog’s behavior is destructive and potentially harmful given you have a small child. If you can’t/won’t, please take the time to find him a good home or take him to a rescue that will.

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Linda
August 5th, 2016 at 9:31 PM
I love people sometimes and love most animals and dogs included. I have not ever hated dogs. My ex-boyfriend, now I think started expected people especially me to act like dogs in the way of unconditional love and no questions asked when my boyfriend would’act up.’ First, he wouldn’t accept half the things he does but he gets greeted by his dog regardless. Because she’s a dog. And when I don’t’obey’ him by responding to him(like in a text or in a face to face communication)when he thinks I should respond(like his dog; always loving)he compares it! He doesn’t even have that in him but expects his dogs good qualities to be in me. What a jerk. I’m not a dog and won’t be treated like that. Also, be basks in his dog’s love, and great qualities can’t understand why we can’t learn from them.

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Amber
July 1st, 2014 at 5:16 AM
My boyfriend and I each have a dog, we’re pretty serious about each other but we live separately in the same apartment complex. My Australian shepherd is just a puppy and has done some destructive chewing, which he was properly punished for, but he didn’t start this habit until I met my boyfriend. My boyfriend hates my dog and won’t let him at his apartment, but insists I stay there. My boyfriend adopted his dog at over a year old so has never dealt with a puppy, his dog completely disrespects me and won’t listen to me at all. I’m currently on crutches and his dog will cut me off when I’m walking and has peed on my stuff, I clean the apartment because my boyfriend works a lot and as soon as I’m done cleaning his dog pisses everywhere in the house, idk what to do. My boyfriend hates my dog and is really mean to him, I love his dog I just get tired and frustrated of him not respecting me. And my boyfriend doesn’t like spending time at my place so we’re always at his and my dog isn’t aloud. :( any advice? My boyfriend says it’s just a dog but to me my do is way more.

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Hillary
January 4th, 2015 at 6:50 PM
I understand. My partner bitches and whines about my dog saying CONSTANTLY that my dog is a dog who doesn’t even know he’s a dog.

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Sarah
August 10th, 2014 at 8:14 PM
My boyfriend and I have started living together. He’s a neat freak and I’ve got a miniature husky mix who sheds a lot. I vaccum probably twice a week, but there is still hair in the living room that drives him nuts. My dog doesn’t go in the bedroom or the study, only the living room and the kitchen. It’s getting to the point where my boyfriend doesn’t even want the dog in the livingroom anymore. He thinks dogs belong outside. My dog is a very important to me, and I feel like he just doesn’t get it. He grew up in a family where the dog stays outside. My family always let the dogs stay inside. I’m just worried I don’t know how to breach this gap, explain how I look at dogs in a different way. I really don’t want to lose either of them…

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Dottie
November 23rd, 2014 at 8:33 AM
If he is not an animal person, you have to accept that is who he is. You can’t change it. If he continues to be a rude about the fur, you are incompatible. Dump him.

If your little husky is dear to you, you need to make it clear with whoever you see that your pup is part of who you are, and eliminate non-animal people. There are so many people in the world who actually LIKE dogs, it is pointless to waste time on ones who don’t.

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Kevin
December 27th, 2014 at 8:30 PM
I am not “an animal person”. I respect animals and am even a vegetarian, I eat fish. However, I have for the better part of 5 years been living/co-habitating with one dog or another in a 1000 sq ft with my now fiance. She had a 10 year old golden when we met and I bonded with both the girl and dog. I saw the affection they shared and the love and happiness gained from their relationship. I did my best to share responsibilities; feed, walk, vet, snuggle with the pup.

That dog passed and we lived pet-free for about a year. Our carpets smelled fresh and the general filth level in our home dramatically decreased. After that year, my fiance decides without my consultation to adopt a rescue dog. A cute basset hound mut with penty of issues, now requiring attention, food and time that I never signed up for or agreed to. I like dogs and understand why other do as well.

But I do not require the companionship my finance seems to really seek in her life from an animal, her family had inside dogs growing up. My main point of concern is that she brought responsibility, financial and time burdens into my life without my approval. As far as dogs go, this one is a sweetie. Very affectionate and loving, sheds like a sheep and still pees when we leave for longer than 6 hours.

Fast forward, we are 5 months pregnant with our first! We are excited/terrified but both incredibly happy to be one parents. The dogs sleeps in the bed and I can’t stand it. The dogs anal glade burst on my pillow, she pees all over the place, brings ticks and dander into the home and my wife does not see this as a concern to our newborn. She wants the dog and baby to share the room, it’s just so unhealthy. I could weave sweaters with her shedding, plus I vacuum weekly. How do we work on this, she won’t compromise. She would rather share the bed with her dog than me… Crazy eh? Help or please commiserate with me.

Seeking compromise.
agns123
October 13th, 2014 at 6:44 AM
My boyfriend has an annoying Jack Russell, that my 9 year old daughter loves & I do at times . However he gets on my nerves because he demands too much attention from my boyfriend which brings issues between me and my boyfriend. When I am at his house the dog cant let us cuddle in front of TV before interacting with aggressiveness act , he is either wants to sit in the same sofa and not a separate sofa. I get angry because I expect all the attention to be in me. As we only meet during w/end or at times every two w/ends depending on our schedules. I am torn with the relationship , I love the man but I dont what to do ? I feel like we cant plan our future together as long as the dog does not change his behaviour ! Please advise ?

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Harlie
October 16th, 2014 at 10:13 AM
OK so I have a dog and three cats. My husband knew I loved animals and before now he was OK with it. My dog is naturally well behaves she just begs when we have food but if u ignore her she stops. My youngest cat was rescued and abandoned he almost a year old but follows me around and still tries to nurse on my finger. His bad habit is getting in the sink. My other two cats are female and get along almost all the time but have a fight once in a while that I have to break up and I get scratched. My husband tried and got s ratch pretty bad so he kicked them. Which I thought unnessasary. He just flat out hates them. They aren’t really bad and we don’t allow them in the bedroom at night when we sleep. He just hates there ezsiatance. BTW I don’t see them as Pets more like my children considering I had miscarriages and stuff and they keep me happy. I just wish he would be nice and not threaten to throw them out the door when I’m not here. Idk what to do…

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Snuffy
October 30th, 2014 at 9:30 AM
I do have a situation I am looking for advice on.

Scenario: Met and married my partner with the understanding that he cares for a dependent brother who has not worked through psychosomatic issues. It is almost like being married to both brothers. The dependent brother has pets that are poorly trained and the inconsistency in treating of the pets and the resultant bad behavior frustrates me.

I don’t want the responsibility of training the animals and feel no affection for them though I tolerate them and do want to make sure they are fed and not neglected. We are expecting twins in January and the animals are not trained around small children and in fact have had incidences with smaller or other animals that resulted in aggression (the adult dog killed the kittens left unattended at their previous residence).

I want the dog trained to be all right to be outside for longer periods of time in anticipation of trying to manage twins as they develop and also need floor space. I want no accidents in my household and hold my soon to be newborn children as my first concern.

The dog does not like being outdoors and scratches frantically. I have tried to have the people in the house only let her in when she quiets but the four other people in the house respond differently giving inconsistent messages.

Originally the dog was obtained at the recommendation of a therapist for the dependent brother to increase his physical activity (going for walks) and to give him something to focus on other than himself. But that does not happen. She follows everyone around wanting attention and could use better training.

Is there a way to train her that would get the desired results without requiring a large investment of my time or spouse’s time as I expect our energy will be eaten up by trying to care for twins?

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Dottie
November 23rd, 2014 at 8:27 AM
First, to answer your question. No. There isn’t. Training an animal requires time and investment or you can easily cause more issues.

Second, fire the therapist. She is wrong to suggest someone who isn’t capable of living on his own have a pet to “help” him. It shows she not only has any idea how pets work, but what is really helpful for someone who is depressed. If your BIL can’t care for the dog properly and you or your husband aren’t capable/willing to take the time and investment to train it, please take time to find the poor creature a good home.

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Iris
December 10th, 2014 at 9:01 AM
Funny how they excepted us with our pets and now that things got more serious they want to change our situation. I’m sticking to my guns. I act like I didn’t hear what he just said and call my dog to sleep with me, if he want to join us he can. You don’t try to lure anyone one into your life and expect them to get rid of with what package they came with.

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Kat
December 15th, 2014 at 8:52 PM
Iris, this sounds just like my problem. He said he was fine with my poodles before we got married, but now wants them gone. I went into the relationship not thinking my pets would be a problem,but since he has virtual power over the household, he has decided that they have to go.

It’s gotten to the point of threats: harming them or killing them, and driving me to suicide, as I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. These all in his own words after I told him that I wasn’t going to do what he had demanded.

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The GoodTherapy.org Team
December 16th, 2014 at 10:55 AM
Thank you for your comment, Kat. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

Warm regards,
The GoodTherapy.org Team
Hillary
December 31st, 2014 at 2:22 PM
Thank you! I am in a very stressful relationship where I love both my dog and partner. HOWEVER..my partner has suffered a brain injury and can’t help but whine about and insult my dog. He claims that my dog (to whom I am VERY attached and mutually so) “wishes (he) was dead so that dog could have me all to himself and no one else”. I’ve been patiently enduring partner’s jealousy and then there are other days where I have just had it and blow up at him (partner). For the most part, my partner is a wonderful and loving person. My dog IS a one-person-dog. I can’t help that, he was like that when he came to me from his last family. While I would choose the dog over the guy, I don’t want that to happen. I love BOTH of them and wish we could all PEACEFULLY and AMICABALLY cohabit. I’m out of ideas.

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chloe
January 4th, 2015 at 3:20 PM
Im in the same boat! i have three chihuahuas who i had long before me and him met and the first thing i asked was if he liked dogs. He claimed to have loved them but his version of a pet and mine are very different and now ive fallen pregnant hes turned into a control freak and if my dogs are within an inch of him he gets annoyed. They are well behaved most of the time but like anything they love attension and cuddles and he just cannot bare them. Im getting so tipped to the edge about all of this i need help :( x

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jetaime
January 18th, 2015 at 2:27 PM
Did you to ever think that your partners ha no idea how inappropriate you were being as dog owners before they actually moved in and lived it everyday? You seriously CALL YOUR DOG TO BED?? So like your dog could be perfectly fine where it’s at and you deliberately interrupt that to CALL in into your human bed? Do you INVITE your partner to bed?

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Lindsey
December 12th, 2014 at 8:51 AM
I have a 5 year old cat and a 9 month old Cocker Spaniel. My husband and I also have a 2 year old son.

My husband is constantly annoyed with our pets. My cat (had before we met) is and indoor/outdoor cat. Usually in the winter she stays in. However, it hasn’t gotten “too” cold for her to decide that on her own and she instead does a lot of in/out, sometimes 4 or 5 times a night (before bed). My cat generally keeps to herself but the problem is that she has the worst meow/howl noise when she wants to go in or out. My husband hates it and has no patience for it. As much as I love my cat it is literally the most annoying sound I have ever heard. Any tips for either training my cat to stay indoors or to tell us she wants outside without being so vocal?

The second issue is our puppy. We have had some potty training issues with him. We can’t seem to make it more than two days without him peeing on something- no matter if he has just gone outside or not. It is very frustrating, but while I understand he is a puppy and also my son’s best friend, my husband just feels angry about it and has unconsciously refused to get close to the dog. I really need my husband to get on board with the dog. I’m hoping for some tips to get them to bond. I know we need to work on the dog’s training, but I feel like it might be easier if my husband liked the dog enough to help share the responsibility of training so that we could tackle it together. At this point my husband has basically given up on the dog and all responsibilities are on me. He wants to get rid of the dog, but I know that this poor pup just needs some consistency, time, and a shot at unconditional love. Help please!

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Jetaime
December 18th, 2014 at 10:43 AM
My boyfriend of almost two years has a dog that follows him everywhere begs at our table to the point she is drooling and whining even though I say no. She spends no time outside so she sheds everywhere! And she was sleeping under the covers in the bed with him. He can’t even use the bathroom w out her whining to come in. Everyone on here keeps saying leave him or her the dog is your life and I’m sorry I feel that the pet owners have failed their pets by allowing this behavior. There are plenty of pet owners that have beautifully trained dogs. To allow your dogs behaviors and habits to ruin a human relationship is insane to me! Yet I find myself at the end of mine because as a human in a human relationship I can’t understand why it’s so wrong for him to treat his dog like an animal. After all she is one. Allowing your dog to do human things is failing that animal in my opinion.

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mary s
February 1st, 2017 at 5:02 AM
The mistake that people make is treating animals like a child. They are not. They need to sleep by themselves and be trained. Not disciplining an animal does not mean love. People make that mistake.

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pip
December 26th, 2014 at 3:11 PM
The problem is that people who love dogs can not fathom why there are people who don’t like them. My partner has two dogs and as much as they are cute I can not stand them for me everyday is a struggle, I cant stand the smell (dogs have this natural odor I hate), I cant stand the begging the dog hairs everywhere, the constant attention seeking. I’m tired of the house smelling like dog no matter how many times a day we dettol it. See I never knew I wouldn’t enjoy living with dogs before I did and I find it so unprofessional of people to say things like ‘divorce them’, or ‘they are control freaks’ in response to a spouse who cannot stand a dog. What happened to the vows you took when you married the person? All of that goes because we don’t want to live with a shit factory? I’m tired of being told ‘wait till you have kids’. I absolutely adore children, do nit compare them to dogs. If i made any of you guys live with something you hated you will 100% get it

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Charlie
May 30th, 2016 at 6:29 AM
You are so right Pip. let me tell you it is a massive pet peeve of mine when people want to compare a human baby to that of an animal. NO they are not like kids its not even remotely the same. A dog can never give you what a baby can and people annoy the crap out of me when they say this. i even know of instances when couples had a kid that they were raised that the dog is their older brother or sister !! raise your kids to love and respect animals but making them a sibling, i think not. when this happens then the child also feels like the animals needs are more important.

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Aeryn
September 5th, 2016 at 4:22 PM
Oh? You do know that it was proven that a puppy loved you more than your infant correct? An infant is unable to comprehend parental love until their memory begins to prove around the age of 3. Also, you’re flat out insulting Infertile folks whose only babies could ever be their fur babies and for people who have only ever been truly loved by them aside from their human counterparts. Try to be a bit more sensible next time okay?
desi
January 4th, 2015 at 8:26 PM
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and in the past year he was my biggest supporter on me finally getting a dog of my own…well now a year or so later my dog still needs lots of training but my boyfriend has simply made it clear he will never move in or get a place with me if I have my dog . Why? Because he hates him… please help

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jetaime
January 5th, 2015 at 4:38 PM
Why are people sleeping with animals? I really do not understand this concept.. the answer of if you were a dog lover.. isn’t the answer. Like seriously why is this happening? If your in a relationship with a human isn’t the idea to share your bed w a human? I find this very unsanitary.

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Charlie
May 30th, 2016 at 6:37 AM
Absolutely, it is completely unsanitary. they should not be anywhere on the bed they have their own. Even my partner has been working on my nerves with her pain in the a** dog. this mutt constantly undermines me and its my partners fault as its allowed by her. I said i don t want the dog on the bed and furniture. when the dog tried climbing on and continuously this weekend she told the dog off but she just keeps coming back. its because she allows it when im not there. she even calls the dog on sometimes. i cannot stand this animal. if you ignore her she gives a bark for attention and climbs on. at night the dog climbs on her side of the bed and she even moves up to give her space !!!!! i feel so hurt when this happens that this animal is more respected than i am. afterall, her behaviour with her dog is not right anyway. this dog just stares at me to say “you wont do shit when shes saying yes”. i cannot be in this relationship , its really hard. i hate being home just because i dont want to be around her. and cherry on top she has a problem when we cuddle and affectionate. what a pain

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chtistine
January 7th, 2015 at 9:51 AM
I moved about 12 hours away for my boyfriend, my dog is extremely clingy he cries when he is away from me for a second i cant even go to the bathroom without him crying to come in he wakes up in the middle of the night and just starts barking trust me of course this drives my boyfriend insane it is also very hard to teach my dog not to do certain things because he is deaf now us just moving in together this obviously became a problem very quickly my boyfriend also does not think dogs should be in the kitchen well my dog went in the kitchen we got into a huge fight over this i love my dog very much!! But it has come down to him or my dog this is literally breaking my heart we are broken up right now over this!! I just changed my entire life for this man and dont want to lose him or my dog … advice anyone ??? Im a mess right now.

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jetaime
January 7th, 2015 at 1:20 PM
Are you serious right now? Your dog being in the kitchen is worth more to you than a human relationship? Lady your dog is leading your life. He is an animal and should not hold precedence over your boyfriend. You act as If showing him boundaries is equal to starvation. Get it together. Understand that each can be a part of your life if you wise up and stop ruining your dog’s life by allowing it to expect to live as a human. Why is it that none of you get this until it is a human problem and then you still don’t get that the dog isn’t a human. Once you figure that out the fight won’t exist. Each has a place for love in your life one animal one human..HELLO!

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Pip
January 9th, 2015 at 9:55 AM
You have put it so beautifully. These people can not see that they are the actual issue. Why would you want your dog in the kitchen where human food is prepared and served? Why on earth would she even allow an argument to start over this. Even in other peoples houses dog owners want to let their mutts do what they want. They are the selfish ones with no respect. I feel so sorry for her partner. I would advise him to find someone who doesn’t let an animals’ nasty behaviours to come in between your relationship
jetaime
January 9th, 2015 at 1:41 PM
Thank you Pip. I agree it’s not an issue about being rude to an animal it’s about treating your dog like a dog. These posts drive me crazy. I’m slowly retraining my boyfriend and his dog. Its just unreal. I never in my life imagined I’d be going through a struggle that entailed eating sleeping and so much more with an animal.I had to put my foot down. Either train this dog for its own benefit as well as Ours or one of us goes and that’s so crazy to me when I’m only asking to have a normal human bed dinner table and living area. No begging no bed or furniture sharing. Just a normal pet /person disciplined relationship. I really do believe that people who treat there dogs like humans need counseling.
melissa
January 10th, 2015 at 11:05 AM
my girlfriend doesn’t like my dog on the bed because she sheds,but she lets her dog sleep on the bed. her reasoning? its her baby and that’s how they’ve always been. yeah? me too with my dog. I say someone who can’t stand dog hair isn’t a true dog lover.

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jetaime
January 14th, 2015 at 3:20 PM
Dogs are animals they should not be sleeping In human beds. Both of you need to get a hold of yourselves and purchase of beds for the good of the dogs and your relationship. Boom problem solved.

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Danny
January 11th, 2015 at 9:47 AM
I have a similar problem, my boyfriend, my 2 cats & I have been living together over 5yrs. About 3yrs ago he bought a house & installed wood floors and (as you all know) cats run around from time to time. One of my cats is quiet heavy 20lbs and when he runs he makes a lot of noise and it sounds like the floors are being tear to pieces but its only ninor scratches & dents. Well now my boyfriend is fed up & told me that the cats have only two places in the house. 1) their closet room where they sleep (which is big closet) & 2) the screen patio. I’m hurt inside as I work long hours and don’t see how I will be able to spend time with them over the weekend nor I think this is humane. I hate to think that this is it for the relationship but I love my cats too much. I know he’s not an animal person and that I can’t change that on him so I’m really having a hard time with this and don’t know what to do. Any comment will help. Thanks

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Rosa
August 23rd, 2016 at 7:40 PM
My husband got a dog this dog is always up his a%s so one nite I told him he should of married the dog he give that dog a lot of attention and yes it get old

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Jake
January 13th, 2015 at 4:27 PM
Hi Pam,

I think that you are correct! People are way too into saying put the pet above the human relationship and that’s a bunch of B.S. Your SO really needs to put your needs first and either give the cat away to a good home or put it out as you mentioned. It’s not good for you or your relationship. I can understand where you are coming from totally. I had a different situation up until this past weekend. I started dating a girl and she had one bulldog. Now, I’m an animal lover but more into cats or small dogs…you can pick them up and they don’t drool!

Anyway, fast forward to this last girlfriend. I’m not a fan of bulldogs. I feel they are the ugliest breed as well as they drool, nasty! There wasn’t one day that I would go to her place without getting drool all over my pants that looked like someone blew their nose on my leg!! Then she ends up telling me that her dog is depressed and needs another dog…another bulldog! She could have gotten any other breed but it HAD TO be a bulldog! Drool x’s 2! These are both 70lb monsters mind you! I didn’t want it but I was new to the relationship and we didn’t live together so it wasn’t my place to say so. After she got the second one, everything was about the dogs. Spending time got more minimal and the dogs kept coming first. She had my picture on her phone and removed it to have the dog on there. She was way obsessed about them with a bulldog pillow, bulldog painting, bulldog mugs, bulldog statue, bulldog keychain, picture of her dead bulldog on her mantle along with his ashes, her company is named after her bulldog with it’s picture. I didn’t know this when I met her but I thought she would have gotten more normal since she wasn’t alone anymore and telling me she found the man of her dreams and how hard it is to meet someone like me but we would get into arguments about the bulldogs? She would tell me anything about them like videotaping them eating an egg…wow big deal. Video of them walking saying they drag their feet. They were overfat and waddled everywhere. She was used to having the dog in her bed, in the kitchen, on the couch. I put up with it initially but then I had enough. Firstly, they drool so seeing them drool around the kitchen table was gross (she called it cute, not cute!). They also fart constantly and I don’t need to smell dog fart while I’m eating either! Dogs begging at the table is not necessary and I didn’t fight her on having the dogs in the kitchen, although they don’t need to be in there while we are cooking either! I was just saying keep them out while we eat for 30 minutes! She acted like it was punishment even though they had the WHOLE HOUSE to roam in?

When we were trying to watch a movie on the couch, they keep trying to climb over us and these giant 70lb things don’t need to be up there either. Not to mention, leaving their dirty paws, feces, and drool on the couch. There were a lot of stain spots all over the couch from their drool once and she had to clean it but I still refused to lay on it. So, she would block them off from the living room while we watch a movie and then they would bark tremendously and she would say she just has to let them in…thereby making them the boss! She’s training them to bark because they bark and get their way!!! She did the bed thing ONCE in the beginning and I only got one hour sleep and was a wreck the next day and said never again. She never did that again but would keep “forgetting” to close the door during the day and the dogs would end up in the bed making it unsanitary! She would say she’s going to adhere to boundaries so we could all live in harmony but would go against that shortly afterwards so we would always butt heads because she would never keep her word. In the end, it didn’t work and we broke up recently. She was too in love with her dogs to have a human relationship. I actually feel much better that I out of that situation. I could never get used to those gross drooly dogs but tried a relationship with a dog but it just doesn’t work. So, I will be checking what pets new people have in the future.

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KH
January 13th, 2015 at 9:08 PM
That’s insane!!!

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Jane
January 13th, 2015 at 10:56 PM
Agree. It alters the relationship. Read my story above.

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Jane
January 13th, 2015 at 10:47 PM
Hi. My boyfriend and I recently moved in together and with that said, I acquired his seven year old Jack Russell female. Let me get to it. The dog drives me crazy. I really don’t even know where to start. I am a person that loves animals (yes, dogs too), but I prefer cats. I have one, and he is likable tabby. He is low key and causes no trouble in the relationship. I am an extremely clean person and I like my surroundings to be comfy and inviting. My cat sheds a small bit with excessive petting, but it is beyond manageable with regular vacuuming. His dog sheds a full coat of hair every DAMN DAY. WHITE WIRY AWFUL HAIR. She cannot go anywhere in the home without hair going everywhere. My 400 dollar vacuum became clogged due to the hair. I spent the first two months cleaning her hair out of everything. It was in kitchen cabinets, on shelves, in every nook and cranny. She literally reduces the home value, all so she can run around and beg for food. I have tried so hard to acclimate to her, but I feel deep resentment that is only getting worse. I seriously clean for nothing. She is not a bad dog, is very obedient, but my life is nothing but white dog hair right now. It is all over his work clothes because, of course, the dog rides shotgun in the vehicle. We have to take my car everywhere because his is so full of hair. HOW IN THE HELL IS THIS WORTH IT??? He of course used to let her sleep in his bed like a person and she stinks like nothing I’ve ever smelled. I put my foot down and told him I could not deal with the hair in the bedroom or the bed. I have never felt so upset towards an animal. She has other annoying behaviors, such as sneaking in to eat cat food. My blood boils because she is a very smart dog and knows this is wrong. I hate feeling so much anger towards an animal. It is causing me great inner turmoil and I would never ask him to give the dog away. But I’m stuck in my own little hell with this. I just needed to vent and be honest somewhere. It really does feel like I’m both second string and maid. The worst part is that I’ve really held back on my feelings to him and when I do start to express my frustration, he can become quite angry and the dog is immediately placed on the highest pedestal. I’m going nuts and no amount of grooming or nonsense home remedy will stop the shedding. I knew she shed before I moved in but I had hoped to stay on top of it more when actually living here. I have come to find out that nothing keeps it at bay. I vacuum three times a day or more. My advice is to really understand what dogs entail before cohabitation. Lots of relationships get stressed and dog lovers are incredibly strange in what they tolerate.

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jetaime
January 14th, 2015 at 3:16 PM
Feel like your telling my story completely. I have wondered if I’m going to keep the relationship. I just feel gross All the time. I hate cleaning up after his dog mostly because it’s not appreciated because he doesn’t think it’s gross or a problem at all! I just don’t know what to do. I just wish he’d either help or give her to his mom. I can hardly stand the dog at all anymore but I love him to pieces! This Is so hard and your exactly right about the strange things dog addicts allow!

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Jane
March 8th, 2015 at 9:51 AM
Well the plot has thickened. The dog ate some wet cat food and had an allergic reaction, so she had to be on steroids. The steroids made her urinate excessively, unbeknownst to us. So she peed all night in front of my daughter’s door. A squishy huge wet spot that I stepped in when I went to wake my daughter up for school. It was not her fault but made me mad nonetheless. A never-ending saga of stupid gross events. He, of course, did nothing to help the situation but get irritated with me. Because of course, she is such a poor baby. Ya, a poor greedy baby that could not stay out of cat food.
Jane
March 8th, 2015 at 9:55 AM
And jetaime, it only gets worse. When the relationship starts to go downhill, they cling to the dog more almost in a weird attempt at inducing jealousy. People reading this may think that is paranoia, but I assure them it’s not. I brought up some of this to him, and his exact response was, “She treats me better than you do.” Um…I was speechless.
Rilo
January 15th, 2015 at 5:52 PM
I read nearly all of these comments, and I can totally relate to the frustration, because I too live with a dog that has a MYRIAD of biological/anxiety issues (and also sheds, drools, etc).

Just want to offer some advice, because I have many years of experience with dogs of varying temperaments:

When you get annoyed at a dog, just remember, dogs do NOT have human emotions!
They don’t act out of jealousy or spite or anger, or do anything on purpose to “get at you.” It is beyond their capacity to feel that way.

A dog that is misbehaving, begging for attention, or being rude, is actually feeling very UNCOMFORTABLE and is seeking relief! Dogs are happiest in a structured environment where they know who the leader is and aren’t in a constant state of unrest due to rank confusion. It’s up to the owner to control it. Leading with stern confidence (not aggression) is the absolute best thing you can do for a dog. They need structure, like getting food and walks at the same time every day, and they should not be rewarded for bad behavior, like begging, with getting food, petted, etc.

I super highly recommend going to training classes at a reputable place, such as the Humane Society (if there is one in your area). I am not affiliated with them, but it’s where I went for classes, and I they were so invaluable because they teach about the animal’s psychology as well as break down the training in small, easy steps. Going to dog training as a couple (although the dog owner should pay for it, lol) is a priceless experience and will change your life. Even if your dog has biological problems, like my BF’s anxiety-ridden dog, training really helps. Most of the dogs in the class were BAD… but at the end of the 6 weeks, all the families who did their “homework” showed significant improvement, and it was inspirational to see the frustration start to melt away on people’s faces (mine included).

Hang in there!

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Linda
August 23rd, 2016 at 12:05 PM
Dogs aren’t human in the sense that some people anthropomorphise their pets but that nauseating pet lover encourages ‘jealous or possessive’ behavior that just their dog likes them only because of the way they are intentionally or subliminally raised. I’m sure there’s going to be a diagnosis of this behavior soon and 12 step program for this over top obsessive behavior. I do love dogs very much but my apt won’t allow pets. Also dogs are so unique and versatile in all ways I don’t think some people deserve them. Wink. See the brighter side like the dogs if possible

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Jake
January 19th, 2015 at 4:27 PM
I take it you’re still going through this jetaime? I’m no longer going through it thank goodness and it was a lesson learned of what to look out for in the dating world. :) It’s too I didn’t meet someone like you that has this common sense attitude when it come to their pets. :/

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jetaime
January 19th, 2015 at 7:46 PM
Jake I am still going through this! I’m literally in a silent argument about it right now! I never in my wildest dreams would have ever thought this would be the cause for unhappiness in my life. The more I read about this in other blogs the more I realize it’s not even the dogs fault it’s his! He has let his own life turmoil set the behavior of this dog. She does only what he has allowed all this time because of how his past relationships have gone. Its really sad because dog owners who do this never care about how anyone else feels or about their own cleanliness and surroundings. They feel like the animal has always been there for them. It’s really a crutch. They will let the human go because they can control the dog. So sad. I really can’t believe how deep it goes. I’m just so overwhelmed. I too will stay away from pet owners if it comes to that point again.

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Pip
January 20th, 2015 at 2:11 AM
These same dogs that these dog nuts break up with people over, would leave these people in a heart beat if someone came along with a juicy bit of steak. It really is their loss. They can’t see pass their own noses. When Fido dies in 10 years, what have they left? A house that reeks of dog & destroyed furniture instead of a family and a lovely home. It literally is her loss Jake

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jetaime
January 20th, 2015 at 5:56 PM
Pip I agree when the dogs gone what then? Sadly I assume another dog.. The thing is I don’t hate animals I just know that they are animals and need to be treated as such. You can love them and even have them live inside but they must be obedient and not treated like a human or hold precedence over them.
Aeryn
September 5th, 2016 at 5:06 PM
Incorrect. My dog has been tempted time and time again by my Ex to jump in a car with him (while I had a restraining order against him) and not ONCE did she ever yield. Keep in mind that he coaxed her with deer which is her absolute FAVORITE. My family however? Weak minded as they are chose to side with my ex because they believed his lies about my “bruises.” Turns out they’re the ones who took your steak eh?
Meg
January 19th, 2015 at 9:02 PM
So I’ve been dating this guy for almost 3 years now, I recently moved in with him. Well he has a lab that he loves very much and I love her too. Since I moved in she has become really jealous of our relationship, I try to lay on the couch with him and she won’t let me she pulls me off every time and he thinks it’s funny so he makes me get up and lets her get on the couch with him. He wants her to sleep in the bed with us but she wakes me up every night pulling my cover so I get up and sleep on the couch. Well tonight I was getting in the bed and she was in my spot so I told her to move over, he told me that was her spot and he would rather me sleep on the couch so they could have the bed!!! I’ll be moving out tomorrow

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jetaime
January 20th, 2015 at 5:59 PM
Meg- Omg! Wow yea I think your right I mean he actually said that to you?! I truly in all my heart believe that people who choose animal relationships over human ones need therapy. This is not an insult. There are deep underlying issues for this type of thinking! More power to you girl!

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Janet
October 10th, 2016 at 8:49 PM
I wish I had ended my relationship like you did. I was raised around dogs, cats, birds, turtles, and fish. I can’t remember a time I haven’t had a pet before my last dog of 13 years passed. My pets were part of the family. I loved them, played with them, protected and cared for them, but they never usurped my relationship with a member of my family or a man.
As an older woman, I fell head over heels in love with a man that I didn’t know very well and every time we were together he put his female Labrador elsewhere. After being married 6 months I realized he was married to his dog and I was the third wheel. I was second and the dog was always placed first. It was like the wedding vows were already given to he dog – love, honor, cherish. I even had my dignity as a woman taken away from me at one point when my husband was ill and I walked into the living room to find the dog laying with her back against the couch and him laying on the floor facing her placing her rear legs on his side. Later the same day, I walked in the living room and watched him pick up her muzzle and plant his lips on the side of her face moving his head right to left and left to right, like a hard kiss of passion. I absolutely freaked out. I was so afraid that I feared he may have crossed a line he shouldn’t have. He did not cross that line, but he was definitely in love with his dog. Not loved his dog, he was in love with his dog.
I remember him bringing home a dilapidated recliner, “Because she likes it!”, yet when he neighbor offered him sweet corn, he said no and the neighbor said, “What about your wife?” That was my life. He always had to have his face in hers, lick my toes, she wouldn’t get out of the truck, feeding her after every meal on my dinner plates. If I hadn’t told him I wouldn’t marry him if the big yellow female lab was allowed to sleep in our bed, she would have. I remember one time telling the dog to get off the couch to go get a treat from him in the kitchen, and his reply was “She doesn’t have to she’s the queen!”
I remember him telling me this story. He said he would be sitting in his recliner and the dog was on the couch. She would look at him and then get off the couch and go up a set of steps he made to “their” bed. He said if he stayed up to watch TV, the dog would bark at him to come to bed. That told a lot. Even his BF said she thought he might commit suicide when the dog died. Come on! It’s never easy to say goodbye to a pet. You grieve and then another little personality comes into your life, but suicide? Wow.
We’ve been married almost four years and the dog died from old age after the first three years of my marriage to her owner. I was never happier to get an animal off my back. I know how it horrible that sounds, but he placed everything about the animal primary to me. I used to think, if the dog and I were drowning, who would he save? Isn’t that sad? My mom told me if things had been different, I would have loved the dog. And I would have. She even barked when he kissed me. She jumped in bed with us one time when we were intimate.
Today dogs come to me for affection, not him, and I pet them and enjoy them. A neighbor has a Great Pyrenees and I absolutely love that dog to death, but to this day, I actually feel anxiety when I see a yellow Labrador retriever because the type of color and breed remind me of the pain and suffering I endured while the dog had been alive. I don’t wish that type of experience on anyone. If I had to do it over, I would not.
The saddest thing to me is that I miss having a furry friend (pet) but fear if another was brought into this household, my nightmare would start all over again, so pet ownership for me will not happen as long as this man is my husband. So if you find yourself second to an animal in a relationship, save yourself a lot of heartbreak and get out!

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Charlie
October 23rd, 2016 at 11:12 AM
Dear, reading your post made me so sad. Your dignity as a woman is being stripped away and the relationship he has with his dog is unnatural and borderline wrong. It’s hard to throw a marriage away because of this, only you will know what’s best for you. I wish you all the luck and hope your situation improves. I admire you,I know I will never put up with this situation. Lots of hugsxxx
Jake
January 20th, 2015 at 2:55 PM
I’m truly sorry your dealing with this still jetaime. I feel for you, I really do. It’s very unsettling to have someone that puts a pet above you and doesn’t know what boundaries are. I’ve read about this more and more myself realizing that it’s a real problem with some people that just can’t distinguish their four legged animal from a human being. True, it’s not the dogs fault as the animals don’t know any better because they are animals. They lack human thought and cognitive ability but she trained them to misbehave by rewarding bad behavior. They bark to get around the table after being fenced out, then she let’s them in because they were barking. That means, they just have to bark and misbehave and she will cave! At the end of our relationship, she was saying that her dogs “love” her unconditionally and she’s told me when we were together that she had them around the table and on her couch/bed as she’s been alone for a long time. So, she did depend on them and treated them like humans (something she even admitted she has to stop doing…treating them like humans). I know how overwhelming it can be and the problem is, they think it’s normal and refuse to change.

I was told by my friend today (he is a dog owner by the way), that he went with his wife to a restaurant in town and was eating on the patio. This restaurant allows dogs on the patio but he didn’t know that until he was there. A couple comes in with their dog and he doesn’t pay them any more attention but wished that wasn’t allowed. He didn’t know it, but his wife told him that the couple ordered their dog a burger and had the dog sitting at the table while they fed the dog the burger?? His wife was disgusted because she said that the dog should have stayed on the ground while they ate and now the next person that comes in will be sitting and eating where a dog was? Like I said, they are dog owners but they are sensible ones that never take their dog to a restaurant or shopping etc. He just said to his wife, “Now you know what Jake went through.” Just wow!

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jetaime
January 20th, 2015 at 6:15 PM
Jake- it just feels good that there are people who understand! I’m glad I found this. Everything you have said is exactly how I feel 100%. I so agree that there are great dogs and great dog owners who get it. That is why I’m so frustrated about my situation. My boyfriend actually feels sorry for his dog if she can’t get away w this crap. He says it’s all she’s known her whe life and so now I’m just mad at them both all the time. The other part is I don’t get how if I’m not requesting anything outlandish why he can’t see that it’s a valid request. Why he can see that it’s gone this far. I can’t stand it! When he does try he acts sad the whole time like I’m mean and he’s done a mean thing to her. I’m just overwhelmed w it. It’s just crazy! How do you get through having to say we had to end a relationship over a dog? That is the hardest part. I’m at the point I can’t even stand to be around her anymore.

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Jake
January 20th, 2015 at 3:03 PM
Pip,

That’s what I’m saying. These people and their dogs will leave you for their pets because their pets love them. I told her they don’t “love” you because they lack human thought to love. She insisted that they loved her. It wasn’t worth the argument because they’ll never get it. If I went next door and saw another woman and she gave me a good meal, I wouldn’t suddenly be in love with her and tell my girlfriend it’s over. Her dog could go next door and like you said, be fed a steak, and stay over there forgetting who she is. After leaving his other owners, he was just in her house as she’s feeding him and petting him. So, he suddenly loves her? He goes back to the other house he would “love” them. Her bulldog was 7 years old and they live 8-12 years and the other one was 5. So, in 1-5 years she’s down to one dog and 3-7 years, she’ll have none. Empty life dedicated to dogs. She would just have to get more bulldogs as she seemed to adore that sickly breed (no such thing as a healthy bulldog) and have a revolving door of bulldogs and loneliness unless she finds someone as obsessed about bulldogs as she is and then they can both have their revolving door of them! Her loss and my gain. I don’t want to have that life!

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jetaime
January 20th, 2015 at 6:03 PM
Jake- Your so right on. They don’t love like humans and it’s unhealthy for both dog and owner to be apart of that carp. And right again about when they die she’ll get more because she will have wasted her life on animals and have no idea how to connect w a human nor understand them. I can’t believe how passionate this subject has become in my life!

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Aeryn
September 5th, 2016 at 4:25 PM
Incorrect. Just last year my Siberian Husky Anya was involved in an attempted aduction by my ex boyfriend and he lured her with the exact same example you provided. “A steak.” This is a man that Anya had never witnessed first hand beating me as I always left her outside when we would get in a scuffle yet she would not yield. In 2015 she took a bullet for me in her flank when he pulled a gun on me while all of my “Human.” Relatives stood back in fear of their own lives. I really felt the “love” from them there

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mary s
February 1st, 2017 at 5:14 AM
People who think animals love them more and “do not hurt them,” as my partner says, need some help. Of course, an animal cannot hurt you emotionally. They cannot talk. His cat is out co control- Pees and poop outside the litter box and begs all day for food. I can’t stand the cat. The cat does not listen and he has never disciplined the cat. It is ridiculous. I am fighting a losing battle.

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Jake
January 21st, 2015 at 7:43 AM
Meg,

That’s just crazy! How can your boyfriend of 3 years actually say go on the couch so his DOG can sleep next to you? There’s definitely no love there! That’s over and I’d be out of there in a heartbeat!

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Jake
January 21st, 2015 at 8:02 AM
jetaime,

I know what you mean about having people out there that understand. Society leads us to believe that if you aren’t way into dogs then there’s something wrong with you. My ex and I would walk with her bulldogs and people driving by would look and smile. She would take that as how much people LOVE bulldogs but realistically, she dressed them up in clothes as we walked! People were just reacting to the costuming! Now, I like dogs (smaller ones) and all but holy cow, within reason! Don’t obsess or turn them into humans and call them “the babies”.

Just because he states it’s all she’s known her whole life doesn’t mean that she isn’t supposed to learn. All dogs can learn as long as they are properly trained. It takes some longer than others but you cannot let them run a mock and if he sets and KEEPS the boundaries without whining about it and accepts it wholeheartedly, then things can move forward.

Really though, what you are saying is exactly what happened to me! Just like you, I wouldn’t ask anything outlandish either. Stay out of the kitchen when we are eating (would also want when we are cooking), stay off the couch and out of the bedroom. Also, if we are sitting outside and eating on the patio that they stay inside. They come out there, put their mouth at the table because we have breakfast food on there and wipe drool on the table (throw up city!) so I was against them being out there while we eat, I needed peace! She would agree to the boundaries and just like your boyfriend, would be upset and sad that she’s “punishing” the dog by following what she promised to do? This is, if she had the ONE dog and didn’t have it take precedence over her relationship and obsess about it then it wouldn’t really be an issue but I ended up disliking the dog(s) because of her attitude with them. It just became too much.

How do you get over saying you ended a relationship over a dog? The fact is, it’s not the dog. I mean, it is that too but it isn’t. It’s about him and him not respecting you nor the relationship and putting the dog’s wants ahead of you. It’s about him not caring enough about you to make you a priority and that tells me that he doesn’t value the relationship to be a healthy life partner unfortunately. These people don’t change and will turn against you for their dog.

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jetaime
January 22nd, 2015 at 10:49 AM
Jake-
Your right.. I have asked for the dog to go to his mother’s. (He made the comment she would be happier there.) She has 5 dogs and I can’t even begin to describe that situation. Its also not my concern thank god. His dog lived there when we met. He says he will be doing it today. I hope it happens but another part of me is still unnerved because he really only doing it because he thinks she is treated bad if he makes her do animal things.. I just can’t grasp the thought process.. Send your dog away to live in utter dog pack madness where she will regress or train her properly and stop,acting like she’s a human with human feelings! I don’t know well see how it goes after today.

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Linda
August 23rd, 2016 at 12:29 PM
The niches of society that follows the latest things are lost like sheep and easily hypnotized by whatever the trends are. These people don’t even really think for themselves. But its not the poor canines fault that the masses have chosen to objectify the loyal animal forgetting this is a living creature not a fad. Dogs need to be dogs . people need to act like people. I think a lot of the fanaticism has gone so deep now because a lot of the people can’t deal with other people or person on their terms. They don’t have to compromise with their dog so the dog replaces a lot of relationships in a lot of scenarios. That’s borderline mental

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Jake
January 22nd, 2015 at 8:28 PM
Jetaime,

His mom has 5 dogs already and this one will make a 6th! Wow, I can only imagine the nice doggy aroma in there, lol…oh my god! I see, so the dog wasn’t at his place when you met so that problem didn’t come until later. I don’t understand that thought process either of getting upset that the dog is having to do dog things and then they try to make you feel guilty because you want the animals to be treated like a pet and be properly trained instead of being treated like your first born child? Well, good luck on the whole situation. I hope it works out for you! Finger crossed for ya!

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Lucy
January 25th, 2015 at 7:27 PM
I am so glad I stumbled across this forum because it’s the only place I’ve found people whose experiences are most similar to mine. The comment left by Jane I can relate to the most. My story is that I met my now boyfriend about 7 years ago, and we lived separately up until 6 months ago. Before we even met he has had a medium sized border collie/labrador cross and a cat from a previous relationship. He has had them about 8 years now. We had decided after many years that we were ready to move in together because we frequently discuss marriage and children and it’s the obvious natural next step. I am and have always been a very clean individual. I have been an asthmatic all my life and have many medications because of it. Dust and pet dander are the main triggers. We had discussed very thoroughly prior to living together that the house will need to be cleaned often and upkept to minimize as much as possible the hair. I knew his dog shed but BOY OH BOY did I not realize to what extent!!! Fast forward to 6 months after living together. Anyone who knows labs knows that they have two coats and shed INCESSANTLY. She sheds 24/7 and no this is not an exaggeration. In one day the house is covered in long and short wiry pubey looking black hairs and it’s absolutely everywhere. We had discussed prior that she would need regular groomings and brushings to minimize the shedding but this chore has not been upkept at all. The hair is floating everywhere and sticking to everything. It’s on counters and in the fridge and in our food and even makes it into rooms where she’s not allowed. I said absolutely no dogs in the bedroom or bathroom. No amount of vacuuming keeps the hair at bay. You can only imagine what the level of shedding can get to during hot summer months. On top of the shedding is the incessant dog smell. My boyfriend does not know what I am talking bout when I complain bout the smell (he must be used to it) but it irks me on a regular basis. He used to sleep with both the dog and cat in bed before we lived together. I dunno how because she was never bathed her entire life or brushed before we began living together. It is not her fault she smells terrible and sheds like a beast but this will go on for her entire life of course. Every single day I cringe coming home to a smelly, hairy home. She’s also not fixed so when she has her menstrual cycle she will bleed spots all over the home. The dirty paw prints all over the home also add to my irritation. I am so bothered by the mess this dog has caused and it makes me feel like we’ll never have a nice clean home! Don’t get me wrong, I DO enjoy animals and their company and I have had a small dog for many years before all this! He shed very little, was brushed and bathed often and did not stink. It was a very easy life to live with him and I loved him very much! My boyfriend and I have had countless fights about the animal messes but as long as we have pets the problem will continue. I am worried about bringing our children into a stinky, messy, hairy home. I love to have nice clean things and now, I find myself spending most of my days in the rooms where animals aren’t allowed. The constant cleaning continues but that’s all we can do. I just wish she wouldn’t stink or shed so much but this won’t stop. It literally drives me to resentment. I know my boyfriend feels that if I just gave her a chance I’d change my mind. But I just do not have a bond with his dog. She is not misbehaved whatsoever. She hardly barks and does not defecate or urinate in the home. As time goes on I thought I may get used to it as I force myself to accept things. But as time goes on I feel more resentment. And as I said, it is not her fault for being so sheddy and stinky. I know it’s a hopeless situation because at the end of the day, I love my boyfriend and I do know I want to spend my life with him. I would never ask him to get rid of his animals because that suggestion is beyond cruel. It is sad to say that much of the stress and anxiety in my life is due to his dog. Wow! Someone please tell me, how do people deal with the pet hair and mess and smell?! Those people with like, 4 German Shephards and a few cats too. I would die.

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tfoston
February 9th, 2015 at 10:40 AM
I adore my lady. She’s hard working, handles the house, the kids, the works. But her dog is the most annoying, useless……let’s just say I could complain all day. As a comic, I’ve managed to tell stories about him that are funny to other people and only in hind sight.

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Jane
March 8th, 2015 at 10:04 AM
Lucy, I’m glad I offered something relatable. I’m sad to say that things have only gotten worse. I have pretty much put my foot down and the dog has to stay in her bed all the time. Unfortunately, the hair is still an issue. I’m getting ready to go back to work and I dread what I will come home to. Lord knows the boyfriend won’t help, because that would be admitting that she is a gross mess. And dog lovers can’t do that. So stupid. I have no advice for you and I have no idea how people have four dogs. Just disturbing. I guess my advice is to ride it out because it’s not for forever. Just put your foot down that there will be no more dogs after the current situation.

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Amy
March 28th, 2015 at 11:11 PM
Lucy I feel for you. Your allergies seem much more extreme but I have minor allergies to my boyfriends dog and it makes my nose itch it’s so frustrating. We recently moved in together and he never had her properly trained so we are working on house training even though she’s almost 3 and should’ve already done this as a puppy. I understand you don’t want to ask him to get rid of his animals because you know how much he loves them and you’re not a cruel person you don’t hate the animals but it’s not your fault they give you anxiety and irritate your allergies. That’s a normal reaction. However, because of your extreme allergies at the end of the day they are animals and you are a human and if you get to a point where you literally can’t carry on living that way, I think you are well in your right to find a different home for these furry friends. You and your happiness need to come first

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Lucy
January 25th, 2015 at 7:38 PM
I must also add that over the past 6 months I have grown very much attached to his cat. He is sweet and sheds much less and does not stink!!! I can deal with minimal amounts of (expected) hair but when shedding requires vacuuming several times every single day, it’s completely out of control. You know it’s a lot when there are animal hair ‘tumbleweeds’ throughout your home.

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Cicely
January 27th, 2015 at 11:34 AM
Oh my goodness this is similiar to my story. Except I had the Siberian Husky, who showers regularly and smell great. The only problem is he is also a huge shedder which wasn’t a problem before I got married because my Husky had a lovely home outside the house, until after I got married and my husband who is 50x times the animal lover than I am decided that it’s too cold in California for my husky to live outside he should move inside, it was hard for me to accept the work that was heading in front of me with the my darling husky moving inside and the heap of hair that will be coming into the house. But, after several discussion I caved for the husky to be in the living room spring on the couch. I accepted I have sweep twice per day until my husband gracious decided he would rescue another dog a min pin couple weeks ago who is about 2years old not house broken and use our home including all bedroom as his personal bathroom…. I have no bond with this dog maybe because I feel in tired of cleaning every inch of the house before and after work and it still smell stinky from the Min Pin using our house as the bathroom…. I feel I don’t have any place except in one our bathroom in our home, my husband now wants the min pin to sleep in our bed. I’ve caved for everything my husband wanted that I completely disagree with but having the dog in the bed i truly dislike. Is there anyway to get the min pin out of our beds? Everytime he cries now if he’s not in the bed which drives me nuts, I love dogs. I truly love our husky, but this new dog that my husband seems to love is driving me nuts. I truly I’m not fan of this dog and I want him out the bed…. I’m still trying to get him to potty train…..

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Lucy
January 27th, 2015 at 6:02 PM
Cicely,

I am glad I am not the only one having trouble bonding with my partner’s pet! Sometimes the bond is instant and sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it just never happens at all. And this is how I feel about my boyfriend’s pets. The thing I’ve learned is that there has to be some give with the take. Compromise. If you both can agree on certain things which your husky is allowed to do, you’ll both have to find the happy medium with what his beloved min pin can and cannot do. If you are bothered by his soiling and smell be sure to let your partner know. When I’m upset about hair or stinkiness in the home due to his dog I have to tell him. I know I must sound like a nag sometimes but communication is key. It’s been 6 months and I’m still not used to things but it’s the sacrifice we’ve both had to endure. It’s a change for both of us. Just like this is a huge change for both of you too! I hope you guys can figure out something that works :)
Lucy
January 27th, 2015 at 6:06 PM
Oops, I forgot! With the bed thing, keep in mind that animals will need to be conditioned if you change their habits! If you change something it needs to be repeated again and again until they get it. They will complain and cry at first but you cannot give in. What about a puppy bed next to your guys’ bed? If he keeps jumping up maybe try a kennel at first. Then slowly move onto the dog bed by itself and reward him when he stays.
Jake
January 27th, 2015 at 11:45 AM
Lucy,

Sounds like you hadn’t spent enough time at his place over those 7 years to see all the hair that accumulated? Wouldn’t you have seen it if you stayed for the weekend at his place? What is the deal with sleeping with animals? Why on earth do people insist on doing this??? The dog smell is what gets to me and makes me nauseous! Of course, he’s noseblind to it and that’s something that won’t go away. You’ll have to invest in Fabreeze! If a dog is never bathed, you are going to really have the dog smell and even worse when they are bigger dogs!

If you love nice clean things, I’m sorry but you aren’t going to have that in the dog house so you’ll have to put that out of your mind until he/she passes and you don’t get another. If you want to be with him you’ll have to compromise and so will he with regular baths, air fresheners, daily vacuum sessions even though it seems pointless, and boundaries until the dog is passes on. That’s what you’ll have to look forward to if you are going to be with him…sorry.

I can imagine that you are attached to the cat. I had one, a tabby, when I was with an ex years ago and it was the sweetest thing and rarely shed. The house always smelled clean and we did have to worry about poop or pee anywhere either as he always went to the litter and we kept that clean. Cats are cleaner than dogs and very easy to take care of.

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Lucy
January 27th, 2015 at 5:52 PM
Jake,

I was completely unaware of the shedding/stinking issue until we moved in together 6 months ago! Before then we lived in separate homes – I had my beautiful and tidy high rise apartment and had no clue whatsoever what could possibly lie ahead. I mean, dogs shed. I know this. But in reality.. NO. No, I really did not have a clue! But I guess you are right, for the life of the dog the smell will remain. Even after a grooming she still emits a doggy aroma. I’ve come to believe many large breed dogs have this characteristic. (Sigh) We’re trying to find solutions in the meantime. We will be gating off portions of the home where she cannot enter because the hair and smell is just too plentiful. The truth is, had I known this would be the life of living with a larger sized dog with two coats, it would have been a deal breaker from the start. After you fall in love with someone, it’s kind of a package deal. You and them, plus the animals.

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Jake
January 27th, 2015 at 11:50 AM
Cicely,

Get the dog a doggy bed and keep him off of yours. You need to talk to your husband about this and stop caving on things because that’s not going to make a healthy household. Believe me, I did cave on things with my recent ex and that just caused resentment and it will cause it with you. Your husband had to take you into consideration over any dog! The dog won’t die if it’s not in the bed and eventually will GET IT that he’s not to be in the bed in the first place. The biggest mistake was bringing the dog into the bed because now he’s “trained” to think that’s where he’s supposed to be. Best to put him in a bed in another room. I say another room because if they are in the same room, they’ll keep jumping at the bed until they are brought into it…thereby TRAINING YOU to bring them in the bed.

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Cicely
January 28th, 2015 at 9:38 AM
Thank you, however kenneling is not something my hubby and I support. But, we gave both dogs a room to stay in last night(after several hrs of barking to get into our bedroom) he finally finally fell asleep in his own bed. That was a great idea thanks and my husband and I bedroom are at peace again. Its great sleeping next to my hubby and not all our four legged loves… Woohoo….

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Jake
January 28th, 2015 at 7:52 PM
Lucy,

Well sorry you are going through this. Yes, large breed dogs have the odor characteristic to deal with. The smaller ones can stay fresher longer but if you need to wash them it’s quick and easy. Not a fan of big dogs at all. I love all animals but don’t want any big dogs in my place and after dealing with bulldogs, of which I never gave much thought to before dating someone that had them, I want nothing to do with them! When I asked about gating off areas I was met with anger and resentment. Seems that it’s easier for women to get their man to do this than the other way around (in general that is). I learned a lot from my last doggy relationship and it’s a blessing that it ended because I wouldn’t like to live like that. It’s just something that requires compromise and the one I was with wasn’t willing to do that and in the end, if she’s not willing to compromise there then she’s not willing to compromise at life as a real couple. Like you said, there has to be some give and take and that’s what you’ll have to do if you want to be with him and vice versa so you both and can happy. Not to sound morbid but when the dog passes things will be easier and just don’t get another. Those dogs life expectancy is 12 years so in just gate things off etc. for 4 years.

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Tori
January 30th, 2015 at 7:02 PM
I have had a dog for quite some time now, and grew up having multiple animals at the same time. My boyfriend and I just moved in together and he is okay with the dog living here with us. I willingly do all the work for the dog. Walking, playing, feeding, etc and I clean more than he does for the fact that animals shed and I feel it is necessary to accommodate. He has never had a pet in his life and I am at the point where I would like to add a cat to the equation. One of each. Just like having one boy and one girl as children, I want one cat and then I’ll be happy. He absolutly does not want any other animals under any circumstance. I can understand that, but I’m having a hard time accepting it. My desire to complete my furry family is running strong. So what am I to do? Live my life wanting to keep him happy? He says I should be happy with the one dog I have now, and where i appreciate him allowing the dog to live with us, I cannot shake the feeling of being incomplete.

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Jake
February 1st, 2015 at 4:30 PM
I prefer cats over dogs Tori and would rather swap them out, lol. That being said, you are being selfish and cannot say “live your life to keep him happy”. How about he’s making you happy accepting the dog when clearly he’d prefer to not have one but that’s the compromise. Now you want to change that and add another? Focus on your relationship and not your “furry family” stuff. Not to mention, don’t compare them to children like a boy and a girl analogy. They aren’t children or babies. They are not humans, they’re animals. Please treat them as such.

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Sherry S
February 2nd, 2015 at 7:14 AM
I have a joy and it is rescue animals. I live on 5 acres and have plenty of room. I have an African Grey and my sinned deceased husband had 2 blue & gold macaws. At the time I met my partner I had 6 rescue dogs. This was all up front. My birds I’ve had for 20 years. The dogs were all rescued one at a time. I had them for years. Then my partner came into my life. She had one dog she rescued. She has said she supports my dream. I volunteer at a rescue feeding orphaned baby pups and kittens. Since we have been together 7 years now, problems have started popping up. She says she doesn’t resent my animals but actions and snide comments made say otherwise. Out of the 6 rescues I had, they lived a long life and began passing away. I then had 2 rescues left, a 15 yr old and an 8 yr old dog. I must mention that I was also caretaker for my mom and dad. They have passed away 2 yrs ago my mom and not quite 1 yr ago my dad. Since my dad, also 2 of the 4 I had left passed. So I am going to therapy for grief as I am having a tough time handling that. My partner says she understands but she really doesn’t. She thinks after the past 2 years I should be fine. But I’m not. Now I had a rescue of a mom dachsund and 3 pups who someone dropped out of a car and left. I picked them up. They were extremely thin. So knowing this was a temporary situation it was ok with my partner. I plan on keeping the mom and the babies will be adopted through the rescue I volunteer for. But for now my house is a slight zoo. Last nite she made the comment to a friend who was here that “it was my life and that’s how I choose to live it and she can’t do anything about it,”. Well I was floored when I heard this has she says one thing like how can you get rid of the puppies and then say something like above. Yes I support your dream she says but down deep, I think not. This is not a new situation but was the same as when we met. I have so was so hurt and mad at what she said to one of my friends. I must also say we dont live together. Anyway she left last nite and was angry about the way I answered her about some thing. After she left I spoke with my friend who told me the comment and I as l was hurt and livid. What should I do? Is there any hope for this relationship?

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Valerie
February 11th, 2015 at 8:52 PM
I’m sorry for all that you’ve gone through and are going through now. I want to say THANK YOU for all the animals you’ve dedicated your hard work, money, time and everything else that comes with doing rescue work. People like you are IMPORTANT in this world. As far as the relationship I don’t like to say it but maybe it’s best if you did separate, though it hurts to think that way. If she can’t honestly support your dream 100 percent to me does not seem worth it. There are PLENTY out there who would appreciate your dream and realize how AWESOME you are. . Even IF your house is a zoo at times! ! I know it’s been 7 years but you shouldn’t let anyone make you feel bad for doing what you love in life. I wish you happier days ♥

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Christin
February 2nd, 2015 at 10:44 AM
I have a labra-doodle and have always had an inside dog. My fiancé ‘ s daughter (8) hates dogs and my fiancé is not a pet person. He has said I have to get rid of my dog. The dog is the sweetest, smartest dog I’ve ever had. I’m trying to figure out what to do. He will not compromise at all on this issue. It saddens me terribly to think of loosing my dog. Any suggestions?

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Valerie
February 11th, 2015 at 8:38 PM
I soooo feel the heartache you’re in. I’ve been with my fiance for two years. Over the years I’ve taken in three rescues that i got as puppies. In Texas they were allowed to be inside as long as they were kenneled. Recently moved to Oklahoma and they’ve had to become “outside” dogs. He doesn’t allow them in anymore and it KILLS ME. I’ve built them a damn good warn dog house and they’ve adapted to the change. . Still though if it was up to me they’d be in my bed! !! Maybe you could talk to him if you have a fenced yard into doing the same as i did? I wish the best for you from one dog lover to another

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Valerie
February 11th, 2015 at 8:41 PM
And no offense but if you had your fur baby BEFORE the fiance. .i don’t think you should let him make that choice. When he said he wanted you he should of accepted the dog too! I don’t care what people say. .. A PET IS DEFINITELY LIKE A CHILD! ! THEY JUST HAVE FUR, FOUR LEGS AND ARE FUREVER LOYAL TO YOU NO MATTER WHAT! !!

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Joe
February 17th, 2015 at 1:27 AM
I find it so upsetting when people equate dogs to children. Were you a dog as a child? It’s absolute nonsense I’ve been seeing someone who really does wish all would except his hyper untrained dirty jack russel is both his child AND strangely also as sexy. (He used to tell me on our early dates (together four years), that were dog oriented, how people looking at us giving glances were “checking out his dog” (not me). He expected my cats locked up so his dog could take over my home. He even expected damages and cleanup to remain my issue. I tried to look past, including accommodating his dog in my home when he stayed weekends (until my son was home every weekend then bf near disappeared) but years later the mentality hAsnt changed. And he possibly uses his mutt as he is passive aggressive so perfect his mutt can growl and bark and dog owner can quietly enjoy the dominance that he really probably wishes for himself. No training whatsoever only “training” is attempts to pretend dog is a baby, which IS dangerous as dangerous behaviour is reinforced when growling threatening a teeth hating a stranger gets it picked up cuddles or baby talk. List could go on forever I cut dog out completely once to unbearable. That was ages ago and I still fester over it. Bf still makes attempts to pretend it was ME. (He still pretend mutt his child/partner). Never cleaned and they sleep together, and he had insisted that doggy was in my £7000 bed ruining my Hermes bedding (bf said my problem). Dog owners who pretend their mutts children should be banned from dog ownership they pretend no one else harmed yet are likely responsibility of injuries/deaths and I truly believe passive aggressives with strangely inflated misguided egos where they are center. Who else would think it’s cool to never clean after their dog? Unless royalty. I believe he got his dog to look posh. Yet it’s driven him homeless over and over few will rent out their properties to dog owners.
Joe
February 17th, 2015 at 1:54 AM
And I love animals!!! Grew up in isolation with mostly only wild animals and pets. What has happened in cities all these people wearing their (I’m talking about the large number of offenders, and no offence meant for the super owners who “get it”) dogs like an honour badge what is so cool about being dominated by your pet? Why would that look cool? Or clever? It’s everywhere is this for real???When I see this I automatically assume the person /owner has mental health issues or is intellectually challenged. Help me here isn’t this obvious??? What has happened that this is happening? Which came first the dog humping or the social isolation? Or when your dog is allowed to claw people, hump, jump on, bark at, ect ect what looks “cool” about this? I believe people who let their animals do these things are harbouring their own issues with people and secretly enjoying the pretend power their out of control mutts are giving them. Hey look at my pretend partner YOU inferior human never mind how it makes YOU feel I’m too busy pretending/making up inappropriate and misguided feelings for my mutt.
N
March 8th, 2015 at 11:02 PM
I grew up with working ranch dogs. They had their place I had mine. They would lay quietly on their beds in our living room and maintain a respectful distance when ever a meal was served. They would cruise by give a friendly wag and meander off to go wander the yard. Steadfast companions when asked, doing their own thing when we needed our space. Never begged, never up on furniture, never needy. Of course we spoiled the crud out of them too. Never for one second did we assume our dogs were our children. It’s possible to spoil a dog and still maintain a respectful relationship.
We were the owners, the dogs did what we wanted no ifs ands or buts about it.
My boyfriends dog is the most needy piece of crap. She’s a large pit and she can’t stand going outside. I give her a command ( I’ve spent hundreds of hours training) and she still resists and gets this look on her face like I’ve done the worst thing in the world to her that also goes for asking her to go outside. Every command is met with the resistance of a spoiled child. Dogs are dogs , they should take commands, listen and respect their position and Of course the owner needs to be respectful in their roll as well.
She sits there and just begs for constant attention, she emits the most awful depressed and anxious energy , she just wanders around the house and stands there with her head down in distress. Constantly needing constantly dumping her energy all over my home. It’s causing me anxiety when ever I come home. Im so stressed out in my own home it’s not fair. I work two jobs and run an at home crafts business, the boyfriend doesn’t exercise her (or bathe her) so she’s left in the house refusing to go outside and her energy builds, and I don’t have enough energy to help her. He works on his own time and has more than enough time and energy to take care of her properly.
She gets primo food, primo treats, a big beautiful back yard with other dogs to play with. I’ve tried my hardest to train her, and even my boyfriend (of 4 years ) has made several concessions. It’s just not working. He raised her like a human child, she is ruined for life.
Gah, I can’t wait till she dies. Sounds cruel, but I’m willing to suffer for my bf. I hope she gets cancer like her mother did and dies early.
I used to love dogs, never again. I’m ruined for life.
You can still love the crap out of your dogs and maintain a respectful dog owner relationship. Dogs are not kids, gah that makes me want to vomit. Dogs are your slaves, respect them, give them tasks, love them and ask that they maintain a respectful dog/owner relationship train them to love commands, train them to be dogs not people.
Chris
March 2nd, 2015 at 8:44 PM
A dog is an animal period, it has no human characteristics!!! A dog lives 10 years tops, humans live avg 85 years….hmmm when dog dies, and it will, who will be there longer. Not to mention animals belong outside, they are meant to be outside. THEY ARE A ANIMAL, just like COWS, DEER, and SHEEP!!!!
Theresa
March 4th, 2015 at 7:41 PM
Amen this is so true y can’t everyone understand this
Amy
March 28th, 2015 at 10:56 PM
I don’t necessarily agree that when you fall in love with a person you automatically “know what you’re signing up for” I think there should be compromise in all relationships and when it comes down to it if it’s between your human significant other and your animal and you choose your animal you’re going to live a lonely life because at the end of the day you can’t have a full life with an animal you can’t marry or procreate with an animal and if you truly love this person…are you willing to throw it all away for an animal? Just food for thought. My bf and I struggled when we moved in together about his dog because he couldn’t contemplate why I wasn’t such a nutty dog lover. On top of that he never got her trained or really house broke her completely and allowed her to sleep in the bed. I was really nervous moving in because I pictured having to deal with all these things but if you just calmly communicate your issues and work together Theres a way to figure things out. We hired a personal trainer who we did lessons with together as a team and we diligently kenneled her to work on house breaking and we let her sleep in the living room. If someone truly loves you they will work with you to solve the problem so all 3 of you can live in peace. But if they refuse to change and work on the problems with the animal….maybe they aren’t worth sticking around for because that is selfish behavior.
Vilma
February 4th, 2015 at 11:43 PM
I have been married for over a year and living with my hubby for over 3 years. He has an English bulldog that is 6 years old and that I’ve just grown to dislike over the years. I’m pregnant and due in a few weeks and have hit a point where I need him to get rid of the dog. The dog is so gross, drools everywhere… All over the walls, sheds like crazy, snores all the time which is so annoying to me, farts and stinks up the house and on top of it all is super moody and snarls at me at times. More and more lately if I move him somewhere he doesn’t want to go. My husband gets upset with me for yelling at the dog when he snarls at me and it drives me crazy! He then cuddles the dog and the dog thinks he is doing good. I don’t think a dog should snarl or growl at anyone, much less one of his masters. I know this dog means the world to my husband and has helped him get through tough times before he met me. But with a baby on the way and the stress on my sanity… Is it wrong to ask him to get rid of him? We have a Great Dane 2 year old with no issues. He just puts the bulldog on a pedestal and it causes lots of issues and arguments. Neither of us can fix it. What should I do? I’m sick to death of dealing with this dog and am even growing resentment to my husband. Is asking him to find him the dog a new home too much? I can’t tolerate this dog anymore but I know it will break my husband’s heart.

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Jake
February 7th, 2015 at 5:57 PM
Vilma, I dealt with that same garbage in my last relationship so I can relate. She had one nasty bulldog at first which drooled all the time and also snored and farted. Was untrained and would also get rewarded for misbehaving. All similar to you except she got a second one to keep company of the first one! I don’t know how you handled living for that long in the same house as that dog. The thought of it was hurting our relationship until it ultimately ended. Some people regard these dogs over their human companion which I think is absolutely disgusting. I like dogs in general but not drooly, nasty, ugly Bulldogs but that experience has really hurt my thought process of dating in regards to not giving someone a chance if they own a dog. No, asking him to find the dog a good home isn’t asking too much at all. He MUST put the relationship over the bulldog. You already have another and don’t need that sloppy thing. You have to word it differently than “get rid of” as these dog worshippers are very sensitive to that. I said the same verbiage with my ex, discussing someone else, and she thought that sounded like I hated dogs even though I’ve owned in the past! Don’t want any anymore however, too much hassle! Explain to him why the dog would be better off and that he has to think of his family first as well as the new baby especially!

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leo
February 13th, 2015 at 8:59 PM
my wife and i just got into another argument due to her dogs! too much affection drives me nuts. problem is im starting to act violent towards her dogs

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Denise
February 15th, 2015 at 1:56 PM
Woah. That’s a major issue that has to do with your anger. You should NEVER be violent towards any animals. If you are, seek help immediately and DO NOT take your anger out on innocent animals. End the relationship before opting for violence!!!

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will
February 16th, 2015 at 1:50 PM
I have made a arrangement with my wife NO pets in the bed.after one week she decide to bring the dog back in the bed. I do not sleep in the bed because of itching smell and the constant licking. And he takes enough space for a small child.I realy live her but i can not sleep with animals.I have realy tried alot and my brain still can not comprehend why she holds him like a baby to go to sleep that is a another issue i have.And then i am blamed for treating animals like THINGS she says.Every living thing has a its place in this world But Not My Bed.This issue has made me in a bad mood all day.

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will
February 16th, 2015 at 1:54 PM
Lets not forget the constant pictures of the dog taken with her phone…smh

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Ash
February 23rd, 2015 at 9:18 PM
I don’t think its cool that she disregarded your feelings about dog on bed after you told her how you felt. And YES…the licking noises disgust and annoy me like crazy too. The article is right, you DON’T HAVE TO LOVE THE PET AS MUCH AS YOUR PARTNER. So don’t feel guilty. Having a dog on your bed in my opinion is very uncleanly. The same paws they use to trample on s*** and p*** are the same paws they walk all over your bed with. Not to mention the hair. Or at least that’s why I didn’t want the dog on the bed in the first place. But after expressing my feelings towards my partner and them being disregarded, I mostly don’t want the dog on the bed because my feelings were tossed to the side. Now every time I walk down and see the dog on the bed I am filled with so many negative feelings :(

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Amy
March 28th, 2015 at 10:46 PM
You’re not crazy. My bf always allowed his dog to sleep with him, then we moved in together and I said absolutely not. I have mild allergies so she irritates my nose when in close proximity not to mention I think a dog in bed is so unsanitary. He thought I was being so mean to her and felt I didn’t “love her” and never would. I think it helped to hear from someone else not in the relationship how ridiculous he was being basically choosing the dog over your significant other. It might help you to seek counciling or even discussions with close friends to make her see reason.

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dawn
February 23rd, 2015 at 7:25 AM
I was just wondering if anybody could answer my question. My boyfriend has a pit bull she is a nice dog. He is at home with her all day while I work. When I get off work it seems like he doesn’t care if I am home or not. But he would rub the dogs back abd love on her back before he evens thinks of me. Then she lays with him in the bed and he cuddles With her and not me. my question is , is it wrong of me to get upset cause the dog gets all the attention and I barely get any.

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Ash
February 23rd, 2015 at 9:09 PM
Dude I’m in the same situation it’s been like this for idk how many months. It was very depressing for me and now my “moving past it” has resulted in resentment towards both dog and boyfriend.
I don’t think you are wrong for feeling the way you do (we should never apologize for FEELING a certain way), but I think communicating to him how it is making you feel might help.

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Alex
February 26th, 2015 at 11:03 AM
My boyfriend loves his little chihuahua more than me. When I was pregnant he wouldn’t take the dog off the bed even though I have asthma & I was pregnant at the time. He wouldn’t give me ANY attention. Even if my back was hurting and I had to use my inhaler all the time. And I was itchy and got rashes while she was on the bed. He would stop talking to me just to pick her up because she always wants him attention specially when he talks, gets close or even awknowledge me. The dog is his world and I’m just a person who lives with him. He yelled at me when I was tired and my feet where swollen because I didn’t buy the dog food when she still had some left. Enough for another day. I can’t make any comments about his dog because he always defends Nd puts the dog above me. He compliments the dog and acts like its his actual girlfriend. Here I am sitting down in our room then he goes and gets the dog a pillow. Because she looks sad. While I have a big fat belly and I’m constantly complaining about my back. But he doesn’t care. After I had my baby he prefers to stay by the dog and not us…the dogs doesn’t sleep in the bed anymore but she sleeps in our room. My baby is 8 months now with asthma and gets rashes and has eczema…the doctor said to keep the dog away from the baby because the dog is part of the problem but HE WILL NOT do that even of our lives depended on it. THIS IS ALL SOO WRONG. I’m I right or wrong ?!

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Alex
February 26th, 2015 at 11:06 AM
Not to mention she always gets in the way. I can’t get close to him because she gets in the way and he allows it. But no it’s ok. Because that’s just innocent.

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kelly
February 27th, 2015 at 10:01 AM
I totally understand where you are coming from. My fiancé has a dog that it totally above me, I cannot tell you how many times he has questioned are relationship over the dog. The dog is all over the couch, and heaven for bit I leave anything on the couch that might stop the dog from getting on their at night to sleep; which the dog as an orthopedic bed that he bought him. The dog begs at all meals or literally anytime you put something in your mouth, I seriously cannot take my birth control without the dog begging. And I cannot say anything, I am always told to “ignore it, he’s fine.” He once told me that my kids were not allowed to sleep on the couch but his dog can. His parents are just as bad, they call the dog their grandkid and call several times a day to check on the dog. SICK!!!!!!! The dog is constantly shoved down my throat, we cannot go anywhere with out the dog, and cannot plan a vacation or anything else that does not allow pets, his whole world is around that dog. He thinks it is his kid, and even takes it to daycare everyday. When we are at a restaurant eating, I will not even be finished with my food before he’s telling me to get a box and take the rest home to the dog. When we are having a date night, he is on the floor with the dog, at night I wake up to him not in bed and I’ll go looking for him and he is out in the living room crouched on the floor laying with the dog. I don’t get it, and even if he is spending time with me the dog just stands there and cries staring at him, so he always gets up and goes to he dog, leaving me. I do not want to toss out my engagement but I do not know how much more I can take. I have tried to compromise with him. Like at dinner we have had so many arguments because he wants me to make the dog a plate, at his parents house the dog eats first, literally,,, then people can eat. Its making me nuts and I am really starting to resent him and not want to be with him. When the dog is not around, (because his dad will take the dog to camp with him) everything is great, but when the dog comes back its terrible.

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Jake
February 27th, 2015 at 4:38 PM
That won’t change Kelly. It will only get worse as time goes on and he neglects/takes you for granted. I’ve been in a relationship with a dog nut and you get so frustrated because they just don’t get it and never will. Read my story and you’ll see what I mean. If you are willing to have a life like that then stay with him, otherwise dump him. He clearly doesn’t want to compromise which is what relationships are all about and being his parents are dog nuts, he’s lived that personality trait his whole life and has been taught by them to be that way. If you think a lifetime trait will change like that when he’s shown he’s not willing to change, then you are delusional. If you argue like that before marriage, it will get much worse!

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Lily
February 28th, 2015 at 5:48 PM
I am going thru the same thing as many of you. I was in a long distance relationship for a very long time and recently uprooted to move all the way across the country to be with my significant other. His dog is driving me so crazy I feel like I’m going to have a stroke. He has a dog that is 81% wolf and the rest husky and is the most poorly behaved dog I have ever been around. He pees everywhere no matter how many times you take him on a walk or let him outside. His pee smells horrible and I recently learned that the smell of wolf urine is so strong that people buy it off the internet to ward off raccoons and possums. When I come home and open the door it smells so horrible that I’ve thrown up a couple times from it. If you put the dog in his kennel to run up to the store even for a few seconds you have to turn the kennel towards the wall and push the couch behind it otherwise he escapes and destroys the house. While your gone he will literally pee all over the kennel and aim it out of the kennel. It’s absolutely disgusting. I bet a hoarders house smells better than here. Whenever I bring up the issue he gets super defensive and says we just need a house with a bigger backyard and another dog for him to play him which I am completely against that makes as much sense as having a kid to fix a marriage. This dog is horrible and is ruining my life. Am I wrong for wanting him to get rid of it? I love dogs but not wolves. I am at such a loss right now.

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Melissa
October 30th, 2015 at 9:27 PM
Run! Get away from these animals as fast as possible.

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marine
March 1st, 2015 at 9:58 PM
I’m married 13 years, we had a small dog for 8 years and she died from heart problems. She was well trained, stayed home with family when we traveled. Never a problem. I did not want another dog. My husband was mean to her I found out later as he apologized. He got a Yorkie I didn’t want. He’s attached himself to this dog to the point we’re now separated. Everything is the dog. We can’t go anywhere do anything that is not about dog. He’s quit job’s because he couldn’t have the dog with him. That part has changed as he literally broke us financially. He refuses to go anywhere the dog can’t have full reign of. Doesn’t see our grandkids anymore. Doesn’t see our kids. The dog doesn’t know a leash nor rules. Dog urinates on my bed which I don’t sleep in anymore. Dog eats off his plate and will get on counter and lick frying pan or eat whatever i have thawing out. Dog doesn’t know a kennel. If he doesn’t get food when we’re eating he will bark at him till he gets it. Husband finds this cute. Dog is his bbf, his baby. This is same man who would make family or friends kennel their pets when visiting us. Now we visit them and he’s mean to their dogs if his dog don’t rule. Husband now is only concerned with dog’s appearance rather than his wife. I’ve literally slept in my vehicle with my clothes packed many times because I refuse to be humiliated and belittled over a animal. He’s many times now said I will be gone before the dog. Family too but the dog will stay. Many times he’s said if I reprimand the dog he will choke the life out of me. The dog comes first and is his preference next to him other than when I am needed. Husband told me years ago about his best friend (human) that I would be gone before his friend, as I didn’t want his friend in my house. It was a argument we had. Husband has been violent 2x in the 13 years and now again recently. He says I’m the sick one being jealous of dog. That the dog calms him. Just recently I traveled to where he was staying with our travel trailer and working. I hadn’t heard from him in 2 days which is not normal. I found him tripping and can’t see where dog is helping him at all. He’s drinking and now back to as he says dabbling in drugs. There’s so much more to this. It’s embarrassing, humiliating, and I can’t understand it at all. I have tried about everything possible and still tonight he says he’s not getting rid of the dog.

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Chloe
March 4th, 2015 at 9:58 AM
I started a new relationship in January this year with a guy that does not like my dog. I don’t mind my dog on my couch or bed. I enjoy cuddling with him. My boyfriend does not like it and I’ve compromised with him and I’ve quit allowing my dog on the furniture. My boyfriend stays the night with me sometimes and works overnight and sometimes when he comes home, my dog has jumped on the bed while I’m passed out and he gets really annoyed. I kennel my dog to punish hI’m but my boyfriend is so hateful towards him and it’s making me resent him. He repeatedly says how much he doesn’t like him and talks about how it’s gross when he gets on the furniture. He jokes about what I would do if i came home one day and Nimbus (my dog) was gone. I told him that I’ve compromised but I can’t change my dogs behavior overnight. I’m also making a change myself and I told him that he needs to be patient and let us both adapt but his negativity is really starting too exceed the limits of my patience. It’s MY house. The relationship is still really new and at least I’m trying.

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yelly
March 30th, 2015 at 8:50 PM
Oh hell no. This guy sounds ije a jerk. Maybe he is jealous, I dont know. But if you have tried to change things for his comfort, and he is still being mean I would wonder whats wrong with him. It seems reasonable to need a bit of adjustment time. I am no “dog nut” as people on here like to say. But your dog is your responsibility as well as a loved member of your family. I would think about if I wanted someone who clearly resents your pet so much in your life. What else is he intolerant of?

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Ash
March 4th, 2015 at 11:11 PM
This thread has helped me cope with my situation soooo much. It’s made me realize that I’m not alone and that I don’t have to see my boyfriends dog like a human the way he does. Thank you all.

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Jake
March 5th, 2015 at 9:12 PM
No, you don’t have to see your boyfriends dog as a human. There are some really nutty dog owners out there unfortunately! I hope I don’t meet another one! They seem to outnumber the sane/rational ones!

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ang
March 11th, 2015 at 9:43 PM
You’re so right!
Melissa
October 30th, 2015 at 9:25 PM
I love animals, but I don’t enjoy sharing my living space with them. I hate dog/cat hair all over everything I own and I do not appreciate being disregarded so someone can pet, rub, snuggle, and baby talk their pet. Pets are ok when they are in their place, not when they run the home. And ruin the home. And a marriage.

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Dana
March 6th, 2015 at 12:54 PM
I have been with my partner for about a year and a half. And at this point I don’t know what to do. Just like the other stories I have read, it’s like the dog runs the house. The dog is constantly allowed to sleep in the bed with us, which now that I have moved in, I’m sleeping in another room “my room”. The dog likes to jump on the couch, claw the carpet and the couch, bark at any little noise and I swear the bark shakes the entire house. He’s told to stop, etc; which really does nothing anymore, cause he’s use to being allowed to do what he wants. Not to mention it likes to jump on the table when we’re eating, and whines till no end if she doesn’t allow him out of his crate. I don’t want to smell like dog and I don’t want my furniture, sheets, or anything else to smell like dog. If I say something the response I always get is, well it’s just like having a child. You cannot compare a dog to a child. I can totally tolerate a child more than this dog. I feel like this will eventually be the end to our relationship and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt my partner but I know if I say anything the solution may possibly be me moving out.

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Merianne
March 18th, 2015 at 7:14 PM
I was faced with the same thing. My bofriend wanted me to move in. But having spent a considerable amount of time at his house already with his pain in the ass dog…i told him i am not moving in. I will wait untill the dog dies and then he sells that house and we get our own place together and NO DOGS!!!

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Shel
March 6th, 2015 at 9:12 PM
The day I received an “ultimatum” about my dogs is the day my SO would be hitting the road. Fortunately I don’t have that issue. My husband loves our dogs as much as I do. I admit I have also spent considerable time and energy to train them to live with us in harmony. They are very, very good dogs. I would have to question anyone that would hand out ultimatums to their SO or anyone who would be willing to part with a pet that they made a commitment to based on an ultimatum.

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pip
March 8th, 2015 at 1:34 AM
You would have to question anyone that gives an ultimatum regarding your dogs. Why not question yourself, why not realise that if it were to ever get to that point in your relationship, that you are effectively saying that my dogs are more important than you’ll ever be. Why not question your need to put human needs beneath dogs. Dog nuts just don’t get it. They think its ok to be controlling but don’t like it when that is challenged for good reasons. Everyone has to put up with your dog but godforbid they talk out against it. If anything dog people are the controlling ones. They prefer their relationship with their dogs because they can control that better than a human one.

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Jake
March 10th, 2015 at 6:46 PM
Too right pip! Agree totally!!!
stacey
April 20th, 2015 at 12:59 PM
Me and my fiance both have dogs when we met he already had a 3 year old french mastiff and an american eskimo i have 2 beagles, we have been together for 2 yrs and 4 months now and our dogs have never met eachother and he proposed and i said yes as we do have a great relationship, but 1yr ago he asked if i wanted to get a baby girl mastiff with him to try and bread the other and i said yes, so now their is 3 dogs at his house and heres the thing…when i bring it up that my 2 dogs are comming with me if i move in and ask what if they dont get along then what? We still get married but live apart i ask?..his response was yeah i guess so but that really sux! , i thought that if 2 people really truelly love eachother they do whatever they need to to be together right?..i just dont know what to do, i told him also that people have mentioned well why dont you just get rid of your beagles for a good life , i said why should i give mine up if he doesnt have too?…i dont think so! , i love all of our dogs i dont want none too go away! , ..but my man dont even ask about mine either, or say he wants to visit them or anything and that makes me sad cause im alwasy over there …i just dont know what to do!!!! ..please i need advice
Noemi
July 13th, 2015 at 8:37 AM
If a person has a dog, and enters a relationship with an individual who dislikes the dog, it is unfair for both parties to be throwing ultimatums around. What happened to compromise and communication? Ultimately, it is extremely unfair to make a partner get rid of his/her pet. Pets are not disposable. Being dropped off at the shelter can be traumatizing for a pet. Pets are creatures of habit, and cannot be transferred from home to home like a toy just because someone doesn’t want them around. Animal shelters are more crowded than ever, and finding a person who loves his/her pet is a good thing. It shows empathy. Animals aren’t playthings who can be discarded when the novelty wears off.
Melissa
October 30th, 2015 at 9:20 PM
When you’re old, your spouse will be there by your side taking care of you. Your dog will be dead. Choose wisely.
Aeryn
September 5th, 2016 at 4:30 PM
Or perhaps animals have been the only creatures that have ever treated us better than our spouses or how our fellow “humans.” act. Quite high and mighty of you to push your own agenda of what you consider to be “normal.” On these “dog nuts.” Simply because it was how you were raised yet by nature humans are in no way monogamous creatures and thus we are not bound by our instincts to stay together. You are just as temporary as the dog no matter how well you would like to admit it.
ang
March 11th, 2015 at 9:39 PM
Commitment to do dogs ummm what about the commitment to your spouse…seriously wow.

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pip
March 8th, 2015 at 1:43 AM
Unfortunately, I have split up with my partner of 5 years over the dogs. It went something like this: I was looking at brochures to get decorating ideas for the baby’s nursery. Id chosen the colour of the carpets and walls and was so excited showing him. Later on that day we had a minor argument i cannot remember what it was about, it would have been really trivial. He then said have you still got a problem with the dogs, i said yeah, I’m tired of the smell in the house no matter how much dettol we use, it gets me depressed. I also said that i don’t want to buy all this new stuff only for them to go and ruin it. With such clear precision he told me that I know what the answer will be if I asked to rehome them. So with equal precision, I packed my stuff and left. There is no chance in hell after half a decade of being with someone would i let them disrespect me that way. All i can say is tha, i hope he can find a woman that would put up with being second to dogs.

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marine
March 8th, 2015 at 11:25 AM
AMEN SISTER! I Did the same. Although 13 years and a whole lot of assets later, he’s promising he will strip me of every dime like he’s done in the past till I crawled back like a dog. No MORE! I have been thru this many many times and want to tell you “don’t give in”. It’s self humiliation and you ARE worth more than that! HOLD YOUR OWN GROUND!

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Jake
March 10th, 2015 at 6:50 PM
Wow, sorry to hear that ANOTHER person put their dog above their human companion. It’s just sick sick sick!!! You’re better off without him and don’t deserve that. They can marry their damn dogs!

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Julie
May 19th, 2015 at 2:43 AM
I am an animal lover. I have a small senior dog who I live as if he were family. I’m very attached to him. I recently started dating a man who says that my dog is a demanding monster. I left him alone with my little dog and strangely he was hunched over and in a lot of pain. He said that all he did was pick him up to take him outside. My dog has invertebral disc disease and he’s had episodes in the past but only after jumping off of furniture, not just from being picked up. I’m not sure what to believe. I just don’t understand not loving a dog, any dog. They are vulnerable and at the mercy of the world’s kindness or cruelty. I think that if two people are together and one is an animal lover and the other feels put out by the demands of an animal…it’s better to go seperate ways. It’s not about choosing a dog over someone, it’s about being too different. It just doesn’t work, I’ve realized.

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Teresa
March 9th, 2015 at 7:30 AM
My boyfriend has 2 dogs. They are smaller dogs and use his house as a toilet. Their breath smells likelike rotting roadkill. They are allowed to be in the kitchen begging constantly at your heels and their breath becomes what you taste when you eat. When my boyfriend is not around I put distance between myself and the dogs…they will go away. I have told him how I don’t like them mouth breathing beside me when I am eating and he thinks I am mean. He just called me a pig because I ate a sandwich and didn’t save any for the dogs. I also get miffed when I bring food to my boyfriend and he just starts in by dishing some out for the dogs. I am glad the dogs are old and will not live forever. I like his cat.

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Jake
March 10th, 2015 at 6:55 PM
I dealt with someone similar in that way. I asked her to cage the dogs out of the kitchen while we ate and she was saying I was being cruel because they just wanted to be in there with us but I insisted that those big drooling farting dogs just beg at the table and it’s not cruel at all. They would bark on the other side of the gate until they get their way. You have to be prepared though. They may be old dogs but he wants them around so he’ll likely get more dogs once these die and they would be younger for more years of pain. That may be an argument that breaks you up so be ready for that talk. :(

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Jamie
March 11th, 2015 at 6:25 PM
Really glad I found this page. My SO has a dog. It is nice, and I don’t dislike it, but the problem is the hair. My god the hair. If I even walk into his apartment, I’ve got hair on my clothes. I find hair still on clothes that I’ve washed after being there. His bed and couch are covered in hair. My work laptop, INSIDE my work bag has hair in it. I have to lint roll my entire outfit before I leave for work in the morning when i stay at his house. Also, on the rare occasion he stays at my place, he has to leave really early in the morning to go home and take the dog out (i live in SF and we both have apartments with no yard). It’s always there taking attention away from me. It even watches us have sex and I’m kind of bothered by it.

We are talking about moving in together and everything else besides the dog is great, but I’m thinking about not moving in with him because of the dog. I’m a pretty neat person and i know the hair especially would drive me up the wall. I haven’t mentioned amy of this to him because i think it sounds petty. Am I crazy? What should i do?

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Jane
March 18th, 2015 at 9:40 PM
You are not crazy!!! Find my story that I posted awhile back. The hair drives me crazy!!!! My neatness has turned to total anxiety. I hate when the dog gets up because hair just flys off of her. I actually had to clean it out of the DVD player the other day. Really think about your life here. Whatever you feel now, multiply times ten thousand, and that is how much you will hard the shedding when you live with him.

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Melissa
October 30th, 2015 at 9:15 PM
For the love of God, DO NOT MOVE IN WITH THIS WOMAN!!! It’ll be soooooooo much worse than it is now and you’ll wish you hadn’t. Save yourself while you still can. It’ll never work and it’ll be a fight every day of your life. Trust me. I am living it. Learn from my mistake.

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BK
March 13th, 2015 at 1:44 PM
Wow. Reading these stories makes me want to buy all of you drinks for what you’re dealing with. Me and my wife got our dog after being married for about a year. We’ve had him for 6 years now and the experience has been mostly positive. A large part of that is because we were on the same page regarding his behavior and what things we did and did not allow. From day one, training was implemented. He was taught to stay off the furniture and we did not feed him from our plate, so he never begged for food. He got housebroken and crate trained very quickly, and we taught him quite a few commands. He’s very protective of our 2 kids, so we are fortunate for that.

We love our dog, but we do NOT treat him like a human child because he’s not one. He knows his place in the pecking order. I’ve visited other dog related websites and you wouldn’t believe how some people react when you aren’t a complete and total dog nut. I’ve had people say that I don’t truly love my dog because we don’t allow him on the furniture, and I’m like “really?” We don’t want dog hair all on the couch and definitely not in the bed, so he sleeps in his own bed downstairs. Some of them also found it odd that, as a dog owner, I’m perfectly fine with the fact that some people don’t like dogs. According to them, people who don’t like dogs are not to be trusted. Lastly, they tried to give me the third degree when I said that we crate our dog when we have visitors. Some of our friends and family members are not dog people, and we’ll be damned if we alienate those people over a dog.

I hope those of you on here are able to come to some sort of resolution for your issues.

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Jake
March 17th, 2015 at 10:03 PM
@BK. Its good that there are normal dog owners like you. There are so many dog nuts out there it’s scary!!!

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Jay
March 18th, 2015 at 8:46 AM
See, I like that,my wife thinks that dog is a human child and that’s one of our problems. She says she don’t feed him our food well if that was the case them why is he always staring in my face when I eat. Not only that she forgets how to carry herself as a married woman when she’s out and around people. It’s crazy, so what do you think is the best thing to do? And promises has been broken as far as who comes first, husband or dog

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Ameera
April 18th, 2015 at 10:53 PM
Jay!

Omg! Are you kidding me??? Dogs are animals! Yes they have traits like children! But at the end of the day they are JUST animals!!!!’ For god sakes! Dogs are dogs and children are children! Period!
jm
May 28th, 2015 at 9:06 PM
Thank you. This is the exact way I feel. You are very lucky to have a supportive partner. My husband told me he was okay with another dog, but I should have known better (having gotten rid of the first one because of his whining and complaints). I am doing all the training, but I work full time and he’s home during the day. Unfortunately, he does not want to enforce rules and training so he complains about barking/housebreaking. We fight about it and he says he hates the dog. The dog is very sweet and pretty well-behaved with me. This is so frustrating. If he would just put effort into training I know we’d see a difference.

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Jazz
March 15th, 2015 at 10:52 AM
I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years we currently live in a house with 6 animals 3 cats, a dog, and two rats. The rats have their own room and are no problem at all very friendly and easy to care for… they are my boyfriend and I’s pets we currently live with his parent’s one of the cats is his she is an indoor and outdoor cat, she’s very friendly and well behaved also good with children. The second cat is his moms and the cat is the most annoying cat ever, the cats been in diapers his whole life.. but he is perfectly capable of going to the litter box he even trys to go while hes wearing his diaper… my boyfriends mom changes that cats diaper on the same counter she prepares food with out disinfecting it.. when i addressed my boyfriend he claimed she does.. I think its the most disgusting thing ever, and they just let their cat scratch on furniture rip up boxes and shoes and let the cat walk around on the dinner table. And all I ever hear is the mom talking to the cat or yelling the cats name and it drives me insane… because the cat is so misbehaved and treated like a god. Their dog scratches all her skin off all over the floor there are piles of flakes of skin all over the carpet and the dog gets the whole couch to stink up and chews on herself and she also has no manners she pees on the carpet when shes mad at her owners or on the floor when my boyfriends parents leave and leave my boyfriend to clean it up…and she is also treated like royalty… Me and my boyfriend rescued our third cat from someone who said they felt like abusing him and I remember I held the kitten in my arms and bonded with the cat so it was basically like I was its human mom ya know.. but the plan was we’d keep it until we found another home for it.. and his parents didn’t want to give him up so we were stuck with a third cat that they claim is my cat but yet they named him even when I already came up with a name which I thought was rude and meant that they were taking claim over the cat down the road the cat started messing on the bathroom floor everyday and meowing at our door at 5am really loud i can’t stand it.. his parents wanted to keep him and no one has trained him on top of that they let their diaper cat beat up this new cat and rip his hair out which makes me feel super bad but all these misbehaving pets have ruined animals for me and i can’t stand living with them im also pregnant and my boyfriend thinks im a control freak because i dont want to be around them or let them sleep in the bed. I’m ready to move out into my own apartment and my boyfriend is choosing to stay with his parents and the animals… ugh

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Ashley
March 19th, 2015 at 5:23 PM
Wow this post has really made me feel like I am not alone anymore with this issue! Like many people here I have always been a huge animal lover. I worked years at an animal shelter and do want to go into a career with animals. I have always been much more of a cat person though and have only ever lived with small dogs until now. My boyfriend has a 5 year old Great Dane and will never own another breed. It has been a big adjustment for me and I am trying my hardest but he feels I am unfair to the dog with the attention I give him vs my 2 year old cat I have had since a kitten. I love the dog and take care if him all day everyday while my boyfriend is at work. We only have one vehicle which is mine but we just moved and are trying to get caught up money wise (he makes more) so I said I would stay home until we can get another vehicle. He has been good with many things we have compromised. I didn’t want him on furniture which he has done and not in our room. Which was going well until now he hurt himself awhile ago and was sleeping in our room to watch him but now he’s better and he said he loves having him in our room sleeping beside us so he’s going to keep it that way. He sleeps in his bed not ours but still. Is it wrong of me after all day being with him and taking care of him to just want the night to myself and my boyfriend without the dog in there smelling up our room? My cat is allowed on the furniture and our bed when he comes but he’s much smaller than a Great Dane and sheds much less.. So I don’t find it that unfair. Especially when cats do their own thing and it’s not like they’re around bugging you all day like the needy dog. I’m starting to feel resentment and don’t know how to deal with this as I love the dog and he’s well trained etc. It’s just too much time with him even if he is doing his own thing parts of the day. I haven’t been able to talk to my bf much about it as I’m scared it will lead into a huge fight and hell breakup with me over it. (As He has already said his dog will come first always) He already thinks I despise his dog which I don’t he jsut doesn’t understand I don’t know how to deal with the constant need and attention… I love this man and never want to lose him over a dog but how should I go about dealing with this? I don’t want to feel hate towards the dog like I’ve been starting to.

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dogtired
March 21st, 2015 at 6:17 AM
I am not a dog nut. We got a dog thinking it would help us keep active, particularly as I was giving up my job to move with my husband who wanted a career change and to home school our kid who couldn’t cope in public school. The dog is very friendly. It doesn’t sleep on the sofa or beds and is house trained. It has chewed a few things it shouldn’t and I don’t always feel enthusiatic about walks but it’s generally okay (only 8 months). Me and my son usually enjoy its company. It can be annoying and it often stinks, but it is happy to be outside so not a big problem. My husband hates it. He constantly complains that it is in the way. He complains about the sounds it makes (eg when chewing a bone) or when he hears us speaking to it. As I say, it can be annoying so I do have sympathy, but I am warn down by the constant moaning. I do most things for the dog but he will feed it and pick up poo, though I tend to try and stop him stop since he makes it clear he really hates it (but this just annoys my husband :( ). So much for having a dog for “company”. It’s really lonely when it seems the dog is all the company you have. I walk the darn thing all week and would love my husband to want to come out with me at the weekend. As it is, he would come if I said I really wanted some company, but would make it abundantly clear that he doesn’t like the dog and would take no pleasure in the experience making me feel miserable. He was supportive of getting the dog although I knew he wasn’t a massive animal person. My advice to anyone thinking of getting a dog is to be really clear how your partner feels about them first. Compromise does not work if you are asking someone to tolerate something they can’t stand. Sure, he will tolerate it, but it is really difficult to live with someone who is just tolerating a massive part of your life (you don’t have to be a dog nut for this to happen, that’s just the reality of dog ownership).

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bvmas
March 21st, 2015 at 1:07 PM
I’m in an interesting situation where my dog hates my boyfriend. We have been living together for 2 years now. After living together for 3 month he got his own dog (5 months old) which I was fine with. My dog is 3 years old now and his is 2. At the beginning he was sooooo good with my dog. We would take her to local parks and walks all the time. When he got his pup that’s where mostly all his focus went.

I always treat both dogs equally, feed them, let them out, walk them, take them for a ride, play with them both at the same times. The dogs get along great together too. But I am aware that he does not treat them equally and my dog has picked that up too. He takes his dog for rides, walks, hunting and to camp with him all the time while my dogs stays at home. When I am home I do as much as I can with my dog so she is getting the same amount of attention.

There have been instances while I have not been home that my dog will pee on the floor when he wants her to go outside or if he walks into the room (this has happened 5 times over 2 years). Twice now she has snapped at him when he has tried to reach in her crate to make her go outside. I have told him that is her safety zone and she will come out when she needs to go out, you cant force her. She is great with people, kids and other dogs never shows aggression or anything but only towards him in these situations. I have had many conversations with him to try to play with her and pay more attention to her more than just feeding her and letting her outside. I ask if has ever yelled at her or hit or kicked her or anything that she would be afraid of him but he always says “no she just doesn’t listen to me”.

I am at a loss of what to do anymore, I cant make them like each other and I dont want my dog to be scared when I am not home. When I have to go out of town I often have my mom watch her because I know if she is at home she will not be happy and wont do anything but sit in her crate, eat and go outside.

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Exhausted
March 24th, 2015 at 1:19 PM
Here is my problem, my Husband is the dog lover, I love all trained obiediant animals, my husband sat with me and talked about getting a breed that requires extensive daily interactions and training, i told him i was not ready for that commitment, it would fall mainly on him. If he took the time to seek a trainer, and learn how to maintain a dog, i would support him. The first pup we obtained from a breeder passed away at 11 weeks old. The breeder offered a replacement, so that was fine- instead- against my wishes, he comes home with TWO pups, refuses to take one back, he and son beg me to let both stay, we go to training classes, but my husband will not use the tools of hhe class to train at home- it fell on me; with TWO pups to train, because i am not as cold harded as my family thinks i am, i bust my butt trying to train and house break TWO pups now, only to have my Husband undermind my hardwork and ignore their disobedience, and worse- praise and cuddle the cuteness when they mess up. They are both 6 months old now, one of them has broken his leg under his watch because he thinks these types of dogs can be left unattended to frolic and have fun with out suppervision, making matters worse, i have kennel trained them both so when I cant supervise them, they are safe- he takes them out of the kennel and lets them loose out in our yard, our dog with the broken leg has now chewed of his cast and his blow off responce was ‘well he would have chewed it off anyway’ No sir. Not if you would have been watching him, the amount of money it has cost us because of his lack of training involvment has made me physically ill. HOW do I communicate to someone who LOVES their pet so much that they litterally and honestly feel the pets do no wrong???? I am beyond the end of my rope and want my relationship to not be in jeaopordy.

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Exhausted
March 24th, 2015 at 1:24 PM
I have to add that we have had many sit down talks about my feelings and lack of help, he does good for a day, then slacks, we comminicate very well, however when it comes to the dogs, he just does not even try to meet me half way at full commitmance of efforts to break the habbits; i just dont under stand the disconnect. We may need for the first time marriage counseling, over pets of all things.

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Getting angrier as the years go by...
March 27th, 2015 at 7:53 PM
I have been seeing a man for almost 3 years now. When we started the relationship, it was big problems with his dog–a chihuahua. He had to have the dog in the bed, and the world revolved around this little beast. I basically said no more, I am not staying over if the dog is in the bed. He said I was controlling him and it was his house. I said bye. He spent a weekend and came to his senses about the dog in the bed.

I have a lab, who has had obedience training. He does nothing with his dog but cater over it. It is not the worst of chihuahuas, but it is aggressive at times and VERY loud—the shrieking barking could wake the dead. The dog has to constantly be in his lap, and he is always calling for it. He talks about it all the time. Pancho did this, Pancho did that, its non stop. I love some dogs, like my own, but I do not love chihuahuas. He thinks I should love his dog as much as he does.

He walks the dog on one of those telescoping leashes which makes us difficult to walk the dogs together (my dog stays to my left at all times), and last weekend at the park a little girl was running and didn’t see the leash and almost fell.

While I see him mostly on weekends, tonight I claimed sickness because I need peace and quiet. That makes me wonder that this might not be the right guy for me.

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Jake
March 28th, 2015 at 6:56 PM
@Getting angrier

You’ve been with the guy for 3 years and it’s bugging you now? If you don’t want to even see him because of his dog that he worships, it’s likely not the guy for you. When they have the world revolving around a dog, eventually they put you to the back of the line!

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Karrie
March 30th, 2015 at 6:38 PM
Wow. I think my jaw dropped when I read this because I thought I might have written it in my sleep! I live with my boyfriend, his chihuahua and my labradoodle and I cannot stand his dog! He treats her the same as yours does his dog. He’s out of town for work a lot and I get stuck caring for the little jerk. She flaps her ears all the time and wakes me up at night. She is constantly making licking noises, eats my dog’s food when my dog’s not looking and seems to act like more of a jerk when my boyfriend is gone. He knows his dog drives me crazy and I think tries to make things better – but it’s got to be because he loves me. I think if your boyfriend isn’t willing to work with your feelings and change some of his dogs behaviors (and his own), then maybe you won’t ever truly have the loving relationship you deserve.

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Alisa
April 7th, 2015 at 6:34 PM
I complete understand your point! (chihuahuas) those dogs are little demons that got sent to earth. My boyfriend has one, and treats IT like his universe. Life will stop if IT can’t be involved in everything between us. We can’t go on a cruise because he wants to take IT with us. If IT doesn’t go,he can’t bare to leave IT ALL alonee. Because IT could die!!! How dramatic, is that? IT has to sleep in our room or else IT will bark and complain. IT poops and pees all over the house. We are filled with stains. IT sheds uncontrollably. IT wants all of his attention all the time. ITS always in the way!! IT tried biting our baby!!!!!! That’s over the line….but he refuses to act on it . IT growed at our baby, still he does nothing about it. It’s sooo disturbing! I feel NO PEACE OR HARMONY WITH THAT LITTLE DEMON THING. I’m getting to the point that I want to give it away because its a threat to my baby. Our baby can crawl and the dog is just a waste of space and peace. This is the ONLY dog I have ever disliked sooo much….. EVER in my life. My boyfriend acts like the dog is more than our baby at times. This is getting out of control. I need to do something.

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jenee
March 31st, 2015 at 8:14 PM
I hate my husbands cat and I wish he’d get rid of it. When we were dating the cat lived at home with him. we moved in together after we got married and the cat came too. She was put to sleep 8 months into our marriage so yay no more cats. 2 months later my husband decides he wants another cat. We picked up Chatty Cathy and she is a young cat that talks way too much and does not listen! I hate her. I absolutely do. I feel selfish if i ask that he takes the cat back to the shelter. its annoying

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haz
April 3rd, 2015 at 2:46 AM
I need advice please!!!!….my brother had a beautiful border collie which he allowed to get bored and she started to round up the neighbours children.he was going to get her put to sleep so I took her in….she’s a fabulous dog and I love her to bits.my boyfriend hates her however and now doesn’t want to move in with me because of the hair,the smell,the noise etc……I’m gutted…really devastated….what should I do?

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Noemi
July 13th, 2015 at 8:21 AM
You and your boyfriend need to sit down and have a discussion about the compromises you will both make. It he loves you,he needs to understand that making you give up this dog would devastate you. Does he really need to do that? Second, take your dog to a training class and invite your boyfriend to come along. It will not only result in a better behaved dog if you are consistent with training, but he will also have the opportunity to bond with the dog.As for the smell, agree that you will bathe the dog on a consistent basis (but not too often), and agree to restrict where the dog can be (kitchen,on your bed, living room).

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Sherry
April 4th, 2015 at 10:09 AM
I am married 4 years and must admit that i have never had pets. I uprooted to move all the way to a small middle eastern country leaving all that i cherished ( career,family,friends) behind and was shocked to find my husbands cat coming along. This cat drives me up the wall, it sheds hair like crazy, bangs on doors and cries all night, it sleeps in our bed if its allowed in and attacks our feet ( bizarre) while my husband lovingly indulges its bad behaviour. It jumps on dinner table begging for food and has scratched the couch to death( we had to get a new cover for the couch) i tried to accept it and invested my time in training it, it responded and stopped doing the bad things for a while but my husband messed with its brains by deliberately putting her on the couch/bed and giving it treats on the couch inspite of me pleading not to, that the cat has gone back to its despicable behaviour. My husband rarely grooms the cat so it vomits frequently around the house. The last straw was when i suffered a severe allergic reaction ( couldnt breathe and eyes swole to the size of an apple)to the cats hair and was told by the doc to immediately remove any pets lest i wanted to risk life long asthma attacks, my husband to my utter shock defended the cat and refused to remove it as a precautionary measure. I have started hating that cat, have become extremely resentful and am considering divorce though that would be the last resort. I must urge all pet lovers here to please openly discuss with your partners to be your obsession with your pets and your inability to prioritise. I may sound angry right now because i am. No amount of communication with my husband has resolved this issue and i refuse to compromise over my health

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Ameera
April 18th, 2015 at 10:43 PM
Hi sherry!

Your health is number 1! If your hubby cant understand that? Then he needs to go? Or he needs to retrain his cat!!! My soon to be husband (in 5 months) has two adorable dogs. One is normal. He’s 8 yrs old (blue) and the other one is 7 (Bobbi) aka “pig” “swine” and has ADHD. Him and I (Bobbi) don’t get along at all!!! I took him out last year in the summer time to go poop and pee and he ran off from me! Omg I was so scared and I thought I was going to loose him! Forgive me when I say this but as soon as I finally was able to graba hold of him I immediately ran inside the apartment, and started to hit him on his bum bum and yell at him! He barked back as if he was getting murdered. My fiancé told me that he is a special dog. He’s been through tons of owners and they have all given up on him. Here’s my issue. He spoils his dogs! Bobbi doesn’t listen at all!!!! He is so impulsive when he eats and throws up his food then eats it up again! He never ever listens and never obeys! He constnstly wines for food and my mans attention! Blue and one point peed on my side of the bed while we were having sex! They both are very jealous and possessive dogs! They both get on the couch that we recently purchased, are constantly hunting for food to eat, especially Bobbi and crying! I am beyond fed up with Bobbi! When I have tried to discipline him he barks and bites! I have beaten him and it still doesn’t work! He rarely listens to my fiancé. And we have now been fighting constantly for a month now just about Bobbi! I hate that dog! I grew from loving him to hating him! And I already let me hubby to be know that! Why? Because that dog doesn’t listen at all! If he doesn’t get his way? He gets crazy! He’s constantly in the kitchen looking for food to eat! He’s vomited so many times and has ruined our outings! I don’t know what to do anymore! There are times when I feel like choking that dog due to the amount of aggravation from him not being obedient and being spoiled !!! Grrrrr. What should I do?

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Getting angrier as the years go by...
April 7th, 2015 at 8:18 PM
Alisa,
I feel your pain. Chihuahuas ARE demonic little beasts. I wonder if there is a certain type of individual that gets these beasts they call dogs? My Vet says that they get even meaner with age. Unfortunately, they can live up to 20 years! At least Pancho is housebroken for the most part, but I have heard of many that aren’t—like your BF’s.

It is super disgusting how bad behavior is rewarded with these Chihuahuas. My dog is a lab, and she would never be allowed to growl and be aggressive like that. It simply would not be tolerated.

I bought one of those First Alert Bark Genie’s (sits on a table) and it seems to be working—you might try that to get some peace. BF got mad when he first saw it–“what is that?” REALLY. Like I was abusing the dog! It is okay for your nasty thing to disturb ME and the NEIGHBORHOOD. Perhaps, there is an entitlement issue with people that own chihuahuas?

Are you in CA? When I went to Sandpoint, ID, all I saw were BIG dogs…..here I see tons of Chihuahuas. The shelters are full of them.

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Alisa
April 10th, 2015 at 8:54 AM
Hello, again!
I didn’t realize you responded so quick.
The dog, can pretty much do anything it desires. Go on the couch, eat his food, go in our bedroom and climb on “our” bed. Not to mention! He showers with the dog!!! Please tell me if that’s normal? I don’t want to over think this again. If your vets saids they can live up to 20 years..that gives me a headache.

I don’t understand alot of things about this situation. All I know is that it’s really frustrating. I love bigger dogs…and a lab is a great family dog. Your lucky that she knows how to behave. The best part about bigger dogs is the feeling of having them around, to me its so positive. I feel more secure and protected. I would go on a walk with the dog and feel way better then walking his little thing. I seen cute small dogs like miniature pinschers (I had one) it was a boy. I love that little cutie. Then again it’s how you treat the dog, the dog learns from its owner. So..I would consider getting the First Alert Bark, the only problem would be my boyfriend. I know he would probably have a fit. I can’t even put the dog in a crate. Because he won’t allow it. The dog is extremely spoiled and its just sad, depressing, and agrivating.

I live in FL….I see diffrent varieties of dogs over here.

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Sky Q
April 10th, 2015 at 12:16 AM
I wanted to give people here a here a different outlook about pets, Chihuahuas and perhaps love itself. I lost a child and the rest of my family has abandoned me.a girl I do had rescued a very small Chihuahua that had been seriously abused. the little dog weighed about two and a half pounds and was covered in ticks had a dislocated back leg and had been being hit and swung around by the legs punished for no reason being left without food or water. Anyway her dog was very jealous and they both could not School Cohabitate she gave the dog to me.I was to find it a better home. it was a very ill mannered badly behaved dog and I was determined to train her. I was very harsh dragging her by the leash when she wouldn’t come and spanking her what she pottied in the house.the day I got her for shots she was so small and not very healthy that she got sick. she tried to run out of the house again and when I grabbed her she tried to bite me and that made me so angry that I threw her back into the house. She had a seizure and yelped and again wouldn’t let me pick her up and I was about to give up and take her to the pound. She could scarcely walk to her bed and just played there I know now she was depressed, and had been thru 5 homes, and that maybe she was running away because she was in heat, that was another huge annoying thing I was trying to put diapers on her and such and she wasn’t willing to hold still that made me mad or she thought she could run back to her old house. anyway something happened to me and her That night. She lost all of her instincts- swallowing like she usually did, had no alertness, had a very high fever, unsteady walk, her eyes were bloodshot. I have never allowed her on the bed I’d read something about alpha dogs and I was trying to impress my alpha on her.that night I put her on a blanket on the side of me in the bed.I realized that I was afraid to care about anyone or anything againand that I had not taking anything into account about her behavior and needed to research how to care and train her. Something gave way in me and I cried, not for my own losses but that I could hurt an animal that I hadn’t tried to ameliorate or understand. I just begged for her to live and promised that even if she was permanently disabled , I would care for her kindly as long as she lived.For another 3-4 days she was still retarded. I constantly took her outside so she wouldn’t poop inside and rewarded her w/ w positive praise. I read about training and raw food and Chihuahuas themselves. I started to love her. She pulled through, and I have never yelled or hit her again. Its now six mos later, she weighs nearly twice as much than @ 10 mos, she is a joyful and loving fog, w/o a SINGLE BAD HABIT! (unless you count liking to lick me a bad habit) She LOVES to hike in the arroyos and hills, is very friendly and outgoing, plays games w me like fetch and keep away and plays with her squeakies…she never chews cords like the previous ownets said and she did once w me . I told her No! and gave her one of her chewies, and never again, shes very smary and loyal, she stays close off leash enough to whete I can see her but she can still run after things and be a dog. She heels sits stays lies down, dances and more on command. She is, in fact, the Best Dog in the World! She has made me want to live again and taught me loving kindness. She does everything I ask even hold still for jackets and lifts her legs for her harness. She has never snapped at me or anyone again.She only barks when someone is outside she doesn’t know, and all I have to do is tell her, that’s enough. All this with the power of love. She cares to please me now. I hope she knows she will always be my girl and no man will ever change that. She sleeps with me, but I groom her and rmb s in her diet and weekly toothbrush she doesn’t have bad breath or fart. She is okay sleeping in her bed,but is preferring to sleep up next to me. Chihuahuas love warm! There is None of the bad Chihuahua behaviors.Chihuahuas are the most loyal and humorous companions. If they get some exercise, good food and some attention when others ate here, they will be fine on their own for awhile. I need only to say No and she stops. She wants to please and have my approval, and I researched ways to train, so I think most “bad dogs” have bad lazy owners.
A partner than doesn’t take care of their dog, doesn’t train it, give it exercise or give it what it needs ( not wants) is the problem not the dog. since chihuahuas are small, ppl tend to baby them ( tho sometimes necessary to protect them)and Dont train them and allow them to do things that they don’t allow a big dog to do in many cases and I think that’s where they’ve gotten their bad reputations. EVERYONE comments on my fun loving sweet well behaved little Princess..I’d rather be single than give her up, cuz she’s a good dog. that’s saying a lot because I don’t believe the people here they act like it’s so easy to find a mate and it isn’t! But I think if it wasntvtgepet in some if these stories it would be something else. Big dogs are messy and hairy and require even more care and exercise, but there are good dog hair vacuums and grooming helps a lot too. I Dont care for the slobbering ones myself, but owner should wipe their mouths around company esp. and so can partner. B its not that bad, it comes right off clothes easily w a soft cloth.
I was extremely lucky because I do know people who have animals that have never been able to heal from abuse past or bad habit these are the pets that should not be bred or be kept away. A mean landlord had a cat that do anything to stop it isometric refuse lee took the cat to a different town an.d found a new home all in secret. that worked but I think that some of the problem of bob will just repeating self because the problem is not the animal it’s the owner

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Getting angrier as the years go by...
April 13th, 2015 at 6:18 PM
Yikes Alisa. Maybe our guys should get together and have fun talking and babying those ugly little beasts. Don’t get the Bark Genie, the chihuahua barks right through it. If you call it barking.

My guy would never put that thing in a crate. Because there is a lot of food aggression, and he has to feed the dog repeatedly throughout the day (because he is NEVER eating enough) I suggested feeding the dog in the 2nd bedroom. Now he says “Pancho doesn’t like being fed in the bedroom, he feels like he has done something wrong.” WOW. I just want him to be safe as my dog wants his food. Pancho won’t eat his own food, but growls and is very aggressive and it causes a big stink.

Pancho also gets “sick” about 1X every other month. He won’t eat and “acts weird.” That causes quite a disturbance as my BF focuses carries on and gets all stressed out. He won’t take him to the Vet though.

If I try to talk to him about the dog, he blows up and says “I am not getting rid of him! You hate him!” End discussion.

Since he never had kids, he says that his dog is the kid he never had. I am glad he didn’t have kids because if that is any sign—those kids would be entitled and unsupervised.

Oh, and yes he takes the dog in the shower with him too.

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Alisa
April 20th, 2015 at 1:50 PM
Hahahaha to funny & true!
They would get along great! It’s so embarrassing to know these things. I don’t think they can bark like a real dog. I wouldn’t call them dogs. They can easily be steped on. He’s done it before, a few times… It’s always in the way ugh.

That’s really nice of you to consider the undeserving little demon, to eat some where safe, dogs get use to what you teach them. They CAN be in a crate.

This all sounds to familiar. His dog gets sick also, it throws up every now & then. My bf wants to feed it HUMAN FOOD (not suppose to) The thing, gets diarrhea every once in a while. The problem is mutual. He won’t take the thing to the vet, no matter what!

These men, are looney! It’s ok, to talk about THOSE little ugly things. My boyfriend can’t stand me saying anything either…..TODAY the freakin thing jumped up on my rocking chair & it was rubbing itself all over it. I can’t BELIVE it. This is something personal to me. That holds memories of me raising OUR child. Now it stinks and has nasty hair all over it.

He usually tells me, he can’t disipline the “THING” because it can get sick and DIE….seriously? That can’t happen…he wants me to belive this lie. So he won’t correct the DAMN thing when it’s wrong.

Oddly, our son is his first child. I guess he probably sees the thing like his child also. But I can’t say/see it that way. I can put myself in his shoes in many ways but not with that thing.

So furious! We tolerate to much. I really thought a girlfriend is suppose to be number one. An animal, is an animal. You can love them, take care of them, and be there for them. But not go above the line.

WOW!!!!! He does that too?
They need to meet.

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Liz
April 17th, 2015 at 12:43 AM
My partner and I are always arguing over my dog. We can’t agree on where the dog can sleep, how much the dog can stay inside or even how much food to give the dog. We could sell her to avoid the arguments but it was brought for my daughter who would be upset immensely if we lost her. I don’t know what to do,but am worried we might break up over a pet, which I don’t want.

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CK
April 17th, 2015 at 10:21 PM
I need help. When I married my husband, I knew he was a waterfowl hunter and a dog is part of the equipment. I had a dog as a kid and loved it until it disappeared one day. I thought I’d be okay with having a dog in the house, but I am not adjusting well. It has been 22 years and I strongly dislike having a dog in the house. He doesn’t want to kennel a dog outside and I have to agree it is not ideal to do that. They just don’t get the socialization they need-especially in winter. I hate how they steal food from the counter and nose around for more. I hate how they shed, how they smell-even when clean. I hate how this one barks when someone comes to the door. She is more possessive of our house (Chesapeake) than others. I hate how they get into things and chew things up. I am rarely amused by behaviors that others consider cute (i.e. Talking, begging, thumping tails, jumping around in excitement). What makes it all worse is that our dogs can sense my stress and displeasure in them and eventually develop submissive behaviors. Not having dogs is not an answer, so please don’t say this. Waterfowl hunting and having a dog is too core to his personal needs to be an option. I have to change something in me and my mindset to make this work. Surely there are healthy ways to develop tolerance of some kind. I have to somehow not find all their annoying habits annoying. Thanks.

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Sahaha
May 28th, 2015 at 5:50 PM
Hello I am in a similar situation and it’s been very hard. The only difference is that my partner has 2 dogs for amusement/pleasure not hobby or nessesity.
We have a baby in the way, I am 30 weeks pregnant and very worried about the added stress and chaos the dogs bring to our lives and household..
They are so demanding, dirty, hair is everywhere all the time, even though I sweep/mop daily.
They are always getting into the panty and eating us out of house and home, they poop and pee in the house still.
And worst of all take time away from our relationship.
I was wondering if you’ve found any good solutions.? I’m at a loss.!

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Melissa
October 30th, 2015 at 9:05 PM
Good luck

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Jay
April 25th, 2015 at 4:11 AM
Reading the post below has been a relief to know that my feelings toward my girlfriend’s Boston Terrier is genuine and not abnormal. Her dog, physically, is unique and lovable. A person chuckles when they first see him. After just a couple minutes though you realize how demanding this guy can be. 75 percent of his waking life he is begging for something. He has OCD when it comes to his ball and is constantly dropping it in front of you demanding you throw it somewhere for him to fetch. If you don’t, he will cry and bark. This can literally go on for HOURS. I have no problem allocating time for fetch and play but there is little opportunity to just decompress after work or talk one on one with my girlfriend. If he is not begging to be played with, he is begging to be petted or when we eat, he hovers over my girfriend’s plate waiting for some scraps she gives him. Basically, my girlfriend does not have the ability to create boundaries or is willing to instill some discipline with the dog. I will on my own hide the ball after a significant amount of play time but all that happens is the Boston will run around in desperate and panicked fashion looking for it and my girlfriend will ultimately give it to him. Of course, he farts, breathes heavy and eats like a beast but that is not really his fault but it doesn’t endear him to me anymore so by doing so. I cannot even give my girlfriend hugs as it will bark loudly as I am embracing her. I am at my wits end. I have spoken to her many times about my frustrations but she says I am overreacting and insensitive. I can be impatient and I know this but even when I am doing my best to accommodate the Boston, he ultimately makes me want to climb up a wall. I feel bad for having these feeling and I feel awkward telling my friends about it because it seems so petty but it’s not. I never thought a pet could cause a breakup but this thing is about to. It actually is 11 years old but has the energy of a 3 year old. I have thought about just waiting it out until he dies but even a couple years of this could seem like a lifetime. Please help!!!

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Sleepless
May 1st, 2015 at 6:24 AM
Wow Jay you’re problem definitely sounds like what I am currently dealing with! My girlfriend has a Yorkie, which I came into the relationship with her having. However this shit is overwhelming!!! It almost feels like I’m entering a relationship where I have to accept this dog as a step child! I too am thankful I’ve found this thread because I was truly starting to feel like I am overreacting or finding excuses to argue! I do not mind dogs at all! I’ve had pest all my life, but raised in a very particular family where our pets were taught obedience. The fact that this dog is so unmannerly and disobedient bothers the shit out of me!!!
First thing is her need to feed the dog everything she’s eating to be point where it’s expected! As we prepare for dinner, long and behold her dog is right there between us ready to eat as well! I sit there trying to enjoy dinner while watching her dog on the couch hovering over her plate! Second her dogs neediness and constant begging for attention like a 3 year old child, like he’ll literally cry until she picks him up! Let’s talk about the very annoying fact that this dog has to be or sleep everywhere she does, especially her BED! I think it’s disgusting to be honest! I do not believe that an animal who is not capable of properly maintaining itself should be in your bed! I’m a germaphob and pretty OCD so you could only imagine how this disturbs me! On top of that, as of recent he has woken us up back to back like a baby in the middle of the night! The worst part is, I can’t hug or kiss her without this dog jumping between us and licking her face, which then totally turns me off! I truly love this girl but I’m on my way out!

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Jay
May 4th, 2015 at 4:02 AM
Sleepless,
Misery does love company, I guess. Sorry you are having these struggles too. It’s akin to watching out of control kids with their parents oblivious to their behavior but very transparent to an observer. Sadly, our girlfriends do not know or are aware of how they are being played. It’s quite manipulative on the part of the dog to arise as the alpha in the house unbeknown to its owner. It barks at you when you seek to embrace her because it is telling you that your girl friend is its piece of property. It’s constant begging is telling them that the dog can assert dominance and our girlfriends will give in. Basically, neither of our loved ones have the ability to set up boundaries for their dogs. They wish to treat them as children/humans yet the animal truly does not want this instinctively. A couple days ago, I sadly ended the relationship after two years of this torture. I offered to pay for a local dog whisperer to come into the situation as many times as needed to address a compromise but she wouldn’t think of it. Basically, she made a conscious choice to choose the dog and the current state of affairs over me. I am still sad but know it is for the best and that I would never be happy. The way she treats her dog is how she approaches life in general with no boundaries. I wish you more restful nights ahead, my friend.
Mommyof1
May 9th, 2015 at 3:01 AM
I met my husband when had his dog, a female chihuahua for a few years and I was okay with it and I actually bonded with the dog till I fell pregnant and then all of her annoying habits got to me. I realized that I only had patience pre pregnancy because I wanted to be a mother. Besides her annoying habits such as constantly licking the floor, and herself, scratching any closed doors whenever she feels like it, etc, she was allowed by my husband to sleep in bed with us, even during my pregnancy while the smell of her would make me sick. He also let her eat from our plates, let her pee and poo inside the house at times. I didn’t dislike the dog till after my baby was born. She became whiny , would cry every time we gave baby attention or even if hubby would change baby’s diaper…she started barking louder whenever we come home from the store… she stil allowed to sleep in our bedroom and it annoys me. I asked my husband if he’s willing to put her dog bed out of the bedroom and he didn’t like the idea … I feel he puts the dog before me and he even willing for me to separate from him than to compromise. Sometimes when I think my 10 month old daughter is bored and suggest putting her in her walker, he says not yet , give him some time to clean up the dog’s pee pee paper… grr

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recoveringfrombulldog
May 11th, 2015 at 3:38 PM
Dear Dog People,

Your partner is not jealous of your dog. They hate your dog. Choosing any dog over your spouse/ “love” makes you a crazy and horrible person.

-Recovering from my fiance’s bulldog

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depressedandtorn
June 4th, 2015 at 1:00 AM
Why does the animal lover have to change and sacrafice when the animal hater would not dare do the same?? The guy I am with hates dogs with a bloody passion and I have THREE. He knew from the very beginning that I had several animals. Yet he insisted on us dating. Now we are in love and he wants me to dump dogs at a shelter and move away with him.

For him, I tried it. I cried the entire time when I signed the dogs over. They were very terrified. They were shaking so bad and drooling from immense fear. I left them there. And you know what? I went back two days later and retrieved them.

The whole time They were at that shelter I had zero peace of mind. It is absolutely impossible to explain love and general care for an animal to someone that utterly hates them with a bloody passion.

It is not fair for anyone to have to give up an animal they care for or accept one that they hate.

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Aeryn
September 5th, 2016 at 4:33 PM
“Love” from a non-mongamous creature the same as every other human? Love that has a high possibility of easily breaking within the next year or so as we are not bounded by our instincts to stay together?

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Alice
May 16th, 2015 at 4:43 AM
Howdy
Myself and my partner have been in a relationship for just over a year. He had a large breed dog.

At the beginning, I was cool with the idea of the dog, he is placid, relaxed but at times, can be annoying (begs at you all the time), will jump on the bed and lounge when I’m not there ect. Going to the kitchen, having a snack or a meal he is by my side begging at any opportunity he gets.
My partner is always defensive over any suggestions about the dog which makes me really upset and pissed off.
I mean, he will come up to me after waking up maybe an hour or two after I have already woken and says he was on the bed and smirks about it like its a joke.
He knows I can’t stand and absolutely
Hate the smell of dog full stop.
Climbing into a bed of pet fur stinking like a rank dog is disgusting!
I’m the one who usually cleans the bed sheets. His dog will lick and lick me which makes me cringe as I ahte the smell of woof woof. It’s feral.
I make a point of saying, babe I don’t like him on the bed and he jumps on the defensive side – every bloody time!
It makes me angry because even after I try to calmy explain myself, he winds me up by arming up and going no but you, but you, but you etc and will constantly cut me off.
I have also asked him to politely not allow the dog on the couch for the same reason – no one wants to be sitting on dog fur when they come over to visit or to smell like a hound. It’s grose!
His dog will jump up on the couch like me owns the place and will tey shove anyone off the couch.
What pisses me off greatly is, his dog has nipped my kids and I have calmy told my kids not too play rough etc. and when I mention it to him, the comments are always, what did they do? They must have hurt him because that is not how I raised him.
Another issue is, I have been teaching the kids to not touch the dog during meal time to avoid the dog getting defensive and hurting the kids. He tells me off for that – apparently, it is not in his nature to bite and he has been trained since a puppy for anyone to touch him during mealtime. I strongly disagree and when I said this, he got really angry at me.
The kids knock his dog bowl water out which I try to check as much as possible to refill and if partner comes home and sees water missing he gets mad with me I’ve it basically saying I’m neglecting his dog which makes me really angry.
He keeps going on about how the dog is older and has always been by his side, I seriously can never win!

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Liz
April 21st, 2017 at 12:27 AM
Sounds like your partner is a narcissist, please join a narcissist support group on Facebook and check it for yourself. Xx

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D
May 24th, 2015 at 5:18 PM
I have a chihuahua and he is wonderful. He is the best thing that happened to me. He is well behaved, obedient i took him to puppy classes i give him love he is not spoiled he listens to me. He sleep at his own house. He puts a smile on my face everyday. The owners (in this case it s your boyfriends, girlfriends ) do not know how to train a dog ! I think instead of writing bad things about dogs you have to think about your loved ones not the dogs. They are the one who do not give the training.Dogs are great animals .

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JJ
May 29th, 2015 at 6:19 AM
My story is similar to all of yours in which your SO is ” in love” with their pet. I remarried a man with a huge female Labrador Retriever. My situation felt so nuts, I felt as though I was going insane to the point I sought counseling because I loved my DH.

I’ll give you some examples of the hell I have endured. Before we got married my DH slept with his dog. She weighs over 100 pounds and stands about 26″ at the shoulder. I said I would not get married if she slept in the bed. She was removed. One time he was reflecting. I have to set this up for you. He’d sit in a recliner to the left of his sofa. She’d sit on the far left of the sofa. A set of steps were placed on the left side of his bed. He said the dog would look at him at night and then would get off the sofa and go to bed. If he didn’t go right to bed, she’d bark at him. He thought it was an endearing moment. I thought it spoke volumes of their relationship.

I had pets all my life. My last dog would just walk with her tail dragging behind her, down the hallway, and go lay down in her own bed on the floor. I use to say to those around me, “Looks like Buffy decided to go to bed.” Period!

He had always put her in his 2nd truck (her dog house) when I was with him or she’d be at his home when we went on dates. So I was unaware of the relationship. We didn’t have a honeymoon so on Day 2 he hurried around to go get his dog. That’s when my hell began.

Like a lot of you, anything you put in your mouth she expected a piece of it. My DH would tell me I was selfish. When we would eat dinner she’d sit with her nose at your plate. I was tired of this and enforced her laying down, but then it was a battle of her getting up and my telling her to lay down. I felt rushed to eat my dinner. If she didn’t get her way, she’d start washing her private area for a very, very, long time. (I was sick of that too that I started putting my foot on her and saying, “That’s enough”. Then my DH would have her lick our plates. Yuck! I started using sanitation wipes and putting the dishwasher on sanitation cycle. Finally one of my plates was chipped and I ask him to stop and he started using paper plates.

As a Lab, hair is everywhere to the point it can look like snow drifts across your floor even after cleaning the house the previous day. Can’t wear anything dark or I have fur on it.

And yes, she would get on all the furniture, including patio chairs. He had a cloth sofa which was in the basement. This sofa was destroyed with her saliva as she’d wash on herself to the point the drool dried and harden. My leather sofa was covered with a twin comforter. At first I had to fight to sit by my husband. One time I sat down and my pajama bottoms were wet. I was irritated and so was he. She had the right to sit anywhere! I just went and got a towel and sat back down miffed.

Three months after we married he came down with bronchitis. He treated me like dirt when I would suggest OTC meds. His house is small and we live in rural America. One time I walked into the LR I found the dog laying with her back against the sofa and watched him laying facing her and placing her legs on his side. I was mortified. More was yet to come that day. The next time I walked in, the dog was on the far right end of the sofa. I watched him as he sat to the left of her, take her head. The dog relented at first and then allowed him and I watched him plant his lips firmly on the side of her muzzle. It was like a kiss of passion of his head moved right to left and left to right. I was scared. I didn’t know how blurred the line had became between him and his dog? I wanted to leave so badly, but at the time had no job and nowhere to go. I questioned myself as a woman. I am intelligent, pretty, and slim. I was loving.

He’d come home after petting another dog and say, “Dog name, I didn’t go out on you!” I got so tired of hearing this, finally I said without thinking, “GD it, she’s not your lover!”. He quit saying it.

He’d spend hours touching the animal while I didn’t receive any physical touch.

If we’d go somewhere in the dog house truck, she’d sit by him while I sat by the window. He’d have his arm around her. I kept thinking, what’s wrong with this picture? Why isn’t she by the window sniffing the air like other dogs? I vowed never to ride in that truck again and have not.

She was the alpha over him. She’d bark, he’d jump. She wasn’t taught any manners. For example, every time she’d drink water, she would use someone’s legs as a napkin. A woman said they were so sick of his dog, his friends stopped coming over. She’d also sniff crotches. How rude, especially for women, yet she never did anything wrong!

There were so many other examples, but I believe this gives you a good idea of the hell I was living. The counselor told me I was jealous. She said, “He loves (emphasis) his dog!” Love is like a bank account, you make deposits and withdrawals. He had filled her bank account with his love while he was making withdrawals from mine.
He doesn’t say snide comments to his dog.

This dog is 13 years old. I have prayed He would take her. Wrong prayer. Even today, she’s now kept in the basement due to beginning stages of hip dysphasia, he only showers down there and takes her nightly after dinner a plastic plate of tidbits of our dinner to lick. He won’t go on vacation because she doesn’t like being boarded! I still love my husband and know after his furry lover dies, no other dog will be brought into our home or the animal will be granted human status. I could never endure this again.

I told myself if the marriage ended, I would Watch for signs of this in another man. I would never allow an animal to usurp me ever again. So beware of a pet that has a human status and is for all intents and purposes the SO of the pet/human relationship. And no, like me, your not losing your mind. It’s a warped relationship Watch for pictures of the animal everywhere and how he or she speaks about their pet.

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GingerB
June 1st, 2015 at 11:02 AM
I am really glad that I read through these comments. I have a small dog that I love very much. After I got married, my husband decided that he needed a dog as well so he brought home a St Bernard puppy that is now a 3 year old, 160 lb drool machine. We have hair and slobber everywhere in our home that I wind up cleaning on a daily basis and I still absolutely adore this dog. My husband got bored with him long ago and while he does the minimum walking and feeding, he shows him absolutely no affection whatsoever.

We have argued over this several times and after reading these comments, I realize that there is probably no middle ground for people like us. If you hate your spouse’s animals, you should leave. It’s a toxic environment that is not good for anyone. I am sad to say that these differences are ending my marriage but at the same time, I will be glad to say good riddance to someone who is so shallow that they let dog hair on the couch upset them.

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JJ
June 3rd, 2015 at 5:03 PM
GingerB,

For myself, as a child my family had dogs, cats, birds, fish, and even a turtle. Throughout my adulthood, I have owned many dogs and cats. They each have their own unique personalities and I loved them all. They were part of my family. Each one was given boundaries and structure, taught manners in living with their humans, loved and spoiled with a lot of treats and toys. Although, my pets never ranked higher in the family than my mother, father, sister, brother, or spouse. I always knew the high likelihood of out living my pets and it was always hard for me to say goodbye. Then I knew another little personality would enter my life to train, love, and cherish while they were with me.

My last dog was a Moodle, (1/2 Maltese 1/2 Poodle). She happened not to shed, more like a Chia pet with lots of grooming. Very, very large vocabulary – knew the name of each of 13 stuffed animals. She developed a grade 5 heart murmur and her quality of life worsened. I was running to emergency vets every 2 weeks. I finally had to put her to sleep and say goodbye. I still miss her. My last cat was a Pixie Bob, 8 years old when he died from a Pitbull getting loose and using him as a toy.(I did not blame the dog, but my cat died a terrible death and I was devastated.)

My issue with my spouse and his dog is the dog, an animal, usurped me, given higher value, and more cherished than his wife. Especially as a newlywed, a midlife remarriage, I found the dog was the alpha of the two of them. For example, just the other night he calls her to come back 9 times and then says “good girl”. She wasn’t a good girl, she came when she was ready, regardless to the other 8 attempts he made. My pet would have came after the 2nd call or knew I would punish them. That was usually not the case. A dog and a cat knows right from wrong. They are given boundaries and structure. Even children need boundaries and structure for a happy well loved life.

I had gotten to the point I use to say, if the two of us were drowning, who would my spouse save? At first I said, the dog. Later I said, he’d save me and blame me for the dog dying.

It wasn’t a matter of loving an animal, it was that he made me feel he was in love with the dog and it broke my heart over and over again.

If it was only a matter of fur, I’d use a sweeper. Are you sure it’s just fur rather than lack of feeling important to you…more than an animal?

I do agree with you as far as how a couple individually interacts with a pet. If one makes it a human and the other as a pet animal – it will never work. I tell my mother to stay married to this man means I will never have another pet, which I greatly dislike that thought, but I know my spouse will turn it into a human rather than respecting the species for what God has created. That causes me much sorrow.
Liz
April 21st, 2017 at 12:28 AM
Sounds like your partner is a narcissist, please join a narcissist support group on Facebook and check for yourself.

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Jay
June 6th, 2015 at 2:46 PM
It’s been a month since I’ve written and my girl friend and I broke up. It has been very sad at times when I miss my gf. When I do though I will immediately recall moments during the two year courtship where I was driven crazy by her dog and by her lack of discipline. This gives me comfort in knowing I made the proper decision. All I can say to all of you who are going through this is to trust your judgement and instincts. Have faith that what you feel is correct. If your partner does not respect how you feel towards animal rearing, they certainly will respect you with other things as well.

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JJ
June 9th, 2015 at 3:43 AM
Jay, thanks for posting what has occurred since your relationship ended in your life. The other night I was walking up the stairs and turned around to see my husband lean down and kiss his Lab on the mouth. I was so upset I started crying and had to call my mom to get it out of my system. I lied to my spouse that I was crying for another reason so another “dog” fight did not occur. I told my mom how I disrespected him over his interactions with his pet. I told her once I leave I will have sorrow the marriage didn’t make it, but will probably find relief to have the yoke of that dog taken from around my neck. You confirm that. Thank you.

I wish your sorrow is short term and much happiness you find a woman makes you a happy man.

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bg
July 24th, 2015 at 12:41 AM
I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way about a dog. I got married and moved in with my husband awhile ago and we adopted a dog shortly after. I wanted the dog and now I don’t anymore. I feel bad for thinking this way. When we first got her she was doing fine. We would leave her home while we went to the store and after awhile she started to chew on things. Nothing major maybe a couple pieces of clothing in a laundry basket, then an unplugged phone cord and finally she went after the couch :\ my husband was not happy at all. So we tried a spray to make the couch taste bad so she wouldn’t do it again. So we left the house and she still chewed the couch :\ anyways now she has a cage she goes in when we leave. Now that everything is settled I noticed he was loving the dog more as well. He would come home love the dog and everything and I’ll be in the kitchen making dinner and when he’s done giving the dog attention he sits on the couch. I didn’t get any attention except when he asked what’s for dinner. :\ I would tell him where’s my kiss and hug? And he would tell me from the couch to come give him one. Which I usually don’t. And he was always telling the dog good girl and she wouldn’t do anything! Oh and when we go to bed she sleeps on her own bed on the floor and he would go over to her and pet her continuously as well as kiss her telling her she was a good girl over and over…and I would always get mad. Because when he finally gets in bed with me..I get good night I love you and not even cuddle me for 2 minutes and roll over and sleep. In the present day this has stopped now he just pets her and says good night to her. She’s isn’t allowed on the couch or the bed, but when I left for 2 weeks for my baby shower he let her get on the bed and the couch and he would send me snapchats of it. I tell him to get her off and he just thought it was no big deal -_- and in the pictures he was sending it felt like I was seeing a couple being all snuggly on two couches and he would tell me she would stare at when he wakes up or falls asleep. It’s seemed like she was in love with him! Now that I’m almost 7 months pregnant I just get irritated with her. Everything she does her licking, her staring, her panting. And she sheds alot! I vacuum and couple hours later there’s more hair! :\ and the thought of our baby being born soon I don’t want dog hair anywhere! And I saw a post on here that another woman’s husband doesn’t spend time with the baby but time with the dog and I really don’t want that to happen. He wanted a baby so hopefully he will enjoy our baby. And I can’t stand to think I have to take care of the dog after the baby is born. He gets ten days leave when the baby is born. I mean what if I’m too tired to let the dog out after just putting the baby to sleep after being up with the baby? Or I can’t give the dog a bath anrd other things my husband’s gonna want me to do. I know he’s young and probably hasn’t thought about it but I hope he sees it when the time comes. Oh when I was gone for those two weeks I guess he left the dog outside when he went to work and she ended up chewing the door frame :\ it’s like she HAS toys out there why would she want to chew on the house!! :\ just getting to much with her sometimes it’s like I can’t trust her at all when she’s alone. The only place is the cage when we leave the house.
cathy C.
June 9th, 2015 at 5:16 AM
You dont need to do anything, she knows from the beginning your passion for your dog. So, there is no need to change. Have a nice day!

Cathy

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Cheyenne
June 10th, 2015 at 6:08 PM
My story is very similar to all of yours except I was the dog owner going into it. We have a 2 year old pit bull. I had her so well trained. She never relieved herself in the house. She didn’t beg or whine constantly. And now I have no idea what happened. She’s always on the furniture and in the bed (she knows she isn’t suppose to because she jumps off when I walk in the room). Anytime you have anything to eat or drink she’s RIGHT THERE. I can’t even take vitamins without this dog trying to take it out of my hands. I will take her out to walk for 30 minutes, come inside and she uses the bathroom all over the house. She destroys everything. Clothes included. The shedding is ridiculous to the point there are tumbleweed hair balls all over. (No exaggeration. )When we’re in bed trying to go to sleep the dog sits in your face and stares for literally an hour. She constantly is dropping her slobbery toys in my lap. Which I don’t mind playing sometimes. This is every minute she’s around anyone. We just found out I’m 6 weeks pregnant and she is so rough, she head butts me and is always running over me, almost like she’s trying to knock me over. My spouse allows her to do all of this and gets angry when I bring the problem up. Calls her a good girl and constantly gives her treats and loves on her. There are no boundaries or discipline. Because my partner lets her do whatever she wants against how I feel. It is driving me insane.

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JS.
June 11th, 2015 at 12:26 AM
So recently I had a baby girl, and my husband has a 2 year old pit-bull. Which I totally dislike because I fear for my baby. I’ve tried sitting with him just talk calmly about the dog because every time the baby is asleep she’s asleep but once she hears that she’s awake and next to him. She immediately gets up and goes towards my husband. I believe she’s jealous but he doesn’t seem to see it. He pays more attention to the dog than our baby. He only holds her for about 20 mins tops and 2 times a day. The rest of the day he is with his dog. He gets very rowdy with me when I try to catch his attention about it. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. It’s got to the point that he even argues with me about it and starts to yell.

Advice anyone?

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ReallyTrying
June 20th, 2015 at 9:12 AM
My boyfriend and I have been dating for around 4 years and his mother was very sick with cancer during this time. She sadly ended up passing and left behind a small dog. My boyfriend felt that he couldn’t give her to family friends bc he felt like it would be hard for the dog to switch families and he felt guilty.

I’ve been understanding of this bc his mother had just passed. I didn’t really have a choice. The thing is we were supposed to be moving in together when he took her on. He never asked if I would be ok with helping look after a dog. She has about 7 years left of her life so this is a very big commitment. He just took her in and expected me to be on board.

I’ve really tried bc I feel terrible for him, but then when we finally moved in together he started to guilt me into doing more things for the dog like walking her on a rotating basis with him. I had a 4 hour commute to work total so I was very busy and am disgusted by picking up dog excrements. I tried to do this, but it was too much. I was able to love the dog when I didn’t have to do so much for her. I started to resent her when I was outside with her waiting ten minutes for her to finally decide to go when I had so much to do for my 12 hour work day.

Because she is his mothers dog, his guilt overrides things like discipline. He wants her on the couch all the time even though she is always peeing on herself and dirty. (She needs constant baths due to this) it really grosses me out. I’ve always had cats growing up, and honestly dogs do not mesh with my personality very well. She is hard to discipline, doesn’t listen, and very nervous. I have told him I don’t like her sleeping in our room because she pees in her bed sometimes and I want my room to be clean, but he feels guilty that she’s alone at night. I can’t complain about her because everyone that sees her loves her. It’s not her, it’s him. He doesn’t want to be a responsible dog owner and groom her properly and he doesn’t want to discipline her out of guilt. I’m tired of fighting over her. Ive been trying to be a team player, but I’m worried I’m not cut out for this.

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Sophia
June 20th, 2015 at 7:47 PM
My partner and I have been living together for a year now. I have a medium size dog, 2 & half year old, who has always slept in bed with me. For the first 6 months my partner did not mind her sharing the bed. Then he told me that he didn’t like my dog sleeping in the bed. So I got a dog bed and put it next to our bed. My dog sleeps in her bed until about 2-4 in the morning when it gets cold, she jumps into bed. I enjoy cuddling her. My partner was ok with it but every now and again says he doesn’t like it. I feel it’s a fair comprise, I want her in the bed all the time but now it’s only for a couple of hours. But NOW he’s saying he doesn’t want her in the room at all. I feel a relationship should be a balance.. But it’s a hard one!! I thought my dog sleeping on her bed in the room is a middle ground. If I had it my way I would have my dog in the bed every night.

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JJ
June 22nd, 2015 at 6:06 AM
i can understand not wanting the dog in bed. My last dog and cat slept with me until I realized I was lifting my leg in the middle of the night and wasn’t getting very sound sleep. She was given a dog bed and I slept much better.

Does she make a lot of noise(endless licking or snoring)?

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Cookie
September 5th, 2015 at 6:58 AM
It can be considered the middle but if your partner is like me, the dog can pose serious health problems.

My boyfriend’s dog slept with us at first but my health deteriorated, to the point my doctor told me we had to get rid of her because my lungs were on the verge of irreversible lung damage, but my boyfriend refused to get rid of her so you have to find solutions.

Its hard sometimes to compromise because he’s had her before we met, but you have to consider the other persons boundaries. Unless he’s just being an ass, then maybe you should reconsider staying with your partner.

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JL
June 23rd, 2015 at 11:08 PM
My family hates all of my pets. There are odd threats, like turning the Guinea pigs loose in the bush or out in the snow {they would be dead} or letting the dogs play with them {again dead}, turning the hamster loose or giving him to the dogs, and shooting my dog. I take care of them myself. The pigs are in the living room as there is nowhere else and I clean the cages daily. The hamster is in my room. And my dog is the only one that can get into trouble. I consider giving them up {I’ve had the pigs for over a year}, ignoring the nasty comments, or moving {but not sure I can afford another house and this home is 50% mine and I’ve put money into it. } It’s hard living with so much spite towards my little ones.

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Stacy C
June 27th, 2015 at 6:07 AM
For starters, I would like to begin by saying I am not what you people refer to as a “dog nut” by any means. I will, however, say I love my dog. I went through a very lonely period in my life after a break up from my then fiance and I got Nappy, a male shitzu, to help with my loneliness. He did just that, and more. He became like a child to me. He was there when I had a bad day, he was devoted and loved me, he was my baby. That was 7 years ago. Now for those of you who hate dogs, or animals on general, you won’t understand the bone a person can have with an animal. Even though you may not understand it, you need to respect other people and their love for them. This brings me to the current day. My now husband and I began dating 3 years ago, he knew I had the dog, was fine with it, bought it toys, etc. Then we moved in together. Suddenly he didn’t want the dog sleeping with us. Understood. I put him a doggie bed beside of ours and he slept there. That wasn’t good enough, he wanted him out of the bedroom. Again, fine. I bought a cage and put him in it at night. Now I ask you this, if you had to hold your poss for 10 or 12 hours at night, would you not have an occasional accident? Contrary to what you may say…the answer is yes, you would. So occasionally he has/had an accident. I clean them up, he doesn’t have to even be bothered with it. It’s also on linoleum so it doesn’t leave a smell like it would in carpet. Anyhow, we moved to a house where I agreed to keep my dog in his own section of the house in the kitchen/laundry room so if he were to have an accident, which infuriates my husband, then it wouldn’t be hard to clean up. He still stays in his part of the house, and rarely ever has an accident except when I fail to take him out. That is MY fault…blame me. Not him. Fast forward to the past 3 months. My husband despises the dog, to the point that he came home from work one day to find me holding him in my lap and petting him because he was sick, and he went bizerk. Demanded that I not allow him out of his room, said he was putting him outside to live, etc. Mind you this is a small dog who has lived in the house his whole life. He would not survive the winter. No, you will not put my dog outside. We now have a 2 month old baby and as you could figure, I am extremely busy with him. This morning I got up and fed the crying baby, as I always do, while my husband sleeps. I never bother him at night, I go ahead and get up to quite him so he doesn’t wake my husband who works very long hours. Anyway, as I was feeding the baby I hear my dog whining which I know means he needs to go out. I finish feeding the baby, my husband gets up as I am burping him, and goes into the section of the house where the dog is confined to. He then comes back into the room I am in, starts cussing and ranting about how he is so sick of seeing dog piss in the floor and that I can either get rid of the dog or he will do something about it, incinuating he will either get rid of it or kill it. Now I don’t care how much you hate a dog, you do not have the right to do that. Mind you my husband NEVER helps me with the dog. Even after surgeries I have had, he has refused to take the dog out and I would have to with me barely able to move. He doesn’t feed him, water him, or even acknowledge him except for when he has an accident which may be once a month. He doesn’t clean it when he does, I do. Just as I clean the house. Just after I clean after hin, who is extremely messy by the way. Just as I clean after his 12 year old son who is completely capable of picking up after himself. Even to the point that while pregnant I was down on my hands and knees cleaning the bathroom floor where he and his son pee in the floor. They ate grown A%% men. There’s no excuse for peeing in the floor. Hit the toilet and if you don’t by accudent, clean it up. Do NOT tell me my dog is messier than that. It makes me sick when I read all you haters comments. I live my dog and I live my husband. Font make it an issue of choosing the dog over my mate. There is a deeper, underlying issue here. Anyone who would hurt something that means so much to someone is a cold hearted person who cares for no one but themselves. There is a lack of respect of others in a situation like this. I should not have to sneak to pet my dog. I pay half the house payment too, so I should have the right to let my dog out of his area and pet on him when I want.let the negative comments begin. I don’t care. If my husband would meet me halfway and at least hold the baby long enough for me to take the dog out then he wouldn’t have the occasional accident now. If he would offer to take the dog out once in a while, it would help. He needs to meet me in the middle just as I have met his demands every time concerning the dog until now.

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JJ
June 28th, 2015 at 7:37 AM
Stacy C,

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. First, I am not a dog hater. I was a woman, just remarried, deeply hurt by my husband whom treated his female Labrador with more value, more affection, more it seemed, everything than he did his new bride.

I had fell in love with this man, not being made aware of his relationship with his dog. He’d say things like she’s mad at me because I pet another dog and then say “Dog name, I didn’t go out on you!” Or when I told this large dog (over 100 lbs.) to get off of the couch to go get a treat he had for her he’d say “She doesn’t have to, she’s the queen!” He hurt me deeply and there were times I absolutely hated the animal because she was the agent of my pain. It was really never about the dog, it was about the man. He had never taught the dog manners, never gave her boundaries, and allowed her to take the role of alpha and she did. She’d bark, he’d jump while at the same time he’d say snide things to me, would compete with me about things, or one up me.

So with all that said, I’ve had lots of cats and dogs in my adult life, I just wasn’t as you said a pet “nut” like my husband was with his dog and never will be. Although, my pets were always part of my family, loved and cared for, but never to the point they usurped a human member of my family.

Stacy, even though the dog that has brought me great pain, had to have surgery due to recurrent hematomas under one ear flap that half her ear flap was removed at 13 years of age. I could easily tell she was hurting, so I comforted her. I was angry the vet didn’t do a better job alleviating her post op pain. And that’s the rub. I can not understand a human being, your husband, not having any sympathy or understanding for an animal in pain. That just sounds down right cold hearted. As for the accidents, it’s no wonder the poor dog is stressed from not only having to hold his urine for so long, but his environment. Your husband sounds controlling with no give or take on your pet.

My question to you is: Your pet surely is not a happy animal in his given situation. Would you be better to give him your ultimate sacrifice and find him a happy home to live the rest of his life? How much would you resent your husband if you did so? Enough to break the marriage?

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Jenniffer
August 14th, 2016 at 1:32 PM
Your husband sounds like a very nasty man. If it weren’t for having a child with him I’d be off out of there as soon as possible.

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J. simpson
June 30th, 2015 at 11:34 AM
I have thought of how I can get it lost, dead, or just not here. He goes on and on about how he would never choose to have a dog. It is a total pain follows him everywhere like a bad smell and really I. Am going to move out. What a waste of my precious time over a bloody brainless mutt that would go with anyone that fed it’s face and let it be incontinent in public places. Oh yes and car crazy will jump through windows to get in a car to make it stink, cover it in hair and rub it’s arse on a seat that I am meant to sit on. No way.

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peter t.
July 8th, 2015 at 9:10 PM
Today had an argument with my husband about his dog. I informed him several times that the dog smells. I do not want the dog in my living area, kitchen and bedroom. I allow the dog in the basement. The dog will poo and pee, I refuse to live like that. He does not take the dog for a walk, a bath the dog, or even have time to play with the dog. I told him if he brings the dog to the house, I will have no alternative but to put him back to the basement. We argue for 15 mins about the dog and I ask him to leave. He wrote me a text saying that he wants a divorce. I did not even respond to that stupid. I refuse to leave with a dog that stinks like s***. He does not bathe the dog for months and expect me to watch TV with a dog that stinks. H*** No! He even send me a text telling me – I threaten him with the dog and he threw the ring in the trash. I don’t not give a monkey to be honest…. Something else I will be happy to discuss but dog H*** NO…. Sorry, my English is not good.

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Noemi
July 11th, 2015 at 7:30 AM
How about helping him with the dog? I know you aren’t obligated to care for a dog that isn’t yours, but it would help you bond with the dog. Ultimately, a dog that isn’t bathed, played with, given affection, and taken out to exercise is neglected. Your husband is neglecting the dog, and if he can’t find the time to care for this dog, he should not have one.

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Lori
July 9th, 2015 at 3:01 PM
I am seeking advice about a present situation I have with my spouse about his dog. I have been married for 9 years and during this time I have leaved uncomfortably with a German Shepherd dog. My husband had this dog prior to us getting married. He leaved in the house with him before we got married and then moved the dog to the garage, shortly after. My frustration with my spouse is that he travels frequently and works long hours so he hardly spends time with the dog. Making the responsibility of the dog fall on me, hard with a toddler, infant, and working full time as a nurse practitioner. As you all are probably aware theses types of dogs shed badly, he also smells, and he constantly in the way (when I am trying to get in my car with my toddler and infant.) We have recently purchase a new home that has a 3 car garage. I have hired a contractor to place a wall between the one and two car garage so that the dog can have it’s own space and so the my husband’s yard and hunting supplies would not hinder me as I get into my car. My husband is very upset and thinks it is a stupid idea. I think it is going to work perfectly. I would love to read the thoughts of others. Thanks

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Conflicted with dog
July 18th, 2015 at 7:14 PM
I’ve read quite a few of your posts and I feel that mine situation is not as harsh as all of yours. But I want to get your opinions, I want to know if how I feel is just insanity or am I being logical.

Me and my boyfriend have been living together for a year. We had moved in together knowing he couldn’t have his dog, he said he was okay with that. Recently we found out the friends he left his dog with weren’t taking good care of the dog. So we decided to take action and ask our landlord to have her live with us, the landlord said yes. I did agree to having the dog with us because I don’t like to see any animal suffer as I am too a dog lover.
But as the dog began to live with us, I began to feel pushed aside. I keep telling myself that the novelty of having the dog will wear off and he will soon be back to giving me the kisses and cuddles…but it’s hard to sit back and wait till that happens, and what if it doesn’t.
He’s had this dog for six years prior to me, so she’s been with him for a long time. He even refers to her as his child. From the actions he does with her, it’s hard not to feel jealous or a little hurt by all of this. For starters we agreed no dogs on the couch as it is my couch from the start, we also agreed that she will sleep in a kennel. When she arrived she was on the couch. I felt betrayed but chose to comprise and said she can be on the couch, but only on his side. We do sleep in the same bed, but when she came, she began sleeping in the room with us. I am a light sleeper and cannot sleep with snoring (she is a pug and snores quite loud), not to mention I’ve never liked having a dog sleep in my room.
So now I find that every time we watch a movie or do anything she’s right there on the couch with him while I’m the third wheel. Yes I have discussed this with him but it doesn’t really go anywhere because he gets defensive every time I bring up anything about his “child”. I also find myself sleeping alone every night while the dog sleeps with him.
Sometimes I feel like I am the odd one out now. I don’t get to sleep with my boyfriend and I rarely get to cuddle him or get any love or attention from him because all he ever does is cuddles or hug or kiss the dog.
I hurt inside feeling the way I do about this dog, and whenever I try to talk to my boyfriend about how I feel he just says “it’s stupid your jealous of a dog, it’s just dumb”.
I feel trapped in my own home, every evening and weekend I find myself hiding in my room while he cuddles his dog.

She’s a decently trained dog though, she knows to do her business outside, she listens after the third time you tell her and for the most part is well mannered.
What bothers me is that she jumps up on you all the time, she follows him around 24/7, and she whines and snores consistently.
When she’s in her kennel for the night, she whines, when you tell her to lay down she whines, when my boyfriend leaves she goes hysterical. She has a severe case of separation anxiety, and because he leaves before me, I have to hear it because she will not shut up till she’s done freaking out. I dislike this dogs disposition but I can deal with that. It’s feeling like I’m second best and that ever since that d

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Conflicted with dog
July 18th, 2015 at 7:33 PM
I’ve read quite a few of your posts and I feel that mine situation is not as harsh as all of yours. But I want to get your opinions, I want to know if how I feel is just insanity or am I being logical.

Me and my boyfriend have been living together for two years. We had moved in together knowing he couldn’t have his dog, he said he was okay with that. Recently we found out the friends he left his dog with weren’t taking good care of the dog. So we decided to take action and ask our landlord to have her live with us, the landlord said yes. I did agree to having the dog with us because I don’t like to see any animal suffer as I am too a dog lover. But as the dog began to live with us, I began to feel pushed aside.

She’s a decently trained dog though, she knows to do her business outside, she listens after the third time you tell her and for the most part is well mannered.
What bothers me is that she jumps up on you all the time, she follows him around 24/7, and she whines all the
time (because of her separation anxiety)and snores and pants constantly (due to the pushed up face). She’s just all about him and eating up all his attention and love. She’s a one person dog.

I keep telling myself that the novelty of having his dog back will wear off and he will soon be back to giving me the kisses and cuddles…but it’s hard to sit back and wait till that happens, and what if the novelty doesn’t wear off.

He’s had this dog for six years prior to me, so she’s been with him for a long time. He even refers to her as his child. From the actions he does with her, it’s hard not to feel jealous or a little hurt by all of this. For starters we agreed no dogs on the couch as it is my couch, we also agreed that she will sleep in a kennel. When she arrived she was on the couch. I felt betrayed but chose to comprise and said she can be on the couch, but only on his side. We do sleep in the same bed, but when she came, she began sleeping in the room with us. I am a light sleeper and cannot sleep with snoring (she is a pug and snores quite loud), not to mention I’ve never liked having a dog sleep in my room.

So now I find that every time we watch a movie or do anything she’s right there on the couch with him while I’m the third wheel. Yes I have discussed this with him but it doesn’t really go anywhere because he gets defensive every time I bring up anything about his “child”. I also find myself sleeping alone every night while the dog sleeps with him because if she sleeps in a kennel she whines because she has a severe case of separation anxiety from him.

Sometimes I feel like I am the odd one out now. I don’t get to sleep with my boyfriend and I rarely get to cuddle him or get any love or attention from him because all he ever does is cuddle or hug or kisses the dog.

I hurt inside feeling the way I do about this dog, and whenever I try to talk to my boyfriend about how I feel he just says “it’s stupid your jealous of a dog, it’s just dumb, everyone loves my dog”.
I feel trapped in my own home, every evening and weekend I find myself hiding in my room while he cuddles his dog because I don’t want to start another “dog” fight because it never goes anywhere. Not to mention how he cuddles and talks to his dog all evening. I am a dog lover too, but I’ve never treated my dog like a human nor did my dog take presidency over any human.

I dislike this dogs disposition and annoying attributes but I can deal with that.
It’s feeling like I’m second best and that ever since that dog arrived, I’ve been getting little to no love/attention. Like I’ve been pushed aside.

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Peter
July 23rd, 2015 at 12:46 PM
What was the result I’m in the same boat my gf has a French bull dog and I can’t stand him it’s driven us apart the only way I see a light at the end of the tunnel is if he goes …… But u seem the same so wanted to see how ur situation panned out

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Conflicted with dog
July 23rd, 2015 at 10:59 PM
We got in a huge fight and finally made a break through.
I told him that I was worried about losing our relationship over a dog.
I also told him that we are never close like we used to be, that instead of reaching for me, you reach for the dog.

For some reason it finally got through to him and said he was sorry for everything that has happened and told me that at the end of the day I am more important than a dog and that he never wanted me to feel alone. He said that I will always come before the dog and that he will try to make this work.

And to be Honest I don’t really mind his dog that much anymore just knowing that he stands and supports me, not the dog is helpful because now I know that dog doesn’t come before me or any human for that matter.

I did also tell him about this website and that I’m not alone feeling like this, I think that helped him see things from my perspective as well. Telling him that in six years when the dog is dead, and I’m not there, what will you regret? Made him think about the entirety of this situation as well.

As for me and the dog, we still don’t get along, I’m trying to make it work but she tends to nip and Yelp at me, so we just leave each other alone.
Her constant whining has left me sleepless lately and I’m trying some new techniques as she sleeps in the kennel.
Putting her in the kennel with a very dark blanket covering the kennel so she can’t see as well as putting a radio on beside her has seemed to help. Hopefully it last in the long run because whining is one of my pet peeves and bothers me to the core.
Completely dumbfound
July 26th, 2015 at 9:06 PM
I believe my spouse has an unhealthy relationship with her dog. It use to chew anything it could get it’s mouth on, pee/poop in anywhere except outside, sleep in her bed (it would also pee/poop there), etc…pretty much anything that, I believe, any reasonable person would be infuriated by. A little back story, my SO at the time also use to be a bit of a junkie and didn’t really have a sense of self or respect. Fast forward a few years and quite a bit of work, I moved her away from all of her life threatening habits and got her cleaned up, I bought a house and we now have a child together. The dog doesn’t really do much damage these days, still finds a corner in the living room to pee (I’ve got nice oak floors), still find things in the trash that are chewed on (my SO doesn’t bother saying anything, I just happen to see it when I put things in the garbage). My biggest problem is the way she treats the animal. She likes to tell people that the dog lives better than she does. She cuddles or snuggles or whatever you want to call it any chance she gets. She even kisses it on it’s mouth and gets offended when I don’t kiss her directly after having her lips on the dog. I’ve set boundaries in regards to the animal but my SO feels that they only apply when I’m home (I travel for work). I’ve just been at a loss lately and have completely given up. My neighbors tell me that they see my SO with the dog more then they see my child. We recently had some severe weather out by our home, while I was out of town, and my SO told me in detail how she took her dog to the basement and secured it in it’s kennel and sat on top of it, then briefly mentions having our child in the car seat next to her. I called her out on this and she got extremely defensive and proceeded to tell me how crazy I am. This is just the latest example. We have been going rounds about the animal for quite some time. I finally told her a few weeks ago that the animal needs to find a new home. Her reply was as expected, to the tune of, “if my dog has to go, I go”. So I called her out on it and stood my ground. She made arrangements for her mother to take the dog when she came out to visit last week. Her mother left yesterday and guess what’s still in my home. Yup, dog is still there. Last night, I saw walked outside and saw the lights in my basement on, so I went down in the basement to find her dog running around. So I put the dog in it’s kennel and turned the lights off. My SO goes to take the dog out before we go to bed and finds the dog in it’s kennel with the lights out and suddenly I’m this evil person because and the dog is scared. I went to bed and my SO comes back to the bedroom to tell me what a POS I am, threatens some bodily injury to myself, says we’ll never have intimate contact again and that she’ll cut my hands off if I so much as touch her. (Not as in physically harming, I don’t hit people, but as in literally just touching). I just don’t know what to do anymore. How does a person get to the point where they are more affectionate toward an animal then their spouse. I remember not too long after we had out child, one night she came back out 5 times in a 10-15 minute period to tell the dog good night and I love you. Not a word to me. I recall another day where she told the dog “I love you” a total of 26 times, when our child and myself were in the same room, nothin. But of course I’m evil when I call her out on this stuff. I honestly just don’t know what to do. Any advice at this point is much appreciated. I spent a number of years working in mental health and have gotten feedback from old colleagues, I guess I’m really just looking for some anonymous feedback on the situation.

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Melissa
October 30th, 2015 at 8:37 PM
Kick her and the dog out. You’ll all be much happier. A child deserves to be more important to his mother than a dog.

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Liz
April 21st, 2017 at 12:30 AM
It’s called triangulation, Sounds like your partner is a narcissist, please join a narcissist support group on Facebook and check for yourself.

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Julie
July 28th, 2015 at 9:56 AM
My husband and I have 5 kids. We have 2 dogs. Our older dog is a big rottweiler. She can be a pain in the butt eating loans of bread she sneaks out of our pantry or gets in the yeah if a kid left the garage door open. Over all though she’s a good dog. We’ve had her for 9 yrs since she was 6 mo old. She never really chewed much but did on a few occasions when she was a puppy. She’s had a few accidents over the years but nothing major. Her big thing is getting in the trash which I think every dog will do. Now onto our 2nd dog. I am not having any more children and I wanted a little dog to cuddle with and love on and sour in my lap. My big dog is way too big to do that. So I searched and searched for a tiny dog. A found an add for a yorkiepoo for 250 bucks. She was 8 weeks old and super tiny and cute. So I convinced my husband to get her. I would let her sleep with us until she pooped in our bed. Then we decided until she was potty trained fully, there’s no sleeping in our room. We tried crate training her and she’d pee and poop all over herself. It didn’t matter if it was a little one which we bought her or the big one we used for travel with our older dog. So then I bought baby gates and pads to block off a big area and she could use the pads. Well… she peed every where and eventually would climb out over the gates. So since we have a doggy door that was built in with our house when we bought it we decided to train her to go outside. She can’t scratch at the door to let us know she needs to go out luke our big dog so we thought the doggy for would be perfect since she can just go out when needed. Well that worked well but at night she’d chew stuff. We couldn’t crate her at night because she’d crap all over herself. So then we bought a tether type thing to chain her up. We put it just outside the dog for so she can go outside to potty but come inside to sleep but only could reach a certain distance into the house and not have free roam. During the day she could just be loose. We’ll now she takes anything and everything and runs outside with it to destroy it. She hops on the couch to grab my sons favorite stuffed or toys. She grabs chargers or cords. She will grab food off the kitchen table while my kids are eating. She jumps right up and steals their food. I can’t watch her 24/7 to keep her from going upstairs to the kids room and getting their stuff or stealing food. Even though she knows to go outside she’ll go upstairs and pee or poop in the kids rooms or our bathroom. The only solution I have is 24/7 being in that chain. She ended up being not even the breed they claimed. She’s actually part min pin and part Doxie. She’s cute but not the small dog I wanted. The chewing and pottying and getting in the kitchen table pisses me off. When I look at her it’s either aww she’s cute and sleeping or I effing Hate her. I love but hate her. I’m tired of it. My husband Hates her behavior but really loves her and cuddles with her. He blames it on her being a puppy which she’s 1 so she is. But he’s gone a lot from his job and I have 5 kids and 2 dogs. I really don’t want one of the dogs being so much hassle. I keep joking saying I want to get rid of her and he how’s back he’ll get rid of me but I’m partially not joking. I’m done if this behavior continues.

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Melissa
October 30th, 2015 at 8:33 PM
Remove the dog from your house. It’s not worth it.

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Melissa
October 30th, 2015 at 8:33 PM
Remove the dog from your house. It’s not worth it. I can’t imagine letting an animal destroy my home.

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angie
August 31st, 2015 at 3:31 AM
So here’s my story. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We just recently moved into a rental and my dog is now living with us full time. I HATE the way he treats my poor dog. Beau never has accidents and is probably the most problem free dog I have ever owned. Not to my boyfriend. According to him, Beau always is doing something wrong. He says Beau always has to be outside. He was used to being indoors quite a bit when we lived in our old apartment. Now he has his own backyard so he is outside for nearly 9 hours a day. Fine. But he can’t sit on the porch and stare inside. If my boyfriend catches him doing that he will go stomp his feet at beau and yell at him telling him to “go play.” It’s an obsession. My boyfriend will get up off the couch just to see is beau is staring inside. At night he locks him downstairs because his nails are too loud on the hardwood floor. Beau IS NOT ALLOWED to move from his bed at night because it will wake him up. My boyfriend is constantly telling him to go lay down and go play and Beau just always cowers and walks away with his tail between his legs. He is not used to being yelled at all the time for not doing anything wrong and it is tearing me apart. He literally cannot do anything without pissing off my boyfriend. He is confined to his bed and his yard and it makes me sick. I’m really thinking I need to end this relationship because we argue about Beau all the time. It’s not fair that Beau is exposed to all of our negative behavior, and he just seems so miserable whenever my boyfriend is home. All my boyfriend has to say about it is that Beau acts weird around him. Well I wonder why? Maybe because all he does is yell at him. I feel like beau and I walk on eggshells every time he’s around. And beau can sense it. It just makes me sick. And I don’t know what to do.

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angie
August 31st, 2015 at 4:00 AM
Here it is at 4 in the morning and Beau just got up out of his bed for some reason and his nails were clicking on the hardwood floor. Boyfriend woke up cussing and put him outside. I am now sleeping on the couch. And my poor dog is outside at 4 a.m. This is the biggest load of BS. I have never felt so belittled and so not in control of my own dog. Time to cry myself back to sleep.

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stacey
September 3rd, 2015 at 4:53 AM
How did you end up going with Beau? I’m having the exact same issue with my dog and my partner hating him.
What makes it worse is that my furbaby just got diagnosed with eplisepy and is now costing us a little bit extra in medication (I’m talking $20 a month, nothing drastic) but my partner feels the need to rave on about how my dogs fine and ‘faking it’.
It’s absolutely killing me and I dont want to lose either of them :(
Nancy
September 8th, 2015 at 5:25 PM
Your boyfriends are showing absuive behavior towards the pets. There is no way you need to treat an animal like that. They don’t know any better. You need to train them. You need to either leave the boyfriend, or give the dog to a family or owner who will care for the dog and not mistreat it. Nails hitting the hardwood floor?? That’s ridiculous. Maybe he’s just adjusting to the new place. He gets punished for that? Ridiculous.
Kylie
September 5th, 2015 at 11:37 PM
Hey I’m in the same situation but my dog lives with me. My boyfriend has pretty much said choose your dog or me. Because he hates dog hair even though whenever My dog did come to my boyfriends with me he would have to stay outside. And he hated even finding hair outside…
They have control and anger issues. I guess hearing your story has helped me realise even more I need to end it. Just picture when you have kids. They’re revealing their true colours now. I think we should both let them go and find someone who loves us for who we are and accepts our pets x

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Nadi
September 13th, 2015 at 1:58 AM
I don’t agree with how the dog is treated but please realize….A DOG IS NOT A PERSON AND TO THINK THAT THE WAY A DOG IS TREATED WILL REFFECT HOW A CHILD IS TREATED IS LUDICROUS. Why do so many pet lovers refuse to see that. In my whole life I have met 2 or 3 people who are pet owners (very responsible ) but do not let the pets on furniture and can distinguish between a person and a pet. A pet is still an animal!!!
Melissa
December 2nd, 2015 at 12:03 PM
AMEN!
Michelle
September 16th, 2015 at 8:35 AM
Your boyfriend is a hater, and he is jealous of your dog. If you Love your dog like I think you do. Its time for you to put your foot down with you bf. Before your dog starts to regress and starts pooping and peeing in the house. He is abusing your dog and you’re letting him. The dog can’t stand up for himself but you can. Get with the program, girl and do the right thing. Dump the bf and get with someone who lives your dog as much as you do! Good luck.

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B.K.
September 2nd, 2015 at 8:33 PM
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. We moved into a house at the beginning of last year and he brought his old dog with him. I’m not a dog person, but the dog is loving and sweet and listens well and I have no problems with this dog. We got a puppy at the beginning of last summer and he had gotten quite large by now. Recently, he’s started chewing on the carpet in our living room. The dogs have plenty of bones and balls to chew on and play with, but he continues to chew on the carpet and also the curtains. We’ve tried other toys, but he destroys and eats them. He never does it when someone is in the house so we rarely catch him doing it. He eats what he tears up and throws it up so we have that mess to clean up too. We’ve tried chili pepper in water and sprayed the carpet and we even went as far a getting habenero peppers in water and spraying the carpet with that. He leaves existing holes alone now but chews another one. We’re up to 6 medium to large holes in the carpet. He’s pulled some curtains off the frame and we need to replace it. I’m not a dog person to begin with so I absolutely HATE to come home just to find new holes and new destruction. We’ve kept him in a kennel before, but he’s chewed on it and rammed into it with his head enough that it’s broken and he can break out. We’ve even tried fixing it but he chews through everything we try to fix it with. I’m about fed up with this dog and ready to get rid of it but I know my boyfriend is not. While the destruction frustrates him he doesn’t really do anything about it because my boyfriend doesn’t want to punish the dog without him knowing what he did wrong. I really need to do something about this because I’m getting to the point where I’m willing to give him away but I know this is something my boyfriend refuses to do. I’m willing to work something out with the dog/chewing situation but we’ve tried everything we can think of. Does anyone have advice on how to approach this topic with my boyfriend or tips to get the dog to stop chewing?

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Sally
September 3rd, 2015 at 4:39 AM
Seriously, some of you dog owners are insane! Do you seriously believe it’s normal to have a dog sleep in your bed and expect your partner accept it? – it’s just not healthy, and far from normal. There’s no way I would want a dog in the bedroom at all let alone in the same bed, and there’s no way I would expect any partner of mine to accept it if I had one. You can be confident the vast majority of sane humans would feel the same – dogs are not babies, they’re animals – sure, some can be cute and cuddly, but they have to have boundries, and whilst some of you dog owners may choose to overlook these things, the facts remain that having them sleep in your bedroom does present health and cleanliness issues, even for the most tolerant people: the smell, shedding, drooling, farting, fleas, mites.. not to mention clean clothes and carpets covered in dog hair.. yuk! – and please, don’t try to say “my dog doesn’t smell or have fleas” etc. because that’s BS – ALL hairy animals that spend time both inside and out do.

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BK
September 3rd, 2015 at 1:16 PM
Sally, you should hear some of the comments I get from dog nutters when I tell them that our dog is not allowed in our bed. According to them, your dog is supposed to have the run of the house. He’s supposed to be able to go in every room, lay on the couch, and cuddle with you in bed, and if you don’t allow this, then you need to give him to someone who does. I’ve even had people ask me “why do you even have a dog?” These people are seriously detached from reality.

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Melissa
October 30th, 2015 at 8:26 PM
Amen! Animals are pets, not people, and shouldn’t be allowed to run the household.

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JJ
October 31st, 2015 at 7:11 PM
Amen! Sometimes I think Americans have went insane. What happened to Rover retrieving the newspaper or slippers and just being happy laying at his/her master’s feet? Playing with the kids, running along as they rode their bikes? Not today. Today there is dog bakeries, day cares. It’s absurd.

I’m currently going through another argument with DH. I’m not talking to him or sleeping with him. I’m just mad.

He takes his 13 year old Lab a plate of “goodies” every night after dinner. She stays in the basement due to hip dysplasia.

In fact I finally had him get rid of a delapitaed recliner that was “her” chair trying to dehumanize her. Besides she was using those back legs to get into it and was dragging herself out of it. I bought her the biggest orthopedic bed on the market. Remember this a like a giant female Labrador. I even had him get pain pills because one day I noticed her moving from room to room trying to get comfortable. I knew this dog was hurting. So I’m not a cruel person and I have loved the dogs and cats I’ve owned in the past.

Anyway, I walked downstairs to give him a phone call and find him on his knees next to her on the dog bed. He doesn’t do that when I’m around, so it feels like he’s sneaking. I knew he was cuddling her and letting her lick his lips. I call her the “furry” wife and that’s exactly what she has been.

I’m so sick of it after 2 1/2 years, I’m ready to get a divorce. My mom use to say to me, “Don’t let that dog ruin your marriage!” News Flash: it’s not the dog.
Kayla
October 2nd, 2015 at 7:15 AM
I just got done reading this article and all of the comments and it’s fair to say there are people who love dogs like they are their own children and then there are people who don’t understand that at all. I married my husband almost 2 years ago. At that time I had an 8 year old yorkie (who is now 10) and my husband had never owned a dog before in his life. He wasn’t over the moon about my dog but he grew to tolerate and even help out if I would be home late from work or out for the day. Then WE decided to get a puppy yorkie just 3 months ago. My husband was on board and his only stipulation was that he wanted a dog that stayed small. Louie is only 3 Lbs fully grown so he’s met that stipulation (lol). I don’t let the dogs sleep with us and they both have their own spaces in the house where they sleep, and where they are allowed to be during the day as well, but ever since we got the puppy my 10 year old yorkie is waking us both up barking at 3AM, 4AM, 5AM to eat. I thought he was acting out, but he was recently diagnosed with Cushings Disease and he cant help his urge to feel like he’s starving all of the time, but my husband has had it. Now the puppy is 100% potty trained and I feel like we were on the right track but my husband said he wants both of them gone yesterday (that will never happen). I have decided to make my 10 yr old sleep in the basement room so that his barking doesn’t wake my husband up and hopefully that’ll help some. But I do treat my dogs as my children, the reason is simple, I cannot have children. A lot of peple commenting on here have been outright rude to say people need therapy for loving their dogs too much or treating them like humans. Just because you don’t feel a certain way doesn’t mean that everyone that doesn’t feel that same way needs therapy. Be kind people!

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AreYouReadingThisLaura?!
October 21st, 2015 at 3:03 PM
“I made my son sleep in the basement because a rat dog is more important than my family.”

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H
January 16th, 2016 at 8:24 PM
Haha she has no son. Her “ten year old” is just the older Yorkie that is sick. She is putting her family first, but still valuing her pets.
H
January 16th, 2016 at 8:25 PM
Oh, and I am laughing at the person being angry about your dogs… I do feel for you being unable to have children. I am sorry!
Liz
October 12th, 2015 at 2:24 AM
Me and my partner have been together for a year, I have a small dog (puggle) and he has a large dog (Rhodesian Ridgeback) it’s a rescue dog.

She is a nervous wreck, greedy, drools when we are eating, steals puggle’s food, bullies puggle – her bed is in the hallway and often puggle stops and cries as is nervous to walk past her, also she sometimes growls at him when we are not in same room (my partner says the puggle cries because he is a whimp and she growls at him because she is jealous of puggle as he gets more attention from me) also she often runs away and pretends not to hear us calling when we take her for walks, sheds so much hair everyday,smells awful even after showering, she rolls herself in other animals mess in the park, jumps into bed or sofa when we are not at home knowing she is no allowed on due tomorrow o weight, smell, and shedding (my partner says he lets her in bed when I’m not in, supposedly because he feels sorry for her, why the hell would he tell me such thing knowing I can’t stand it ?) she barks like mad everytime she hears someone outside or when we have visitors coming through the door, even if it’s someone she knows ,and two minutes later she’s all over the visitors like a rash lapping up the attention, also when we walk in town she is really nervous, shakes, unexpectedly twirls around sometimes nearly knocking me over.

I liked her at first, even before I met her,my partner used to tell me she was so lovely, also he told me he takes her everywhere with him.

A year on and he works full time and he can’t take dog with him, I work from home so I look after both dogs, sometimes my partner doesn’t even take them for walks in the evening as he’s so tired from work and he gets upset if I don’t go for a walk with him ,but it’s all right for me to walk the dogs during the day by myself.

We have been having arguments about his dog on and off, I’m not happy with this dog, I have been tolerating it for a long time but now I’m beginning to despise it, I have tried to make it work and I know it’s not the dog’s fault but I can’t help the way I feel towards it.

We love each other very much but this situation is putting a strain on our relationship, he says he doesn’t understand as I used to like her at first, I genuinely did but when I realised what it was like to live with her things changed.

At one point my partner said his would have to go as our relationship is more important, I didn’t feel too good about it as I know my partner loves her, then he waited hoping that I would change my mind, then he said how would I feel if he felt like that towards my dog and recently he has started picking him, possibly tit for tat or to prove a point.

We are going round in circles and I’m stuck in a situation where I love my partner to bits but can’t stand his dog and feel it’s not fair to get rid of her and keep the puggle which might end up in resentment from my partner.

I told him that

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Sara
October 29th, 2015 at 5:03 PM
What ever happened in this situation? I’m going through the exact same thing.., we are on the verge of calling it quits due to the fighting his dog has brought on our relationship and the resentment I’ve built towards him.

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Liz
April 21st, 2017 at 12:38 AM
His Sara it turned out he was a narcissist abuser who nearly successfully killed me, I lef him in January this year and I’m writing a book on it. I hope you’re ok?
Linda
October 15th, 2015 at 4:57 AM
Well I feel the same as a lot of comments here reflect. I can’t relax in the lounge room because of dog flatulence and I am frowned upon for commenting about the smell. The youngest dog has full access to the $3,000 leather lounge (the first new lounge I ever bought in my 57 years ) . He scampers all over it and it is filthy from him.The only brand new mats I was ever able to afford stink of dog and have had puppy wee and poo liberally since the day he was bought home. The dogs get more hugs and attention and conversation than I do. I am interrupted by dogs noisy playing in the house every time I try to speak and the illustrious owner ignores and interrupts me to ‘quieten’ them down. I actually love them but never, ever thought that a dog would be treated with such reverence and respect than myself or that every material thing I earned would be destroyed with no acknowledgement by my significant other. I feel like the interloper. And a mean one at that. If I discipline the dog I am scowled at!! Pretty over it all.

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AreYouReadingThisLaura?!
October 21st, 2015 at 3:01 PM
Sounds like your spouse loves you less than the dog. Time to find a new spouse…without the dog.

My wife’s stupid dog (125lb German Shepherd) attacked our son and she STILL lets him around our son when I leave the house. I told her she could keep the dog if she promises to keep them separate at all times. My only resort left is to I’m thinking put the dog down because she isn’t leaving me any other choice. I can’t trust the dog around our, and I can’t trust my wife to do the right thing for her family.

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lacey
October 29th, 2015 at 8:20 AM
I have bad experience right now and it’s boiling on depression for me. My HUSBAND wanted a dog more than I. I like dogs, not love them. I also have serious allergies. So anyways, we go to the shelter, just TO LOOK. He sees a dog and he looks SO happy. He’s my husband, I want him to be happy, right? We get to the room where we meet the dog. He’s a shnoodle. Very Hyopallergenic. I kept telling him,”Dogs are expenisive, Blah blah” HE KNEW I WASN’T THRILLED with the idea of a dog. I decided to just try it out….my bad mistake. I should have SAID no! It was one of those things where, “what could go wrong” goes out the window. Anyways, we have had him for 2 weeks, and my Husband and I have done nothing but FIGHT. and I mean FIGHT. I am miserable bc I am not sure if I am allergic to him, or its just my plain old allergies that I had before. I’d give him away in a sec, but come on, it’s harder when you look at his face and he looks at you with puupy eyes. Its hard. But I am miserable. My marriage is bad right now bc of the dog. It’s the worst thing ever.

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JC
October 29th, 2015 at 9:00 PM
I love my partner. We’ve been going strong for a couple of years. We don’t live together but we spend a lot of time at each other’s houses. My girlfriend has a dog who I’ve been polite with and tend to when I’m the only one around. I’m very allergic to any animal dander (asthma, sneezing, the works) but we’ve found short term solutions. Besides my allergies, I’ve always thought dogs were kinda stupid and boring and burdensome .
Two weeks ago the bomb dropped. She’s pregnant!!!!! My girlfriend, not the dog. I’m happy as can be. Can’t imagine having a baby with anyone else. We both want a life together as a family.
But the dread of sharing my living space with a dog has started to chip at the excitement of having a baby with the woman I love.
I very seriously do not want to live with a dog but I also don’t want to take anything away from my girlfriend. I’m worried how that will affect relationship.

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nikki
November 23rd, 2015 at 11:52 PM
I im not sure if its an indoor or outdoor dog. I would simply say if the dog stays outside it shouldn’t be an issue for you. Do things to help yourself, keep the dog clean so that he doesn’t have too much dander (take him to a groomer regularly-and your girlfriend will appreciate your efforts).
Depending on the dog, they don’t live that long (smaller dogs live longer).

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JC
December 10th, 2015 at 4:38 PM
Thanks, Nikki. It’s and indoor dog. My partner is so wonderful she had already done research on how to make our future home livable for me when I expressed my concern. Sorry, pooch, no pups in the bedroom or on the furniture.
Nessa
November 16th, 2015 at 12:05 AM
I have a bone of contention with my SO over his wiener dog. We’ve been together 2 years, lived together for 1. His dog is so naughty and bratty it’s driving me insane. We have a 4 month old son and my three year old from a previous relationship. He’s a good dad but can not show boundaries or rules to this dog. My SO has had this dog many years before me and my oldest came into the picture which I can understand but I can not understand this lack of control of this dog. Growing up any dogs I lived with were taught rules from the jump. They did’nt sleep in bed with us, were not allowed on the couch, and did not beg and whine for food. This dog whines like crazy when he sees us eating our meals. He’ll jump on the coffee table looking for scraps, he will try to steal from my son’s plate. He’ll cry for my SO when were trying to enjoy a movie together. He has also nipped at my son! This has greatly bothered me. His mouth was literally on my sons face. My SO tried to downgrade this saying “oh, he wont really bite” or “i don’t think its a big deal” we got into a huge fight over that one. He got defensive and started crying and said “what do you want me to do?! Go out and shoot him?!?!” I said no! But f***, cant you show him discipline?? Any chance of me getting attached to his dog flew out the window when he nipped at my son. Am I crazy for sticking around? It has happened more than once. My son is almost 4, he can hardly enjoy the dog because the dog is probably 10 years old and hasnt had a lot of interaction with children. Ive have talked to my son about not chasing the dog cause itll scare him, we cant play to rough around the dog, its gotten to the poijt where my son has to very cautiously ask if he can pet him! With the new baby I am worried about when he starts crawling, well have to keep the dog kenneled all the time. Im just sick and tired of this dog being higher on the totem pole than me and our kids. Everything revolves around this dog. I have said I do not want the dog in bed but it goes ignored. I have asked numerous times for him to get his 9inch nails clipped but that also goes ignored. His dog has ripped up a very nice carpet I bought with my own money, he has ripped up baby clothes and my own clothes before. I am to the end of my rope. I am to the end of my rope and sanity with the dog. I keep thinking how he has nipped at my son and how stupid I am for allowing it. I do love my SO but I am finding myself dreading being at home and missing my old life with my dog free apartment. I can’t take the smell, the constant whining, crying and begging, the accidents and just the overrall attitude of this “king” dog. It justs neverending. Its disgusting waking up to ripped open poopy diapers from the dog getting into the trash, its pisses me off having my brand new sheets covered in dog hair..btw im the only one washing the sheets since its insisted the dog sleep in bed with us and my SO jusy says “ive always had my dogs sleep with me my whole life.” I know this is cruel but for my sanitys sake I find myself just waiting for thag dog to kick the bucket. :'(

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Rita
November 27th, 2015 at 9:00 PM
I agree with you about having a life without a dog. I find myself not wanting to cone home. His dogs are so spoiled, I feel like they come first. No matter how many times I bring it up. He gets upset and says his babies do no wrong. Do you ever just feel like ending your relationship because of this issue?

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Melissa
December 2nd, 2015 at 11:48 AM
Omg,I can soooooooo relate- except that my SO has cats instead of a dog. I find myself dreading her coming home because I have to deal with them constantly meowing and demanding her attention, which she gladly gives them. I’m the one who cleans, and I’m sick of cleaning cat hair of of EVERYTHING in the house. I finally got her to agree to keep them out of our bedroom. But the hair still keeps finding it’s way in anyway. I feel like she loves these cats more than she does me. I knew she had them, and I honestly didn’t think it would be a problem. But it is. I’d love to get rid of them, but that is clearly not an option. My idea is to move them to the finished basement and have all the mess and the meowing contained. Then the main level would be clean and quiet for once. She says that wild be cruel to them. I give up. This is the only thing we have ever fought about in 2 years together.

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BK39
November 16th, 2015 at 10:47 AM
Nessa, the dog nipping at my kid would have been the last straw. Anyone who keeps a dog after it’s attacked a child is mentally deficient. That dog needs to go, and if your S/O refuses to get it in check, then perhaps you need to go as well. i know it won’t be easy since you two have a kid on the way, but the safety of your children, not to mention your sanity and peace of mind, are way more important.

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Bb
December 1st, 2015 at 9:50 PM
Some of you people are obsessive over your dogs and just plain silly if your willing to throw a relationship away because of dogs. My wife and I have disagreements about our dogs, but in the end it’s resolved because we have boundaries. They are DOGS, animals.. Not humans. Dogs can have fleas or ticks even if you think they are properly cared for. Most all dogs shed which leaves hair EVERYWHERE. These are reasons dogs aren’t allowed on furniture, especially the bed where you lay your head.

No amount of combing or baths on one of our hairy dogs can help her stinking or shedding. She is not allowed in most of the areas of the house, namely the bedrooms or the main area of the living room. Her hair gets e v e r y w h e r e. At night we are forced to put her in the kitchen because she crawls up on the couch while we are sleeping, and it’s obvious because the couch is covered in fur. She has her own bed.

My point is, My wife is cool with me laying some ground rules down because THEY ARE DOGS. Yes animals are fun and amazing, but they are animals. Period. If you want to treat an animal like a human, then maybe you should move to Utah and marry them.

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BK39
December 2nd, 2015 at 10:23 AM
Bb, you sound like me and my wife. We got our dog after we were married, and the reason it’s worked is because we’ve been on the same page regarding the boundaries set. Neither of us like dog hair on our clothes, so he’s not allowed on our couch or in our bed. The fur he leaves on the carpet is already a source of aggravation for us as it is. He’s also not allowed to beg for our food, and we don’t feel the need to drag him everywhere we go.

Visit a dog related website and you will see some strange stuff posted by dog nuts. I’ve had people tell me that I’m not a good dog parent(I hate that term) because we don’t let him on our furniture. They think that we’re overreacting because we don’t like fur on our clothes. Then you have the ones who have damn near accused me of animal cruelty because we crate our dog when we have guests. They seem to think that the dog’s comfort is supposed to take priority over the comfort of our human guests. We’re simply not in the business of alienating friends and family over a dog.

We’ve already decided that when this dog leaves us, we are never getting another one. Honestly, if someone came to me right now and wanted to take him off our hands, we wouldn’t object.

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Melissa
December 2nd, 2015 at 11:54 AM
Thank you for being so real. I get so frustrated at people who think animals deserve better treatment than people. Pets do not belong on the furniture. Good for you!

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Charlie
December 2nd, 2015 at 12:59 PM
BK you guys have the absolute correct vision of how things should be with a pet. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise

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Charlie
December 2nd, 2015 at 12:56 PM
What a relief to find this blog. Firstly I am an animal lover. I believe in not being cruel to animals. I am seeing my partner for two years now and convinced I’m loved more than her dog. Growing up we had dogs but they were never allowed to run in the house never sit on furniture or even go into bedrooms. Now with my partner it’s so different. Firstly, she has a medium sized dog that is a complete house dog. I have never in my life seen a dog that sheds soooooo much hair. Absolutely everywhere. When she brushes up against you there is hair on your clothes. the dog sleeps indoors she has her own bed but will constantly climb on our bed at night. I hate that. The duvet is covered with hair and dirt. She also sleeps on our legs which keeps me awake I told my GF this is not on. I need rest because I have to work a 12 hour shift the next day. I get answers like “oh but it’s like a child”. I hate when people compare dirty animals to human babies it is not the same. The dog also knows now I’m irritated so she climbs on in the middle of the night next to my partner and my GF moves up to give her space making My Space less in the bed !!! Just order the dog back to her bed. Simple. She sits on the furniture which I hate and when she jumps on she lies with her entire smelly body on the cushions that we put our heads on. And she is so manipulative the dog just looks at me as if to say ” you can’t do shit to me”. And if we just walk to the kitchen its constant begging. She sits between your legs staring at you while you eat. Because my GF allows it now all people must suffer. I really do hate this dog now. She also sniffs constantly. I don’t mind a quick sniff when someone walks in but she goes on non stop getting full hair on you. I really despise this dog and she gets all the love and attention. If I get up from the couch she will jump in my place and not move and the GF just smiles it off. What about my feelings. When I don’t stay over for a day or two and return I can see the dog has been sleeping on my side of the bed. Covered in fur and dirt and I think that’s so low to allow that and let this shit undermine me that way. It’s becoming a problem I really hate this dog :-(

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Melissa
December 2nd, 2015 at 9:10 PM
I can certainly feel your pain. It’s sucks to be 2nd fiddle to a pet. You have my heartfelt sympathy.

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Jessica
June 18th, 2018 at 11:24 AM
Omg, I hate that. I feel your pain. I have the same with my husband’s dogs. Thankfully, we live somewhere else and we can’t have them, but the time will come that we will get our own place and I don’t want those dogs! I dealt with it 2 months, I felt like I didn’t matter. he kept insisting that the dogs had to be on the bed, there was black dirty, a TON of hair and even drips of pee on the sheet! And he is okay with it!! When we go over to the place where they live, he is all cuddling with them over the floor and jump on the couch with him and there is no place for me to sit next to him. They lick him all over the face and it’s just nasty!! And they poop and pee in the house every day and he espects me to be okay with it! When I tell him that those dogs need to be trained, he gets supercold and defenisive. You can’t expect someone to clean up dog s*** and dog p*** everyday and live in a house that smells worse than a kennel! It stresses me out so much and I feel so much resentment and bitterness that my feelings aren’t taken into consideration. And btw, they never get brushed, nails clipped, no vaccinations, no anti flea treatments or whatever, and no showers. They stink so bad. I can’t live like that. And then the begging by the table and petting them while we are eating and letting them lick the plats. And then the excuses is, but you know I had dogs! Yes i knew that, but i didnt know it was so bad! What do I do??? Refuse to have them? or live a miserable life? He sometimes travels for work and I don’t want to deal with it, I can’t even sleep at night because of those barking and noisy dogs and he doesn’t care. Can I put my foot down? I want to have a fresh start together and build a happy marriage and we want to start a family.

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Michael
June 18th, 2018 at 12:21 PM
It’s interesting that the partners of dog fanatics are a mix of men and women. Dog fanatics include both men and women and those who are affected, who put up with the filth, the cost, and the behavior, are also gender-mixed.
I think that dog fanaticism/fetishism is a growing mental disorder. Like gaming addiction it’s relatively new but growing fast (for a list of serious mental issues look to the fast-growth industries in terms of dollars).
As people have disappeared into their screens there is an expectation by some that they needn’t live in the real world; that dogs or games or something they can control — which does not include another living/breathing human — is the central focus in their life.
It’s the ultimate narcissism: other people will never reflect back perfectly, but dogs (pack animals with an instinct to) might, and computer games (programmed for exactly that purpose) also might. I wish that I could come up with a solution.

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melissa
December 2nd, 2015 at 9:37 PM
We came into the marriage my spouse knowing that I do not like animals. We tried once I had a terrible anxiety attack that didn’t go away until we gave the dog back. My mother in law had 2 dogs & before she died asked my husband to take care of the dogs. The day she was put into an assisted living home the dogs came to our house with no discussion between us. In other words they just arrived without my agreement. I watch the dogs all day when my husband is at work. I also have to watch them when he’s out of town which is several times a year. I attempt to talk to him but he says I must not care enough about him since I don’t want to take care of them. They do poop, pee & throw-up in the house which of course I clean up. The older one is blind so when they go outside I have to watch him carefully to ensure he comes back in the house. So, I have to follow him around to make sure he’s on the right track. Did I mention that I have to carry him down the stairs & soon will need to carry up the stairs. I don’t even like touching dogs. They cry & come & stare at me. He’s got them in the habit of getting a treat when they do their business. I don’t see the need but they will keep following me around & staring at me which drives me crazy. I can’t stay in the kitchen (where they stay) because they bother me. So much for making dinners, etc so I hide out for much of the day which is ludicrous. He doesn’t want to get rid of the dogs even though I’ve calmly discussed how he’s putting his feelings before mine & care more about his desire. I’m want him to be happy but not at the expense of being held captive & having these dogs thrust upon me. He’s totallly talking me for granted since I stay home. But if I worked full time we would not have taken the dogs so how important can they be? I’m at my wits in because I totally resent him which spills over when we have an argument about something else. I’m standing firm & want him to go to my therapist with me so perhaps she can explain it to him better than I am. He will be terrible un-happy if he gets rid of them but as I said I’m totally unhappy with them being at home. This is getting out of control & is affecting our intamacy & having a healty happy relationship. I’m becoming totally bitter about this. He isn’t even searching for a home for them so I guess I’ll have to. He refuses to get rid of the older dog with is the worst of the two since he’s old & blind. I’m not without feelings but there’s no telling how long the dog could live. All in all it’s a dog, not a person & even though he has strong feelings for them I’m disappointed that he doesn’t have stronger feelings about me. When he comes home he immediately starts playing & stroking the dogs showing his love. But sometimes he doesn’t even hug or cuddle with me so I’m get upset that they dogs get more loving than I do. I have problems with depression, chronic pain, etc. so this is in no way helps but instead its excerbating my health issues. thank you so much for having a forum which allows me to vent & I hope there is no judgement on the readers reply but they’ve been in my house for 2 years so I think I’ve sufficiently given them a “trial”. I didn’t go back & re-read for spelling, etc so please forgive any grammatical mistakes. Regards

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Charlie
December 4th, 2015 at 5:03 AM
Melissa, I really feel your pain. So sorry for what you going through. I can only hope that your situation will improve soon mine is not any better either. Cannot grasp the concept of an animal being put before a human !!!!

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B
December 4th, 2015 at 6:38 PM
Okay so I have a similar situation to Charlie. I recently moved in with my girlfriend. I brought a cat into the relationship and she brought a French Bulldog. I am an animal lover. I have had dogs and other animals my whole life. But they always had strict boundaries, training and manners. This dog has none of that.

She insists that the dog sleep in the bed. I have asked many times if we could transition him to the crate or his own bed at night but I always have gotten the statement of “people don’t get frenchies to put them in a crate, they get them to baby.” Even babies need some boundaries and rules! The dog sleeps in the bed always on my legs and he snores very loud. The other issue is my cat is out in the living room, any movement from her and he jumps off the bed and starts whining or barking. He wakes us up several times a night. Or at least me, she’s a heavy sleeper.

I also have allergies so I’ve always had the rule that no pets in bed and no dogs on any furniture. So that’s another issue.

The other issue is she is so lazy with him. He gets no exercise, is poorly socialized, and has very little training. I’ve been around a few months and he has learned a lot from me training him but she puts in no effort. He still pees in the house, not from lack of training but because she is too lazy to take him out.

He has nearly become my dog, she just cuddles him. He always chooses me over her now because he knows I’m the pack leader. He obeys me and when she tries he now ignores her.

It’s not that I don’t like dogs, it just that I didn’t sign up to basically retrain a dog that isn’t mine and that I can’t be in charge of setting boundaries for. I also have a cat because I know that I personally do not have the time to take care of and properly train a dog.

Every suggestion I make about boundaries or training is shut down and she gets very offended. I don’t understand why she even has him if she doesn’t want to do anything with him.

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melissa
December 4th, 2015 at 7:08 PM
Just to add to my previous problem, discussed issue again with spouse. He said he couldn’t give up the dogs. I asked don’t you care about my feelings & apparently in this issue he doesn’t. Wow, what a slap in the face. He says I can’t understand how he feels because I don’t like dogs. It’s not like getting rid of a toy. I can’t fathom the fact that the dogs are more important than me! Luckily I’m seeing my therapist Monday. I asked him to go with me but doubt he will. Hopefully she can help me get through this. I’m in shock & feel like he’s stuck a knife right through my heart & sincerely hope that the wound will heal on day. On the flip side he’s upset with me because I’d even ask him to do this.

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melissa
December 5th, 2015 at 8:49 AM
B
Without hurting your feelings she doesn’t sound like your soulmate. It won’t get better when you marry. Think about when you have kids? You mention she’s lazy about taking him out. Does that lazzyness (sp) apply to other issues as well such as keeping the house clean? If you’re like me you may start to feel resentful and that feeling may hide itself for awhile but always comes back to haunt you. She sounds like my husband as far as not really caring about your feelings. This sounds terrible but in less you are willing to spend the rest of your life taking care of her, the dog, your cat & whatever children you may produce you should get out before you’re too deeply immersed into the relationship. The longer you stay the harder it gets!! But, thats just my opinion, please use your mind to choose your answer not your heart. Think logically. Hope you make a wise decision & whichever path you choose leads you to happiness.

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Missy
December 7th, 2015 at 7:05 AM
Help please. My husband and I are separated. He moved to a condo and let me stay in the house. We have 3 dogs, the youngest being his. I told him that he needs to come by and walk her and interact with her if he wants me to keep her here because I have a backyard. I also told him that he will be responsible for paying her vet bills, buying and bringing her dog food, etc.
However, he rarely comes over after work and complains if I ask him to. I’ve had to go out to the store and pick up her food the last 2 times (with his money). I’ve has to replace her bed because she pooped on it, and she is tearing up the toys that belong to one of the other dogs. The toys and bed I’ve replaced with my own money. If she needs the vet or nails trimmed, I transport her there and pay with his money. She gets the carpets all muddy and has torn up the backyard of our home and the landlord is mad. I told him that he needs to come clean up the yard and talk to the landlord himself since his name is still on the lease.
I’m losing my mind. I told him that he either needs to take her and come up with the deposit for the condo, pay me for all my efforts of cleaning her mud and poop like doggy day care, or stop by every morning and take her to doggy daycare on his way to work.
Am I crazy for feeling this way? I have 2 other dogs and 2 kids here to take care of also.

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chrissy
December 9th, 2015 at 4:28 AM
wow.im shocked to see so many people are having the same problems as me…and so many people that just outright hate their partners pets.im in the middle here.i am at my witts end here i dunno what to do anymore maybe talking to people here will help as someone may have sane advice.ive been married to my husband for seven months we dated for a year before marriage.everything was great between us until i moved in with him and his dog.im an animal lover more of a cat person but i love all animals so this is so hard for me.my husband has a four year old pit bull mix that he got as a rescue dog that he has had for four years.the dog was malnourished and abused when hubby saved him i always thought that showed that he was a caring sweet person as an animal lover i respected that about him.i realize the dog was around before myself and my three

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chrissy
December 9th, 2015 at 5:10 AM
…continued because my comment submitted before i was done typing…..sigh….my husband had this dog before he ever met me i respect that and since i moved in these are just some of the things ive dealt with..firstly the dog is spoiled and has zero training he does not obey anything i say at all if my husband gives the dog a command the dog listens to him but usually only for a few minutes then it will disobey him too.but my husband is gone at work sometimes sixteen hours a day he has a dangerous stressful hard job while hes gone the dog completely and deliberately does things to spite me.when we first got here the dog would not stop trying to mount and hump my baby who is almost two and it wouldnt stop tearing up her diapers all over the place that in itself was very stressful for me i am currently pregnant with our baby the dog is big and hard for me to handle but i manage.i studied dog behavior and have worked with the dog in so mamy ways.ive finally gotten the dog to stop trying to mount my baby and see her as higher up in his pack.when i came to my husband forst with my concerns…your dog is too big for any pregnant woman to have to handle because it does not listen to me ..your dog wont stop trying to assert dominance over my baby and tries to hump her…he just dismessed me like it was no big deal so i studied dog behavior and was able to work with him until he stopped humping my baby.i thought the night mare was over but boy was i wrong.secondly my husband is gone all day as ive said..so the responsibility of his dog falls all on me and my two older children.we feed water pet talk to walk and take care of his dog every day.he does not appreciate it or understand how hard it is for me being pregnant to care for such a large hard headed spoiled dog.the dog is given full run of the house and lays wherever it wants it gets hair every where and constantly licks and chews everything.if we eat around the dog it sits in your face and drools all over your legs until u feed it some of your food or put it in another room.my husband rarely plays with the dog or shows it any attention except at bed time..the dog is allowed to sleep in our bed all over the bed even on me the dog is seventy five pounds and i am a light sleeper.if we put the dog on the floor next to our bed it licks and chews and scratches and whines and keeps me up until i finally say ok come in the bed dog..i would not mind sleeping with the dog sometimes if it just laid at our feet or in one spot but it will move closer and closer until its damn near on top of me smashing my belly or laying on my legs to the point i cant move so i dont sleep well and it makes me cranky..i have a broken foot on top of being pregnant so this is really hard for me.very rarely he will put the dog outside the room and close the door.the dog is not agressive or mean ..just hyper and disobedient and wants to run and play.he playfully started nipping at my almost two year old daughter..if my husband says stop the dog will stop until it gets another chance to try his shenannigans later.if i say no it just keeps right on going.the other day it nipped at my baby i said stop and the dog continued to bear down on my baby.i was horrified.he did not bite to be mean he just wanted to play i get that..but he is bigger than the baby and could seriously hurt her.i forcibly had to pull the dog off of my baby and move him for him to stop.he didnt break the skin but left four red teeth marks on her….then he paws at her trying to get her to play with him but his claws are sharp and sometimes he leaves marks on my baby.i came to my husband saying look i dont want you to think i hate your dog..i love the dog but i love my baby more and he keeps nipping at her and clawing at her i cant handle this anymore it takes alot of stregnth to move him im pregnant i cant be lifting seventy five pounds its not right..either he needs training and to be taught he cannot behave that way or he needs to be re homed to someome who does not have small kids..he just isnt a good fit for a pregnant woman and a toddler.he yelled at the dog for biting and the dog hasnt done it since.but he still paws and scratches at her.every night for a month ive been kept up by this whining licking chewing hell hound he will not stop until he has my spot on the bed then looks at me as if to say haha you cant do shit…he is not stupif the dog knows what im saying to him…he knows his behavior is bad and since hes been allowed to do whatever he wants he has been showed he can comtinue the behavior.i find myself resenting the dog and hating my husband.how could you put the safety of your family and your wifes sanity and health of your unborn baby second to a spoiled disobedient animal.ive confronted him nicely..kindly..ive tried to show my husband that this is not acceptable and each time i get told itll be fine stop stressing yourself out over the dog..or just met with outright opposition.i said look its not some joke when the dog really hurts my baby and we have to explain to cps why she has bite marks and have to put the dog down..itll be too late for the baby and the dog…i dont want that.i dont hate your dog i just cant deal with him being pregnant its too much he needs training or a new home.ive talked to some of my friends who also have dogs and are animal lovers and each of them has said if it was their dog and it nipped their baby the dog would be gone point blank no buts about it…and theyve all said its absurd that im forced to sleep with the dog every night.they all say their dogs do not sleep in the bed at all.ive told my husband this…to show him that im not just being unreasonable that my concerns are valid and its not just me who dosent want to sleep with a dog every night.like i said i dont mind it sleeping with us sometimes..but once in a while i need room to stretch out and silence to get proper sleep im pregnant ffs.two nights ago the dog was on the floor and he kept licking whining and scratching and chewing ..my husband sleeps thru this..i cant ..ive tried…i finally said ok come on boy and he laid at my feet for a while..but that wasnt enough for this selfish spoiled beast he kept on and on until he was legit laying on my belly i moved over so that the dog was between us…did i mention we have no sex life because theres always a dog between us……tmi sorry….i didnt sleep at all that night i finally got up and went and slept in my older daughters bed with her.last night we were getting along great we watched some tv and hubs said i gota go to bed babe love u…i know he has to get up ridiculously early and i didnt wana argue so i calmly and nicely as i could said babe i dodnt sleep at all last night..can we please put the dog out tonight…please….he looked at me and said jesus youre not gonna shut up until i kill my dog..u want me to shoot the dog do you? i said uhmmm…nooo….extreme much? i just wanted him to be put out in the living room for tonight so maybe i could sleep..and maybe we could cuddle for five minutes before you sleep..why do u think i hate the dog..honestly if you dont get him training he is going to end up hurting my baby and may end up getting put down is that what you want? i said look ive tried to learn to live with him..im on edge constantly from watching him like a hawk around the baby..ive exhausted myself trying to get you to see that im not just being mean ..im concerned for my baby and for the baby on the way there is no way in hell i can deal with a newborn and that dog..but all that aside i just wanted to sleep without him keeping me up all night for once and cuddle my husband…he said well go lay down where you can sleep then babe…i was floored..basically hes saying my concerns and needs and wants are not important at all to him..and im second to his dog…i got upset and cried and said some things i didnt mean..but hell who wouldnt at that point….he looked at me hateful as could be with the dog laid in my spot all up on his side and said if you dont wana sleep with the dog then get the hell out of the room……what do i even say or do anymore? i feel terrible having feelings of anger towards a dog i feel worse having feelings of jealousy toward the dog.i told my husband this is crazy..im your wife..you married me not the dog wth man my wishes and needs dont mean anything to you i will leave when i am able.he didnt say anything to that.didnt seem to care..my husband is usually a very loving kind man my kids love him he is great with them..we should be spending time together excited about our new baby on the way..but the only thing he cares about in his free time is his dog and video games.help its making me extremely depressed

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AJ
January 1st, 2016 at 9:27 AM
Please be careful. Jack Russell’s are not apartment dogs they were bred to be rodent catchers/farm animals ect. I will never understand why people get this breed of dog in cities, it really upsets me. And I grew up in the wilderness and was surrounded by animals and love them. But they have their place. As with kitties, which Google it eventually a jr may kill the household cats (it’s in their breeding!!) they have killed children. (Hunting in their breeding and we cannot predict what a jr will do at all times in a human created abnormal (for them) environment. JR’s can maul people and seems to me many in cities have owners who think this is cute. Ummm. Septic infections from claws? Jrs r waaaay too unpredictable around children. I find it devastating to see how many people seem to think they know these dogs but if they did??! Why in an apartment (AND WHY WITH SMALL CHILDREN???). With all due respect your family’s safety is a million times more important than having to live with the odd discord of fitting in a hyper ear piercing farm animal that is unpredictably unsafe into your family home.

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melissa
December 13th, 2015 at 10:32 AM
hi question… very similar problem. me and my ex fiance have been together 14 yrs. recently broke up but live together. I’m trying to work things out but he ignores me. he directs his negativity at a 11 month old puppy. this puppy is scared and looks at me for comfort. if the puppy pees I get yelled at. the ex trains him and ex tells me to leave. keeping me away from him and the puppy. the puppy sleeps with us and the ex get jeleous when puppy puts his head on me. when I try to teach him something I get pushed away. he’s paying more attention to his phone and getting angry. im still in love with my ex and the puppy but im more depressed than ever. I’m scared that this puppy is gonna get very aggressive at him and he will blame me. any helpful suggestions?????

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chrissy
December 13th, 2015 at 8:06 PM
im sorry youre going thru this.my situation is different..but i can totally relate to trying to train and work with a dog and having no one back you up or virtually undo anything you try to do with the dog to make progress..in your case it seems as if your ex is jealous of the bond you have with the puppy.the puppy is young it needs to have training i think yours doing a good thing for him and his dog. you dont want the dog becoming agressive..thats responsible of you.men are so selfish.maybe he got the dog to try to make u jealous and since youre bonding with the dog it upsets him.i cant say what the best thing to do is but i would take the dog and leave.lol.in my case my husband had this totally spoiled bad mannered rescued dog that he knew was abusd and wasnt right in the head from before we met..i guess it filled a void of lonliness in his life but he didnt try to train it and just allowed it to have free run of everything it was agressive before he got it and he did nothing to retrain it..ive never felt safe around the dog because i have kids.anything i tried to do to train the dog he undid by allowing the dog to disobey me and even run me out of our bed at night..letting it continue to be a god walking among mortals…sigh..i kept telling him i dont feel safe ..if youre not going to help me retrain the dog then it needs to be rehomed because its not safe around kids and youre not helping me any progress i make is undermined..he accused me of hating the dog even said i wanted it dead..that was not ever what i wanted.he put the safety of our kids second to his spoiled bad pet…yet he refused to take any time with the dog to help re train him…i posted here looking for advice last week..i felt this dog would harm one of my kids eventually because it nips playfully and my husband never took my concerns seriously…two days ago the unthinkable happened ..the dog jumped out and bit my two year old in top of the head for no reason what so ever and as fast as i could move it was unstoppable..im just glad i got to him in time before it was worse…but my poor baby was mortified bleeding screaming it was awful..the wound is small but still if he is capable of that he will do it again and im jot willing to take that chance plus im pregnant too and i never wanted this dog around my babies especially a newborn..i kept being brushed aside like my concerns were a joke…now my baby has a wound that we have to watch for signs of infection..thank god its not serious but it drew blood and that was the last straw…i told him this is it the dog must go or i will…and even faced with pictures of what his dog did he was in denial about how bad this animal is…he made excuses like well maybe we should have walked him more or maybe the baby scared him what did the baby do for him to bite her….nothing.she did nothing. he just did it to be dominant and its my husbands fault for refusing to accept the fact his dog needed more training than he was willing to give…he said i told u i would have to get rid of my dog because of you..like i purposely sacrificed my baby to his dog just because i hate the dog….ughhh…like its my fault his dog has to go because it was my child that was the victim….no i just wanted my kids to be safe and the dog to be in a better suited home …his whole family said he never should have allowed the dog around kids at all and im right and he just dont wana admit he was wrong…now we have to take the dog to a rehabilitation shelter and my husband is upset to have to end his relationship with his beloved hell hound this way..and i can only say i told u so..he finally did confess to me tonight that he was afraid the whole time that this would happen and hes sorry he endangered our kids by insisting the dog stay here and by not listening to me about training or re homing the dog…he spent the entire day with our baby girl and feels terrible….as bad as i wanted to just put the dog down myself i dont have the heart i just hope this shelter can find someone that has no small kids and the ability to deal wth this kind of agression.i feel bad for the dog and my husband…but i feel worse for my daughter…i hope u can find some sane middle ground in your situation..i never did and my child suffered because husband had to put an animal above his human family

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Jayson
December 17th, 2015 at 4:53 PM
Hey, I wanted to ask for some advice. I live in Germany, so sorry if my gramma isn’t so good. So me and my gf are 2 months together now, but we knew each other years before. She has a female dog and I have a male dog. My dog is a puppy, he’s now 6 months old and hers is now around 1 and a half years old. Our dogs get along well but not perfectly. Her dog came from a Romanian shelter and they wanted to kill her but she got saved. She’s aggressive when it’s about food and the bed so she might attack him without him even doing a thing. She’s sometimes peeing in the bed or pooping on the floor even tho she was outside but I always told myself her behavior is like that because of her negative past. Although she might not have a perfect behavior I love her and accept her. Now let’s talk about my dog, he’s house trained and not aggressive at all. Even tho he’s an chow chow, he’s very sweet to other dogs and her. Except he’s getting attacked he will defend himself. He might seem annoying to her but I love him just like I love her dog.. He’s trying to hump her dog sometimes, I think that’s normal in his age. He’s not fixed but her dog is. When he’s annoying her dog too much with trying to get on her we tell him to stop and he stops. He’s sometimes licking feet and legs and she finds it gross but I think he’s just trying to show love. He’s taking his threats a bit rough, like taking the whole fingers in the mouth but I think he’s gonna learn to take it gentle with some training. She’s kind of mean to him tells me things like your dog is gross when he’s licking himself between the legs (well, that’s what dogs do). Or pushes him down MY bed while hers is on it.. Or pushes him always off her way or freaks out about him being always in the way. I love my dog and it hurts me when I see him getting treated this way while I try to treat both of them fair. I start to ignore her dog because of this and feel like I’m getting like her just because I’m trying to get some fairness into this. This is keeping me very busy the last days and I feel like one dog has to go if I want to keep my relationship. I’m thinking about giving him away just because I want him to get treated better than this.. Is this wrong to give up my loved dog for her? I don’t feel like she likes him anymore.. I just want him to be happy.

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Sleepless
December 17th, 2015 at 7:54 PM
Hey Jayson!

I understand your reason for giving away your dog and you are not wrong at all for this. Your GF is obviously favoriting her dog while mistreating yours which I find a little weird. You would assume most dog lovers/owners would treat ALL dogs the same! Have you spoken to her about this and about how you feel? I think you giving away your dog however may cause some resentment on your end in the near future, but if it’s the only way he’ll get treated better maybe it is your only option. Do you have friends or family that might take him? That way you can still have somewhat of a relationship with him. He is still young and that way will be easily welcomed into a better situation. As for your girlfriends nightmare of a dog???? Peeing in the bed and around the house? Aggressiveness when it comes to attention? I’m sure these traits will remain once your dog is gone which in all actuality doesn’t solve anything and may not even salvage your relationship, unless unlike me you have A LOT of patience!!!! Since I wrote my post on here I broke up with my GF. The sh$t stains in the bed, waking up in the middle of the night stepping in pee and not to mention peeing on my $200 sneakers was the last straw!!! With that being said I lost all patience and I could never make her give up her dog so in my case (Not suggesting you do the same) I left!!! Give it some good thought before you decide!

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Chanel H.
December 19th, 2015 at 2:50 PM
Help! My boyfriend brang home a 3 month old bitbull puppy female. I already have a 11month old shepard mix male. No I didnt want another dog and didnt have any plan to neuter my dog Caesar. Now he tells me hes not having his dog fixed and I need to neuter Caesar. Im so pissed I want to take my dog and move out!

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pained
December 19th, 2015 at 9:45 PM
My wife decided to get a dog even after I told her I didn’t want one because they need more social time than cats and the interruptions would be bad for me and our marriage. She got it anyway. I feel I’ve had to compromise so much of my life and our marriage because she wouldn’t get rid of him as he was the last of rescue animals. I do love him as he is the best dog he can be, but his natural instinct is to try to eat our cat, and I’ve never wanted him to live with us. They have a gate separating the sides of the house but tonight the dog broke through it. I had to pull him off and fix the gate back stronger. This is the 5th time it’s happened and I don’t want to live with this dog anymore. I’ve given up so much for my wife so she could have this dog and I love her and she acknowledges it, but she doesn’t seem to understand how much this has hurt me. And still hurts. Our cat is still yowling at me because of what the dog did.

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Erin
December 23rd, 2015 at 11:36 AM
ADVICE PLEASE

Me and my boyfriend have a 10 month old jack Russell Terrier mixed with a cocker spaniel. I want to find the dog a new home while my boyfriend is in love with the dog and wants to keep her even though he’s at work all day and only sees her at night for a couple hours. So I am left with training the dog, feeding her, taking her out etc..and Training her has been very hard on me. I’ve never trained a dog, (I am more of a cat person) and I had no idea how much attention and supervision a puppy needs. I have 2 kids 6 & 3 I’m feeling like Mulan (the puppy) is another kid. It’s been extremely hard to potty train her, if I don’t take her out for 2-3 hours she will shit or pee in my kids room ALWAYS THEIR ROOM it makes me so mad. One time she pooped on my daughters bed near her pillow. Mulan never lets anyone know that she has to pee poop, she just goes if we don’t take her out in time. Btw we live in a apartment -_-. Shes also always hyper and jumps very high, the reason why this bothers me is because she jumps up to my daughters face and will scratch her by her eye or cheek not on purpose but because of her excitement . I tell the dog no, but she just looks at me with clueless look and then runs crazy laps around the apartment. She also has a this high pitched bark that she does when she’s in her kennel at night because she wants to get out. And the noise pierces my ears it is so HIGH. My boyfriend loves this dog while I can’t stand it. I tell him I can’t train her, how I don’t have the patience to do it, or the tolerance. But he just tells me we can’t give her away. He can sleep through her barks on the weekend while I can’t, (light sleeper) he doesn’t clean up after her, when she bit my daughters hand because she once again got excited (my boyfriend lets Mulan bite on his hand ever since she was a baby baby) he doesn’t take her out in the morning before he goes to work so I end up being woken up by Mulans high pitched bark/screams. I can’t deal with this dog anymore but my boyfriend won’t even consider finding another better home for her. Idk what to do or say anymore..

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Jessica
January 3rd, 2016 at 1:18 AM
When getting a pet it should be with the intention of it having a forever home. If it isn’t you shouldn’t look for one. There are a few things you should try before giving the dog up. At home training, if that doesn’t work the next step professional training. A ten month old Puppy is not going to be a perfect dog. They need guidance. My lab was a terrible puppy he chewed up everything in sight. Once I trained him after s few months, fast forward to 5 years. Everyone loves him and he is the most loveable,obedient dog ever. Just have patience.

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Nobody Special
January 3rd, 2016 at 12:50 PM
I have a similar problem with a different dynamic… To summarise, I love dogs. I grew up with fairly big dogs, including a German Shepherd and a Samoyed. I have always simply assumed one day I would have a dog of my own, as dogs have always been a big part of my life. I have never wanted children. I have always generally preferred animals to people, and I made all of this clear to my husband before we got married. We have been together 8 years and married for 6. We have often talked about moving to the country; I would say how much I’d love to get a dog and train it, go on walks with it, etc. and my husband had never discouraged this. He’s even been around my parents dogs, including the two big ones before they both died, fussing and playing with the current dogs (three Bichon Frises) so I thought he was happy with dogs and fine around them.

This year we are planning to move to a rural area. I’ve mentioned several times how much I was looking forward to getting a dog, amongst other things, but my husband started saying “you’re not getting a dog”, and when I asked why not, he either ignored me or changed the subject. I just assumed it was a bit like “we’re not getting a cat” (we’ve got a rescued stray cat and he adores her) and “I don’t want a pet lizard” and now we’ve had a female bearded dragon for 7 years that he absolutely dotes on. So, I figured if I gave him time, he’d adjust to the idea of a dog and be as enthusiastic about it as he is for our other animals.

So, yesterday, I got the shock of my life. I’d volunteered to look after a friend’s puppy for them, a sweet 14 week old cocker/poodle cross. In the car with the puppy, I mentioned to my husband how much I was looking forward to getting a dog when we moved, and asked him what sort of dog he might like, wanting to involve him in the process. He said, very firmly, “you’re not getting a dog” so I asked him again why not. He then told me that he doesn’t like dogs, finds it stressful to be around them, is afraid of getting bitten and won’t have one in his home.

I was utterly devastated. Heartbroken. I completely broke down in tears. I asked him why he’d never told me this before and why had he let me go for so long under the impression that I would someday have a dog. He said he didn’t want to upset me but that now it was closer to being a reality with our move to the countryside, he couldn’t deal with it. He said I should have known he didn’t like dogs. I said I knew he wasn’t keen on yappy, exuberant dogs but having seen him fuss and cuddle my parents dogs and my friends’ puppy, how could I think he was scared of them? He admitted he’d never told me he was frightened of them and thought it wouldn’t be an issue, despite knowing how much I wanted a dog.

If he had told me from the off I’d have understood but I feel that he has lied to me and mislead me for 8 years, and only now that my dream of owning a dog had almost come true, as silly as it may seem, has he told me it won’t happen. I’m literally devastated – my dream, as silly as it may seem to some, has just died. If I’d known this from the start of my marriage I could have accepted it and possibly reconciled myself to never owning a dog – I love all animals, and I’d still be able to have pets of some sort – but to build my hopes up over 8 years and then suddenly refuse to even consider my wish seems totally unfair to me. He’s had all that time to tell me about his dislike of dogs – the first time he met my parents I asked him before we went in if he was okay with dogs and he said yes! Otherwise I’d have shut the dogs away for him and I’d have known from day one that dogs were a no-no.

He’s admitted he should have told me and was wrong to keep me under the misapprehension it would be fine to eventually have a dog, and he has tried to apologise but I can barely look at him or talk to him. I wish I could summon some self-righteous fury but I’m not even angry – I’m just hurt, sad, and bitterly disappointed. I don’t know how I can get past my sense of betrayal. I’ve compromised a lot of my wants and dreams for my husband but this one almost feels a step too far, as daft as that may sound. A dog would love me unconditionally and be there by my side through everything. My husband just seems to want me to do the same for him but without giving me anything in return, even a little bit of honesty about how he feels about things that matter to me.

I know the situation is not helped by my depression and anxiety so I’ve booked a session with a counsellor but I seriously don’t know how to get past this. If anyone has been in a similar situation I’d be grateful for any advice you can offer. I know I need to talk to my husband about this but it would just end up with both of us being hurt and tearful so I need to address how I feel before I broach the subject with him somehow! I know I’d never get a dog now even if he said I could, because I know he’d hate it. I don’t want him to be miserable for the sake of me getting what I want. I just wish he’d been honest about it and not let me go for this long looking forward to realising a dream and then having it shattered.

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Sara
January 23rd, 2016 at 4:00 AM
I really feel your pain. I love animals, sometimes more than people. I met my husband in 2003, I didn’t have a pet then, but very soon after we started dating I acquired a rescue cat called Oscar. To say I fell in love with Oscar was an understatement, I was totally besotted by him, then 6 months later he was killed on the main road. My world fell apart, I even wrote a children’s book about him to try and cope with my grief. A year later, I was asked to foster for a short while a blind cat called Pheobe and my boyfriend, now husband, reluctantly agreed. I ended up caring for Pheobe for 8 years before she died. I’ve been almost a year now without a pet and I feel so sad. My husband has point blank said no more pets. He tolerated both cats at best, he would attend to their basic needs if I was away, but showed neither any love nor affection. He just doesn’t get it, he can’t understand the appeal and only focuses on the stuff he hates…the smell of cat food or a litter tray that has just been used, even though both items were in the utility room and our house is clean. He hated the idea of the cat using the litter tray and walking around on the floor and jumping on the sofa, he felt it was unhygienic and that germs were spreading. He said he couldn’t relax in his own home whilst we had a cat. He resented the cat for the love I showed it, perhaps he was jealous, but I am not unaffectionate towards him? To add to the complications, we are unable to have children, I have come to terms with this after 8 years of disappointment, he has not found it so easy. He loves kids like I love animals. His argument is that he suffered for nearly 10 years with a pet, it’s his turn now. There is no compromise. I have even volunteered as a charity dog walker to try and alleviate the sadness I feel, but it’s simply not the same. I visit friends with cats, but it’s not the same. I have bought a pretend, fur real, cat to sit in my lap, it’s not the same. I love my husband, in every other aspect we have a great relationship, but this makes me so sad and when he’s not around, I openly cry for my loss of not having a pet. We both work hard and long hours, so a dog has never been an option, I love cats, but would settle for a rabbit or Guinea pig, but even this is met with an absolute no. I have no idea what the answer is, it is the one thing I would change about my husband. In his defence he never realised when we got together how important animals are to me, in fact I think it has increased once I knew we would never have a family. He never had a pet as a child, he likes animals in their own habitat and not in the house, I want a pet to sit on my knee and to love and stroke. He won’t even consider me looking after a friends cat at our house for a week, that’s how much he Dislikes pets. I see no solution to this and feel I must learn to accept the deep sadness in my heart for the sake of my marriage.

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Let's Get Real
January 4th, 2016 at 10:44 AM
Your husband is fighting you on getting a dog because of a deeper issue. This is obvious. Secondly, if it’s “your dream” to own a dog, I think you may want to expand your horizons a little bit.. I get wanting to have a dog because I like dogs too, but if it’s your dream in life to have a dog of your own I’d say you’re not exactly shooting for the stars. If that’s not what you wanted to hear then alternatively, you could just come home with two puppies one day (because he said you couldn’t get A DOG) and tell him to deal with it.. I mean seriously, who doesn’t like puppies?

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Michelle
January 5th, 2016 at 8:41 PM
I need advice pls! I don’t know if anyone still uses this site…. I have a Boston terrier her name is Bailey I have had her for about 5 years.. Divorced 3 years ago and my x husband hated her bc she was in the house. Fully house trained and bathed regular… And I was ocd about cleaning so his trash talk was nonsense. Okay since then my 3 kids and I have moved twice and recently moved into a home and my boyfriend of 6 months has moved in with us. He had a new puppy and kitten.. Me being an animal lover was okay at first with the situation even tho I didn’t want the cat indoors.. My daughter has a small allergy to cats. I made exceptions as long as the kitten didn’t bother her.. Okay so he never ever messed with his dog no house training.. She chewed on my new coffee tables my chairs.. Etc so then he began to trash my 5 year old Boston terrier that has been inside my home and never been an outside dog unless I put her out in a lead in a nice day to get exercise.. Occasionally if she was let inside too long with out going potty she would have an accident or knock over the trash.. But Bailey hasn’t ever chewed up any thing and me and my 3 kids haven’t had any problem with her in the home.. We all sleep with her love her play with her etc… The arguing became rediclious over MY dog and she ended up outside!!!! Scared she would get ran over.. Then it gets cold and I couldn’t do it… Kids would beg for her to come in and it was hard for me to sleep of a nite shutting the door for bed knowing Bailey dog wanted inside!!! Okay this has cause so many arguments with my boyfriend and I and the kids… Now his dog has come in heat and had to bring her in we went away for the weekend and the windows were tore up my curtains large piles of dog poo and pee everywhere and he yells and says I guess UR dog had no part in any of it!!! I am at my wits end with this! My kids and I have had our pet for 5 years his dog is about 8 months old and cat about 7 months and he expects me to put my dog out side!! Pls help!!!!

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Brenda
January 9th, 2016 at 4:42 PM
Michelle I’m sorry, but the bigger problem lies with you. If you guys are having troubles over PETS, the relationship is never going to last, anyway. Tell that guy to pack his clothes and his dog and cat and GET THE HECK OUT!!!!!!

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Julia
January 10th, 2016 at 3:59 AM
So I need help! Recently married to a wonderful man, baby girl on the way and currently living the life in a wonderful relationship except one thing… His dog. We both have dogs but they were ours before getting married. In fact, that’s how we ended up getting together. My dog was never a fan of his dog and I don’t blame her. His dog has been an issue since day one. Never got bad until we moved into a new place together. His dog is emotionally unstable, obnoxious and all around out of control. He has absolutely no discipline. He is resentful towards me since I have tried to work with him on discipline. The dog sticks up everything, no matter how many times you groom him. I don’t want dos on the couch but this dog feels no matter how many times you yell and discipline for it he continues to do it. He eats my dogs food and makes sure she doesn’t eat or get any water. It’s to the point I have to watch him with everything he does. He scratches people, pisses on the floor to get people’s attention. I have confronted my husband numerous times with my feelings towards his dog. How I can’t stand his dog. Other people have told him about how annoying and out of control his dog is, but my husband is in denial. He thinks his dog is just fine. We got into a horrible fight recently over it, he agreed to see if giving his dog anxiety medication would help. Well, it’s been a few weeks now and his ass hasn’t calmed down. I feel like I’m watching over a two year old every day. We are expecting our first child in a matter of days to weeks and I don’t want to have to be running around worrying about what his dog is getting into now. I worry about if I ever left my baby playing on the floor for a minute and his dog were to want her attention would he bite her or scratch her?
I would rather see the dog go to another home. I can’t continue to live in the house with this dog and his behavior. It’s really causing a strain on my pregnancy and my marriage.

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Summer
January 12th, 2016 at 10:43 PM
Julia,
It sounds like your husband has not taken the needed time to properly train his dog. Dogs need to be walked daily, given affection, be able to spend time outdoors and also with it’s family. I feel sorry for this dog, and hope you get the dog placed in a loving home that WANTS him. It breaks my heart that your husband is being careless and not helping you or his dog. There are “no kill” shelters, or maybe you can post pictures of the dog on social media and give him away to a loving home that will make the appropriate time to work on training him. A dog should be a part of a family, and it is unfair for the dog to be unwanted. Also, it will become difficult for you when your baby arrives and I fear the dog will really be mistreated. Please find a home or even a foster home for the dog, he deserves to be with a family that truly wants him! Good luck and congratulations on your new baby!!

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Natalie
March 19th, 2016 at 3:33 PM
Hi Julia, my partner has just left me for his dog.. I’m 8 months pregnant, he got a puppy just before we found out I was expecting and I’ve spent my entire pregnancy miserable and stressed, I was left to look after it- even though the agreement was he was to do that because I’m not a dog person, he babyfied it so it wanted his attention constantly and was jealous of me and my 2 kids, it was messing in the house but he would not hear a word said against it, I tried and tried to just get on with it for his sake, I didn’t want it in the first place and he used emotional blackmail to get me to agree to getting it”if I cared about him I would want him to be happy etc”. We recently found out I have antibodies in my blood that could be harmful to me and the baby, so I felt overwhelmed with stress. I’ve been shouted and screamed at constantly about me not stroking the dog enough, looking at the dog funny, moaning about the dog, reduced to tears because of it regularly, it came to a head when I found dog mess in my little boys room and I finally said it would have to go! It doesn’t mean he has to get rid of it as a family member has a farm where he takes it everyday to work anyway and the response I got was- it’s going nowhere and I was evil, so he choose to go with it! That was a week ago and I’m so pleased and relaxed the dog is finally gone but devastated that now I’m doing the pregnancy alone, so can totally sympathise with you Hun, sending hugs xxx

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DK
January 16th, 2016 at 6:12 AM
Hi, I really need help, My boyfriend and I got a puppy a couple of months ago. I knew he really wanted a dog, so I helped him find one. At first, I loved her. She was so cute and sweet, and my boyfriend was really happy to have her. Although, after a few weeks, she started destroying our home. She stained the carpets so bad that I’m embarrassed to have company over. She chews the carpet and the doors. She also has chewed up many of my clothes and shoes. Recently, she has taken up chewing on the coffee table. When I brought this up to my boyfriend, he said “Who cares? It’s just a coffee table.” I am a nursing student so money is very tight. We both know that we can’t afford to replace the things in our home. But the worst problem of all is that he lets her sleep in our bed. When we first moved in together almost a year ago, I told my boyfriend that i don’t let animals sleep in the bed (even my two cats whom I love to death), and he said that was fine with him. Now he says that I am mean and there is no reason she can’t sleep in our bed. I even reminded him that he previously told me he didn’t have a problem with that, but he still says I am wrong. I wake up every morning and he has let her in the bed after I have fallen asleep or she comes up on her own. I have tried to tell my boyfriend how upset I feel that he doesn’t respect how I feel, but he just said that I need to stop causing problems. I know my boyfriend still has some growing up to do, but I’m tired of being miserable in this situation. I don’t want to ruin our relationship over this. But also, I don’t want to resent the dog because of his actions because that isn’t fair to her. Sorry if this posted more than once, I had some trouble trying to post it. Thank you so much for the help!

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BK39
January 18th, 2016 at 8:56 AM
Hello DK,
For starters, chewing is something that pretty much all puppies do. Your task is to re-direct that energy. Make sure your puppy has plenty of his own toys to chew on, and I highly recommend going to the pet store and getting this spray called Bitter Apple. Spray some in the dog’s mouth so she knows what it tastes like, then spray it on whatever you don’t want her to chew. She should get the hint very quickly.

As for your other issue, this is something that will require a serious heart-to-heart with your boyfriend. There are people out here who feel that it’s mean or cruel to have their pets sleep on the floor away from them. You’re not one of those people, so this is causing some major friction. If you have your talk and he still dismisses your POV, then drastic steps may be in order.

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LauraM
January 28th, 2016 at 12:31 PM
My husband has forced me to hate dogs. For four years now he has left me to be in charge of their care knowing full well that I was never a dog person. He lets it up to the kids to brush and bathe them which they don’t do very often. I am the one to feed, let outside and forever try to clean up the urine from the carpet because one of the older dogs (13) is almost completely incontinent. My house smells like a kennel and is full of fur. I have to constantly hear the yipping/squealing of the one dog who has chronic ear infections and of course my husband will take it to the vet only to get ear cream that no one puts in! If I argue with him that he needs to take care of these dogs he will just promise to help and will help out for one day then quit. If I say they need put to sleep he gets extremely upset and won’t hear of it. Says they are family members and he’d a family member alive no matter what as well. I argue they have zero quality of life. He never ever even pets them! It’s my philosophy that if you can’t spend at least five minutes a day with your pet then it’s time you don’t have one!

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Danielle
February 19th, 2016 at 5:01 AM
First and foremost, our pets are like our kids. I have two Pitts, one I have had for 5 years, the other for 10 years. They are great dogs. Yet my fiance has an issue with my Pitt drinking so much. Let me remind you, he does not pee in the house and he does not go out any more than normal. I have never controlled how much he drinks and this has become a big argument in our house. If this caused a problem I could understand. Yes he takes him outside some. but I do it mostly and have asked him to just not take him out, that I can handle it, heck I have all these years. To the guy with the Puppy Pitt who’s wife cages the puppy. Your wife needs to understand that first and foremost, he’s a puppy, second, they have lots of energy and if the puppy is not being walked, and I mean a use the bathroom and now lets focus on a strong walk, he will chew more. He has to have some way to release his energy. Maybe you chose the wrong woman to have a puppy with. Dogs are no different than our kids. They need our attention just as well.

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Danielle
February 19th, 2016 at 5:09 AM
also to those who hate pets what not. Regardless, if the pet needs medical help, rather it be med’s in the ear, whatever, how can you like yourself knowing that something, a living thing is suffering and all you can worry about is I don’t like dogs and someone else should do it. WE are all including animals, dogs creatures. STOP being so self involved and worrying about your own feelings. Gosh That just tells us how your character is.

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Danny
March 24th, 2016 at 2:32 PM
My wife and I have a small dog who is biting our young children. Our four year old daughter has been bitten four times leaving bleeding wounds each time. My three year old son has been bitten twice also with bleeding wounds. We now have an 11 month old and I am afraid he will be the next victim. The Japanese Chin has bitten nine other people that include young children and adults and most of those bites have broken the skin. I feel that the dog is a real liability so I have been able to find a no-kill shelter that agreed to take him. When I told my wife about it she told me to call them back to tell them that the dog is staying here (at home with three young children). Her reasoning is that she wants to know what the dog’s living arrangements would be…but she was not even willing to call the shelter herself to verify that she could take a look around first to see if she could agree to the new home. My wife and I agreed that if the dog bit our little ones (before our first child was ever born) that the dog would have to go…she has reneged on that agreement upon the first bite. Then in October she said that she would put in an effort to get him a new home…over five months later she has done nothing to find the dog a new home. The dog is also due to get booster shots at the vet (by the way, the vet knows about the dog’s situation and has recommended to my wife to have him put down)…they were due over two months ago. The dog is also due for a bath as he has farttles (fecal excrement that clings to the fur immediately surrounding the anus) hanging off his rear, but she will not bathe him. I’m at a loss to what I should do for the dog and my wife…please comment.

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Nessa
April 8th, 2016 at 11:13 PM
Get rid of the dog for pete sakes! How is the lives and wellbeing of YOUR children less important than an animal?!?

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Danny
March 24th, 2016 at 2:36 PM
I failed to mention before that the dog now bites her when she bathes him…what to do???

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Rebel
April 14th, 2016 at 10:05 AM
So i recently started staying at my fiancées house as we’ll be married in about a week and i have been very clear about the dog sleeping with us. She has a dog (little fur ball) that she has slept with literally cradled in her arms every night for the past 5 years. The thing is, i told her hes ok at the foot of the bed, i don’t mind him on the bed if hes there and i had been telling her for 3 months to start training him but she jokingly would refuse to do so. I really don’t like all the shedding and constant licking but I compromised (foot of the bed at least, dog bed on floor at best) and I also wear earplugs. Last night, we had an argument about it because she put the dog on my pillows and then cheered him on (she thought it was funny and did as a joke per her view) and got upset because i told her she was reinforcing the idea that its ok to sleep there (which it is most def not) so then she got upset, picked up the dog and slept in the guest room with him. How i took it – she chose the dog over me. I’m not opposed to the dog, i actually like him, but the sleeping arrangement is troublesome for me. Should i be concerned about this? She is your typical “this is my fur child” “it’s like taking care of a baby”. The baby one irks me, i see dogs as dogs not as human equivalents, especially since i love children and we’ve (sisters/family) had miscarriages in our family so children are of high value (as they should be) in my eyes.

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Charlie
April 14th, 2016 at 12:03 PM
Rebel I really feel for you. I know what it feels like to be second to the dog. Yes I agree by going to another room she chose him over you. I also hated it when the dog would sleep on my pillow or by my side of the bed and it was also joked about when I mentioned it. I think you need to keep putting your foot down because you will be married soon and you have to matter. Best of luck !!!

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Rebel
April 15th, 2016 at 8:17 AM
Charlie, the next morning she said she was sorry and that evening we talked it out (lovingly and with a gentle heart) and she fully understands how i truly feel and how i received what she did that night. She has since then adjusted her sleeping habits and we have both been the happier. Just to note for you dog lovers out there (not meant in a derogatory way) the dog is just happy, didn’t cry, moan or anything at all in the following nights which surprised her. He was content sleeping on the ground on an old pillow ( i did hear him moan from time to time while she cradled him so i suspect he didnt actually like it but accepted it) I have happily accepted buying him an official doggy bed :)

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Charlie
April 17th, 2016 at 3:56 AM
I’m so glad to hear that. So happy she was understanding and accommodating.

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Christy
April 22nd, 2016 at 6:11 PM
I have had my dog since he was 4 months old. He’s 8 years old now. My husband and I have been living together for almost two years. My dog listens to me and is obedient when I tell him something but not so with my husband and this makes my husband furious. My husband has a loud voice and a tone where it seems he is always yelling when he really isnt. So when he tells my dog to do something he freezes like he is in trouble and this frustrates my husband as well. Its to the point where my husband can’t stand looking at my dog. If my husband uses a softer tone of voice the dog us obediant. Its the point where I find him being childish for being mad at the dog all the time, sometimes just because the dog made eye contact. If I say something to him about how he is acting I’m the enemy. He says he loves dogs but only the ones who listen. My dog does listen, just not to him. Its like the dog and my husband are fighting over being the dominant male and I find it silly. Is there any way we could train my dog to be obediant with my husband just so this will stop. My dog has seizures and is getting old and I’m tired of listening to my husband about this.

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Chris
April 24th, 2016 at 9:18 PM
So I need some advice. I have been married for a year now. I have two dogs. Both 4 years and my wife has one who is 5. Before we got married we had arguments over our dogs how hers belongs inside since he is small and mine outside cuz there big. We came to a compromise and agreed to put a dog door in our patio, and that way the dogs have their water and good in there and can still go outside. Things worked ok for a while my wife complained about grass in the house so I invested in artificial grass to solve the problem. My wife is now 5 months pregnant and asked if I could leave one of my dogs with my parents cuz she’s overwhelmed claiming one of my dogs is ruining the sodas. I bought soda covers which my wife always removes. My dog has been at my parents for a month and now my wife says she does not want her back. Well this is a problem for me seeing as how I love my dogs so much. The wife claims its not fair I came with 2 and she only has one. I tried talking to her and proposed putting my two dogs outside and not letting them inside but she said no without hesitating. She Says it’s either her and the baby or my dogs. I feel like that’s sort of evil and that she lied about who she was. She has issues with my family already now this also. Any helpful advice please?

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Rbg
May 6th, 2016 at 1:25 PM
Dying to get a dog, but we live in the VERY hot part of the country where it would be cruel to make it an outdoor pet. I’ve tried to make accomodation after accomodation for my husband of five years. Small, low-shedding breed that’s easy to train, adopting an older dog to skip the puppy months, paying for it and its needs myself, made sure it was clear the dog wouldn’t be allowed on the bed, etc, etc. He’s adamant that we will never own an indoor pet.
He is a wonderful husband and father to our two kiddos, I love him dearly, but this is important to me at a level that I don’t think he understands. I’ve dreamed of owning my own indoor dog since I was very little and now that I can’t, it hurts.
Advice? Am I just going to have to let this go?

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UKfaninTN
June 10th, 2016 at 8:26 PM
I need advice! My bf and I moved in together after 2 years of dating, (at the time I had a Chihuahua & a Shi-poo…he had a Maltese mix). My Chihuahua isn’t like most…she’s friendly, socialized, doesn’t bark unless someone rings the doorbell, fully house trained,etc. My Shi-poo was only about 1.5 yrs old. He was the sweetest dog & loved everyone he came in contact with. He had some trouble with house training but overall was doing well. My bf’s dog (he’s never had pets & bought the dog for his kids when he & his ex wife divorced bc he thought it would make the divorce easier for the kids….I know, terrible idea!)…this dog is awful! My bf doesn’t even like the dog! Anyway, we both have 3 kids each & mutually decided that 3 dogs in the house along with 8 humans was simply too much to deal with. So, since my Chihuahua was the only one fully house trained & she’s such a good dog, we agreed that we would keep her, but the other 2 dogs would need to find new homes. Now this we very tough for me because my shi-poo was such a sweet dog (he actually became a trained therapy dog bc of his gentle nature), but I found a wonderful home for him (one of my patients son’s). I still get to see him occasionally & even get to keep him when they go on vacation. My bf told me soooo many times that he was trying to find a home for his dog & that once we bought a house the dog was not moving in no matter what. His dog is disgusting!!!! He “trained” him to use a dog litter box & always kept him in a cage ( big outdoor sized cage that he kept in extra bedroom of his house) bc the dog was never actually house trained…pees everywhere, marks territory all over the place, poops on any rug he sees, charges after people, will bite if anyone touches his ears, will actually lay in his littler box full of pee & poop….the definition of nasty & disgusting! I’ve always had dogs so I know how to train them from puppies & I believe in boundaries with pets. I love my dog…but she is a dog. So…we bought a house together & moved in. I brought my dog to the new house. He left his dog at his old house while we were still doing updates to list it (meanwhile he keeps telling me he’s finding the dog a new home). Then suddenly, he brings he dog to the new house!! The dog of course begins peeing everywhere. We bought all new furniture for the new house bc we wanted to start everything fresh. He tried keeping his dog in the pen with my dog but I stopped that bc his dog was peeing everywhere in the pen & would lay on my dogs potty pad! The dog has serious issues!! Once we moved her out of there, his dog began barking all night so we had to fix a pen in the garage for him (he still barks ALL night). He continues to pee everywhere. He eats my dogs food all the time. He is supposed to have a white coat, but its basically orange because he’s so nasty all the time! He smells SOOO bad!!!! Did I mention that he lays in his litter box full of pee & poop???!!!!!! I can’t take it!! This dog has caused so many issues! I got rid of my dog because of the agreement we made but he still has his dog a year later. Now he gets mad at me go saying anything about his dog or if I complain about it. He says he can’t get rid of the dog bc it will upset his 22 year old adult son (who doesn’t love with us & won’t take care of the dog either)! The dog recently bit a groomer (had to get stitches) and also viciously attacked my foot while I was trying to get my dogs toy away from him (he destroys toys instead of playing with them). My bf make excuses for the dog. There is NO excuse for a dog that bites a person!!!!! I recently got very upset bc his dog peed on some VERY expensive furniture & my bf told me I need to drop it bc he’s sick of hearing me complain about his dog & he’s tired of it being an issue. Well so am i!!!!!! I don’t understand!!!!

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Charlie
July 15th, 2016 at 2:39 AM
Oh dear I feel you pain but for sure I would get rid of it very fast. I refuse to allow some brat of an animal ruin things that I have worked hard and paid for. The thing is that you have tried all the options and I respect that but clearly there is something very wrong with him and getting a dog sitter everytime you leave the house is giving into a tantrum. In my opinion you only making it worse and making him think he is the alpha male as he gets his way. Sorry but your problems are just going to escalate !!

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Jennifer
August 4th, 2016 at 6:17 AM
My family and I just recently got a dog. My partner has never really been a fan of dogs (animals in general) but agreed to getting one to make me and the kids happy. It hasn’t even been a month and things have gotten worse. My partner has changed, she’s negative, bitter, angry. I can tell she isnt happy with the dog there, with the way life is. I asked her about it and she said she never wanted the dog in the first place, that she knew she would never be happy (I wish I would have known this) – because I thought even though I knew she wasn’t a fan of dogs that by getting one it would warm her heart, a cuddle play buddy. Nope getting a dog made her darker and I cant live like this. We are supposed to get married next year and this whole dog thing is really starting to question my relationship. I mean granted its a dog vs partner. I want my fiance to be happy again but I also dont want to give up the dog either. I dont know what to do.

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Kate
August 4th, 2016 at 7:21 AM
My fiance and i have been together for almost 3 years. When we first met i had just adopted a puppy from a shelter. He had his dog of not even a year. I am an animal lover of all kinds. About a year and a half after dating we found out we were pregnant. I had to get rid of my dog (he was large but very well mannered) and my cat (i had for 7 years ) it was a VERY hard goodbye BUT luckily my mom took them in for me knowing that it was hard and knew she could give them the home and care i would want for them. After i gave them up i immediatly started having resentment towards my fiances dog. He got to keep his and i felt it unfair. Yes we talked about it. He stuck to his decision. Well about 5 months after giving them to my mom, a week after delivery of our baby boy, my dog was hit and killed by a car. His response to this “you can love ‘my dog’ now”. No. I am still so depressed about it but have gotten better (its been about 6 months since) but i now have an absolute hate for my fiances dog. I cant get the thought out of my head that he got to keep his and i didnt and mine died. It is putting a stress on our relationship. We have talked and i told him why but he just doesnt understand why i cant just love her (his dog). His comment killed me, ‘i can love his dog instead’ . My dog died at 3 years old. My fiance has made comments on having to choose between his dog and i, and its his dog he would choose. We have a 7 month old baby and he is choosing his dog. I get infuriated thinking about it. I HATE THIS DOG! Am i in the wrong?

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Jenniffer
August 14th, 2016 at 1:25 PM
Easy for me really. My dog DOES sleep on my bed. It’s always been ‘my choice’ to let that happen, as I was single at the time of getting him. I like his presence there with me so it works. Having said that, he is a toy breed, so relatively small, though not tiny. I have a king size bed so I’m not even aware of him as he pretty much sleeps at the foot of the bed. He has been trained well and understands that there is no jumping or messing around in the bed, he must be still, and he always is. I do not believe that you should suddenly expect your dog to sleep without you after a routine that has gone on for some years. I think this would be cruel, so start as you mean to go on if you wish to put your dog’s best interest at heart. Not only did the dog precede the boyfriend, but I am completely responsible for him. A partner does not need or rely upon you with its life. So to me the thought of ‘rehoming’ a dog because it suddenly doesn’t fit in with your new boyfriend arrangement is pretty low. If you love each other you find a way of adapting whilst keeping in mind the comfort of your boyfriend as well, but there is only so much you can do and someone who is completely opposed to the idea is never going to work. Hence you need to make your lifestyle pretty clear from the beginning then there shouldn’t be any problems after. Is someone simply ‘lies’ in order to keep your mind open to that relationship then that is completely selfish and disrespectful from the get-go, and I would find myself questioning their honesty with me generally. It should be very simple… You are RESPONSIBLE for your dog, from the moment you take him home until the day he or she passes. If you can’t accept that sort of all-encompassing commitment then don’t get a dog. But as I said, equally you have a responsibility to ensure that your dog behaves properly and listens to and respects your partner, AND other people. If you can’t be bothered to put in the time to make that happen, then don’t get a partner because it’s not fair on them. And I don’t at all understand the idea of ‘not liking a particular dog’. They come with all their own little quirks and needs and personality traits. How ridiculous for a person to ‘not like a certain dog’. What do you even base that arbitrary and subjective remark on anyway? As humans we are ‘supposed’ to have some capacity of having emotional responses to animals that are completely different to those that we have of people! Dogs do not have the capacity to act maliciously based on ‘personal dislike’. Their minds aren’t wired that way! Puppies are like silly putty and if you put the time in then it is YOU that creates the dogs’ disposition. Dogs do not fail us, we fail the. Far too often.

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Sanka
December 3rd, 2016 at 4:49 PM
I read some of these comments and I must admit some of them are just unrealistic. So I meet a new girl and I think SHE is the world. We have a great time together and have great chemistry. Pets are fine and you may even like them. BUT now I should now have a conversation about whether a dog is allowed to sleep in the bed or not before I should consider taking a relationship with this person? And this is normal? I have read comments about people’s marriages crumbling because of an animal. This makes me so sad. Animals get between human relationships. What?!?! How is this allowed to happen? Why even have a relationship with a person if there’s the chance you are gonna let them leave or discard them over an animal? Really blows my mind. I have been in love with the same woman for over 15 years but my fear is she will leave me because of our difference of opinion with her dog sleeping in our bed. I don’t know. To say I should disregard so many years of love and affection because I didn’t do my due diligence to makes sure she didn’t sleep with her dog seems ridiculous.

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Tanya
August 20th, 2016 at 12:23 AM
So here is the problem: My dog loves animals. He has rescued two cats and three dogs over the years. Together we have two cats and a dog we rescued a couple years ago. Overall the dog has adapted very well. He gets along with the cats, he is potty trained, he loves fetch, and he doesn’t have to sleep on the bed. But we live in a loud neighborhood on a loud corner so he barks usually out of nowhere and for random sounds or ones you think he would be used to by now. The problem is that my boyfriend for the most part responds with yelling horribly at him. I tell him he is making it worse, he reads that same thing and attempts to change his behavior for about a minute. Now he reacts this way mainly because he has a bad ear and the barking is like a knife inside his head. Ok I get that, so I tell him where an ear plug that way we can address the barking together more effectivly. Well that lasts for about a minute as well. He thinks that the yelling is the way he needs to respond and that because it is the dog that causes it I should get on board. Well I can’t use yelling as a tool for behavior changes because it doesn’t work long term and it is not in my nature to respond like that. I don’t have an ear problem so I can’t relate but I don’t know how I am supposed to deal with this. I know he loves the dog and so do I. I have no idea what to do at this point.

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Lori
August 20th, 2016 at 1:42 PM
I love animals, I just don’t want anymore pets. I work too many long hours and it’s not fair to the pets. My husband knows better than to bring home another dog. It would be one thing if he would actually take of it instead of just thinking it is a novelty and play toy. The kids and him take advantage when it comes to housework, homework, cleaning, cooking, paying bills, organizing and they think “Mom” should do it all. Well, I put my foot down and said NO MORE PETS. Once the kids move out and get their own lives if they want tons and tons of pets that’s great I can go visit their pets. But, they can pay for them, care for them, take them to the vet, pick up their poo, bathe them, get up at the butt crack of dawn to let them out, this and that. I work too long to have to deal with anymore issues or responsibilities. It’s all good in theory and they always say “We’ll take care of them” “We’ll pick up the poop” ya right, been there done that not doing it anymore. Especially my husband, he is notorious for leaving clothes thrown on floor, leaving tools out over the place, NO NO NO no more PETS! I’m worn out and tired. Life is hard enough without adding anything else to the equation. My husband has time to go bowling, golfing, drinking, sporting events, and then he wants another dog? Give me a break! This is why people end up divorced, no boundaries are ever respected. Like I said it would be one thing if they would get up off their rears and help, but they don’t. Sleep, forget about that too. Getting 5 hours of sleep because the dogs are up making noise or birds chirping, it gets old real fast. No thanks! Done!

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Joe
August 20th, 2016 at 4:51 PM
So I googled my gf won’t get rid of her dog and ended up here. I’m glad to see I’m not the only one with these issues and have spent better of an hour reading the comments. I am greatful that many people think like myself and know that animals are not people. They are animals. They should not be in bed with you they should not be on furniture they should not be allowed near small children. Why? Because they are animals. It’s not that I don’t like animals, but I have no desire of them to be in my house and definitely not in my bed. So to get to my story, I moved in with my Gf about 4 years ago. She has this dog that is very poorly trained, basically not trained at all. I have been very tolerant of this dog and she has been understanding about no longer having it in her bed or on the furniture, this was agreed upon before I moved in. The dog is a poodle mix so it has very curly hair. I was even letting the dog outside, feeding it etc. It started to get to the point of me doing most the dog duties. So I talked to her about this and it ended up becoming a giant arguement. I told her that I felt I was doing more with her dog than she was. That it was her pet that I had no desire to have or care for and felt it was her responsibility to be taking care of her pet that SHE wants. For some reason she feels this is unfair. She feels that I should be taking care of her pet since it is part of her life. I disagreed whole heartedly. Which ended up in a giant arguement of me supposedly not loving her or respecting her because I stated I no longer would take care of her dog. I made myself very clear that I would not care for her dog in any manner and that if she wanted to keep it she needed to care for it. It’s been almost a year now and she still continues to try and make me care for this dog. I don’t even understand why she wants to keep it, she forgets to feed/water it at times. Hardly grooms it, it reeks like urine and heavy dog odor most the time, it’s a poodle mix so requires hair cuts quite regularly which doesn’t happen. The dog is covered in clumps of hair. When I mention these things I instantly become a giant A hole. She recently left on a trip where she was gonna be gone for days with her Mother and Sister. She did not consult me about her dog until she was leaving, like walking out the door. She asked if I would watch her dog while she was gone. I stated I would not and she leaves. So jump to end of the day I just got home from work and the dog is still there. I tried calling no answer, so text her “why is your dog here? Who is going to care for it?” To which she replies I thought you would. Now I have been VERY clear about where I stand with her dog. As I feel she does not care for it properly and number 1, it is not my pet and when I started caring for the dog she completely quit and the dog was becoming my responsibility. So I tell her she was very rude and selfish for leaving me with the dog and that I wasn’t going to care for it and she needed to find someone who was going to. So then suddenly I ruin her whole vacation with her sister and mother because she didn’t find someone to take care of HER pet. Which she refuses. I tell her if she does not do so I will be taking the pet the the humane society to be taken care of properly. She says if I do so she will leave me. To think she would choose this animal over me, that she does not care for, was pretty upsetting. Her mother and sister were both telling me it was my responsibility to take care of the dog as I was the only one there with it. Trying to force me into doing these things with threats and a bunch of sh*t talking to me. I can’t take it anymore. She continues to talk about this dog like it’s a person which I have to tell her a dog is not a person or a child, it is an animal. I’m in the process of looking for a house and moving out now as she insists the dog is my responsibility as well and I HAVE to care for it. I don’t even understand her attachment to this animal, unlike many of you have stated your partners are very affectionate with their pets. I don’t see this with her and her dog. I only know that she had gotten this dog with her ex bf. The dog is 10 years old roughly and does not listen at all. It barks constantly and urinates all over if not crated when no one is home and chews up my Gf’s socks and underwear if given the chance. This dog has even eaten razors that she has used, how it’s not dead I don’t know. Regardless the animal was never trained properly and she has no intentions of attempting to do so. No idea what to do in this situation. It upsets me greatly, we also have a 4 yr old son which the dog has bit on a couple occasions simply because the dog does not like him. It has not been hard enough to draw blood but our son was weary of it for sometime. So I feel “trapped” in a way as I do not wish to have a broken family nor do I want to continue living in my current situation. All over a dog.

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Tanya
August 20th, 2016 at 7:54 PM
I am so sorry that so many are having a terrible time with their pets and partners. My problem however is not that either of our pets are his or mine or whether or not we love them. I love animals and would have more if I could but three is my limit for time and budget. He would get more too, trust me. The problem is that we live on the noisiest corner of our city because of the traffic and it can get a little stressful. The dog doesn’t bark insistently. We had a neighbor who had one of those and it drove us crazy. Our dog is a little sensitive to certain noises and he probably gets a little bored. When he does bark the sound can pierce my boyfriends damaged ear and all the stress he feels about the apartment, money, health, etc. gets channeled to the dog with yelling. He told me to tell him what to do and that he would wear an earplug to protect his ear but he doesn’t always want to live up to that promise and starts yelling at the dog again. This can get a little heated between us sometimes. Let me be clear he picked out the dog, it was his idea, and he was very emotional about it. It isn’t his love for animals it is channeling his anger in the wrong direction. He walks the dog, feeds him, plays with him, buys him toys, and so on. But we have suffered a lot of loss in the last few years so dealing with fleas and having the patience to teach a dog when and when not to bark is not something he is always up to do. It is stressful for me as well but I seem to handle some things better.

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Linda
August 23rd, 2016 at 5:59 AM
sometimes dogs are more prone to certain behaviors or traits dependent on their breed. and respond to behavior modification with varying methods. for instance a rat terrier I knew would boss her human around by not obeying or listening to her humans’ half hearted commands. the dual personality of the terrier really made the situation worse to the point of being a barking biting alpha dog. she was not socialized properly or disciplined properly. after a completely unprovoked barking and near biting episode her human said she just loves me and wants to make sure she protects me. people could not get near the human because her behavior got so possessive. but the human seemed to thrive on her thug style behavior. he once told me oh no oh my you don’t know dogs at all. this is what dogs do they bark and protect you. uh yeah right. so I dog sat once for the weekend and I love dogs as well but not the same undisciplined way some humans are with their dogs. googling the heck out of the history of the breed most positive way to get result when disciplined. dogs are unique and to get her incessant barking to a medium barely took a day. this rat terriers was given a time out in a bedroom, closet or backyard when the barking started. no speak was firmly stated and a ten minute time out started counting down once she was put by herself. then eventually praised with her favorite things because her response was very good. by the second day she barely barked. but her human destroyed all my strides within a day. good luck

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BK
August 23rd, 2016 at 12:41 PM
Your post reminds me of when we first got our dog and I was watching the show It’s Me Or The Dog for training tips. The episode featured a family (husband, wife, 2 teenage kids) and their Pomeranian. The dog would nip at the husband whenever he tried to get near his wife to show her affection. When he tried to go to bed, the dog would be there first and would growl at him when he tried to get in. He said that it had been almost a year since he was able to really be affectionate towards his wife. The wife admitted that she babied and held the dog all the time because she was feeling some kind of way now that her kids were teenagers and weren’t as dependent on her as much anymore. Thankfully, the trainer was able to work with them to correct that behavior. Sorry, but there’s no way I would ever let a dog come between me and my wife, especially one that weighs all of 5 lbs on a good day.
Lilas
October 9th, 2016 at 3:57 AM
I would like to contribute with my personal story about mistakes that we make when we enter a relationship being a pet lover, but also give a word of compassion to those who find themselves in the same situation that I do.

Me and my partner have been together for nine years and I relocated to his country in order to live with him. We met while I was an exchange student in his town. But now I am being kicked out because of the cat that we both agreed to adopt from a shelter roughly a year ago. He had cats as a kid but now he claims he has become “allergic”. The point is: he has no symptoms of allergy, no sneezing or running nose, has taken a test that came out negative, but yet he insists that his back pain is a different kind of allergic reaction and that’s why the cat has to go. No amount of medical evidence is able to change his mind – he is adamant. I contend that if the cat has to go, then I will have to go with the cat because I would not be able to live with a clear conscience after such an enormous compromise for something that is not even there. So I will have to move out.

I have always deeply loved animals and had pets as a kid. Living in Sweden alone I longed for a pet to love and to relieve the loneliness that I’ve experienced. Getting the cat was the best thing I did for my mental health during six years here on and off jobs. I had expressed my wish to adopt a cat in the past couple of years and he had responded that, even though he liked cats, he was not willing to get one. I accepted that but after a while he changed his mind around my birthday and, quite unexpectedly, decided that we go for it. It was my birthday gift.

Now, let us go back nine years in time. The huge red flag: a couple of weeks into our relationship my partner said he had to tell me a secret and that he hoped I would understand. It was a horrific story about having chased and clubbed a possum to death and set it on fire afterwards while on an exchange period in the US when he was 19, saying that it resulted from peer pressure from the racist and homophobic guys he was hanging around with at that point. He claimed that he was lost and disconnected and that he regrets what he had done, that he felt very bad afterwards etc. I was utterly devastated. I could not reconcile my image of him with such a barbaric act. I have always thought to myself that I could never get together with someone who had ever been cruel to animals, so I broke up and stayed on my own reflecting for a few days. I could not understand how someone could do this without being completely evil. But I was very lonely and infatuated at this point and as he insisted in getting back together I gave in, but the moral struggle lived on inside my mind. However, I did not think back then that we would end up living together as I thought we would be forced to split up as my period in Sweden was over. Therefore I tried to convince myself that my compromise with my values was not so serious because he had shown he deeply regretted it and that the relationship would not last anyway, given the circumstances. But yes, it was very serious.

As it turned out we remained together and now I find myself unemployed having to move out and having to find a job as soon as possible as an immigrant in a country that has the worst rates of employment for immigrants in the whole Europe. I am over qualified for menial jobs whereas jobs that could fit my profile are not simply granted to immigrants if a Swedish-born citizen can take it.

This whole allergy thing started out when his parents looked after our cat during a month-long overseas trip we took when a friend of mine could no longer live up to her commitment in the last minute. When we came back my mother in law, who has always disliked me, claimed that she could never do this favour again because she had become allergic to that particular cat, that he was annoying, loud, etc etc. This 50-something woman who until recently had her cat living in her house for fourteen long years insisted on being the caretaker – it was her idea to help us with that, not ours. Well, I knew her allergy was total bullshit and a subtle way of getting back at me, but it triggered my partner’s argument about his own “allergy” and it has only snowballed from there, with her support, of course.

Someone has said here in the comments that the cat is just a scapegoat for someone who is deeply disconnected. This has helped me understand the situation. I did a huge mistake by overlooking a huge red flag, but I don’t regret adopting the cat. He is basically the only company I have, he is a super nice, smart, beautiful cat. Besides, when we got together getting a pet of my own, even in spite of my love for them, was not in my plans because I take pet ownership seriously and thought that this was not something one could do on a whim.

The thing is, like someone has said here, people also lie about their feelings towards pets. I am experiencing all of a sudden this painful feeling of being back-stabbed. I was fooled into thinking that my boyfriend could have become more into pets in the aftermath of something he deems traumatic to himself. He used to send me cat videos, say “how cute” to them, stroke them when we met one on the streets and so on. He was even nice to my cat and the cat loved being on his lap. I think that many of us tend to believe that people can get better overtime, not worse, so it is hard to see everything coming in the middle of a fog.

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TAO
October 9th, 2016 at 11:22 AM
My fiancé and I have been together for 8 years and engaged for 4 and a half of those 8 years. We recently moved out but only temporarily, we are doing friends a favour and staying in their house until is is sold, as it is for sale. We’ve been staying here almost 3 months, it has been overwhelming and stressful for us because we can’t really settle because it’s not our place but plan to move out in December into our own flat which is in the next 2 months. This is where the problem comes in, his Godchild got him a puppy for his birthday, his birthday was 2 months ago but he got the gift today. He mentioned it to me a month ago but we had a huge argument and never spoke about it again until the reality took place today. I feel angry and hurt because I was not taken into consideration about this decision, a pet is not something you give to someone as a gift, it’s a personal choice especially someone who is in a serious relationship who has decisions to make with their partner and who isn’t staying in their own place and planning to move in a flat. I tried to explain the logics behind this big problem but I’m just told he can’t refuse or say no because it was a gift. I feel like this is the last straw, like my opinion doesn’t matter. He is treating the puppy like a baby and trying to get me interested but I’m not, besides I have my own dog that I never brought with because I knew the conditions were not favourable and I know we hardly at home, so it was best to leave her with my family and their pets that she grew up with. I don’t want this puppy to be a toy and go from home to home but no one seems my point. Also this puppy is a Pitbull and my partner knows I’m scared of these types of dogs.

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confused
October 21st, 2016 at 5:09 PM
So me and my boyfriend have been together 9 months and for the first 4 months his dog hardly ever looked our way and was a pretty unsociable dog, but recently she has been constantly following him about and coming into the bedroom and refusing to leave, she’s even started sleeping in the bed now and whenever i tell him im not comfortable with it he says i hate her and im just overreacting,Its not like she’d be sleeping on her own if he took her out she’d be sleeping in his parent’s bed because that’s where she slept before. ive been forced to sleep in the spare room a lot of nights because she moves about constantly and snores and keeps me up the whole night. she even comes into the car for whatever we do, everytime he picks me up for anything she will be sitting in the passenger side.. i ask him does she really need to go everywhere with us but he just gets in a mood with me. i really dont know what to do. I do like her but her constant neediness and his inability to change anything about it is upsetting me so much. I feel like an asshole but surely its not normal to spend every waking minute with his dog especially when she never used to before.. am i overreacting or am i perfectly reasonable?

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Charlie
October 23rd, 2016 at 11:07 AM
You are most definitely not overreacting. You are for sure the secondary female in his life and it’s unacceptable. I mean really, to sleep in another room because her royalty takes up your space !! Not to mention how unsanitary it is. Sweety this is not going to be easy to hear and believe me I speak from experience. You will NEVER come first. Dump him and move on to someone who will think the world of you. It won’t change believe me. Most importantly, never sell yourself short and allow yourself to be second best. He is a loser you will find someone better. Best of luck !!

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Janet
November 8th, 2017 at 7:47 PM
I agree with Charlie, you will never be first. I never was when I was married to my husband and he seemed to be married to his female dog. I remember telling the dog to get down off the sofa so I could sit next to my husband while he sat in his recliner and him saying to me “She was there first!” That’s just a very small example. To give you how much worse it did become for me. I lived on a lake and I got to the point that I said to myself, “If the dog and I were drowning, who would he save?” I told myself , the dog. Later I thought, he’d save me and blame me for the dog drowning. You get the point.
I left my marriage over the dog being his first thought, his first everything along with being stepped on with his snide comments and put downs. This isn’t acceptable behavior by the one that is suppose to make you feel loved, trusted, and safe Confused. I am actually relieved I left and that was only a few months ago. I find I get up in the morning and I am happy. No longer walking with anxiety over the man-dog/wife relationship. Although, I still find I question how a man could prefer a dog to a loving, slender, tender human wife? Actually I believe he may have been a narcissist. The dog just fed his ego. Then I tell myself…freak! LOL
If you leave, it will hurt at first, it always does, as the movie Hope Floats has a very good line, ““Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it’s what’s in the middle that counts. So when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will.”, So true, don’t count yourself short, you are worth so much more than being treated as you currently are.
Sanka
October 22nd, 2016 at 3:19 PM
You are being reasonable. Some dog lovers out there feel it’s ok to put their pets before their partners. It’s pure selfishness and there’s nothing you can do about it. If you say something they call you a jerk. If you don’t it eats you up. Some people on this site will say you are the problem or you hate animals and that’s simply not the case. You can enjoy animals without neglecting your partners wishes. It’s called proper training and reminding the dog that they are a dog and not a human. Sadly since you have already brought it up to your partner and they don’t respect you by compromising you’re gonna be stuck and you should use this as a preview for what the rest of your relationship will look like. Mine let’s the dog in the sofa and the bed even though I told her I didn’t like it. She said she would compromise and not let the dog on human spaces. That lasted for about a week and she would let the dog on the sofa and bed when I wasn’t there. Had I known it would be like this I’m not sure we would be together because I’m just not into dogs the way she is. Anyway good luck. I hope he decides to respect you and comprise. If he does let us know so I can share your secret with mine.

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Confused
October 24th, 2016 at 5:15 PM
He promised me he would take her downstairs to sleep in his parents bed but tonight he just got into bed and started cuddling her and refused to take her down. I’m honestly so angry, what is even more frustrating is he sees no problem with this at all, I’m starting to think I will never change his opinion and he will never compromise.

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sad
October 29th, 2016 at 2:11 AM
Run while you can 9 months dont seem like much in the grand scheme of things.
Jay
December 2nd, 2016 at 11:26 PM
Im considdering leaving my wife of 23 years, she bought 2 cockers 4 years ago we consulted and i have dogs growing up. All was discussed prior and she promised all sorts of things regarding there keep, like no begging, toilet training walking etc. So 4 years in we have 1 dog so neurotic i wimpers and is stuck to her heel the whole time shes home, it has to sleep under the bed she would have it on the bed if i didnt make a stand, it sits on her whenever she sits. The other isnt her fav so the kids have it overnight it shits and pisses anywhere if its not let out every half hour if we leave the back door open it will still do it on the floor, i recently had expensive bamboo flooring fitted and many planks are now curling at the edges she had promised the problem out. My wife and daughter and son are in a combined hate campaign against me because i put them out in the garden and leave them if im left in the house with them, she feeds them on expensive dentistix, and the wont eatbarley anthing else now. They go berserk at anyone that comes near the house but im not alloud to interveen to shut them up, my daughter calls me a c##t and my wife says im a bastard but not to my face. I dont mind dogs but dog is a dog not a baby and i expect them to behave as such that was agreed initially. Why do i feel ive got the shit end of the stick !

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Jay
June 30th, 2017 at 7:18 AM
So looks like theres lots of people in my position,.
My situation has worsend since my last post. Im an elctrician and have loads contact with people, but am completely trapped have no freinds as my wife was always number one, only moved to australia 5 years ago and in big trouble emotionaly wise. I now have to allow one of the dogs to sleep in our bed though she holds it in her arms with her back to me. Im not allowed to touch her without she makes some kind of complaint about pain or period issues, no sex since i had a versectomy as she wanted to come off the pill. I know it sounds like an affair or somthing but im sure its just stress from her job, she is an on call midwife at a major city hospital, so well under the pump. But everything is secret im not allowed to know anything whats going on, she secretly talks to our kids behind closed doors and i have no authority over them or my money goes into the bank weekly with no clue where it goes i must say she earns more than me i think, and i get sleep back to back with her and a dog!. We are renovating a 1958 house with every penny we can during my weekends she actually does very little in this project, but its not about all that its about her boundless defence of these dogs that cost a fortune. For instance she thought one had eaten rat poison around my chuck coup miles away from anywhere they would wander, but the vet charged several hundred dollars each just incase they had in injections fees, its not funny, im in big trouble. Please dont comment leave or stuff like that, i know all that, i want help from someone who has been through a similar situation, i really dont know what to do. Im 51 years old and we have been together for nearly 30 of those, i still sexually find her atractive and dont want to go!

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Michael
June 30th, 2017 at 11:55 AM
They’re not dogs: they’re living gods.
I just found out mine was paying about €7.50/kg for food that’s available through Amazon for €4.75. There’s highly rated dog food for €1.1/kg but she wouldn’t think of it. Look – the dog fanatics are crazed control freaks who cannot exist with ordinary people and use the dogs, who cannot talk back, to affirm their need for adoration and control. Dogs are great for narcissists; they put their human on a pedestal, revolve their world around the human, and never object. I like dogs, or liked them. But the behavior behind some mentally deranged people around dogs — the excuses the dogs enable — is unacceptable.
Laura
December 16th, 2016 at 8:37 AM
I guess I’m just venting because some of these stories, a lot, are similar to mine. I actually love our dogs. They are spoiled though. I’ve always wanted them to be trained properly but my husband just wants to spoil them and do whatever they want. One of them has a urination problem. We got her at a shelter about 2 years ago. I think that’s why her previous owners got rid of her… they didn’t list a reason. She’s about 9 or 10 years old. She doesn’t bark to let us know she needs to go outside like our other dog. I let her out first thing in the morning but if I don’t wake up early enough she just goes. I don’t know when this started, but she has also started peeing in the bed. My husband lets them sleep in the bed. We got the first dog 7 years ago. I refuse to sleep in the bed. I sleep on the sofa. Which isn’t that bad, it’s actually really comfortable. My husband does his own laundry, but seriously how can he sleep in the bed after the dog urinates in it? That’s disgusting. He takes care of the vet and feeding, but, except for his bed, I do the cleaning of dog hair and messes on my floor. We have hardwood. I clean it up as soon as I can but the floor is getting damaged. I don’t vacuum as often as I should. With the dog hair it needs to be vacuumed every day, but I don’t get to vacuuming daily. Right now the only rules I want is for them to stay off the furniture and not pee on the floor. Is that too much to ask? Apparently it is, because he always lets them on the furniture. I have plenty of friends who love their dogs and do not let them on their furniture. He is getting better, but generally, this is the order: dogs, me, kids. The dogs will probably always come first. I’m frustrated with the urination problem. Can’t you teach an old dog new tricks? Luckily I found a good odor eliminator Pro-Ban. After I clean up with it she doesn’t urinate in that spot again. Maybe I should just spray all the floors in the house.

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someonesomewhere
December 27th, 2016 at 12:18 AM
My partner got a dog, we have been together awhile and I knew he wanted one, one day he came home with a puppy. It was fine until the dog got older and bigger. The problem is, I was bitten at 5 by a Rottweiler, I was lucky not to loose an eye. I am fine with (most) dogs but I absolutely cannot stand his dog anymore, it’s driving me crazy and giving me anxiety attacks! The problem is he got a hunter way and I KNOW it’s not the dog but I look at the dog and I can’t get past the colouring, it’s too similar! It does not help she has nipped me before and has a tendency to walk behind my legs up close which freaks me the hell out! I am fine until he lets her inside, sure she sleeps on the floor on a matt by the door but I can’t take it anymore, I don’t know what to do! I can’t believe we are having problems over a dog :(

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Micky
January 23rd, 2017 at 2:58 PM
I like dogs but I can’t deal with this anymore. Our dogs sleep on the couch, despite repeated promises, before buying a new couch, that they wouldn’t. They’re fed custom-cooked food using expensive whole meat. When we take trips they stay at a kennel that costs 3x as much as normal kennels, where they sleep on cushions. Neither dog has any health problems, though they make frequent trips to a very expensive vet who sells them expensive dry-food to mix in with the custom cooked meat dishes. When they aggressively beg and whine for food and it’s “talking.” We once hired a dog-sitter who said she’d never sit for them again because their list of “needs” is so extensive.

I’ve had dogs but these aren’t dogs: they’re living gods. I’d never ask my wife to get rid of them and the problem isn’t the dogs: it’s the way she treats the dogs and the problems that creates. The dogs are treated like young children — including sky-high costs, which we can’t afford — rather than pets. Like children, her Facebook feed is full of dog posts and her “friends” include a long list of other dog fanatics, each egging one another on to largely imaginary “dangers” and an ever-expanding requirement of expensive things dogs need.

I “murdered” her last dog — the one she had when we met — with murder being defined as telling her it’s time to put it down because it suffered advanced dementia. It was wearing diapers for at least six months, walking into walls, it forgot who we were, forgot its name, and forgot any commands. It was confused, anxious, and in pain. It once escaped the yard – I have no idea how – and ; she wanted to wait until it died naturally. When she says I murdered it she’s not being facetious; she literally believes, and has said repeatedly, that putting that dog down was dog murder despite the vet thought it was long past time.

Dogs are supposed to bring pleasure; these four-legged gods bring fights, stress, and anxiety. I don’t think this is healthy for the dogs and it’s definitely not healthy for our relationship. It’s important to note these behaviors long predate our relationship: her parents make it clear she has always had issues with valuing her relationship with dogs above people (she does not like cats, or other animals – just dogs).

It’s good to see that I’m not the only one in this position at least. It seems like the overwhelming majority of people who are adversely affected by dogs seem to like dogs but believes they should be treated like animals rather than four-legged humans. Unfortunately, many websites seem to reinforce the the notion that it is healthy to anthropomorphize dogs. I’ve yet to see a site that discusses the possibility that dog fanatics — people who worship their pets as baby humans, rather than those who enjoy their dogs as pets — may have issues, and that those issues are health neither for pets, their owners, or their real-world relationships.

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You're kidding
February 21st, 2017 at 9:16 PM
People who defend the animal to the bitter end kill me. I have read many comments that put the blame on the SO who has the issue with the pet. Your spouse should be priority #1 without question unless kids are involved then the kids are first priority. A dog should NEVER get priority over either of those under any circumstance. If the animal takes so much priority over the human family members then why not just marry the dog instead? The dog can then help you raise the kids, pay the bills, do chores etc. Oh wait….a dog can’t do those things so what is the debate then? Life brings change and sometimes the animal does not fit in with that change. Sometimes you can’t have it all. If I have to choose between my spouse and the dog…the dog loses all day everyday!

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Agatha B
February 22nd, 2017 at 1:31 PM
Then you clearly don’t understand the mindset of different people.
Humans are not generally loyal creatures. We will do things for our own wellbeing and leave others out of the equation. Our selfishness fuels our survival and only some are born with a goodness that not all people have. A spouse is not inherently loyal to you because humans are not monogamous meaning that something or someone could easily lead them astray. An animal however lives by loyalty. When my ex was abusing me he’d try all sorts of tactics to get in my head and even attempted to kidnap my Siberian wolf. She did not approach the man even when he was waving a 45$ Steak. My family however took my ex’s side because to them he put on such a facade he could do no wrong.

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Dogs are not Monogamous
November 8th, 2017 at 10:11 AM
A poster above said humans are not naturally monogamous. So I guess you believe that marriage was also developed by the patriarchy to get people to submit then too? Take off your tinfoil hat… Do dogs even understand what monogamy is? Do dogs stick to mating with one partner, and one partner only till death do them part?
Dog nutters are mentally deranged…
Waddy
February 27th, 2017 at 10:44 AM
I have two dogs when I met my boyfriend (now husband). He never said he didnt like my one dog Pitty until we moved in together. He hates her he says, he says she is a stupid dog and can’t wait until she dies. She is terrified of him she can sense he does not like her. He makes my life miserable every time he calls he stupid or stupid f’n dog. I tell him it hurts my feelings when he says things like that about my dog, wishing her dead all the time, but he says what about MY feelings, how I hate the dog, that I do not care that he hates my dog and he feels he has to live with this animal he hates. I tell him she was with me before we met, he hates her because my ex got her for me. It is so stressful juggling his feelings about the dog and me trying to keep loving my dog as normal as I can and trying to make her feel safe like she used to feel. When he is around she hardly gets off her bed and when he goes out she jumps up and acts normal and happy.

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Liz
February 27th, 2017 at 1:35 PM
Hi Waddy
since I left my partner my dog is so much more relaxed and only now I realise the reason why his own dog was an absolute nervous wreck, he said it was due to her being an ill treated rescue dog but actually now I believe she was warning me of something very dangerous considering what I know now about that man.
Your partner’s is jealous of your relationship with your dog,he knows his comments upset you,can you make him stop? If you are confident you can please do ahead and try but if he carries on,please believe me,you are better off without your partner full stop.

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Dee
March 5th, 2017 at 10:31 AM
I absolutely LOATHE our dog. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. Mid January, we adopted a shelter dog. At first, I liked her. But since we brought her home, I have had doubts and regretted it. The shelter lied to us about her age, they said she was 4 ( which is still a trainable age,) well it turned out she is more like 6. She is a pit bull, but very submissive. One of the reasons we got her was because she was supposedly good with cats. Right after bringing her home, our youngest cat saw her and freaked out, terrified. He ran and she chased him. She caught him, that night we have an emergency vet visit. Thankfully the cat is fine now. The next day she started cowering a lot, like we abuse her. She does not listen very much at all. The only thing she would listen to at first was “sit”. Now she barely does that without forcing her to or saying it 15+ times. She does not come, she does not stay, she makes it impossible to bring her in and out. I have had a sprained ankle for the past almost 2 weeks from trying to get her to come back in before work. This dog is seriously making my life hell. But my boyfriend loved her. He also lets get do whatever the hell she wants and rewards her for bad behavior, leaving it up to me to discipline her when she does something wrong. Every time we think she is taking a step forward, she takes 10 steps back. I HATE her! She is causing me more stress and pain than anything, but he refuses to give her up. It’s to the point where if he does not get rid of her room, I am going to leave him. I am the one who has to primarily take care of her because he works a lot, and she will NOT listen to me at all. It’s to the point where her awful “abused looks” are making me want to hit her. I have never felt that way about any animal before, but she is just terrible. He likes her because she acts sweet to him and he has a lot more patience than I do. But I can’t handle this. My boyfriend told me he was going to propose to me soon and even has the ring. This dog is seriously ruining my life. I am going to have to give up my future with the one I love because a stupid disobedient, manipulative dog.

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Misty
April 20th, 2017 at 4:08 PM
First off I love animals. I’ve grown up with a couple Shih Tzus, birds, turtles, snakes, etc. However I HATE HATE HATE fur! I HATE having fur on my clothes. I think it is absolutely disgusting. I limit the amount of time that I see one of my dear friends because I leave her home covered in animal fur. I cannot tolerate it. I’d rather be covered in dirt to be frank. I met my boyfriend several months ago, and we only just recently started dating. We are so different, but we mesh so well at the same time. He’s very sweet and patient. He also has this really sweet tempered dog that he adores. She’s been poorly trained however and isn’t at all obedient. I knew he loved his dog going in, but it wasn’t until we started dating that I saw just how much his dog sheds and how insane his love is for his pet. For now this isn’t a huge issue because I have my own place. But we’ve started talking about marriage and a life together. I thought about how upset he would be to not have his dog Mesa in his life and didn’t want to put him in that position. I’d personally prefer to not have the dog inside the house at all, but knew that he wouldn’t like that solution. So I compromised by saying that the dog needs to stay out of the bedrooms if we would get married. And he was totally inflexible by saying that he wouldn’t give up sleeping with his precious Mesa for anything. The dog is to have free reign of his home, she was there for him first. Then he started joking about how sometimes he’ll wake up with the bed covered in fur, but that he needs his Mesa cuddles and that it would diminish his happiness and quality of life if she were to no longer be allowed in the bedroom. I broke up with him because I saw no possible way for this to work, and I didn’t want to force him to choose between me and the dog. He sincerely believes his quality of life would diminish if he couldn’t sleep with his furry friend and I know that I would grow to detest that animal. My boyfriend refused to let me go over the issue of fur. He asked me to just become okay with fur. Which isn’t going to happen. I think he wants to find some other type of compromise that allows him to keep the dog in the bedroom, but I refuse to budge on this aspect. I need at least one room for me that I won’t have to worry about the fur. I now have one foot out the door unless he is willing to accept my compromise or come up with some equally durable plan. But I will not have an animal in my bedroom.

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BK
April 21st, 2017 at 4:24 AM
I have a dog as well, and like you, I hate having fur everywhere. This is why he isn’t allowed in the upstairs area of our house, and he’s definitely not allowed on our furniture. Dog people will try to tell you that you shouldn’t mind having your life covered in fur, but folks like you and me aren’t trying to hear that nonsense.

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Paul
April 25th, 2017 at 8:45 PM
Congratulations Misty! Breaking up was a very wise decision on your part. The man obviously has a very dysfunctional relationship with his dog. It is unfortunate that so many people treat their dogs like humans instead of the animals they are. In your case he made it so clear that his dog is number one in his life and if you were ever to get married to him you will forever take a back seat to that animal and its master. One thing that many dog lovers don’t understand is that the emotional energy that they invest in their animals robs them of some of the emotional energy that is so vital and necessary between a married couple. So I would encourage you to stand firm now before you get too emotionally involved with him. Keep heading out that door and don’t look back. You deserve a man who will make you number one in his life! And also, you might want to checking out some good books on marriage and relationships. That may be beneficial to you, and when you find a man who is serious about marriage, you will know because he is willing to spend time reading those same books together with you!

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Jennifer
April 26th, 2017 at 9:02 AM
My God there are some idiots commenting on this thread. Dogs behave the way we TRAIN them to behave. It’s not the dog, it’s the owner. There is some anthropomorphising going on here but in the most negative and stupid way! ‘The emotional energy invested in loving one’s pets robs emotional energy from a human partner…’ Oh please give me strength…

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Paul
April 26th, 2017 at 8:59 PM
Jennifer:
Good marriages (and relationships) don’t just happen. They’re only as good as the partners are willing to invest the time, energy and focus it takes to build the relationship into the wonderful thing it can become. Emotional attachments to dogs (or cats or horses or jobs or cars or sports or many other things for that matter) can and do cause us to loose our focus. If a good marriage or relationship is what we desire, and if we make this our priority, then we must look at some of those things in our lives that may be taking up too much of our time and energy (physical and emotional) and ultimately causing us to loose sight of our goal. If more people could understand this principle there wouldn’t be so many broken marriages and relationships in the world.
In Misty’s case it is pretty obvious that the man has a codependent relationship with his dog; he has made it clear to her that the animal is his priority and he is unwilling to change for the sake of developing a relationship with her. Fortunately for her she sees the warning flags going up big time and
is at least considering moving on. What a pity, though, that the guy is taking a big loss in loving an animal and loosing out on that beautiful relationship he could be having with a woman!

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Jennifer
April 27th, 2017 at 9:28 AM
I think it’s a big mistake to get involved with someone who has a dog if they ‘hate hate hate fur’! Just like it would be a mistake to get involved with someone with children who ‘hates hates hates children’. Cat/dog hair comes with having cats/dogs. You can limit it a great deal by daily brushing, but if you’ve had a pet for years and it is used to certain routines it is very difficult to break them of it without causing even more behavioural problems. Pets are for life, or at least they should be. Best to form relationships with people who share your passion. My partner loves dogs as do I, so neither of us mind their presence. If that weren’t the case, I would never ask him to do anything that he would struggle with or resent, and nor would I allow anyone to expect me to change big aspects of my lifestyle either. Those sorts of compromises just don’t work long-term. The reality of relationships is, you really need two fairly like-minded people for them to be a success, at least certainly when it comes to day-to-day lifestyle. I think in Misty’s case all she can fairly expect is for her partner to groom his dog more so that the fur is as little a discomfort or annoyance as possible. My partner’s huskies shed like mad, and if he didn’t brush them every day there would be a carpet of dog hair everywhere. Fortunately he does and so the worst thing that happens is a few flecks of grey showing up on black clothes! I can live with that. ;-)

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Involved with a Doggo Nut
November 13th, 2017 at 9:10 AM
“I think it’s a big mistake to get involved with someone who has a dog if they ‘hate hate hate fur’! Just like it would be a mistake to get involved with someone with children who ‘hates hates hates children’.”

I constantly hear the doggo team say, “If he/she knew you had a dog coming in then they are selfish for wanting you to change and give up the dog.” That statement alone is infuriating in so many ways. How were we, the dog victims, supposed to know that our dog-obsessed partner would tell us to be quiet when our family doctor calls so that doggo can bark outside, instead of going out there and make the dog be quiet so that we can hear what our doctor is saying on the phone? How were we supposed to know that our partner was going to laugh at us when their dog farted in our face and then yelled at us when we became depressed about it? See none of these behaviors are normal. It is ludicrous to fault someone and say “well you knew she had a dog”. How on earth was I supposed to know that someone was going to treat their dog like an infantile god-being?

We all go into relationships expecting our partners to be normal-rational humans that treat dogs like animals and not god-beings. Instead we come out realizing that there are dog-obsessed freaks out there.

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Misty
April 27th, 2017 at 1:19 PM
Jennifer:
I disagree. I don’t think keeping an animal out of a bedroom isn’t a massive lifestyle change. It might be a little difficult for the dog at first to adjust, but that is what proper training is for. Like I said, I love animals. I grew up with them. I have a pintrest board dedicated to shih tzus and golden doodles. But my dogs have never slept in my room. You are right in that you need two fairly like-minded people and this is one case in which we view things very differently. He sees Mesa as his child, I see Mesa as an animal. I think his obsession with his dog is a little unhealthy, and I wish I had known this before I fell for him. All I am asking for is to have one room of my own this isn’t overrun by dog hair. If I had known just how badly she shed before I got into a relationship with my boyfriend I would have turned him down. But unfortunately I didn’t know that and I’m now invested in this relationship. I want it to work. I don’t want to end something that is so good because of an animal. He is asking me to consider changing my entire life. Leaving my work, school, friends, and family behind to follow him and his new job in Texas. All I am asking for is to sleep without a dog in my room. I don’t think that’s an unfair and unreasonable request considering all that I would be giving up to be with him.

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Jessica
June 3rd, 2018 at 9:28 AM
Im so happy I found this forum and to know that I’m not alone! I love animals and I feel bad about my resentment towards my husband’s dogs. I knew ofcourse he had dogs, but it wasn’t until I came to him for vacation when he proposed and I actually lived together with the dogs to see how bad it is. He still lived with his family. He has 2 dogs. The first nights, he didn’t want me to sleep with him, because he didn’t want his dogs to be disturbed. Eventually i was allowed in the bed, but the dogs keep jumping on and off from the bed and they shed hair EVERYWHERE. I actually think it’s very gross to have dogs in the bed, there was even black stuff on the pillow from the dog laying on the pillow, and even drips of pee and they never get showered or anything. So disgusting! My husband also smells dirty like dogs because they lick him and he cuddles them all over the place. They get jealous when we are hugging and start whining. The dogs have never been vaccinated, don’t get flea treatments or anti worm treatments and are taking up the entire couch and other human furniture and everything is covered in hair. My husband never picks up their poop outside, because he thinks its gross to grab it with a bag. There were even ants on the floor from all the dog food that lays on the floor when they eat. One of the dogs is constantly trying to steal food from the table, the kitchen, out of my purse. So I can not even let my purse be on the floor! When I came home from the grocery store, he would already be stealing food from the grocery bags or things out of my purse! One time I went outside to grab something out of the car, I came back after a few minutes, the 50 pound dog jumped on the table, stole my food and it was scattered over the floor and there was a lake of pee in the living room. The house smells like ammonia and I can’t be in that environment, my throat starts to hurt and it’s just disgusting. Sometimes there is poop everywhere! The dogs follow my husband constantly and they are constantly in the way, so you have to be careful where you walk for you not to fall. And one of the dogs, also keeps drinking from the toilet and chews up garbage from the trash can in the bathroom, even underwear! I was so relieved when we moved 3 hours away to stay with other family that doesn’t allow dogs. Finally I was able to get a good night sleep without those dogs jumping on and off the bed, and dirty smell everywhere. It also feels that things are getting better between my husband and I. The first months he really kept saying how he missed his dogs which always made me feel I don’t matter. We have had discussions that he still wants to sleep with his dogs, while he knows how i feel about that. A bed is a place for a married couple to bond and have intimate times, not a place for animals. Sometimes I got short breathed because of all the dog hair that is flying through the air and I can’t sleep because of all the movements on the bed and the noises. In that same discussion, he said he would like to sleep with them 1 night a week. Who in the world prefers to sleep with animals over his wife??!! Where am I supposed to go to? To a hotel by myself? For the past 4 months has hasn’t said anything anymore thankfully so I hope he is finally getting over it. However, the time comes that we are going to live on our own, which means he wants to have his dogs over there. I am already stressed with the thought about it, there goes our days of sleeping in and quality time. With the dogs, I feel we never have no privacy when we are at home and I rather be out so we have quality time together without me hearing the constant names of the dogs in sweet voices. I know this is going to be a daily struggle between us if they would live with us. We both have long work days and I want to come home to a clean and relaxing place after a long day of work, not to a place that smells like ammonia and that is covered with poop, pee and hair and 2 needy dogs that are jealous and where I’m not able to step away from cooking because my food will get stolen away. We also want to have a family, but I don’t want my future children to grow up in an unsanitary place :( What do I do? I feel that that there is still a choice to be made about the dogs, they still live at the place that is there home, he has only visited them 3 times in the past year and we are going to set up our own place with our own furniture and our own life. I want to focus on our marriage and we want to travel together, I moved to the US for him, so we want to visit my home country regularly and also visit other places. I feel that this is not a time and a place to have dogs, where we should get used to living with the 2 of us and building our life and a good foundation together as newlyweds and have a good quality of life where I can get my night sleep and just live in peace and harmony. And like I said, it’s not that I’m moving into his place where the dogs already live and we are kicking them out. I never knew that I would ever feel about animals because like i said, I have always loved animals and had animals growing up and took great care of them. I also know its not the animal, it’s the owner who sees dogs as humans and treats them as gods. What do I do? I have been thinking about training (his dogs are a little older), but I know you have to set boundaries, but I think that is not going to happen. I love my husband a lot and I’m invested in this marriage, I moved 5000 miles for him, but this is a huge deal for me. I am so stressed over this :( Can I put my foot down and tell him I want to live with the 2 of us without the stress of dogs? Or am i being unreasonable and mean for not wanting to live in a situation like that?

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Janet
April 27th, 2017 at 7:44 PM
I agree with Paul. My marriage is ending after 4 years. For he first three, my husband behaved as though he was married to his dog and I was made to feel second in value. Without going into details, his actions with his beloved pet almost broke me. To give you an idea, I thought if the dog and I were drowning, who would he save. I truly dislike it when people amphorize pets into human beings. I would not wish my past experience on anyone, it was very painful. I have owned and loved pets all my life, as part of my family, but they never usurped my human family members. In my experience, if you both don’t see pets in the same light, I am fearful for you, that this pet will only cause more issues than your own happiness in this relationship, especially if you will be far away from family and friends. Take care.

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Misty
May 19th, 2017 at 1:14 PM
Janet,
Thank you so much for your words of kindness and caution. All I can promise is that I will think heavily on what you’ve said. It’s very difficult for me to separate my heart from my brain. lol. And I’m so sorry for all that you’ve gone through. I wish you all the best and will be sendin prayers your way!

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Misty
June 16th, 2017 at 12:25 PM
Jennifer- I wound up listening to your advice. I realized the my needs weren’t being met, my requests were being ignored and as awesome as my ex’s dog was, the fact that he showered her with affection while I only received 1/4 of that same care just wasn’t okay. Now I know and say that I will never date someone who is obsessed with their pet ever again. Reason why? My needs will never come before their craving to be with their pet.

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Agatha
May 18th, 2017 at 7:51 PM
Quite amusing when everyone here is acting as though human loyalty and monogamy is just something coded deeply into our genes. In all reality, we technically cannot be as loyal to our partners as an animal companion can be. Monogamy is not a human concept rather a social one we have grown accustomed to. So you manage to get your partner to separate themselves from their dogs or perhaps even give them up? Good for you! Now you have to fully commit and promise that you will never leave this person no matter their flaws after having them make such a big emotional sacrifice for you. Yet most of the time something will always get in the way. Human loyalty is as malleable as clay and frankly I find it pathetic that so many people turn their noses up at these facts because they refuse to acknowledge that we’re basically ticking biological machines such as they are. Our emotions are merely heightened because of our thinking but function the exact same. Take this as a bit of insight as to why some draw so easily to animal company that can not be so easily deterred as human company can.
Fun fact: My ex has never met my wolf / husky hybrid (who I nursed from a pup because the breeder was going to drown her when she was born) yet when he attempted to lure her away with a piece of juicy elk steak (which he had learned from me prior our breakup was her favorite) She bared her teeth and chased him away and didn’t even TOUCH the steak (was never poisoned or anything) Yet my family verbally berated me for giving up on a relationship with a seemingly great man (He had them all fooled.) So how’s that for human loyalty? Now don’t get me wrong I have my human company and my furry company. I treat both equally.

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Michael
May 19th, 2017 at 2:07 AM
You don’t “treat them both equally.” Like most dog fanatics you don’t even make sense: your ex never met your dog yet “he attempted to lure her away…” How could he attempt to lure her away if he never met her? Then the animal bared her teeth and chased him away. Good dog! It got jealous and chased away your partner. Not. Spoiled animal who is neither trained nor socialized. How many times has your “human company” shown physical aggression and chased away a dog? I’d guess the number is zero. Dogs are animals. People are humans. You, and those like you, anthropomorphize human feelings onto dogs. Yes, they sit there quietly listening to your nonsense because they can’t understand what you’re talking about. Unlike your family your dog never disagrees with you, no matter how wrong you are, because it has no idea what you are talking about. Because it is an animal. Your family are people and they obviously know you better than your dog; your ex sounds lucky to be rid of you.

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Aeryn
May 19th, 2017 at 2:59 PM
The exact same goes to you my dear :) I can understand why any partner would rather turn to animal companionship with a tongue so vile and sharp.
Agatha
May 19th, 2017 at 3:05 PM
Me and several babies he’s managed to kick to death inside me. So yes, I suppose he is :) Judging from how little you’ve read of my actual comment regarding the little differences we have with our furry counterparts and the reasons in doing so I’m going to take you as the type that is so set in their beliefs no amount of evidence can make you see otherwise and that’s okay. You live your own life and I’ll live mine ^_^ Being human doesn’t mean I have to cater to the emotional needs of you or others. As long as I’m content that equals not only survival but thriving as well. Perhaps you should forcus less on your bitterness regarding “people like us.” And focus on finding your own. Because your unhappiness is only your fault sweetheart.
Misty
May 19th, 2017 at 2:55 PM
Agatha… First off your story doesn’t make any sense. Why would he want to lure her away? How could he if he’s never met her? Why was your ex not a good man as you’ve implied? (Him not liking your dog is a stupid reason if that’s it, and I agree with your family if that is the case). I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and hope that there is a legitimate reason against him. Second is that your facts aren’t actual facts. I would know considering the fact that I’ve studied psychology and am well acquainted with about half a dozen theories. The one you presented is simply the most popular. Popular doesn’t mean it’s right. It’s similar to the theory of our subconscious playing out in our dreams and that it’s a sign of our innermost desires. Something a lot of people still believe to this day. But that theory originated with Sigmund Freud who also came up with the Oedipus Complex and Penis Envy. So don’t place a lot of credibility in that theory either. What you said is most certainly not a fact.
Human loyalty isn’t malleable, but it is breakable. Which is why it is so incredibly important that you treat your partner with the love and respect that they deserve. A dog will stay with you out of need, a partner doesn’t rely on you for their basic necessities. And animals can turn on their human masters just as easily. Both require love and care. Also I agree with Michael that your dog not being socialized is an extremely bad thing. IF there was some sort of threatening behavior, such as your ex yelling at you, being physically intimidating, etc then the behavior of the dog is acceptable. It is protecting a member of it’s pack. Being offered food and having her bare her teeth isn’t one. That’s dangerous.
As for human loyalty. Well I was in a toxic relationship for almost a year trying to help my now-ex overcome his addiction. During that time I was cheated on. I stayed with him through all the awfulness because I had made him a promise, and I held to my word even though it broke me to pieces several times. Now you might be saying, “this is proof that human loyalty and monogamy just isn’t true since he had cheated!” but the point that I am making is that despite everything he did I remained loyal and faithful to him. And in the end he was the one that left me and I was finally free from that promise. I am not at all angry with him, and am grateful that he let me go. But I stand by my word through thick or thin, and that was not something I was taught in my home. Loyalty and being faithful is deeply embedded in my nature however and to be told in a blanket statement that all humans aren’t by someone who doesn’t know me is incredibly rude. As for the man I am currently with, I would never dream of asking him to give up his dog. Do we need to find a compromise however? YES! And we did. Dog stays off the furniture, gets her own doggie bed for the bedroom, and he sweeps everyday. I’ll help brushing her as needed. He in turn is asking me to consider giving up my home, friends, and family to move to a different state to be with him. I’m not a villain for not wanting to live my life covered in fur, and your statements are purposefully attacking people who don’t side with your opinion. People don’t “stick their noses up” or will leave if their partner “makes a big emotional sacrifice for you.” I would never ask my partner to sacrifice something incredibly important to them. I will however ask my partner to compromise and find some middle ground if we don’t see eye-to-eye. It sounds as though you see relationships as being a tit-for-tat type of deal, and if that’s all you’ve experienced in your life then I am sorry for you. Because those relationships aren’t real relationships.
As for our brains vs a dogs, oh my goodness. Our brains are capable of complex thought and emotion! Yes animals can feel! Yes it’s shown that some dog’s can even reach the level of a 4 year old in emotional processing. But they do NOT comprehend what a human partner does. They do NOT understand human speech. The comprehend tone of voice and can learn tricks, but that is far from having a legit conversation with a person. They aren’t able to cook dinner when you’ve had a hard night. You still need to feed them and walk them before you’re able to take care of your own needs. A dog cannot call you out when you’re wrong like a person can. They cannot make plans with you like a person can. Human companionships challenge you and force you to try and see someone else’s perspective and to think of their needs because you know that they won’t always agree with you. It requires compromise and work. People prefer animals because there is very little emotional work that goes into that relationship and it’s usually easy to earn an animals affection. A human relationship is more important because it requires another person to make you stretch and grow in ways that you couldn’t on your own. I have loved growing up with dogs, and I hope to someday have my own hypoallergenic one. lol. But I will always place my partner above my pet. To do otherwise either shows that your thinking isn’t healthy, that your relationship isn’t healthy. Friendships may be a different story in some special circumstances, but it should be a no-brainer when you love someone.

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Paul
May 19th, 2017 at 6:30 PM
Developing a relationship with an animal is pretty easy, quick and simple but developing a deep and lasting relationship with a human will most always require much effort. Unfortunately the society we live in, this fast-paced culture, this generation demands action, and fast results. Whatever is our desire, we want it now and at the best price with the least effort. Watch a half hour of TV commercials and you’ll find a pill that will fix all your physical and emotional problems, and do it fast and cheap. This is what is promoted through the media and this is what many people buy into. Unfortunately the media we expose ourselves to does not always promote reality. What we view there is mostly Just fantasy. In real life however, and especially in terms of relationships between humans, there is no quick-acting elixir or love potion to fix relationship woes. Only commitment and effort (and prayer if you’re a believer) will really work. This is real, hard, continuous effort and I believe that this is why some people give up on their human relationship and turn their efforts and affections towards animals. It’s the easy way out. Doesn’t take much effort. Practically a no brainer. I say that it’s a cop-out, and those people are deceived into believing that an animal can give them the love that they are searching for, the love that can really only be provided by another human. Animals just don’t cut it. It’s fantasy to think otherwise. Developing a loving and lasting relationship is going to take much effort for both individuals. So whether you’re young and single, newlywed or together 40 years as I have, take the steps: get off the tube and move out into reality; take the time to read some of the many good books about relationships; consider attending a seminar or two or three; talk with those with experience and seek their council. We’re never too old or too young to learn about ourselves and our significant other and make our human relationship the truly beautiful experience it can be.

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Bubbly
June 15th, 2017 at 9:33 AM
Reading through these comments, I’m so glad I’m not alone! My bf humanizes his goldendoodle and does not set any boundaries for him. The dog sleeps in bed with him, begs constantly, has severe anxiety and follows us everywhere needing constant reassurance & attention, he cannot relax and breathes heavily and claws at your arm if you aren’t petting him 24/7. If you attempt to put him another room, he will whine and cry until let out. He jumps up on me, and it hurts so bad when his nails rake my skin, and has knocked me to the ground before.
I told my bf that I don’t want the dog in the bed with us. My bf could not bear to have Fido sleep on the floor, so now I have my own separate bedroom on the other side of the house. My bf and his dog sleep together in theirs. We have not been together intimately in 3 mo’s.
To add insult to injury, my bf recently got ANOTHER goldendoodle to keep this one company. So there are now TWO beserk, crazy energetic, demanding, needy, anxious, drooling, stinky dogs that are running the house. When I get home from work, it literally feels like I am being pummeled in all directions because the dogs are jumping on me, barking, practically bouncing off the walls with crazed excitement. I cannot even go sit down and relax, because they are all over me, and clawing my skin in their wild excitement. Of course, my bf thinks this is all cute and wonderful. I’m losing my damned mind! I just want to be able to go home after a long day at work, decompress, relax, and enjoy my life. But there is none of that. There is NO downtime. Our lives are completely dominated by the wants/needs of these two hyper, needy dogs. It is not even possible to give them as much attention as they want!
And I actually have two cats, but they all must be kept separated, because my poor cats cannot tolerate the hyper energy of the dogs. They would be flattened like a Roadrunner cartoon by these two beasts. So basically, my bf and I live on opposite sides of the house. It’s so depressing to me – this is not what I want in my life, or in my relationship. In my WILDEST imagination, I never thought that a relationship could be so incredibly impacted by ANIMALS, or think that someone would put me 2nd, under their dogs. And I say that as an animal lover, and have had animals my entire life! But this is sucking the joy out of my life. Basically, a life with this man and his dogs will mean not having my own needs met, and being second-place beneath the dogs. I cannot sleep with my bf, or watch tv with him (both dogs get on the couch between us if there is any affection), cannot have a meal without incessant begging, cannot travel or have fun day-trips out of town because he won’t leave the dogs…. I’m not sure how much more of this I will be able to tolerate :-(

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Michael
June 15th, 2017 at 11:30 AM
I’m sure this isn’t the answer you want to hear but it’s the answer you already know: it’s time to move on. Your bf has anthropomorphized the animals into his lover. They’re not his companion: you are. That’s bad but what’s worse is that he doesn’t understand, or doesn’t care, that your basic needs aren’t being met; the needs of his real lover, the dogs, are being put before your needs. Almost every person posting here that suffers from a dog fanatic describes the same problem: none seem “hate” dogs (though we’ve been accused of it by the one’s we love) but they do hate how their significant others treat dogs. It’s not the dogs: it’s the people, and it’s not us, it’s them. What I’ve come to understand is that they don’t really love dogs: they love that their “friend” unambiguously puts them at the top, that never talks back, never disagrees, that displays absolute loyalty no matter how awful the behavior. What they don’t understand is that dogs would do this to another dog: it’s not love – at least not in the human sense – it’s just animal instinct with imaginary human characteristics being bolted on. You are being neglected and neglect is a form of abuse. You deserve love, caring, respect, loyalty. You deserve to be listened to, talked to, and even disagreed with. You deserve a warm man in your bed who physically and emotionally loves you. Your bf will never be that person. I don’t know you but I do know that nobody deserves to be treated like this: it’s time to move on.
There are enough responses here that a website for dog widows/widowers seems viable: I don’t think there is anything. Every dog site pushes the same narrative: there are no limits to what a dog is entitled to (along with ads for expensive trash to buy Fido). But, there are enough anecdotes, both here and buried in other articles, that show dog fanaticism — like any fanaticism — is unhealthy.

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Bubbly
June 15th, 2017 at 12:59 PM
Gosh I fear that you’re right :-( It does seem like my story is basically an echo of all the other stories. There seems to be two types of dog lovers: the Nuts and the normal people who don’t anthropomorphize their pets. I wonder if it’s possible to have a healthy relationship with a Dog Nut, as they will always place their pet as #1. It’s not healthy or normal, it’s almost a form of mental illness in itself – like they have not been successful at having healthy, meaningful relationships with other humans, so they turn to dogs. Maybe it’s a type of avoidance technique, to create a world centered around their dogs so that they don’t feel so lonely and can justify not having normal social relationships with others. ie, “Sorry, I can’t go out, I have to let my dog out.” My bf hasn’t traveled in 5 yrs, and barely leaves the house – all due to his dog. I should have seen the signs of this before moving in with him :-(

Thank you for listening and understanding. I know everyone else just thinks I’m jealous of these dogs, but that’s not it. I actually love and enjoy animals, but
not when I’m being treated as beneath them! It’s a relief that I’m not alone, but hard to believe that so many people are going through the same thing. We need a support group to help each other!
Janet
June 16th, 2017 at 2:23 PM
So well said, Michael.

In approximately three weeks I am leaving my four plus year toxic marriage. I actually wanted to leave in the very beginning, but tried to make it work. Besides his being fanatical about the dog, he was very negative towards me (pointing out my flaws, blaming me for things I didn’t do, putting me down, embarrassing me in public) because he was unable to control me.

Sure, I will go through some ups and downs of separation and divorce, as the marriage didn’t make it, but in the end, I am sure without such negativity I will be much happier on a day-to-day basis. Originally I told my spouse I gave him my heart, my soul, and the rest of my living days, only for him to default to a dog. What more is there for a woman to give a man?

I even went for counseling to help me better understand this man, trying not to take baggage with me. I actually feel with time, I will pity the man in the end. My counselor believed it had to do with him having trust issues many years before I came along. The counselor said, it isn’t you. Enough said.
Janet
November 8th, 2017 at 7:54 PM
Michael, so very well said.
Paul
June 15th, 2017 at 10:01 PM
Bubby, yes it appears that many people are experiencing the same thing as you are. It’s difficult for me to understand why anyone would stay in this type of environment. What is the glue that is holding them together? In your own situation, step back and ask yourself why you are still living with him? What magical power does he possess over you? Could it be that it is really not as bad as you describe since you are still living there with him and his pets? Do a self-evaluation and you may discover that you are stuck in an ever-deepening rut. But it’s never too late to get up on your feet, face the reality, and march forward. You deserve a normal relationship just like anybody else but it is obvious that your not going to find it there. You are most likely just wasting your time in that relationship (or should I say what relationship?). Perhaps it’s time to move on in your life. Might I suggest you talk with someone outside of your situation and get their opinion. It’s pretty clear to us outsiders that the man has a severely dysfunctional relationship with his animals. And it is quite obvious to us that he is not going to change. You can’t change him but you can change yourself. By continuing to live there you are becoming part of the problem. But you can break free of that abusive situation once you see the whole picture, the picture that we are all trying to help you to see.

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Renee
July 11th, 2017 at 5:36 PM
My husband says that hitting our Pitt/American bull dog puppy is okay because he is driving him crazy – especially when my husband is trying to work. The dog wants to play, he doesn’t. The anger towards him stems from the fact that I picked up the dog at the pound without consulting him. What shall I do?
Help

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Sheila
July 12th, 2017 at 5:40 AM
Hitting an animal is never acceptable a puppy is just like a baby it needs love and attenion he learns from play just like children. Your husband is a cruel bully and should not own a dog. How can you be with person who hurts an animal and would probably be the same with a child who wants attention. Animals are at the mercy of humans many who are cruel like your husband, they are innocent sentient being who will love you whatever you put them through. Shame on your husband and you if you let him do this. Let your poor little puppy go to someone who will give him love not abuse.

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Misty
July 12th, 2017 at 10:17 AM
Renee I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but getting a dog without consulting your husband was a bad idea. The only way I see to rectify the situation is to return the dog. Should he hit the puppy? Absolutely not. Should you have gotten the dog without consulting him? Absolutely not. Having an animal is a huge commitment that involves both of you and impacts the daily life of both of you. Talk to your husband about what he wants. If he wants the dog gone, then respect his wishes as this decision was made without his input. If you really want a dog, talk to him about finding some sort of compromise. Maybe an older dog that has less energy. Either way, that puppy probably should find a new home.

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sue
July 24th, 2017 at 8:16 PM
me and my partner both had dogs before we got together , he had 5 me 2 . when the dog died which really upset me as i am a massive dog lover but he replaced him with another male even though i cannot deal with marking in the house and every darn thing in the garden covered with weewee , i have ferrets in a large shed and run but we have a gate infront of them or the dog will wee on them so he wees on the lock instead so i have to open that go indoors wash my hands before i can get a cuddle of my ferrets . when he went to look at the puppies before we got the dog i kept saying to him no dogs but he never listened , he is caged while we are at work and the other day he didnt lock him up and you guess it he had weewee’d in 5 different places around the house. my partner said it was his fault for not locking him up to me thats no excuse , i suggested a kennel but he wont have non of it . im seriously thinking of leaving him he just doesnt take me seriously ,the dog even wee’d on my little doggy while she was having a poo he run over to her and cocked his leg all my parnter did said she must have got in his way ha ha pathetic excuse , he always has piss on his front legs and i wash them but my partner just lets him straight into the house without even checking ………… god i hate this dog

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Paul
September 5th, 2017 at 9:02 AM
I’d like to post a general question to the audience concerning the health of dogs and their owners. Several years ago I married a woman who had four dogs which she loves very much. I am not a dog person so I leave the animal care to her. On several occasions my wife has developed a sore on her lip that often takes a week or longer to heal. She allows no kissing during this time. The cause of the sore is unknown to us but I a wondering if her contact with the dogs might be something to consider. After all, when on walks the dogs sniff at everything and my wife cuddles her dogs and doesn’t always wash her hands or face afterwards. Could her dogs be spreading bacteria or viruses to my wife? Years ago I had a niece who got some sort of virus infection on her nose that the doctor said was from her dog. Has anyone else had these types of issues from dogs?

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idiot_dog_friend
December 3rd, 2017 at 2:54 PM
Most recurring mouth sores are herpes virus related. Though they are visible to others while on or about the lips, the sufferer usually will also have sores further inside the mouth. Doesn’t mean that the person has herpes, it’s a different virus and specific to mouth sores (as I understand it, anyways). As for the dog thing and spreading “bacteria”, the only dog (or cat) disease that I’ve ever heard of that’s communicable to humans is Rabies. >90% of rabies vaccinations are effective, and, a rabid animal would have to have bit your pet. And, rabies doesn’t cause mouth sores. It’s possible that letting your pet wash mouth sores could “spread” them (cause immediate additional sores), but again, this is a virus under discussion. If the mouth sores are actually, oh, acne sores (sometimes acne around the mouth is painful, ugly, and very hard to treat), that’s a bacteria == but same thing, any spread of acne bacteria should be fairly rapid.

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Janet
September 5th, 2017 at 5:14 PM
My sister has five dogs – same thing. She gets fever blisters, but not from the dogs. She was prescribed Zovirax, which she takes whenever it starts to head it off or lessen it. Just a thought.

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Paul
September 8th, 2017 at 5:06 PM
Thanks Janet. Ill check that out.

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Kristy
October 6th, 2017 at 9:22 AM
I have a partner that was open to my dog in the begging after about 6 months and moving in with her things changed right away, She stopped feeding my dog, walking my dog and tells me how mush she hates him. Now she as gotten to the point to where she would yell at him and say that she will kill him all because he would drop food on the floor or when my dog gets sick. Things are getting bad. What should I do, I have know where to go and no money bc everything is in her name and bank account.

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Janet
October 6th, 2017 at 8:11 PM
You are certainly in a bad position financially. Have no idea if the relationship is at issue also or just the pet?

If it’s just the pet and the relationship is valuable to you, the fight over an animal isn’t worth the toll on the relationship. If it’s the relationship that is also at issue since this aspect of her personality never was previously know, is there someone that can keep the pet while you change your financial situation?

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idiot_dog_friend
December 3rd, 2017 at 3:07 PM
I have a spouse who has gradually, over many years, eliminated any actual friends I might have that are not actually his own friends. Now he seems to be taking “aim” at my pet friends, starting with “my” 2 dogs, who actually like him, but he’s decided that they don’t like him since, being mini Australian Shepherds, they’ve kind of bonded to me (‘momma’) because I feed and care for them, as it’s too much trouble for him to do so. So the dogs stay away from him whenever possible. He’s started getting “depressed” because the dogs are “more important than him,” so I “don’t love him,” after 32 years of marriage. Recently, a neighbor’s dog broke into our yard and ripped one of my dogs up pretty badly; my spouse wouldn’t let me take the dog to the vet for 3 days to see if her foreleg was broken or not, nor to stitch up the 3-in long, inch wide and half inch deep slash under one of her eyes. Nor will he let me even attempt to give the dogs away. I figure, once he manages to force me to let the dogs die of broken hearts, neglected and alone out in the backyard, then he’ll then start on “his” cats liking me more than him, so I don’t love him, etc. All our money is shared; the house is in his name, so are all the cars, and whenever I try to save some money aside in case I have to leave and take the dogs with me, he throws a tantrum and “guilts” me till I submit. I realize this is mental abuse, but he’s very good at it, and, there’s really nothing I can do, even though it’s all just to control me.

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Janet J
December 3rd, 2017 at 7:03 PM
Is he a narcissist since he has isolated you from friends and now your furry friends? All controlling? If he is, unfortunately you will never win. “It’s all about me” type of person.
I lived with being blamed for things I didn’t do, snide remarks, one upmanship contests. He was even having me pay $1000 month to pay for my health insurance through his employer group coverage – his was free. It was hard saving money, but I did it. I just kept telling myself to play the game, be patient and that I knew my goal would take time to achieve. He was very controlling. I am so happy I left.

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Micaela
January 29th, 2018 at 10:26 AM
I am so glad that I bumped into this forum. After a huge fight among many, I laid awake all night thinking “I can’t do this anymore.” My husband and I have always had dogs, three of them due to the three children, you know how that goes. So when the last one child moved out, we were stuck with them, and I became the sole responsible one for all three. Two years ago my oldest and closest to my heart died, and I was devastated and said I was done with dogs. After the last two pass we needed to be dog free. Well 3 months ago a rescue needed a home and she looked just like my old dog…..I couldn’t help it. I rescued her without the permission of my spouse and we have been fighting ever since. But as I sit here and read all the comments and the same scenarios I have been through, one thing does come to mind….communication. If I have kept my word in the first place we would not be in this situation and even though I do see these dogs as my children, because I do, I don’t think they should be subjected to watching us yelling and screaming at each other. Apologizing and thinking we can both move on didn’t do the trick either. How many times have we apologized for getting into a bad fight only to get into another one a week later when he throws it in my face. I’m Italian, I react! So to be honest to myself and to my husband, I did get the third dog because for the first time I wanted to have MY own dog. It didn’t work well, and now just as a repeat of everything that has been said, is this is what we want for the dogs and ourselves. Our fighting is bad parenting in front of the dogs and we can’t continue like this. I am not going to say I don’t know what to do, because I do, we both need to sit down and resolve this, the outcome is never easy, and that is why it takes us so long to do something about it. I guess 20 years was long enough for us, and I have had ducks, turtles, cats, fish, and a monitor (big lizard) all without his blessing and he let me do it, not because it made him happy but because it made me happy.

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Michael
January 30th, 2018 at 3:46 AM
Your fighting in front of dogs is not “bad parenting” because you are not parents to the dogs; you are owners of them. Dogs are a species of animal. You are human, a different species. Humans cannot birth dogs. The dogs are not your children. You may have “rescued” a dog if it was in immediate, imminent danger, which is unlikely in my experience (this is an overused term by dog fanatics to show fake altruism). But, on the slim chance the dog really was in immediate danger, you could and should find a home for it where every adult in that home wants the dog. Your partner does not want another dog so that is not your house. “Your” dog affects your partner. You cannot spontaneously travel without either finding a sitter or paying for a kennel. You cannot stay out too long. There are many constraints you have passively aggressively imposed on your partner. On top of that you have sent the message that a dog, an animal, is more important than him, which is selfish and inconsiderate. Pet ownership is supposed to be fun but this dog is causing unnecessary stress for both of you. Rescue your marriage: find a new, permanent home for the dog and don’t buy any more animals without first talking it through.

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Janet J
January 30th, 2018 at 12:03 PM
So well said.
Christine
January 29th, 2018 at 2:15 PM
I don’t understand why people think dogs should matter more than human lifes. Dogs shouldn’t be kept in cruelty but neither should humans or your children for you dogs sake.

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Dan
April 9th, 2018 at 3:55 PM
Wow, it is so comforting to know that I am not alone after reading everyone’s posts. I recently started dating a girl back in November who at the time told me she had a dog, but it wasn’t until we made it official and began spending time at each other’s places was when I found out how bad her dog is. She told me how she had one of her drunken , lonely nights with her favorite bottle of wine after going through a break up and was browsing the web for dogs she could get from a shelter. She found her dog and said the shelter never told her how bad he was. He has separation anxiety and she found out the hard way by her neighbor calling the cops to her condo because he was howling all day when she left for work.

She drops her dog off at her parent’s house, which helps because he isn’t alone since they have a dog. However, their dog is super annoying too. Always paws you to pet him, licks your hands so you can pet him, followed you everywhere, and always wants to cuddle. He refuses to go to the bathroom unless it’s on his terms, so he wakes her parents up all through the night. Therefore, they don’t want her dog staying over too late because it stresses them out.

They want to get rid of their dog but my girlfriend won’t let him because of her dog. I told her how her mom said before they got their dog that he was left alone in their house, and her response was, “yeah, and who knows how long he was howling for!” She makes no effort to break this habit either, which pisses me off.

He always has to cuddle, so we can’t really cuddly when I am at her condo because he gets jealous. He has to sleep in the bed too, and even though he isn’t a big dog, he’s clingy and hogs the bed. According to her he also gets, “cold all the time,” so he wants to go under the covers. I slept over there this past weekend and probably got 3 hours of sleep because of him.

I said screw it at one point and kicked him out of the room and shut the door on him. He began to cry immediately and it woke my girlfriend up and she yelled at me. He only gets along with certain dogs, so i am scared to bring him to me and my sister’s condo to meet her dog.

At this point, I feel like her dog dictates our relationship. Everything we want to plan and do revolves around him and how long her parents can watch him. I really like this girl, and I overheard her tell my friend’s fiancee one night that she can see herself marrying me and hopes I propose to her within two years.

I have no clue how I can be with someone who obsesses over their dog so much. Whenevr I try to address the issue, she gets pissed off and doesn’t want to talk about it. In the beginning, she said she will choose her dog over any SO or family member in a heartbeat. That right there makes me feel like I am wasting my time. I just don’t know what to do…..

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Janet J
April 10th, 2018 at 10:32 AM
Dan, after 4 years of marriage with my relationship I was subjected to being valued less than my husbands dog, it basically came down to “He’s not that I to you” type of thing. I left and haven’t regretted it.

No significant other should ever feel less worthy than a pet animal in my book. Sure they make great companions, but they also require boundaries in the home and animals will always be just that, regardless to how some people try to anthropomorphisize them.

Find another significant other that loves their dog, yet makes you feel special, respected, and loved as you should be treated.

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Dan
April 10th, 2018 at 1:44 PM
Hi Janet,
I read your OP, and I am so sorry to hear that you were treated that way. This is a new relationship with the girl I am currently dating, so I don’t want to throw in the towel just yet. She did say she was open to having me help train him to break the pattern, but I still feel like she’s just gotten too comortable with the convenience of dropping her dog off at her parent’s house. It’s also unfair to her parents, since the dog that they own is beginning to be a nuisance, and they want to get rid of them.

She claims it’s only her Dad who wants to get rid of their dog, but her Mom confessed she does too. She just knows my girlfriend will spaz on her too if she admits it. It’s frustrating because anything we plan revolves around her dog and if we can leave him at her parent’s. Even when we can, we’re on a time limit because they don’t want to head off to bed and have her dog on their bed with him, so she can’t keep him there past midnight.

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Bubbly
April 10th, 2018 at 2:46 PM
Hi Dan, I totally understand your pain and could have written your post myself! I was also in a new relationship and did not want to throw the towel in yet, and he told me he was open to having me help train the dog. Well… that turned into a massive power struggle in which he would get mad every time I actually suggested/implemented anything because he thought I was either being unreasonable or somehow hurting his dog. He would fight me on even the simplest things, like attempting to train his dog not to jump all over people when they come in the house. He said that was just the “nature of the breed” and we couldn’t do anything about it… even though I absolutely HATE a wild dog jumping all over me when I first come home :-( The truth is, he just couldn’t stand to see/hear his dog whining during the training (like keeping him on a leash when people came over until he calmed down), and would give in, and when I tried to keep it up, would get mad at ME. Ultimately, his dog’s comfort has proven to be worth more than mine! So be prepared for big power struggles when it actually comes time to you wanting something to change. I honestly don’t think that single people should get dogs because it poses much massive problems when it comes to trying to date or have relationships. IMO dogs are pack animals and do better in family situations anyway, so being forced into a solitary situation with one single person creates a LOT of anxiety and behavior problems (aka, like your girlfriend’s dog). Anyway, just wanted to say that I totally understand your frustration and also, your desire to hang in there. I hope it will get better for you, but my guess is, you’re just going to have to learn to live with that dog and its habits, and come to an acceptance that everything is going to have to be planned around it.
Janet J
April 11th, 2018 at 9:39 AM
Dan, I certainly understand wanting to continue the relationship. When you wrote about everything you want to do revolves around the dog, unfortunately I remembered one time my ex would not go on a really nice vacation with my family (my mother had rented a beautiful 4 bedroom home with even a pool table) if he had to board his dog. I had always boarded my pets, knowing they didn’t particularly like it, but they were safe and fed and were happy to see me when I returned.

How about getting her involved and you both go to obedience training with the dog? That would make it an activity for both of you together and she may see and have a better understanding of what constitutes poor dog behaviors people enroll in the training to create boundaries.
Truly good luck to you. Wishing you the best!
Dan
April 11th, 2018 at 10:46 AM
Thank you guys for your advice; really appreciate it and it comforts me knowing I’m not alone. Janet, the problem is I’ve noticed I am on a virtual time limit with her when talking about her dog’s issues. She’s fine if it’s her telling his backstory, but I only have so much time in terms of making suggestions or offering to help. Eventually I get the, “OK, let’s talk about something else now, or, “this is upsetting me; I really don’t wanna talk about this.” So once that happens there isn’t much I can say or do.
So while I totally agree with you and Bubbly, I feel like this is going to backfire on me. I really like this girl a lot, and I could see myself marrying her. She has told me and her parents that she feels the same way. But if this situation doesn’t improve, I cannot be with someone like this. She wants to go with me to see my friend and his wife and baby in Florida, but I don’t see it happening. While her parents don’t mind watching her dog, especially since he keeps their dog company, they don’t like having him for long periods of time because he’s just as needy as their dog. (Another reason they want to get rid of the dog they rescued from shelter.)

It’s to the point now where I have no desire to sleep over her condo anymore. I’m tired of being restricted on where we can go because of her dog. Last weekend I slept over and was going to make us pancakes for breakfast. My girlfriend forgot she didn’t have eggs, and we were short on time because we had to go to her cousin’s house for a party. I suggested to go out to eat and she goes, “Um, no. We can’t leave Jake alone.” I ended up ordering our food to go, but still.
All of my friends think I’m crazy for staying with her, especially when there’s a few women I know who like me more than a friend and don’t come with the type of baggage she has. I just don’t know what to do….

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Elena
April 25th, 2018 at 8:26 PM
My fiancé and I have been together for 13 years. I actually use to really enjoy his dogs company, but ever since my fiancé and I moved in together (this being our first time living together), I see things a little bit more clearly when it comes to the dog. I don’t believe it is actually the dogs fault, although I’ve grown out of love with him and more into extreme dislike, one because I’ve always been a bit allergic, he makes me itchy, and he smells like foot fungus – the two get me frustrated and grossed out. I always had a vision of how my life was going to turn out, what my home was going to be like, how it was going to look, smell, etc. – and its not like that. Even more frustrating, this 15 year old pitbull acts no older than 4 or 5 years of age. So I don’t know when I am going to truly start my life, and have those kids I’ve been dreaming off and get to do fun things well. I am 32, and this dog will probably live another 3-5 years. My fiancé says “he is not going to live another year” and that was 3 years ago. I’m not against the dog, dogs in general are just not for me anymore. I am indeed a cat person, they are more solitary – don’t hold you not being home a long period of time against you and can go potty on their own. A part of me feels like I know that this dog means so much more to him. I am sure he would have me put pills in injections into my child if my child were allergic, before he gave up this dog. I hate continuing to learn my lesson. I just want to be free from this and not have to deal anymore. I know he made a commitment to the dog, but I guess I thought I was the more important one and when you are giving your dogs 4 different pills and a few injections of stuff to keep him healthy, happy and strong but he is 16 years old, its almost as if he never wants his dog to die. Which I’m not saying anyone should want that, but no offense at some point you have to grow up and realize everything will die. You trying to manipulate death only imposes on yourself and those who love you. I guess I am just talking out of my a**, but it just seems easier if I was alone and maybe find someone who doesn’t have a dog and actually thinks the way I do…

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Bubbly
April 26th, 2018 at 7:51 AM
Hi Elena!
I totally and 1000% understand where you are coming from! I felt exactly the same way, and loved my boyfriend’s dog before we actually moved in together. Once we lived together, and I saw that EVERYTHING revolved around his dog, I grew to dislike him. It’s not even the dog’s fault, this is a situation that my boyfriend has created over the years, long before I was in the picture. He got the dog when he was single and lonely, and it filled the place of a girlfriend. He encouraged the dependency and neediness to a level that I find extreme – he hasn’t even taken a vacation in 5 years because he won’t leave his dog for even one night.

He obsesses over every detail related to this dog – what it eats, what it plays with, where it is, how often it poops, etc. If I sneak table scraps to the dog, he gets furious because “Fido can’t have wheat products!” I mean, COME ON IT’S A DOG! I grew up with dogs, they will not die from having table scraps!

Once we moved in together, it didn’t take long for me to see that I’m second next to that dog and always will be. He cuddles with Fido on the couch every night, while I’m on a separate chair. I’ve actually stopped sleeping in the same bed because Fido hogs up so much of the bed that I can’t ever get comfortable, so I’m now sleeping in the 2nd bedroom while my boyfriend and the dog sleep together!

When I joined this forum, I realized that I’m not alone and that there is actually a need for support groups over this issue. Isn’t that crazy?! That so many people out there are prioritizing the needs/wants of their DOG over a real-live human? I honestly believe it’s because people get dogs when they are single and lonely. When that happens, they encourage and foster an unhealthy bond/obsession with their dogs, which has psychological repercussions – for both the animal and the human. In this process, it’s almost like these people lose the appreciation (or ability) for having a healthy relationship with a human being later on.

Over and over again, I see stories about how the boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses of these dog owners end up feeling left out, second class, and unimportant – while the needs of a dog are being prioritized over their own. I seriously believe it’s a sort of mental illness that needs to be addressed!

Not to mention, it creates all sorts of issues for the dog. I’ve never seen so many dogs with behavior issues, anxiety and destructiveness – and almost all of them started out with a single person! Then, throwing that dog into a two (or more) person household, after having had the obsession/attention of their owner for so long, is a recipe for disaster. The dog acts out, becomes even more needy, which only breeds guilt in their owner, so they turn their focus away from their relationship to focus solely on the dog again… and boom, the issues start!

IMO, dogs are meant to live with families and do better in environments where they are allowed some independence and interaction with more than just one person. Family dogs always seem more well adjusted and a lot less anxious or needy.

Sorry for the monologue! I really think a book could be written about this, and we’re going to be seeing a LOT more of it in the future as more people become single. Having a dog has been romanticized in American culture, and is depicted on tv as this wonderful experience, where the dog does as its told, is an ever faithful companion, and causes no problems to the household. The reality is MUCH different! Dogs can be wonderful pets, but people don’t realize the WORK that goes into having a well adjusted, healthy dog. And most of them are not willing to put in the effort it takes to train, walk, and mentally stimulate them. Most of all, they are not allowed to be DOGS! Instead, they are treated like humans and encouraged to develop unhealthy attachments to the owner. Which means that, over the next 10-15 years, all the people in that dog owner’s life are going to suffer from it.

So sorry you’re going through this… like you said, it’s not the dog’s fault, it’s the HUMAN’S fault! Have you tried talking to him about how it makes you feel when he prioritizes the dog over you? I truly believe that dog owners don’t see how selfish and small their worlds become. It’s truly an epidemic!

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Elena
April 26th, 2018 at 8:49 AM
Hi Bubbly!

Thank you so much for writing back. Before reading this blog, I thought I was going crazy thinking the way I did or maybe that is the way my partner treats me. He has done something’s like give the dog his own room (which I still believe he belongs outside), because he can’t walk around the house and spread his dander everywhere that I’m allergic to. I’ve put tarp down in the room as he previously went poop on the floor there. He has also peed in the house a couple of times. Before when we weren’t living together, my partner would allow him on his bed, cuddle with him, he peed twice on the bed, and has a foot fungal smell to him (some bacteria in his skin he is taking antibiotics for) that made it smell of feet and death; this is all I had to endure prior to moving in together. Now I demanded some things change, whereas before he was able to do whatever and be left alone – the dog came into this house pooping everywhere, being defiant, acting super and extra needy, etc. He has gotten use to the room and plus this dog can sleep for like 8-12 hours a days, sometimes even more. In the beginning he pawed at the door frame, and damaged the entire thing, now I put a blockade near it so he doesn’t do that. Sometimes I can hear him waiting and listening to my partners footsteps. It is a very unhealthy bond. The dog follows him everywhere, does not stay when he is told and when I get frustrated with the dog my partner gets mad at me. He used to get mad at me when I was frustrated with him too, but since that didn’t do anything – I started getting angry with the dog. Plus the dog is actually better trained than most dogs and hangs on every word of his owner. Something I think my partner can use wisely but chooses not to because he thinks him or the dog should t have to. I think the real issue is over the past 13 years my partner has had it one way and his way, and now that I request things be different he finds the demands unreasonable and defends his dog. When we argue he always has to insert stupid comments like “he is my dog, he isn’t going anywhere, I love him and that’s that”. I have no idea why those words are being shouted out when not one have I said “it’s me or the dog”, which by the way I have every right to if we aren’t a fit anymore. It just is what it is. I’m allergic, he smells up the house, he is defiant and disobedient especially when my partner is around – why should I have to put up with discomfort? And yes my partner is obsessed with his dog, what he eats, he can’t havw treats, B12 and other injections have to be given to him, other medications, etc. The dog whines to be requested to get let out or other who knows. I’ll be ****** having a kid and a dog that acts like he needs the same attention. Humans are humans and dogs are dogs. Different breeds were actually bred for different reasons, and it’s funny because hardly any pet owner actually harnesses that energy and trains their dog what they are bred to do, especially terrier or bully breeds. Anyway, I now smoke cigarettes because I’m so stressed and didn’t before. I want out. I had an idea of how things would be in my first home and they aren’t. I deserve more than this. I guess my partner does not feel the same way. It is all something he is obligated to do, it doesn’t come from the heart or a place of concern – because if it did we wouldn’t be having these arguments and if he just did what he is supposed to do in terms of training, we definitely wouldn’t have these arguments. What would I have to argue over?

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Bubbly
April 26th, 2018 at 12:22 PM
Hi Elena, OMG I could have written your post, word for word!

I didn’t have much issue with his dog prior to moving in either, but then once he moved in with me, the dog became super needy and dependent and took up ALL my bf’s attention. It was insane. We couldn’t even cuddle on the couch b/c Fido would get jealous and jump on us and whine, and frantically claw us apart! We tried for one night to keep Fido out of the bedroom, but he whined all night and damaged the door frame by clawing at it. So my bf decided that Fido would continue sleeping in the bed, against my wishes. That’s when I moved into the 2nd bedroom.

So over time, I became very resentful and frustrated! Then my bf would get mad at me for making ‘unreasonable’ demands… ie, basically just wanting the dog to be trained. I was tired of it jumping all over me when I got home from work and scratching my clothes, playing rough in the house, pulling so hard on walks, stealing food off the table, begging, sleeping in the bed, etc. But apparently it was too much to ask, because we have had so many massive fights about it. My bf can’t stand to hear that anything is bad about Fido, and so basically I just have to tolerate the bad behavior. Or move out.

Then, to make matters worse, he got another goldendoodle puppy last year, so now we have TWO huge, unruly, hyper, untrained dogs in the house. Since they are part poodle, they are extremely hyper and neurotic and have the energy of 20 toddlers. They wrestle and fight constantly in the house, steal food, don’t listen, and get so crazy whenever people come visit that we can no longer have company over. (ie, frantic jumping/clawing at company that goes on for 10+ minutes. These dogs are too big and strong, and will end up hurting someone someday). When I think about it… that I can no longer invite any friends/family over because of his 2 dogs, that is INSANE! It’s so ****** up!!

In any case, I’ve chosen moving out. My bf refuses to train them, and it has worsened the quality of my life. I feel like we live in a prison with these dogs, and I’m a 4th class citizen under him and 2 dogs. We have constant fights about it, especially when I try to discuss any sort of training with him. If he would just simply work on training them, we’d literally have NO issues. But he says “it’s just the breed” and totally dismisses my feelings. I just can’t do it anymore!

The experience has scarred me so much that I will never date another man with a dog. And even though I’ve always been an animal lover, will never own one of my own either. They require more time and work than I want to give. I’d rather have bonded relationships with other HUMANS!

Like you said, everyone ignores the fact that different dogs are bred for different reasons. And almost NO pet owners take the time to harness that energy or train their dog accordingly. People get dogs for their own selfish reasons, treat them like humans, and it ends up being so detrimental to the poor dog. Not to mention any future relationships!

And not that I would EVER wish harm on an animal, but one good thing is, that your fiancee’s dog is old and will not live very much longer. If you can just hang in there, things will probably get a whole lot better! And honestly, I do feel bad for these animals because I don’t hold their behavior against them. It’s their HUMANS that I blame!

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ROXANNE
May 9th, 2018 at 11:37 AM
Reading some of these posts has been an eyeopener. I just had a long conversation yesterday with my boyfriend of more than ten years about my new dog. My boyfriend was around for the last year and a half of my first dog and during the entire life of my second dog. He was ok with both of them but hates my new dog, who is a sweetheart and the same breed as the other two. This dog is very affectionate with everybody, including kids, other dogs, cats, he doesn’t even chase squirrels. My boyfriend can’t handle that this dog is bouncy, happy to see him and that he wants to cuddle with him. My first dog was older when they met and therefore very sedate, the second dog was not into people, other dogs, she was very reserved, so having a puppy around freaks him out. He is a dog owner himself, but has always adopted older animals, so he has never dealt with the puppy stage. I keep telling him that this dog will also calm down and how everybody we meet on walks thinks my dog is amazing, he is happy to see everybody and cuddles for a few minutes and then is ready to move on. At this point, a year and a half later, I’m tired of hearing the same complaints day after day. We don’t live together so the few hours we spend together shouldn’t be such a hassle for him, after a few minutes my dog either goes to sleep or chews on something and doesn’t bother him anymore. I don’t see the problem, all he has to do is say hello to my dog when he comes over, that’s all he wants, he calms right down after that. My boyfriend now won’t go near him and yells at him to get away from him and ignores him, so my dog gets upset and keeps trying to see him. I am at the stage now where I am sick of hearing that ‘I am a slave to my dog’ that my dog ‘runs my life’ and that he is sick of hair on his pants – I have a non shedding breed. My dog and his dog get along famously since they met when he was six weeks old, but now he doesn’t want them to go for walks anymore because his dog is sore the next day. I take my dog for two walks a day, he lets his dog out into his backyard. I cook for my dog, he opens a can. He yells at his dog, calls her stupid, or idiot, or worse, when he steps on her feet, or she pulls on her leash – we treat our dogs very differently. I am seriously thinking of telling him to get lost because I don’t need the constant complaining, especially since he has no control over his dog but ignores how well my dog listens. His dog doesn’t come when he calls her, wants to kill every small dog she sees, barks constantly when left alone in his truck and barks at people walking by – my dog has none of these habits but my boyfriend insists his dog is ‘normal’ wherein mine is not. He keeps saying that there is something wrong with him. I think I know who is wrong. I think when someone treats animals badly they have no problem treating people badly as well.

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Bubbly
May 9th, 2018 at 12:51 PM
Hi Roxanne,

I just want to say that I see both sides here. First of all, it’s NOT cool that your bf yells at his dog and doesn’t treat her well. I don’t even like dogs and that would bother me. Secondly, he is just used to the way his dog is, and all her habits, so a new dog is going to take some time to adjust to. And maybe he is just one of those people who will never enjoy the high energy that some dogs have.

(By any chance, is your dog a poodle mix? When you said it doesn’t shed, I wondered. My bf has 2 goldendoodles and in my opinion, they are the most annoying dog breed of all because they are hyper, crazy energetic and tons of nervous energy).

And as a non-dog lover, I cannot understate the extreme annoyance of having a highly energetic dog jumping all over me when I come in the door. It is annoying to the point of ruining my mood, even if it does only last a few minutes! Having an animal demanding my attention like that and jumping on me, clawing at me, nosing my hands, whining, barking – it just sets my teeth on edge. Especially when they keep it up because they aren’t satisfied! I’m not a person who is fond of energetic animals in general though, which is why I prefer the quiet calmness of cats.

Also, perhaps it’s not even necessarily your dog that he is annoyed by, but the way you are *treating* your dog. And all the attention/energy you are giving it. Honestly, you do sound like one of those over-involved pet owners! IMO cooking for your dog is a little over the top and I’d be annoyed by it too. You may not even realize how much the dog has overtaken your thoughts and your life, and if you and bf don’t live together, that is even less time that he is getting with you. Don’t underestimate the impact it is having on him, and the quality of time you now get together. Dogs take a LOT of time and effort, more than most people realize. One of the things I miss most, is being able to sleep in on the weekends with my bf. With 2 dogs, that is just not happening. They must be let outside, fed, played with and walked. So I’m resentful that I can’t have those cuddly mornings with my bf any more. Instead, it is all about the dogs.

In any case, I’m not saying either of you is right/wrong, but just trying to shed some light!

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Michael
May 10th, 2018 at 3:19 AM
I had a goldendoodle attack me! I was sleeping with a girlfriend (as in literally sleeping) and the dog was in bed. I gently nudged it off, because there weren’t room for the two of us, and it attacked me. She tried to intervene but it wouldn’t stop, biting me a few times. I ended up in the ER with puncture wounds bleeding all over. They stitched me up and called the police, which I guess is standard operating procedure in a dog attack, but I refused to give up the information. I was livid, and literally hurt, but didn’t want my then girlfriend’s dog euthanized. I don’t know why people like that breed. She said “he’s not used to other people” — I broke up with her.
Bubbly
May 10th, 2018 at 10:39 AM
OMG that is horrible! I’m sorry and mad for you, that you had to go through that. I realize that we can’t always predict how animals are going to act – but this seems like yet another person who just didn’t take the time to properly train/socialize her dog. And that is the same sort of excuses I hear from dog owners all the time “he’s just not used to other people” or “that’s just the breed” or “that’s just how he is.” And the rest of us are expected to put up with it.

I call B.S. on all of that! These are lazy pet owners who just don’t want to take the time to train/socialize their animals. And then they make lame excuses when it hurts someone or negatively impacts a relationship. I’ve seen it so many times – these are the people who tend to get a dog because they are single and lonely, or because they think dogs are cute, or because everyone else has one… and they are doing these animals a huge disservice by not training/socializing them properly or treating them like DOGS and not humans. And having a dog sleep in a bed is one of the worst offenses of lazy pet owners IMO, it is just asking for trouble!

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CousinJimmy
June 12th, 2018 at 8:18 PM
I don’t even know where to start. Yes I do. I’ve been married 16 years. I have two daughters, 13 & 11. When the oldest was 4, I adopted my sister’s cat who had been displaced because she got a Labrador retriever and the dogs behavior relegated him to the basement. When my oldest was 8, I got her a kitten. Since then, wife had brought a greyhound who is miserable to have around and barks at every little noise, including action on the TV during the hockey game, so much so that I crate him when I’m watching sports. She also brought two clawed kittens into the house.

In February, we bought our “dream house”. It was double what the house I sold cost. Eight days after moving in, and without consent, she brought a Siberian Husky puppy in and this dog is still not trained. When the “cat-killer” came into the house, I put the plans to declaw the kittens on hold and in the process the dog and cats have destroyed a brand new carpet and generally make a mess.

It quite literally is causing me mental distress having all these animals in the home. She tells me I am the one with issues if a dog being in the house is causing mental distress. I never wanted her d*** greyhound and I certainly am not OK with the husky either. Oh, here is the kicker. I work from home, so while she went to work and the kids went to school, who got stuck with the whiny poop machine… me.

I’m at the point of getting an apartment because at this point I dream of living in a home without animals. I got the two cats for my girls. I would have put up with the other two cats. Cats are manageable… they manage themselves. These dogs have done $8,000 to my brand new home and this has destroyed what should have been a great time in our lives and a time of healing. This has made someone lukewarm at best about pets someone who absolutely hates animals in the house. I have made it clear that if another animal comes into the house, I will clear the entire house out and I will drive them all to a kill shelter on the other side of the state. I would never actually follow through with that threat, but there will never be another animal in the house as long as I am living in it, and if she puts me in this situation ever again, we are done.

Pet lovers, this is not how to make your non pet-loving spouse become an animal person.

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Jessie
June 16th, 2018 at 9:37 AM
Omg, I’m so happy I found this forum. I have always been an animal lover and had several pets growing up. Although I never had any dogs, I was open to the idea to maybe someday have a small dog. Well, with the experience of my husband’s 2 dogs, that desire is completely gone! I moved to the US to be with my husband, so I left everything and everybody behind to be with him. Ofcourse I knew he had 2 dogs, but I didn’t know how stressful it could be to have dogs and how much trouble it could cause in a relationship until I was actually living in the house with them. They are not trained, they don’t listen, they poop and pee in the house every day! (even when walked), one of the dogs constantly tries to steal food from the table and the kitchen counters, goes into my purse, into the trash can in the bathroom, drinks out of the toilet. Even when I came home from grocery shopping, he would already try to steal items out of my grocer bags!! When I just arrived, he didn’t want me to sleep with him because he didn’t want to disturb the dogs, who slept in the bed every night! Eventually I was ‘allowed’ in the bed, but OMG. Sharing your marital bed with 2 x 50 pound dogs? Who shed heavily and leave pee in the bed and black stuff on the pillows?? (Saliva most likely). It’s just nasty and gross! I could never get a night sleep, because they would be jumping on and off the bed, start whining in the night, wanting to go out to pee in the middle of the night. I was never able to spoon with my husband or cuddle, since he would be spooning with one of the dogs. The dogs would be all over the furniture with no space for us to sit. They would constantly try to seek attention when we cuddle together, follow us everywhere and constantly be in the way. When cooking, the dogs are right there in the kitchen in the way, so you constantly have to make sure you don’t step on them. It’s the most annoying thing ever! And then all those hairs EVERYWHERE and a constant smell of ammonia of all the pee in the house. I feel that I never had privacy with my husband, with always those dogs around, on the couch, at the kitchen table, while cooking, while being outside, even in the bedroom!! He sees the dogs as his babies and can’t do any wrong! We had to move away and the dogs stayed behind we can’t have them right now (thankfully), what I relieve to finally had the bed together as a newly married couple and have quality time together without 2 needy dogs around. Don’t get me wrong, I love animals, but It just caused multiple fights between us. For the first months after we moved, he would sometimes say that he misses his dogs, even saying that he would still sleep with his dogs whenever we would have them, despite him knowing I can’t sleep and don’t want to be in a dirty bed. Even said we should sleep separate! It just feels that my feelings are brushed off the table and the dogs are priority number 1, while I’m his wife. It has caused me a lot of stress. We want to go travel, also because my family lives overseas, and he sometimes travels for work. How is this going to work with 2 dogs?! We were supposed to go on a vacation when I came back. He didn’t want to go, because he couldn’t miss his babies for 7 days. Oh please… I’m just stressed that this is going to be the same thing! I don’t want to come home to a house that has pee and poop all over the place, hairs all over, dogs that are misbehaving. I don’t want to be a police officer in my own house and I don’t want to build a strong foundation for our married life together. We are also thinking about a baby, but I don’t want my children to grow up in a house full with poop and pee and dog hairs. Also, the dogs never get showered, brushed, nails clipped, they don’t get vaccinations or flea treatments. It all bothers me very much. I have family member with dogs, and non of their dogs are behaving in a way that these 2 do. Dogs need to be trained and disciplined, and you can’t have dogs and treats them like people and see them as gods. Luckily, for the past months has hasn’t mentioned too much about them and things are going better between us thankfully. i just feel that a lot of time goes to these animals and that’s taking away time from our marriage. I don’t want to have to take a back seat because of two needy dogs. I think the marriage should be prioirity number 1 and that both parties should agree on this. Dog ownership is a LOT of work!

And the point is that we soon might be go live on our (as we are staying with friends until we can financially afford to live on our own), and of course he wants his dogs! Normally, I should feel that i can’t wait to have our own place, but not now. I don’t want to come home to a house that is pissed and pooped and smells worse like a dog shelther and where I will have to be responsible for cleaning. I want to be able to invite friends and family over to our house, and I just want a clean house and quality time with my husband together! On top of that, one of the dogs has shown aggression to another dog and has mauled him very bad. He has shows aggressiveness to me before as well. I just don’t feel comfortable living in a situation like that and having children in that kind of unhealthy and potentially dangerous situation. He has only visited them a few times in the past months. What do you think, am I being unreasonable for putting my foot down and say I dont want them when behaving like this? I understand the love for animals, but people should also be realistic and it’s not like I move into a place that he already has with the dogs and kick them out. No, we are building our own home and I feel that at this point, we have the decision to take the dogs or not and finding them a good new home where they have space to run around instead of sitting inside all day with no people around. And ofcourse I would want them a good new home. I just can’t do it, didn’t move all the way over there to come home to a dirty and stressful environment every day and not be able to do anything fun with my new husband. FYI, we are planning on living in an apartment :( It’s just very stressful and need some advice… I have been thinking about training, but i don’t want that in our new house, because that will be pissed and ruined as soon as they are there, and I just want a clean house and not the additional stress of dogs around me. Seriously, dogs do give me anxiety. And should i have to worry about our future children’s safety? Given that one of the dogs has bitten another dog before? (and the current caretakers don’t want to keep them, they are also tired with all the pee and poop and hairs, so that’s not an option). Any advice is highly appreciated! Thank you.

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Greg
July 8th, 2018 at 5:56 PM
I am so glad I found this site because I have nobody to vent to. Please tell me if I am being the difficult one. We got a dog 17 years ago because my wife and two kids wanted one. I have never been a pet owner or pet lover as far as pets living with me is concerned but he has been a good dog for them for many years. Anyhow, now that he is older, this is our live: he walks up and down the halls at least 3x times per night between midnight and 6:00 am to be let out so we never get a real solid sleep. If sleep deprivation was the worst of it, I could live with that but as many people have mentioned in their cases, there is always drool around the house and hair everywhere and I mean at the end of the week you could fill a small garbage bag. He has arthritis really bad where you can see he is in discomfort and even when he drinks or eats, he can’t stand up perfectly straight. My wife won’t even consider the option of putting him down at this point. Our kids have moved out now that they are older so since the bedrooms upstairs are free, my wife has turned one of them into the dog’s bathroom. She has put a section of the room with pads on the floor so the dog can go there to pee while we are at work. There is always pee there when we come home from work and many times, he didn’t even hit the pad, just big puddles on the floor around him. Still not the worst part, many days there is s*** in that room and on many occasions he has stepped in it and spread it all down the hallway. I get so mad and my wife just says “oh, it is ok, he is old”. This is a lab by the way so not a small dog. I feel the same as many other people that no matter what, I feel my house is dirty. Also, every time we eat, he stands right next to us at the table breathing heavy and drooling and I tell him to go away and my wife tells me not to get mad at him. I have to tell him again and again because he just circles around. About a year ago, we got our home renovated and our bathroom upstairs was done beautifully, problem is, we can’t really use it because that is his home. My wife has a bed for him set up in the shower because since he suffers from extreme anxiety, she said that is his “safe place”. He licks himself all day and that bathroom smells so bad I can’t stand going in there. Anyhow, my wife and my kids think I am a grumpy man because I am not happy living with the dog. You just cannot argue with extreme pet lovers, it is like there is something wrong with us for not embracing and loving all of this.

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Alicija
August 20th, 2018 at 9:06 AM
So I am dealing with a situation with my husband agreeing on taking care of his brothers dog for a YEAR as he and his family gallivant across Europe, without consulting with his entire family. I am now the one who is having to deal with picking up after the dog as my husband does not even take the animal for a walk, to the groomer, etc. The kids are starting to resent her and the fact is that this is taking a huge toll on our marriage. How does one tell the Brother in law that this is happening? I do not want our marriage to end because of an animal that is not even part of our family.
I am told that I am being stubborn and I am having to deal with cleaning up pee and poo from places around the house and that I am causing more problems than the dog is.
any suggestions on what to do!?!?

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Michael
August 20th, 2018 at 10:38 AM
Tell your husband that the dog is not housebroken, that it is not your responsibility, and that he or his brother must immediately make alternate arrangements. If the brother can afford to take a year off he can afford a kennel or to fly the dog to Europe where there are plenty of dogs. Then stop taking care of the dog and make your husband do everything until he follows through. Dog “lovers” can be incredibly obnoxious and many don’t hesitate to passively aggressively force others — family members of even total strangers — to put up with their “child,” as they refer to the animals. I can’t imagine that your marriage could fall apart over somebody else’s dog and, if it does, there are deeper problems.

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Ilovedogs!
November 19th, 2018 at 12:03 PM
I have to disagree. I love dogs too much to ever let go of them.👁❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤💕💞💓💗💖💘💝🐶🐕🐩.

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Jay
February 20th, 2019 at 5:57 AM
So, my girlfriend and I have been together for four years. We are both big-time dog people and love being around furry friends. She adopted a dog (3 years old) after two years and we were both excited (Keep in mind, I didn’t really have any say in getting the dog or not. This was her thing). First thing we noticed was that the dog was super timid, but we figured it was just that the dog was in a new place, new owners, new environment, etc. Otherwise, the dog was great. It wasn’t an overly-excited dog, just liked to chill and sit and be with us, which was great. It didn’t ever bark, but was VERY skeptical of anything and everything. It creeped around corners, wouldn’t go anywhere without surveying the situation. Over time, she grew to to love the dog, despite it’s timid behaviors. It wasn’t until another dog came into the picture (my girlfriend’s roommate at the time) and all things started going south. We realized that the dog does NOT get along with other dogs. It is extremely protective of its owner, its bed, food, etc. and has a nasty, intimidating growl anytime another dog comes near those things. Us being dog lovers and always having more than one dog around, this was not okay, but we managed the situation as best as we could. Another year passed and my girlfriend and I decided to move in together. Everything was going great while it was just my girlfriend, her dog and myself. One weekend, my parents asked us to take care of their little puppy (1 year old small dog). Long story short, it was an extremely stressful weekend, having to watch the little dog around my girlfriends dog 24/7, leash inside the house, etc. It made me realize that we will never be able to have another dog in the picture, which is terrible because I had been thinking about getting my own dog for a while now.
Overtime, I’ve grown apart from this dog because of it’s flaws and my girlfriend continues to love this dog almost as much as me (Ha!). I would never make her choose me or the dog, but this dog has started to irritate me every time i look at it. It doesn’t like to be with anyone but my girlfriend, won’t come out of it’s room unless my girlfriend is present. It’s just not a fun, loving dog unless she is around. Even then, it’s not too excited about anything. I don’t know what to do… this dog is nice (I guess) but has flaws that far outweigh the positives… It’s beginning to tear my girlfriend and I apart because I can’t grow to like this dog… I know it’s probably selfish of me, but I can’t snap out of this attitude. I’ve tried to love it, but the dog irritates me so much…
WHAT DO I DO??? Anything helps… Thank you

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James
August 18th, 2019 at 11:36 AM
i can’t seem to find any (or very little) help for the person who does not own the pet. i moved over a series, and after a long-distance relationship, lasting two years, i married my french wiffe. we lived together for a month, and her daughter’s 14 year old cat is obviously traumatized by the daughter’s constant absence. she’s 21, attends school and works, and spends most of her days / weeks at her boyfriend’s house, now, so that cat, in effect, is the sole responsibility of my wife, since her 21 year old son spends his time, 24/7 in his room playing computer games. both he and the clat are very dependent on my wife, and the cat even more so, as he is clingy and follows her EVERYWHERE. vocally, he is loud in the middle of the night, and first thing in the morning, until he has the ability to be right next to her. he lies on her keyboard, on her paperwork, gets between us during intimate moments. it’s driving me crazy, and i’m fearing it will be too difficult for me to tolerate, soon. i’ve expressed my concern, and i get shut down, immediately, with her constantly defending him. she claims he’s depressed with her daughter not being here. then why can’t SHE take the cat, if it’s hers? the bottom line, my wife does too much for her children, including caring for this cat, and i refuse to. i wanted to embark on a new relationship, and instead of prevented from doing so, because of the current interference from the cat. he’s 14… so it can’t go on forever. i’m just not sure i can make it till he’s no longer in the picture. sorry… needed somewhere to vent, and this seemed to be as good of a place as any. thanks.

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James
August 18th, 2019 at 11:37 AM
*overseas. sorry.

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Steph
December 26th, 2019 at 2:10 PM
I have two Jack Russells that I’ve had for 13 years. One of them is very dominant and a bully to the other one, most of the time, which can be very frustrating. They are addicted to me. They follow me every where and never leave my side. I am engaged and although I have known my fiancé has never cared for inside dogs, he has always tolerated them even at their most annoying times. I have recently been given an ultimatum to give up him or the dogs. I can’t imagine doing that or giving up our relationship. He gets very frustrated with them always being under us, the bullying of one to the other, the barking outside, the dog hair in the house – even though I vacuum multiple times a week… etc… Any one have any help or advice to help work this issue out?
Currently I am attempting to see if my family would be willing to take them in. I never thought in my life I would have to give up my animals. It is something I don’t believe in and it breaks my heart to even consider. I don’t have children and they have filled that void in my life.

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Aaron
February 20th, 2020 at 6:27 AM
Some of these comments are down right selfish and show a complete lack of understanding of relationships.

I love my Partner, I hate her dog.
I love my daughter, I hate her dog

Not everyone loves dogs and its no reason not to be together.
Most arguments over pets come from the primary owner making excuses for them

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PP
February 8th, 2021 at 11:56 PM
I hate dogs. I want nothing to do with dogs. The dog lovers will think that I am insane to hate dogs but yes, hate is the best word to use. The smell, the barking, the poop, the wee, the high medical cost etc. Don’t judge – everyone has something that you hate.

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Robert
February 13th, 2021 at 8:10 AM
Pet lovers are really just nasty softcore beastiality enthusiasts. Constant rubbing and petting, an overly desperate needy animal. It is downright disgusting. Animals are extremely smart when compared to their “loving” owners. Says it all right there! Idiots owning idiots. Just because you want to be a furry freak, doesn’t mean everyone else should applaud you for it. In Peru, they smack them with a stick and then eat them. Maybe they should do the same to “pet lovers”.

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R.Dav
September 5th, 2021 at 5:50 AM
The person in this thread who wrote: I never thought in my life I would have to give up my animals. It is something I don’t believe in and it breaks my heart to even consider. I don’t have children and they have filled that void in my life” brings forth the pivot in the issue of dogs/cats with respect to relationships between the animal and the pet owner. Dogs/cats do not have the propensity to fill the void of another human being. My best friend has a dog; she claims she’s closer to the dog than she is to her husband because the dog follows her everywhere she goes. The dog is old and likely won’t live another year. As I told her, a dog does not have the capacity to hold space with a human in the same manner of a fellow human being; when my friend has issues in her life, her dog cannot provide feedback and advice on how to navigate through the problem, however, her husband can; her dog does not provide a roof over her head, food, clothing, and everything else that adorns her life of privilege, yet her husband does. Dogs are often food motivated and will cling to the person who feeds it. The dog is 100% dependent upon the human and knows it is. It’s a matter of survival. Humans, on the other hand, develop and sustain relationships with other people based upon a plethora of things in life. The beauty of a human being’s love toward another is when it is not for the gain of the one giving the love, when it is altruistic and they see all of the things that you inherently bring into the world. A pet’s companionship is not altruistic, unless it goes out and gets a job and helps contribute to the functioning of the home and is able to articulate advice to you on living life in this world as a human. People so often posit their relationships with their pets on nothing beyond “feel good feelings” they get from the pet being fully dependent upon them, when they would never accept that type of arrangement with another human being.

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Carlos
September 14th, 2021 at 5:24 AM
A dog or a cat is not important as much as your spouse. If you think that way you are wrong. You and your partner made a promise to love each other not to split for a freaking animal. Its so dumb splitting for an animal. Besides an animal will die couple of years but marriage and your spouse will last forever. This is why women ends up lonely with a dog for the rest of the life. choose which path you want to take? smh!

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Joey
September 22nd, 2022 at 5:19 AM
Completely agree, do people really not realize that their human is there for life? to help and support them in ways that animals cannot. My current girlfriend is pushing for us to live together, she has a parrot and two dogs. Unfortunately the most annoying dog is also her favourite. currently, she sleeps in the bed with her, is very very clingy, moans if there is no constant attention and very manipulative. i just cannot see how i will be happy if we all live together. i have severe allergies and most importantly, i do not want them constantly running in the house and jumping on furniture. heaven forbid you eat something !! i know its what dogs do, but the other one doesnt sit and beg. she also feeds them constantly from the table that encourages this bad behaviour. these are sensitive subjects to bring up but i cannot live unhappily. the male dog also pees constantly in the house when the door to the garden is wide open

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