My Approach to Helping
It may very well be that our deepest longing and need is for connection. To be heard. To be understood. To be known in our deepest places. To learn to be more connected to the lost neglected parts of ourselves and those we care for. It isn't always an easy road. Perhaps even considering connection sounds intimidating or scary or dangerous. Often it entails letting go of destructive habits. Sometimes we just want to get unstuck. Sometimes, you and I will need to look at old patterns and create new ones. There may be moments of laughing, or crying, or facing hard truths. You may need to take a new path or forge a new future that is unknown. On the other side is the gold, or the jewel, or new life. Through hard work, you can create a more satisfying life, with less pain, less hurt, and less fear. You can live a more authentic life, being fully who you are. More able to love and be loved. More able to move through the world with ease. More forgiving of yourself and others. All along the way, I will be with you.
Important Factors for Choosing a Therapist
There are a lot of different therapists and counselors and coaches available to you. It can be overwhelming just figuring out what you might need! Credentials and training are important. It is important to match expertise and experience with the goals you have for yourself. And yet, more importantly, I believe healing happens much easier and more naturally when you feel comfortable with your caregiver. Let your intuition guide you as well. What are your thoughts and feelings as you read these profiles? Are they positive? Do you feel warm? Do you feel repulsed? Do you have a sensation in your body? Follow all of those signs. When you do pick someone, allow yourself to feel what it feels like to be with that person. If you feel stilted or uncomfortable or unsure that you will want to share what is deep within you with this person, that person may not be the right choice. Give yourself permission to try a few people. Give yourself permission not to return to someone you didn't click with. Give yourself permission to be with someone who you feel comfortable with. It is really important! Research tells us that one of the greatest components of healing and growth has to do with the rapport between the caregiver and the person. Therapeutic style and treatment modalities were far less important!
How My Own Struggles Made Me a Better Therapist
Before becoming a psychologist, I spent over 10 years in the health care industry walking with people during major illnesses, the emotional and spiritual and relational pieces that go with illness, and for many eventual death. I have seen a lot of pain and anguish for many years. Sitting with people in crisis takes a toll on the caregiver too, we call it vicarious traumatization. And so over time, I developed my own issues. These issues caused me to have to look more closely at myself, my family, my dynamics, the way I look at the world, and the way I care for others so that I could move forward in a healthier way. I also had to learn what seems like very basic coping skills. Being taught or told about a coping skill and actually doing it is a whole different thing! I truly believe in the value of a wounded healer, a person who has been there. I most certainly haven't been exactly where you are, but I have had and know my own pain and may have a glimpse of what you are going through.
