That’s because we often don’t set reasonable goals for ourselves when we talk about New Year’s Resolutions. We have big dreams, and that’s wonderful, but it’s really hard to move to Europe or make a career shift without any plan in place to actually make it happen on a day-to-day basis. We expect all this change to happen without making any actual actions towards changing.
So we propose a new way of reflecting as New Year’s Eve approaches – Your Personal Year-End Review. It’s still got a lot of the same sentiment that Resolutions have without the close to inevitable disappointment. Here’s what we suggest you do instead:
This is the part where you always start – what did you do well this year? Before we start picking ourselves apart and trying to find all the ways that we’re not quite happy with ourselves, we need to be kind to ourselves and actually look at the things we’re really proud of. Some questions to consider in this part of the reflection are:
This section is all about the parts of the past year that didn’t go as planned, or went in a not-so-positive direction. The purpose is not to berate yourself by looking at everything you didn’t do (or the things you wish you hadn’t done), but instead to find room for self-forgiveness as you move toward choosing to move forward in a different direction. We can’t change the past, but we can’t change the future without sitting with why it didn’t work the first time and deciding to do it differently. Here are some prompts to help you in this section:
Value reflections really focus on a bigger picture. When we look at the highlights and lowlights of the year, we can usually start to notice patterns. Some of these patterns will be really hard to acknowledge and accept as truth, and noticing patterns allows us to intentionally make space for change. Some value-based reflection questions to consider are:
This section is all about what needs to change moving forward. Once you’ve looked at all the good, the bad, and the ugly (for lack of better terms), you then have a better idea of what is and isn’t working for you and what you want to do differently moving forward. In this section, we want to set intentions rather than goals.
Intentions are different from goals or resolutions in that they are used for the present instead of the future, and allow us to orient our mindset and behavior to the things we do hope to get closer to in the future. We all want to be better people, and striving towards growth is amazing, yet we know that setting those lofty goals just doesn’t cut it. Instead, we want to focus on creating identity-based intentions that focus on us becoming ‘the kind of person who’ will reach that destination of being. Some questions in this intentions-setting process to consider are:
This one is a bit complex, so we want to break it down further. Let’s say you want to save money (which is an outcome-based goal). The identity-based intention would be something along the lines of “I want to become the kind of person who always saves a portion of their paycheck.” If you then imagine becoming the kind of person who always saves a portion of their paycheck, you would have the identity of someone who saves money, and reach the outcome-based goal of having savings.
Alike with any other type of goal setting or New Year’s Resolutions, if we stop here, we still won’t see much change. You can envision becoming “the kind of person who..” all day, and still not make any meaningful change. In order to start to become the kind of person you want to be, consider asking yourself the following questions to make your action plan for each category of your life:
The end of the year can be hard. There’s a lot of emotions that come up, and it’s tough to truly take space for yourself and check in. And it’s also so important to give yourself the ability to sit down and set clear intentions for yourself and your future. As Courtney C. Stevens famously said, “if nothing changes, nothing changes”. We want you to be able to make change without leaving you in the New Year’s Resolutions slump a few months from now when you haven’t reached your goals. So here is your inspiration to make change in meaningful ways that push you to become the best version of yourself. We can’t wait to see who you choose to become!
References
Clear, J. (2018). Atomic Habits: tiny changes, remarkable results: An easy & proven way to build good habits & break bad ones. New York, New York, Avery, an imprint of Penguin Random House.
Daniel, D. (n.d.). How can you break down large goals into smaller, more manageable steps? Everyday Design. Retrieved from: https://www.everyday.design/faqs/how-can-you-break-down-large-goals-into-smaller-more-manageable-steps
Houlis, A. (2024, May 9). The Power of Setting Intentions – and How to Do It Correctly. Shape. Retrieved from: https://www.shape.com/lifestyle/mind-and-body/mental-health/how-to-set-intentions
Moore, H. Therapy With Haley. [@therapywithhaley]. (2022, December 27). New Year, New You? Instagram. Post archived and no longer available online.
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