Yes, It’s Okay If You Are Still a Virgin

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• Jayson

  February 26th, 2019 at 11:53 AM

  I am a 46 year old male virgin and I will tell you why. I have never wanted to have kids. I have felt that way since I was a young teen. Up until my early 40’s, almost every girl or woman I have ever met or have had a date with has wanted to have kids. Not being one to destroy their fantasy of what they want in life, I have chosen to break off such relationships before they even got started. This also explains why even though I very much desire to get married, why I have never married. It is very frustrating to be told that being 40 years old or older and never being married is one of the the biggest red flags for females when it comes to online dating profiles. It has nothing to do with emotional immaturity, or the fact that I am a player. I just don’t want kids, and so far in my 40’s, I have not discovered a woman who either doesn’t want kids or who I have been able to connect with.

  Reply

• DWIGHT

  August 28th, 2019 at 9:45 PM

  Just like Jayson I feel you I am a 45 year old virgin & sexless I also have the good attitude, courage & good guts to believe that I am also a natural & normal human being & should be respected.

  Reply

• Nancy

  September 5th, 2019 at 5:29 PM

  I am a 43 year old virgin, female. I just wanted the guy to court me and like me, hopefully love me. No one has ever thought I was worth it. Just wanted an introverted guy, to laugh with.

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• Grady C

  September 5th, 2019 at 7:06 PM

  I am also a 46 year old virgin and enjoy my life. I agree and join with both Jayson and Dwight in their life path. I believe that being a virgin as protected from the pitfalls of getting some woman pregnant (and having to paying child support), getting an STD or HIV, having to pay for expensive dates (but receive nothing in return), false rape or sexual assault/harassment charges, or having to deal with a crazy woman after a breakup.

  Reply

• Penney

  September 10th, 2019 at 9:58 AM

  I am a 44 year old virgin. I was diagnosed with ADD as a child, and fitting in or making friends was difficult. Growing up I was bullied a lot in school to the point that I became severely depressed and had anxiety disorder. All my life I believed I was ugly, stupid, and unworthy of love. I did have boyfriends in my late teens and twenties, but nothing came off it. I still struggle with depression anxiety, but am slowly getting better with therapy. But my biggest fear is that I will never be accepted as one worthy of love. That time has fun out. I know this is irrational, but I feel it anyway. Just do not want to feel like I am the only one suffering from this insecurity.

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• Isaac

  December 6th, 2019 at 2:14 PM

  I’m a 28 year old virgin, and I’ve had my self confidence shattered by a research site known as healthy strokes, and the reason for this is because the author of the site said that no man should ever be a virgin past the age of 21.

  Because it will lead to sexual dysfunction, and other health, and psychological problems that will get worse, and worse the longer he is a virgin. So 40 year old virgins, or older will have a lot less chances of getting a partner, having sex, and having it properly, and healthily.

  He also said that it damages their masculinity, and that you’re not a true man until after you lose your virginity.

  I am a 28 year old virgin. I’m scared, and insulted at the same time.

  On the one hand, I’m scared that he is right since you can’t argue with a science, and empirical research based site that has credentials, and doctor’s, and scientists, and therapists backing them up.

  Yet on the other hand,

  I am insulted because I feel like the guy is a bigoted idiot, and wrong, and that sex should be a personal choice that we do when we are damn well ready for it, not something we should do by a certain age because we have to for our health.

  The problem is that one is an objective fact (healthy strokes) while the other is a subjective opinion (my own feelings) which might make me the one who’s wrong here.

  I would like to think that this is just some conservative male superiority idiot who supports the patriarchy, and that his views are objectively wrong, and based on outdated immoral concepts of inequality etc.

  But when I google the site looking for any evidence against his site, I find NONE. Which pushes me even further into the fear that he is objectively right, and I am objectively wrong.

  After all, the sky is obviously objectively blue, and even if I disagree, and give my subjective opinion that the sky is actually green, the sky is objectively still blue.

  In other words, the sky doesn’t suddenly, and magically become green just because I say it does, and don’t like that it is blue, and not green, or get mad at people for saying it is blue. The sky remains blue no matter what I say.

  That sky analogy is how I feel, and fear about healthy strokes. There’s is the blue sky, mine is the green sky.

  I’ve never been interested in PIV sex, or nudity for that matter. I know I am not ASexual because I have erections from women, am straight, and like the idea of having a partner someday.

  I just don’t feel any need to go looking for one, or looking for sex. I don’t like the passing of bodily fluids, and I don’t like naked bodies for some weird reason.

  My idea of sexy times is massages, tickling, foreplay, kissing etc. Just not BDSM stuff.

  I’ve always felt like sex, and a partner will come when it does, if ever. If it does, it does. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. The idea of never having a partner, and staying a virgin for the rest of my life doesn’t bother me that much.

  I still like porn, and jerking off. Is it also true that porn, and jerking off is unhealthy, and leads to sexual dysfunctions, and is the reason why people who do it are still virgins at older ages?

  Is porn really destroying the world, and our health?

  Is preferring to jerk off over having real sex really destroying the world, and our health?

  Healthy strokes says that jerking off is fine, and even necessary for our health, but that porn is bad, and should be avoided at all costs. He even says that marijuana is bad for you, and that no one should ever take it at all for any reason, and that pot, and weed also causes sexual dysfunctions, and other health problems.

  I have three questions:

  Is porn really so bad that I should practice permanent abstinence from it?

  Is jerking off really necessary for a man’s health? Will I develop sexual dysfunctions, and other health problems if I decide not to jerk off ever again? I don’t plan to stop, but if I don’t do it every day, is that really bad? How often is jerking off required for men’s health?

  Is marijuana, weed, and pot really that bad for our health where it will destroy men, and cause sexual dysfunctions, and other health problems?

  I also don’t like the idea of just sex for sex like most men like. I have the more feminine ideals of sex. I have to either be married, or in love, and emotionally connected to them before anything sexual will take place, and even then maybe still not. I’m not religious though.

  How long is it okay to be celibate, and a virgin for a man before it becomes a problem, and unhealthy?

  Do I have to go out, and screw someone ASAP, or can I just keep doing things the way I’m doing them?

  But after reading that site now I don’t feel like a man anymore. Is there something wrong with me?

  Note:

  It’s not that I don’t ever want sex, but I am kind of nervous about being intimate with someone, and even going out to look for, and meet someone. I am high functioning Autistic. I also don’t like the idea of sex, and the passing of bodily fluids. I’m not REALLY into BDSM, but I do kinda like Fetish, and Kink stuff. Just not extreme, or anything involving pain.

  I’m also weird because I have to be in love to have sex. I feel weird because I am a man yet I have a female’s ideals.

  Reply

• Nancy

  December 10th, 2019 at 9:01 AM

  I am a 43 year old female virgin. I have learned that you have to be true to yourself. Honor your own instincts and views on sex and sexuality. Who cares about what others say. I know there are females out there that honor male virgins. Don’t give up! Hold out for love.

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• Yve

  March 5th, 2020 at 6:49 PM

  Nothing’s wrong with you. Both of my parents, my mother (30 years old) and my father (34 years old), were virgins before they got married in the 1990s. My mother was religious so she was firm about being a virgin until marriage. While my dad wanted to be financially ready first before engaging with sex as he doesn’t want to risk having children or getting married when he’s not. It’s never really wrong when you’re being firm about your sexual views. After all, it’s your life and your choices are what really matters.

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• Khan

  January 8th, 2020 at 10:53 AM

  I love someone for 11 long years.I am 33 years old right now.as per religious view i didn’t intimate with her in 11 years.My dream was after i marry her then we do sex.but finally she cheated and didnt marry me.Her family demand was huge rich and i was too poor at that time. They break our relationship by motivate her and she also love that high standard life and left me.
  Now its been 4 years i am single, i hate love and sex as well.i don’t want to marry someone in my whole life.i born virgin and i die as virgin.goodluck to all.sometimes i just think about her family,how could they give her daughter to someone after knowing that we have 11 years relationship and which was pure.they don’t show a little humanity to me.world is too cruel.
  Moral of the speech is everybody love your parents,god and ownself.

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• Alex

  January 13th, 2020 at 3:17 PM

  I’m a 31 years old male virgin and I just recently embraced the MGOTW philosophy. I wouldn’t mind being virgin forever, as that’d be much better than risking everything with gambles such as marriage and kids.

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• Joe

  April 21st, 2020 at 8:29 AM

  I am left out of conversations at work because not only am I a virgin I never fathered any kids
  I spend ever holiday alone. My family sees me as a failure cause I never made my mother a grandmother
  Women has refused to date me only because I am a virgin. they don’t want to be my first

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• Nancy

  April 22nd, 2020 at 5:11 PM

  I am a 43 year old female virgin. It makes me sad that I have never been in a relationship. I wish we adult virgins could find each other.

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• The Truth

  May 1st, 2020 at 2:31 PM

  Okay, let’s get something straight here: “virginity” is nothing more than a SOCIAL CONSTRUCT, and thus it isn’t actually real. The whole concept of “virginity” has no medical or scientific backing, and was borne out of extremely limited knowledge of the human, specifically female, anatomy of the day. “Virginity” was initially thought to be, from solely the female perspective, to be the breaking of a thin layer of skin within a woman’s vagina, called the “hymen”, due to penetrative sexual intercourse. This later turned out to be false, as not all women have hymens, and those who do, can just as well “break” them by doing other, nonsexual strenuous activity, such as riding a bike. Not only that, but some hymens don’t even “break” as a result of (heteronormative) penetrative sex.

  Let’s also tackle this idea of “losing something” when one simply engages in sexual intercourse for the first time, and as well, let’s look at the term’s, admittedly narrow, heteronormative definition. First of all, when one simply has sex for the first time, they don’t actually “lose” or relinquish anything. In other words, there’s absolutely no difference between those who’ve had sex, and those who haven’t. All that person walks away with is simply a new experience. That’s it. You take a person, male or female, who has never had sex, and put them adjacent to one who has, and you’ll see no difference. Now, the definition: society sure seems to have a very narrow, vague, and somewhat ambiguous definition for a term that apparently carries so much weight. It is solely defined in a heteronormative sense: a male and a female having penetrative sex. That’s it. It doesn’t consider homosexual relationships at all. It doesn’t take into account ones’ sexual orientation. That’s how narrow the definition is. Is a gay man whose only had sex with other men, a virgin? How about two women going at it ? Are they virgins or not? Well, this flawed concept of “virginity”, unsurprisingly, has no real answer to these questions, because its definition doesn’t cover these topics.

  And finally, let’s take a look at the catastrophic societal ramifications of perpetuating such a destructive, and more importantly false, idea. We’ll be talking about Alek Minassian, Elliot Rodger, mass shootings in general, incels (involuntary celibates), “The Red Pill”, the (also false and destructive) pseudoscientific ideology of “alpha males” and “beta males”, shaming language, and so forth. The real cause of all of these mentioned above is society itself. Let me explain. It’s very easy to look at each of these on an individual basis, and say, until you’re blue in the face, how “messed up, deranged, mentally ill, etc.” they are; however, when you do this, you’re merely addressing a symptom of the problem, and not the root cause (being society itself). These mass shootings, mass attacks, domestic terrorism (or whatever you want to call it), are symptoms of a problem (or set of problems) created by society, and the culture in which it manifests. The PROBLEM is when you have a society that tells a subset of its population (men in this case) that they’re entitled to x, y, and z (in this case a hot girlfriend, sex, and all the perks of an intimate relationship), and that eventually they will be rewarded with x, y, and z, what happens when they don’t get x, y, and z? Well, the news answers this question. Some of them get depressed, and some of them lash out at society, and punish it by means of mass attacks, for not delivering on its promise of x, y, and z. The culture is to blame, and if we want to fix this problem, the culture in the West needs a complete overhaul. Not just a “little fixing”, but a complete overhaul. Otherwise, this problem will exist perpetually and foster the decay of society. Incels, “The Red Pill”, and all these other online groups, are an incarnation of society, albeit unintentional. And if you fix these problems, these groups go away, or, if not, they retreat to and occupy some unknown cryptic fringe website on the internet, not to be discussed in the mainstream ever again. People will latch onto an ideology regardless or change or improvements to the world around them, and if these were truly “fringe groups”, then they wouldn’t be given the time of day by the media like they are now.

  Elliot Rodger was told by the society that he was entitled to sex and intimacy with women. Elliot Rodger was autistic (he had Asperger syndrome) and he became fixated and obsessed with this whole concept of virginity to the point where he became warped enough to do what he did. I have Asperger syndrome myself, and I get obsessed and fixated with things quite easily, I overanalyze, and enjoy dissecting things and challenging them, just like I’m doing right now. Elliot Rodger wasn’t mentally ill, disabled, or mentally retarded. He, like millions of men, was told that he was entitled to women.

  Finally, I am going to address a key factor of relationships and sex: there is a dependency factor on them. In other words, having sex is not simply something that one can do on their own; they need someone to do it with, who’s willing to do it with them. If there’s nobody willing to have sex or have a relationship with you, then you’re not able to experience it. And since you can’t control the behavior of other people, including making them have sex with you, this is something that is completely out of your control. You are UNABLE, not unwilling to have sex.

  Let’s make a distinction: unWILLING vs unABLE:
  1. unWILLING – I can have sex and relationships and there many people willing to do it with me, but I’m voluntarily abstaining from it (internal locus of control).
  2. unABLE – I want to have sex and relationships, but there’s nobody willing to do it with me (external locus of control).

  However here’s another problem, or well, set of other problems: society doesn’t care whether you’re unable or unwilling to have sex, it will still shame you anyways. In fact, it appears to be even more harsh if you’re unABLE to have sex, as opposed to unWILLING. If you’re unABLE, society somehow deems you to be a “loser”, or “worthless to the human race”, or some bullshit like that. So you want to have sex, and you’re unABLE to do so, society shames you for something THAT IS TOTALLY OUT OF YOUR CONTROL. Now, tell me, how is that fair? This is another facet of the problem that I was talking about earlier. And this is the same society that doesn’t understand the very obvious and apparent connection between this shaming, and male-perpetrated domestic terrorism. Why wouldn’t society want to fix this problem, because at the end of the day, society is the one talking the fall for all of this. People lose their lives, stuff gets destroyed, all because of a stupid destructive culture. And the media doesn’t exactly help either in stomping out this problem; making movies and TV shows solely intended to

  Another problem is this incel-derived false dichotomy of “alpha males” and “beta males”. These are stereotypes, and complete hogwash. People don’t work that that. And all this is, is just some nonsense that people spew to simply push their own agendas. In fact, all these terms are, are just yet another anti-male shaming tactic hurled at men who don’t conform to society’s bullshit. Don’t even give this tripe the time of day. It’s pseudoscience applied to humans, derived from a scientist who studied wolf pack behavior back in the 1970s. Wolves. Not even humans. And now, people are now claiming to see “alpha females”, just to add another layer to the pyramid of stupidity and absurdity. Just… don’t even look at this, because it really is quite stupid, to say the least.

  PLEASE don’t see yourself as anything less than a human being, simply because you’ve simply never had any sexual intercourse. And guess what? That’s hardly even an achievement, and not only that, but your intimate lives, or lack thereof, is really nobody’s business. You’re not obligated to discuss this, and any information you provide is done voluntarily of your own accord. Enjoy your life and do something you enjoy, that makes you happy. Stop caring about what others or society thinks.

  In short, virginity doesn’t exist. It’s a social construct designed to divide, denigrate, and make people feel bad about their sexuality. The people who care so much about your personal sex life (or lack thereof), to the point where they shame you, are the REAL LOSERS in that scenario. Tell them such, and move on. Don’t give these morons the time of day nor a platform to speak. And this goes for both males and females. I know that the bulk of my post centered around male virginity, but that’s because I wanted to discuss some societal problems. If we want to destroy a stigma, the people being stigmatized need to band together and challenge it at every level, and as well silence those who are perpetuating it.

  Reply

• Lonely

  May 3rd, 2020 at 11:04 AM

  I’m a 32 year old male virgin. I’ve learned to cope with it for the most part, but recently with the whole quarantine thing, I’ve seen people complain about how lonely it is to be unable to go out and have sex. On the one hand, this has made me incredibly jealous of these people who are so easily able to find sexual partners that being unable to do so for a mere month or two is an extreme circumstance, but it’s also made me realize that these feelings of loneliness are justified, and the people who regularly have sex who have told me it wasn’t really a big deal were, as I assumed, just saying that to make me feel better.

  But honestly, it’s not even the lack of sex that bothers me. It’s the lack of intimacy. The feeling that I’m inadequate and no woman could ever desire me. The feeling of physical isolation even when I’m around people due to the extended lack of human touch. And not just erotic touch, but any sort of extended physical contact. When I watch porn, the thing I desire most isn’t the penetration, but the closeness, the touch, feeling the warmth and softness of another human body, and perhaps most importantly, knowing that she shares my desire.

  And it doesn’t help that there’s very little societal sympathy for male virgins. The side that talks about “alphas and betas” will call you a loser, while the more progressive side will call you an incel. As somebody who leans towards the progressive, it’s incredibly disheartening to see someone I respect use “virgin” as an insult. I’ve been shamed by people I otherwise ideologically agree with for expressing my frustration, called entitled, told nobody owes me anything, that it’s my fault for not being good enough and if I want somebody to care about me it’s up to me to improve and change everything about myself. Meanwhile, I feel like when I see women express a similar loneliness, they’re met with support, told that they’re perfect and it’s the guys who are wrong for not seeing this, and they deserve the world.

  It feels like nobody cares about me, and nobody cares that nobody cares about me.

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• Mike

  May 7th, 2020 at 2:17 PM

  41 years old and a virgin. Never had a girlfriend or even my first kiss yet. Zero confidence or self esteem as a result, because it feels like I’ve failed to accomplishment one of the most basic experiences that everyone else has had.

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• Alejandra

  May 16th, 2020 at 2:00 AM

  I am a 31-year-old virgin and I think social media with all of the movie industry influences our minds to feel shame for not having sex. I honestly do get aroused at times but It always goes away. There is a lot I can do to be thinking about that. Nowadays women are expected to be as sexually active as men so It is annoying but I don’t care anymore. I am not so interested in having kids, however, I do wish to adopt one day, I don’t need a man for that. Luckily now women can choose not to get marry and make a career that can allow adopting and helping kids(I just wish everyone who adopt would actually know that it would not be easy and educate themselves before). Another reason why I don’t mind staying a virgin is because I cannot stand anyone constantly texting me and asking me what I am doing, THAT IS JUST NOT FOR ME so I am good.

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• Ria

  May 19th, 2020 at 9:52 PM

  Im a 41 year old female virgin and am very unhappy to be in this position. I just want to experience sex in a loving committed relationship or marriage but cant find a partner. Not only am I missing out on something great I also missed out on motherhood. Im not ugly and im not a prude and this is so unfair to anyone. Im scared it will never change.

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• nicholas

  June 15th, 2020 at 3:08 PM

  i’m 43 years old and never had a girlfriend but i have had alot of great orgasm’s from masterbating i plan on having sex soon with a escort woman beacause i dont want to be a virgin past 45 years old

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• nicholas

  June 15th, 2020 at 3:20 PM

  i’m 43 and still a virgin would you like to get to know each other

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• Eva

  June 21st, 2020 at 2:53 AM

  I’m a 39-year-old virgin, but NOT “still a vigin” – because I don’t intend do ever change this status. I’m effectively asexual due to being very nudity-averse and sex-averse – and it’s something I don’t want to change. Even if most people perceive fear of sex as a Problem I should want to “cure” – I still don’t want to, on the contrary – I embrace my sex aversion. Yes, I realise that it has the characteristics of a vicious circle: I’m sex-averse, so I want to never have sex, so the very idea of no longer being afraid of sex and nudity feels violating to me. But I simply reject sex-normative assumptions: that everyone should have sex, should desire sex, that negative feelings about sex are always something pathological, that sex is the Allgreatest Pleasure in the World and so it’s not possible to not enjoy it and not desire it… No. There is no sexual freedom if we are not allowed to choose to not have sex. And for me the right to choose matters much more than supposed “normality”. I never wanted to “be normal” anyway.

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• Despina

  July 22nd, 2020 at 9:16 AM

  As I wrote on another board similar to this one. Do not worry of what the world does outside, Be happy with yourself and believe in God. You will be deeply rewarded and live eternally too after this life. For now do the best to keep yourselves happy and like my parents taught me, be a leader , not a follower, have a personality that sticks out and attract people in positive ways!!!!! This world is about you, not them, if they don’t like you, they envy you, but you don’t need them, God will provide the right people in your life and hold on tight, its a tough world out there, Once we lay to rest, our lives will be so beautiful and the boxing match with the fallen world will be gone. we will iive in Peace with our master and the rest who were cruel will have fallen— yes exactly off the cliff to hades where they belong. You can pray for them now on earth, but its their own responsibility to pick up their armour, if they can’t too bad on them. God bless you all!!!!!!

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• Chris

  July 27th, 2020 at 1:29 AM

  I’m a 21 year old virgin and honestly its really hard not to feel sad or depressed for being one. I’ve been made fun of being one whether its from my the girls I talk to, my friends or even my own parents. The reason why is i just never had the opportunity to meet someone because i was always focused on my studies. Due to the current pandemic that’s going on in this world i feel even worse than before. Hopefully one day I can find someone that i would really enjoy being with and get to know more but that’s not a guarantee unfortunately

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• Steve

  August 8th, 2020 at 4:36 AM

  I’m 17, just graduated from high school, and actually relieved to see there are adults out there in their 40s who are also still virgins. I never had a girlfriend in high school, not really my choice since I’ve been girl-crazy since seventh grade; it’s just that I’m not rich or a 6’3″ football player so nobody really was romantically interested in me. Girls, especially younger girls, would be nice and relatively flirtatious, but nothing ever happened and now I’m the last one not to have dated or had sex. My grandparents met when they were literal children and got married when they were 21, and when I think of their success story I just get jealous. The only other people my age who haven’t dated anyone yet are that way by choice, and when I tell people that, they assume I’m that way too, but my sex and love life is worse now than it was for most of my peers 4-5 years ago. Literally.

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• Dan

  October 9th, 2020 at 1:08 PM

  I am 28, a virgin asexual aromantic.
  The reasons are, I have never felt attracted to other human beings. Not when I was young. And not even now. I don’t have the ‘urge’ that most others have. It’s a nature that I have never understood or its just not a part of my brain function. Perhaps because when I was born I swallowed some of my own fluids and didn’t breath for about 60 seconds, which caused a few of my brains cells to die upon waking up.

  I can’t force myself to be attracted to others, nor can I allow others to be attracted to me for fear of just wasting their time and patience while they could be looking for men who are not cursed like me.

  I’m not afraid of being a virgin for the rest of my life. The world has too many things that need to be seen, experienced and fixed. There is no time anymore for childish romance.

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• Sean

  October 12th, 2020 at 6:48 PM

  I am a virgin and I am 35 years old. But I have a girlfriend. Like others about I grew up on Christian values and I had ADD as a kid. I have a lot of anxiety about it and I’ve been addicted to porn for a while. But I have had “cyber sex” on cam sites several times. I stopped doing because I felt dirty. I always knew I was meant to be with just one woman and I never wanted to live the “cool” party lifestyle and sleep around with many girls. I am unique and different and proud of that. My girlfriend and I are both virgins but we live in different countries but I know when ever we do have sex it will be special. I don’t think it’s a big deal to be a virgin and I have been proud to be a virgin. I wouldn’t have wanted to lose my virginity in high school.

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• Stranger with a name starts with "A"

  October 30th, 2020 at 1:49 PM

  Just turned 22 last week. Male virgin. Really never had the chance to date at high school as i live in a little bit of a modest society here. Never managed to date a girl irl either. And the only one time i thought i actually found my significant other, where we found each other online and dated for 3 years, virgin just like me and she was my first girlfriend and i was her first boyfriend, ended up cheating on me with a guy irl and lost her virginity to them and decided to end a long distanced relationship that lasted for 3 years that was out of true love, at least from my side. Which ended up lots of big plans I had for us, including meeting up face to face to be finally together.

  With the current situation going on, it is no secret that quarantine isn’t letting any of us living happily. But in my case, I’ve been depressed now for nearly a year, thinking that i’ll never be enough for a girl and all i have is just jerking off. It really achens me to no end to see myself failing in such simple thing people around me are achieving easily. It’s not even about sex, just wanting to have a significant other to be with me and love me as much as i love them and be loyal, rest can come as things progress and i have never minded that. The sad thing is, as a kid, i was looking forward to have that significant other someday in life. But looking at my life now, i really sometimes can’t help wishing if i never existed with how painful it is to see couples together in love while you’re just there rotting in your bed alone. It makes me want to end all of this and i no longer know what my purpose in life is after seeing how i’m never good enough for a girl.

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• Kathryn

  November 6th, 2020 at 11:34 AM

  I can understand all of this. Having turned 39, I have had some oral fun being a virgin, don’t know why I waited so long. I had this fear of pain during sex, but not quite ready for that! Fear of being pregnant, don’t want any kids, or catching nasty things! I have met two guys and one I am in regular touch with. I have enjoyed some fondling, but due to lockdown, yet again, it is impossible for us to meet. He works odd long hours while I don’t. I think I thought men could be forceful and awful, (watching too much porn out of curiosity), but this guy is patient. Think it is nice, but tricky as it might not lead to anything, due to circumstances. It scary for me as I an anxious person, and struggle to relax so during, my leg muscles are unable to relax poor guy, to let him do more. I hope to have more fun though and encourage you all to try, I always thought I might never do anything, but you can have ‘foreplay’ without actually having sex, which is great! Now, though I have to wait until lockdown ends, unless he can sneak over. That might be very naughty (!)

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• alan

  December 3rd, 2020 at 6:49 PM

  I was a virgin at 29 but now am a 64 year old father of 2 grown girls..both in good relationships(1 married). I was in “Boy Scouts” went to an “all boys high school” worked at a union grocery store on dock(good money all boys) 30 hrs a week at college so did not meet girls and was kind of a brute. I happened to be a very good basketball player and very popular among guys but being a grinder substitute(at a very large catholic boys school) nobody knew(I was I was at a small public school where I would be the star). Also an IT major in 1978 so no girls. Got a great job out of college, had a great party house with beach rights, played some great basketball and tennis..still no girls at 24. Bought my own house near beach, then a rental, ran triathlons and won town tennis tourney- still no girls. I went to so many parties (as a popular 6’2″ but BALD 25 YR old) and “dated” a bit (2-3 dates, kiss, etc) but all fizzled (poor social skills and baldness a killer). Got a HAIRPIECE at 27 and at 28 met wife(only one in room did not know of hairpiece) and had sex in 2 months and married in a year. It used to KILL me thet much less capable friends (live at home, no sports, no good job, kind of scrawny) used to attract girls and few would even talk to me. I heard that some women/girls thought maybe I was gay, and another nice girl(my friends wife) told me when drunk that being bald at 24 was a killer. I lost confidence and once cold cocked a guy at a bar who made fun of my baldness(at a young person bar). It killed me that my friends (and girls I liked) got naked, had all kinds of casual sex and if my wife did not take to me I may have had to move as my “sell by” date was reached. It is sad to be popular and well known but a pariah to half the population(women). I did keep improving and my now wife and kids benefited from my prior work. Funny thing is that I am still 6’2″ 200lbs, play 60 over tennis and hoop, and have a great life. Still it grates at me that even my wife had some(undefined) prior sex experience and can compare me to someone else but I can’t to her. I need to get over it but age 22 to 28 were very tough in that regard(although most thought I had a great life). Lots of residual damage to my psyche.

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• Paul

  December 6th, 2020 at 5:59 PM

  I’m a 37 year old man and I’ve never had sex – or gone on a date, kissed or held hands with a woman. No woman has ever shown the slightest interest in me other than as a friend and so I have never expressed any interest or asked any woman out either – even if I find her very attractive. I can have great conversations with women and do so all the time. But I do not have what it takes to compete with other men for women’s attention as a potential boyfriend, so I never put myself out there in a game where I would never have success. This is a painful life – but since I have zero chance of ever attracting any woman at a sexual / romantic level, I see mo point in trying.

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• Tom

  January 5th, 2021 at 10:37 AM

  I’m a 24 year old male and I’m still a virgin. It used to not bother me that much, but I think the current state of the world as well as being in a time of my life that’s “traditionally” supposed to be a time of casual sex is starting to get me. My life situation kind of explains why though. I grew up in a really small town with not a lot to do outside of going to school, so if you weren’t on a sports team you basically weren’t going to meet anyone. I then went to a small school for college in a city, since at the time I really just wanted to focus on my studies and career preparation. At the very least, I did achieve what I set out to do as I got grades I’m really proud of and got a great job to start my career with, that’s even allowed me to move into my own apartment in the city and create even more independence for myself. However, I think I’ve been sacrificing my love and sex life for too long, as I was so focused on school and career goals. I am on some dating sites, but so far no luck. I’m honestly thinking of just taking a trip to a brothel outside of Vegas once the pandemic is over to get rid of this damn thing once and for all and move on with my life. It’s the only insecurity I have and I’m tired of being one.

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• Patricia

  March 9th, 2021 at 9:06 AM

  I been virgin all my life. I am 70 years old. I don’t want have sex. I going stay virgin. Is that normal to be virgin. I am not interested having sex with men

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• Eva

  March 12th, 2021 at 1:45 AM

  Why should it be “abnormal” and why should “normalcy” matter more than your lived experience in the first place? You don’t want to have sex, it’s likely that you are simply asexual. So you have lived your life the way you wanted to, at least in this respect. Living one’s life in one’s own way is a thing to be proud of, much more than the issue of whether you are “normal”.

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• Lon

  June 21st, 2021 at 9:07 AM

  The UFOs have arrived before I’ve gotten any!

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• Nancy

  June 27th, 2021 at 3:02 PM

  You are an inspiration to me. I am a 45 year old virgin female, and I want to remain so for life.

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• alan

  June 28th, 2021 at 7:24 AM

  I was the 29 year old virgin above. What strikes me in hindsight (37 years later) is that I was an extremely popular young MAN, a basketball and tennis star(in my area), with my own house, MBA, 6’2″ triathlete and a real “good guy”. I thought that women would recognize what men did and kind of carry me over the finish line. Now I realize that as a 23 year old bald person (not balding but like Gerald Ford with a big monk hole in top) that I was considered like Quasimodo by women my age and they would rather have sex with pudgy guys working second shift living at home than me. I saw that happen, at parties and see BUMS that were not in any respect in my league..not even nice guy but clear they were having physical relationships with women while I was denied. It still stings a bit even though I have had an enviable life that chapter from 20-28 which has been covered as a sexual awakening in TV, movies and life was a void to me and I was satiated by my MALE popularity. Looks are EVERYTHING for women under 30 and certainly 25 so my other attributes did not for one second make them interested. Sad but true

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• K

  July 5th, 2021 at 4:05 PM

  33 year-old female virgin here. I’ve always been invisible to the opposite sex even though my friends tell me I’m pretty. I’ve been asked out four times in my life. Other than that I guess I’m sat on a shelf building up a substantial layer of dust. One of the most miserable things that happened was once I was out with a group of friends… a group of men came over and bought them all drinks…and didn’t buy me one… they all paired off for a few hours chatting while I sat at the end of the table, with no-one to talk to. It wasn’t that I wanted to be bought a drink, it was just the absolute snub, again being absolutely ignored and forgotten that hurt. I only have a couple of friends that know I’m a virgin, I wouldn’t dare tell anyone else especially where I stay. People already think I’m a weirdo for not having children and tell me to hurry up because surely my mother wants grandchildren (she’s not actually fussed). I’m talked to by the women where I live like I’m a child, yet girls half my age with children are treated like adults. It’s absolutely maddening, and extremely hurtful, especially as I’ve always wanted children, yet no man will even talk to me much less marry or even date me. I’ve tried online dating, the works…I’ve gotten nowhere. Most of my friends are married with kids. Some are on to husband no. 2…I’ve only actually gone on dates with 4 men in my life. Other friends are single but prior to the pandemic they could just go out and pick up a guy no bother at all. Me? Well I ever did, chances are I’d end up taking home a mad axe murderer or something. I’m just so depressed about it. If it had even happened for me once it wouldn’t be quite so bad. I just feel so abnormal, like I’ve been punished for something but I don’t know what. I feel disgusting and entirely unworthy of love since no-one even bothers to look at me much less get to know me.

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• alan

  July 6th, 2021 at 10:43 AM

  I am 65 and grandfather but in 1984 was a 28.5 yr old virgin that put me in bottom 5% of experience. I was a triathlete, 1000 pt scorer, homeowner with rental property, good guy but bald since 23- real bald. I had same feelings and kind of ditched my friends and started socializing in next town as I was too well know and got a hairpiece. I did meet my shy wife who was experienced (a little); she did not know I was not but guessed after first time. Did catch up after 2 months but scary as heck and I would hope guys would take lead and if my wife did not I may never have got off the losing streak to this day. Good luck and you may have to be ready to have sex quickly which would be like I did(6 weeks of meeting) but after a week you will be all right

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• Richard

  August 6th, 2021 at 7:25 AM

  As I wrote on another board similar to this one. Do not worry of what the world does outside, Be happy with yourself and believe in God. You will be deeply rewarded and live eternally too after this life. For now do the best to keep yourselves happy and like my parents taught me, be a leader , not a follower, have a personality that sticks out and attract people in positive ways!!!!! This world is about you, not them, if they don’t like you, they envy you, but you don’t need them, God will provide the right people in your life and hold on tight, its a tough world out there, Once we lay to rest, our lives will be so beautiful and the boxing match with the fallen world will be gone. we will iive in Peace with our master and the rest who were cruel will have fallen— yes exactly off the cliff to hades where they belong. You can pray for them now on earth, but its their own responsibility to pick up their armour, if they can’t too bad on them. God bless you all!!!!!!

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• Aaron J.

  August 15th, 2021 at 8:20 AM

  I am a 47 year old man who is a virgin. I just had my 3rd date tonight with a woman. I thought things were going well with her. She suggested that when we got to her condo that I come inside and have a drink. I don’t drink booze. I said I was tried and needed to get home safely. She said, “Oh don’t worry, you can sleep in my bed tonight and be perfectly safe there.” I told her that while I appreciated her offer, I do not get physically intimate with a female unless we are in a committed relationship with trust and emotional closeness. That I needed to know that she loved me. She said: “Well how do I tell if I want to buy a car unless I get a chance to drive it?” I said, “It will be well worth the drive when or if we fall in love, but we are not there yet. I need more time. I am sorry but I need to go home. I will call you tomorrow. ” She said, “Don’t bother calling tomorrow. A real man would step up to the plate.” I said, “Three amazing dates and you wish to throw it all away because I don’t wish to have sex with a woman I don’t know? I am sorry, but I cannot be with such a person. I wish you well, but you’re looking for a different kind of man.” I am deeply heartbroken, and continue to be a 47 year old male virgin. This kind of thing just keeps happening.

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• Nancy

  August 15th, 2021 at 5:14 PM

  You are my dream man. I am a 45 year old female virgin, and I would have loved it if a man reacted the way that you did.

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• ChesterUnsot

  December 12th, 2021 at 7:33 PM

  In my opinion it is obvious. I recommend to look for the answer to your question in google.com

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• jaymes

  January 9th, 2022 at 1:17 PM

  Wow some beautiful soles in the comments, perhaps it might be an idea to try and create am online group for people who find themselves in similar situations. I would be happy to connect with some of you. I personally first had sex when I was 20, not too far off 21 actually. In school I only ever really got as far as being asked to dance at the school disco by a girl i`d been flirting with all week. Later on I kind of got a peck on the cheek, i say kind of the girl kissed her fingers then touched my cheek. Then at 15 a girl awkwardly grabbed my hand, other than a drunk women who fell in my garden at 18 who was kissing my neck while having her arms round me I had very little other experiences as a teenager. At 18 i left college and knew that would mean my social life would take a hit. My social life certainly did take a hit, and at 19 1/2 I became more interested in sex, regrettably I did use a sex text line, I didnt really understand it tbh just tried it one night, and it was a massive waste of money at a time when I didnt have much. However I was also looking up social dynamics etc I had kind of been doing that since 17. I later tried internet dating, not really to meet anyone just to talk at first. I feel allot of guilt as the sex text line I feel a bit stupid about to this day, but in some ways learning about sex and talking about it I guess made me more comfortable. For me I always liked people as friends really, I liked to have a flirt and a dance with girls, but it wasn’t until I was really 20 was I really bothered about taking intimacy to the next level I guess. The thing that ultimately got me there though was having a clear path in life, I had a job I liked and good intentions, and for the first time in my life opportunities just flowed. This is many years ago now, I am again not having sex and have not had full intercourse for more than a decade now, but I have become my spiritually aware, have a good small set of friends, and am a member of an online vegan community where I have met some nice ladies, its getting there, so if you are in a situation where your finding it hard, best advice i can give is virginity is an illusion, there are allot of people out there who chase often drunken sex to feel better about where they are in life, when many don`t even have there true friends yet, or a life they are remotely happy with, its not how you start its how you finish. I`m not in a great situation right now, but I will be carrying on making my self a better man, day by day following my passions, if anyone wants to speak let me know. Take care people, and good luck you`ll all be fine.

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• H

  January 18th, 2022 at 6:01 PM

  Wonderful discussion, particularly from The Truth, Eva, and Alejandra. And I want to second the most recent post from Jaymes… some beautiful souls here that need to know YOU ARE ENOUGH. There is no right time, one size does not fit all, and you should not feel you have to succumb to the pressure of what “they” say is normal. All there is for now is to be happy with what you’re given. Do what you have to do for you, live and let live, and navigate for yourself. I know it’s hard, but don’t put that pressure you feel on someone else. And in fact, don’t rest your happiness on someone else. If you’re feeling empty, I recommend volunteering and going out of your way to do things for others, with no particular benefit to you… even anonymously. It will help, and you might make some friends with good people in the process, but most importantly, you’ll know you’re doing good and making the world a better place. You’re not failing anyone, not even yourself. This pandemic sucks, and you’re not the only one going through it. You are not alone!

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• JJ

  April 3rd, 2022 at 9:56 PM

  I am a 46 year old male virgin and I never kissed a woman or been on a date before. From a young age I was always bullied and humiliated by other kids to the point that I never even knew I was being bullied. I always thought that it was better to be treated poorly by them, than not to have “friends” at all. Being called names and being made fun of because I was fat and ugly is something I got used to my whole life. Oddly enough, I thought things would be different when I got older, but I was wrong. Much like my childhood, my teen years up util now has been nothing but rejection and feelings of loneliness. What I realized about 15 years ago is that I am really ugly and I have always been ugly. Growing up I always thought that I would meet a girl that would just like me for me and live happily ever after, but I was just lying to myself. No girl like that ever existed. The reality is that because I was not physically attractive to women, then I was not worth being loved. So because I was not worth being loved, that meant I would remain a virgin my whole life. I always wondered why no woman ever showed any interest in getting to know me and why I was always rejected. I mean if no one was willing to give me a chance just to go on a date then obviously no one will want to kiss me and certainly no one would have sex with me because I’m not attractive enough for that. But this is how it works in our society, not everyone is meant to experience love or sex or even a relationship. Tom Hanks character in the movie Cast Away was stuck on a deserted island for 4 years, I feel like I have been on a deserted island for 46 years. Most times I feel like I am invisible now when I go outside my house or people look at me like I’m a freak or something. I admire those of you that are virgins and be positive in your lives, because for me I lost hope a long time ago.

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• Anonymous

  September 23rd, 2023 at 7:02 PM

  I am a 46 year old woman who has never had sex, but wants too. I’ve always been afraid of getting pregnant, because I don’t want kids. Sometimes, it’s hard to deal with, so I know the feeling

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• jaymes

  April 13th, 2022 at 10:34 AM

  Just to comment again, as a follow up to my previous comment, as I think it could have been a little better looking back. I had limited intimacy for the last 8 years, it was always my personal truth, that friendships and building a life you are happy with is more important. Society seems to expect everyone to jump to sex and forget about friendships that mean something and a meaningful life all round. In my mind 20s I did sometimes question myself and think maybe I should just go out and put someone up but that is really a waste of time, and form a spiritual stand point unhealthy. I think my personal truth is something that I have pretty much completely accepted now, and no longer question much at all and that is my life path is coming good, and abstaining from sex was actually the best I have met some nice ladies recently via my interests who are a bit similar to me in there life paths which is really nice, this has been possible throw getting to know myself and I have needed to be alone to do that. But there is also just the fact that whenever I experience good friendship, or a bit of physical intimacy its far more appreciated than it ever could be /was when I took it for granted a bit in my early 20s.
  I would encourage anyone feeling under confident to first of all believe you can change things, whatever that might be, physical appearance, social confidence, ( which will likely improve throw finding your interests) I know society virgin shames, I have been there, so if you are feeling depressed about being a virgin maybe try look at it from a different prospective. You might even have some advantages being a virgin, perhaps join an asexual community even if its just online, speak to people in similar situations to you. I would also encourage looking into the spiritual; side of your life if you have already (not necessarily religion) If you can meet someone you really like all this will become irrelevant, some of us are just not meant to someone till a bit later on in life, we all have different paths, I could go into my own prospective allot deeper on the topic, but I think I have said enough. Allot of people will shame you

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• George

  July 8th, 2022 at 10:46 AM

  This came up on a TV talk show last night, hadn’t heard the term virgin shame. I was 22 soon 23 when I met my wife who was a few years older. I knew she was not and was an ordeal to admit that as a study nerd-new graduate just after the millennium I was a virgin.
  I think the term is full of misogyny. Spinster can be a slight in a way that bachelor isn’t. Wife had had “only“2 or 3 partners a year” and said herself that it was only after 13 years like that added up it might ever sound a lot , Her mum was very complimentary said I should be for her daughter (she meant a virgin for the wedding, which was many years later so that didn’t happen!!). My worry was for nothing as my “Deficiency” met with my wife’s approval too.
  20 years I would never cheat and confident my wife neither so I have learned it is only a big deal if you let it be. Even as a young man this ‘big deal’ was bigger to me than ANYONE else. Only look to the past when you want to

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• Z

  October 20th, 2022 at 10:32 PM

  I am a 25 year old male virgin. I’m autistic and was diagnosed at age 12. I never have kissed someone, never dated whatsoever, never had a girlfriend. If I was neurotypical, this probably wouldn’t have been a problem. Before puberty, I looked pretty normal, but puberty gave me much more awkward facial features. I could’ve looked worse, but it didn’t help whatsoever.
  I had a good childhood, but adolescence was when the gap between my neurotypical peers and I began to skyrocket, and I only could blend in socially to an extent. I had mostly acquiantances and little to no actual friends. I didn’t make actual friends in high school until my upperclassmen years but i made only a very few and they didn’t know my other friends. After high school, I lost contact with almost all of them. After high school, I struggled making friends and dealt with a lack of a social circle. I struggle with meeting people and still fail to even when i put myself out there, and i never got likes or matches on dating apps.
  Most people cannot empathize with how we feel, and people usually just trivialize what we go through.

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• Karen

  September 24th, 2023 at 9:50 AM

  Hi,
  Thank you for this article. I was wondering if being a virgin too long might mean that there might be something wrong with me psychologically, or that something might go wrong with me biologically (i.e., in my reproductive organs). Sexual intercourse is too intimate, and for (some) ladies, sharing one’s body with someone will entail a lot of trust and safety. Thank you because your article says that there is nothing wrong with being a virgin and with waiting until one finds a partner that one can intimately trust.

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• JH

  January 23rd, 2024 at 7:27 PM

  I was virgin until one month before my 30th birthday, at which time some very assertive women decided to change that. I was pretty much in shock that women seemed to be competing to be my first. I never did learn to initiate with women outside a relationship, but did find a wonderful woman who I’ve been with over 47 years and to whom I’ve been married for 46 years.
  Not having the social skills to become sexually active was unfortunate, but the only thing that I’ve suffered for being virgin is regret that I didn’t learn to socialize. It did not in any way affect my sexual health. In fact, I was treated for prostate cancer with temporary medically induced castration (same meds a puberty blockers) and was sexually active the whole time.

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• John

  March 21st, 2024 at 11:10 PM

  The article is nonsense. I’m a virgin in my 40s and it’s quite right that I’m deeply ashamed of that fact. It’s ok and even good to wait until marriage, but complete rejection from women means I’ve failed at life so far and it’s highly unlikely to change if I get much older.

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